“What does organic mean? Can anyone tell me?” Olivia’s professor, Dr. Rosenberg, raised her eyebrows, searching her quiet class for a voice or, what Olivia imagined, a bright beacon in the dark. “If I say something is organic in a chemical sense, what does that mean?” She stood behind her desk, waiting.
Though she wasn’t fond of doing so, Olivia spoke up, unable to take the anguish any longer. “It means it contains carbon.”
Dr. Rosenberg pointed directly at her. “Exactly.” She turned quickly to scribble something on the whiteboard. “It contains carbon.”
Olivia underlined those words in her notes to remind herself of their importance. She did so to a few other phrases and definitions as well. She knew the material inside and out, but marking her notes was something to do. And she needed something to do in order to stay awake.
Dr. Rosenberg continued, and Olivia couldn’t help it when her mind wandered to other things. She’d paid attention almost the entire fifty minutes of class, which was something of a feat for her. Now, however, she was just too tired to care. Fortunately, she was one of those people who could read something once and have almost complete recall afterward, which enabled her to drift off from time to time during the lecture. Sitting in class had become more of a formality, in case the professor took attendance, or on the off chance she mentioned something that wasn’t in the text. Dr. Rosenberg did require attendance, but she rarely ventured from the required reading, leaving Olivia bored to tears and fighting off fatigue.
But truthfully, anything was better than where she’d been a little over a year ago. Ambling zombie-like through a small doctor’s office as a medical assistant, calling patients back to be seen, and taking vitals. It had become mind-numbing and tedious, and she’d longed to break out, to be free, to go off and learn something new. After years of unhappiness, she’d finally gained the courage to make those changes and some days she still had a hard time believing she was actually in school and working toward her degree in nutrition. She was more content now than she’d ever been. So feigning boredom during long lectures was something she was more than happy to put up with.
Dr. Rosenberg closed her lecture for the day, and the class stirred slowly to life, as if rising from the dead. Olivia put her notes in her satchel and had an urge to groan as she stood. It had been a week since she’d run up the mountain, but her body still ached like it had just happened yesterday. The continued pain and stiffness of strained muscles frustrated her and tested her patience. She wanted to pick things back up again. Get moving. Continue on her journey to change. But her body wasn’t having it.
“Tomorrow,” she mumbled as she stepped out into the bright sunshine. She recoiled, shading her eyes with her hand, like a vampire terrified of evaporating. But soon her eyes adjusted, and she walked toward the student union. “Tomorrow I’ll go and try again.” Even if she was too sore to run, she’d still try. And if she couldn’t, she’d hike. She’d do anything to get and keep a momentum. If she didn’t, if she waited much longer, she feared she’d lose her ambition. And God only knew if it would ever return.
She tried to relax a little at having made up her mind about returning to the mountain. But thoughts of Eve came. There was a chance she’d run into her again on the trail. If not tomorrow, then another day. But what could she do about it? She wasn’t about to stay away or change her plans. Eve was just a woman. A nice woman. And Olivia had the ability to tell her no. It would just be a little difficult is all. Maybe more so than usual. Okay, a lot more. Because unlike the other people she had to tell no, Eve was someone she actually wanted to say yes to. And good God, was it tempting.
She fought off a curse, still well trained from her childhood not to do so, and forced herself to focus on her surroundings, hoping against hope it would keep the thoughts of Eve at bay. Dozens of students bustled about the campus of the community college, with their minds no doubt on their own problems. Most had eyes trained on their phones, only glancing upward every so often to make sure they were still on the right path. Others whizzed by on their longboards with music loud enough for her to hear blaring from their earbuds. Some days being surrounded by all those young adults made her, at thirty-two, feel ancient. But today, she just felt grateful to be there with them, building her brain, ensuring herself a better life. It also helped that she’d met several other students around her age or older also seeking an education.
She crossed the busy sidewalk to the union. It was early afternoon, so the heavy lunch crowd had mostly dispersed, leaving a few tables open under the ramada. She slid onto a bench seat and placed her bag on the table. And just as she was about to check her phone for any messages, her friend and fellow student, Jake, eased in across from her.
