“Mols,” Aaron said. “Mols, you shouldn’t—”
“It says,” Molly said, ignoring him, “For Olivia. Walk in courage. Live in love.”
The table was once again silent and Olivia couldn’t bear to look at anyone other than Molly, who was just as happy as ever.
“That’s really nice,” Molly said, sitting down in her chair. She wadded up the wrapping paper and handed it to Aaron, along with the box. “That’s a really pretty bracelet, Eve,” Molly continued. “Too bad you weren’t at my birthday party.”
Eve, who was still staring at Olivia, tore her eyes away and looked at Molly. She laughed. Molly laughed along with her. “I’m not saying my presents were bad or anything, I’m just saying I wish you had been there to give me one from you. Because, I mean, wow. You’re coming for Christmas, right?”
Olivia’s father laughed a bit as well, but Olivia sat wound tighter than a top, listening so hard for Eve’s reply she knew she could’ve heard a pin drop.
Please say yes.
For Molly.
For me.
Jake returned from the restroom and looked to Olivia.
“What did I miss?”
“Here we are, folks,” their waiter said, coming up from behind. He, along with another waiter, set out all their food, and though it looked absolutely delicious as it still sizzled in the pans, Olivia didn’t feel like eating.
Everyone else apparently did, however, because they all began digging in, passing around the tortilla bowls and the refried beans and pico de gallo. Olivia made herself a shrimp fajita for show and took a few bites. Eve did the same, only without any meat. She was chatting politely with Olivia’s parents, mostly with her father, about golf of all things. She knew Eve played, but she didn’t know how much she really liked it, and Olivia wondered what else she didn’t know about her. And more importantly, if she’d ever get the chance to find out.
Eve continued talking to them, very gracious and genuine despite knowing how they felt about homosexuality. But that was Eve. She was kind. To everyone. And when she glanced at Olivia from time to time, Olivia could still feel the heat from that powerful stare. The bracelet had obviously come from her heart and soul, and Olivia could sense that Eve wanted to say so much more. They both yearned to talk, but they were currently trapped and muted by an unspoken boundary that, Olivia realized, had kept her from happiness her entire life.
Yet there she sat. Motionless. Voiceless. Unable to fucking rise up and do anything about it. Just like she’d been that very first day at the mountain when she’d been unable to climb from her car.
This is no mountain.
This is my life.
What she said and did in the next few moments could cause her to lose her parents or Eve. For life.
She was more torn and terrified than ever.
“What’s wrong? Aren’t you hungry?” Molly asked, looking at Olivia’s half eaten fajita.
“Oh, I just had a lot to eat before you came to get me. I didn’t know we were going out to eat, because someone surprised me, remember?”
Molly seemed satisfied with her answer and everyone finished eating, seemingly unaware of her inner turmoil. Molly was still determined to play hostess, and after the waiter took their plates, she brought Olivia her remaining gifts and cards. She paused with one card in her hand.
“This one is from Eve. It was probably supposed to go with the bracelet. You should probably read it first.”
“Molly,” Aaron said, this time in a firmer tone. “Let Auntie Liv decide what she wants to open and when, okay?”
“But you always tell me to read the cards that come with my gifts first. That they are the most important thing because they mean more than the present.” She searched Olivia’s face for clarification. “Right, Auntie Liv?”
“Yes.”
Olivia took the card, which was in a light blue envelope, and opened it. She quickly read the endearing well wishes for a happy birthday and then focused on a folded piece of paper that appeared to have a longer and handwritten message. Her mouth went dry, and she knew she should put it away and thank her and read it later, in private. But Molly was standing there expectantly, and as she opened it and skimmed the first few words, she couldn’t help but want to read the rest. She simply couldn’t stop herself and she read on. In front of her parents, her friend, her brother, and her niece.
In front of Eve.
She read with her chest wide open and her heart exposed and beating for all to see.
Dearest Olivia,
On this very special day, everyone is coming together to celebrate you, to show you how much you mean to them. I’ve been lucky enough to be invited to this remarkable occasion, and I will forever be grateful, because I get to see you again. I know you aren’t expecting me to be here, and I don’t even know if I’ll be here with you when you read this. Because there is a possibility that my presence may upset you and that I may have to leave and possibly never see you again. The mere thought of that kills me, but I would understand, because I’ve hurt you.