“Ugh, can this day get any worse?” He handed over her Monday afternoon coffee and then slurped his own.
“Thanks.” She took a sip and wanted to melt. It was still piping hot, and the smell and flavor of the caramel seemed to saturate her senses immediately. She couldn’t have needed this more. “Thank you so much.”
Jake was always good for their Monday afternoon coffee. He never forgot and he never got her order wrong. Her schedule was full on Monday mornings, so by the time afternoon rolled around, she almost always needed some sort of caffeine. She took another sip and winced as she readjusted herself on the seat. She just couldn’t get comfortable anywhere, not even at home on her couch. She was really paying the price for that run.
“You okay?” Jake ran his hand through his striking blond locks and then rested his elbow on the table. “You’re not still sore, are you?”
“Mm, a bit.” That was the understatement of the century.
“You know I so badly want to say it, but I won’t.”
She swore she could see the playfulness in his eyes through the lenses of his Prada shades.
“Please, don’t. Believe me I got the message.”
Jake had flipped out when she’d shown up last Monday barely able to move. And after he’d heard what she’d done to cause such misery, he flipped out again, furious that she’d done something like that without telling him first. Because, according to him, he would’ve stopped her. He would’ve told her she was crazy. She’d told him she was going running, yes. But she’d never said anything about running up a mountain.
“I hope so. Because I hate having to tell you you’re a moron.” He shook his head as if he still was going to do so, as if he couldn’t stop himself.
She braced herself for the onslaught.
“I swear, Olivia, you are like the most clueless smart person I’ve ever known. You are super intelligent with this incredible photographic memory, which, as you know, I seriously hate you for, and yet you have absolutely no common sense whatsoever.”
“That’s so not true.” But as the words fell from her mouth, she recalled her sheltered life. She’d been raised in a very strict religious household. One where, next to God, her parents were the center of her universe. They made the rules, they made the calls. She was never to question them, even when she knew they were flat-out wrong. And friends? Sure, she had them. But most were from the church and brought up just as she was. Her world was very carefully controlled, and there were many, many things, she now knew, that she hadn’t been exposed to. And very little of that changed when she got married. Control had shifted from her parents to her husband and the church had still been a big influence. Outside of work at the doctor’s office, she knew very little of the world around her. But that didn’t mean she was clueless did it?
“It’s not,” she said again, this time more for herself.
He gave her a look. “Please, honey. Don’t even.”
“Okay. Maybe I’m not up to speed on everything around me, but I can figure out how to exercise.”
“Obviously not.”
“I can. I just…” Eve’s words came to mind. “Bit off more than I can chew.”
“I’ll say.”
“I just want it so much. You don’t understand.”
“What, you think I don’t understand what it feels like to want something right away? Sweetie, my least favorite word is wait. My middle name is now. I hate waiting more than anything. But I’ve learned that some things take time, whether I like it or not. Getting into shape is one of those things. You’re going to have to accept that.”
She lowered her gaze to stare at the grated table. She didn’t want to wait. She wanted her new life now. All of it. She’d waited long enough. Stood stagnant for years in a smothering marriage. Wasn’t that enough? Hadn’t she put in her time?
“Olivia, look at me.” He held her hand. “Think about all the changes you’ve experienced in just a little over a year. You left your husband, moved into your own place, quit your job, started school. It’s mind-boggling what all you’ve done and had to adjust to. So, cut yourself some slack. Take some time to breathe. Getting fit is going to take time whether you slow things down or not. That’s just a fact. So why not just relax and go about it the right way? You know, the way that won’t get you killed?”
He squeezed her hand. She had been through a lot. More than she ever had before. Maybe she should think about slowing down.
She nodded. “I’ll consider it.”
“That’s a girl.”
She smiled and squeezed his hand in return. She might decide to slow things down, yes. But stop altogether to rest? Even for a short while? No way. A week had been long enough. Possibly too long.
She was going to return to that mountain. And she was going to do it tomorrow.