I’ve hurt you terribly, not once, but twice. I can tell you I’m sorry, I can apologize from now until the end of time, but I know it would never be close to enough. So, I will just say this.
I love you, Olivia.
Truly, madly, deeply, and all the adverbs anyone has ever used to describe the magnitude of their love.
I love you wholeheartedly, with all of my being, and without condition.
I love you now, at this very moment, tomorrow, and all the days to come.
And I loved you all those days ago, when I first saw you and every day that has followed.
I love you whether you tell me to go or ask me to stay.
Whether I get to see you every day or never see you again.
I love you, Olivia.
May you have the happiest of birthdays. Today, next year, and all the years to come.
And I, too, will continue to celebrate this day. Today, next year, and all the years to come.
Because this is your day.
Olivia’s day.
The day the woman I love like no one else came to be.
And that’s a day I will always thank the stars above for.
I love you.
Now and always,
Eve.
The paper shook in her hands and tears blurred her vision as she battled to control her emotions. Molly touched her shoulder, and the cries broke through.
“Auntie Liv,’ she said softly. “Are you okay?”
Olivia forced herself to nod and swallow, doing her best to settle down. She wiped her eyes. “Yes, angel. I’m okay.” She folded the note and placed it back inside the card and slid the card back into the envelope.
“Well, I think I’ve had about all that I can stand for one evening,” Olivia’s mother said, tossing down her napkin.
Her outburst was so sudden, and her unhappiness so blatantly and freely expressed, Olivia could tell everyone was truly startled.
“You’re free to go, Mom,” Aaron said, which also seemed to surprise everyone. “You aren’t being held hostage.”
“And why should I leave? I’m not the one doing anything wrong.”
“Oh, but you are,” Aaron said. “You’re being rude and you’re ruining Olivia’s birthday celebration.”
“I’m not the one who’s ruining everything. I’m just speaking the truth. This—” She waved her hands like she was lost for words. “Whatever it is, is getting out of hand.”
“What is it exactly that’s getting out of hand, Mom?” Aaron asked. “Olivia getting a gift that means something to her? Or getting the gift from someone who also means something to her? Which is it? Or could it be both? Just exactly what is the problem?”
“You know darn well what the problem is,” her mother said, slamming her hand on the table. “It isn’t me and I’m not going anywhere.”
Eve stood and reached for her purse. “I’ll go,” she said, her voice tight.
“There,” Olivia’s mother said. “The problem is leaving.”
Eve gaped at her. She gave a little laugh. She then looked at Olivia for permission to lash back, or for support, or reassurance, but Olivia was consumed by the raging turmoil rising inside her. She wanted to stand up, to scream, to yell, to say everything she’d ever wanted to say to her mother. But Molly was right next to her. She was watching. She was listening. And Olivia wasn’t about to do wrong by her and lose her cool and verbally attack her mother just because the release would make her feel good. If she was going to do this, she had to do it right. She wasn’t yet sure what that was, but she knew if she opened her mouth to say anything at that moment, she’d lose herself to anger and resentment, because it was now boiling inside her.
Eve took her silence as cowardice, and her face fell. She slung her purse over her shoulder.
“You’re right, Mrs. Savage, I seem to be the problem. And the problem is now leaving.”
She scooted out and around Olivia’s father.
“After all, I’m not in the business of ruining birthdays and put-on puritan family get-togethers.”
She walked behind Olivia and stopped as Molly stood.
“Eve, why are you leaving?”
Eve knelt and gently held her shoulders. She was so close Olivia could smell her perfume causing the reality of the situation to smack her upside the head.
Eve was leaving.
Her mother had insulted her.
God, no.
Olivia grabbed Eve’s forearm, trying to ensure that she remain. But Eve ignored her and spoke directly to Molly.
“Because sometimes adults are really stupid. We say and do stupid things and we’re sometimes too stubborn to admit when we’re wrong. And when that happens, like right now, it’s best if one adult leaves rather than stay and argue. Especially when that adult has no support and her arguing would only cause more chaos and pain.”
“But I don’t want you to go,” Molly said.
“I have to, sweetie. It’s what I have to do. For myself. Maybe someday you’ll understand.”
She kissed her forehead and tore her arm from Olivia’s hand to walk away.
No.
No.
Oh, God, no.
Olivia stood, completely panicked, and called after her. Eve kept walking without looking back. Olivia started to give chase, calling out again, desperate to reach her and grab hold and never let her go again. But Aaron cut her off and held her in his arms.
“It’s best if she goes,” he whispered. “For right now.”
Molly ran up and hugged her hard from behind. Olivia turned and held her tight and continued to cry. Aaron led them both back to their seats, holding on to Olivia’s shoulder and brushing her hair away from her face. He knelt beside her.
“Can you do this?” he asked softly.
She nodded.
“I’m right here,” he said. “I’ve got your back.”
She wiped her face and nodded again. He returned to his seat, and Olivia did her best to regain her composure. Molly was looking at her with her wide, curious eyes. She was concerned and confused, and Olivia knew that Aaron was right. It was now time to speak her truth.
Not just for herself, but for Molly.
“Please, tell me what’s wrong, Auntie Liv. Why did you cry when you read the card? Why are you crying now?”
Olivia touched her face and closed her eyes. So many things went through her mind and so many feelings rushed through her body. But only one word stuck and remained, flashing on and off like a neon sign, demanding to be seen and heard. It was the word that encased and explained it all.
“Love,” she said, holding Molly’s face.
“Love?”
“Yes, my sweet girl. Love.”
“But the card was from Eve.”
“Yes, it was.”
Molly continued to search her face with eyes that were wild and seeking. Olivia could almost see her mind at work as it came upon new things. Things she might have known about but had never stopped to fully examine until now.
“You—love Eve?”
Olivia covered her mouth as more emotion rocked through her.
“Yes, I do. I love her very much.”
Olivia heard her mother say something under her breath, but Molly never broke eye contact with Olivia.
“And Eve—loves you?”
“Yes.”
“You love her more than Kenny?”
Olivia laughed through her tears. “Oh, God yes. I love her more than Kenny. I love her more than anyone else in the world.” She lightly poked her with her finger. “Except maybe for you.”
Again, her mother started, but this time her father shushed her. Olivia’s sole focus remained on Molly.
Molly held her hand. “This is why you suddenly got so happy, isn’t it? It was Eve.”
“Yes.”
Her face clouded. “Is it why you’ve been so sad, too?”
Olivia took a deep breath. “Yes.”
“But why?”
“Because it’s ridiculous, that’s why,” Olivia’s mother said. “Two women loving each other. It’s absurd and it’s wrong, and Molly should not be exposed to this.” She looked to Olivia’s father. “Why aren’t you saying anything? Why aren’t you doing something?”
“What is it you want me to do, dear?” he asked.
“Tell her no! Tell her she can’t do this!”
“She’s an adult,” he said. “What we say, what we think, it no longer matters.”
“And as for my daughter,” Aaron said. “I would appreciate it if you would shut up and let Olivia speak. I want Molly to hear this. I want Molly to know what love really is.”
Olivia’s mother reared back as if she’d been slapped, and Olivia looked back at Molly.
“I’ve been sad because love isn’t always easy. There are sometimes things that get in the way and try and stop it.”
“Like Grandma?”
Olivia heard Jake laugh.
“Well, yes. Sometimes it’s other people, sometimes it’s just life and the circumstances you find yourself in.”
Molly was quiet for a moment with her mind obviously back at work. She spoke with a strong voice, louder than before, and she stood tall and proud.
“Then don’t let anything stop you, Auntie Liv.” She gave Olivia’s mother a stern look. “Not Grandma and Grandpa, not life or any silly little circumstance.” She looked back into Olivia’s eyes. “Just love.”
Olivia smiled and pulled her in for a long, firm, hug. She cried again, and when Molly finally pulled away, she too, had tears in her eyes.
“Go do it, Auntie Liv,” she said softly. “Go love.”
“I second that,” Jake said, rising.
“So do I,” Aaron said, also coming to a stand.
“Me, too.”
Olivia turned to see her father standing. Her mother was beside herself and insisting that he sit down.
“This isn’t about us,” he said to her. “It’s about our daughter. And despite what we think or believe, I want her to be happy. I want her to be happy above all else because I love her.” He smiled at Olivia through tears of his own. “Go, hon. Go be happy,” he said.
“All right, Grandpa!” Molly said as she encouraged Olivia to stand.
Olivia looked at them all with every last ounce of love she had. Even her mother, who refused to look at her.
“Thank you,” she managed to say.
Then she took her purse from Molly and left them standing at the table.
It was time to go be happy.
It was time to just love.