Sydney
“Robert wouldn’t tell me anything useful—well, that’s not totally true.” Anita watches me with patient eyes. “He admitted that there is someone trying to destroy Joyful Justice, and that he knows who it is. But he won’t tell me any more than that.”
She picks up her mug and finishes the final sip. “Let’s take a walk,” she stands, leaving cash to pay the bill. We leave the hotel lobby, entering the garden. A plane rumbles above us; the airport is only a few miles away.
I crane my neck to watch its path, wondering for a moment about the lives it contains. Where are they going?
“We know there is a cabal of organizations working to destroy us,” Anita’s voice pulls me back to the garden, and I turn to look at her. Her long, dark hair is up in a high ponytail. Her short kurta is a vibrant pink, and her jeans a light wash. “Our enemies are wide ranging—Joyful Justice fights for justice around the globe. And now these criminal organizations are coming together to defeat us.”
“Obviously, killing Ian’s brothers and crippling his sex trafficking enterprise has not discouraged the rest of the group from coming after us—they’ve just changed tactics,” I say.
“Yes, this is smarter. Ian and his brothers tried to turn our own people against us using blackmail—which may hurt us but could never destroy us. Trying to attack us physically makes as much sense as trying to kill a religion—you can’t murder beliefs. But you can taint prophets.” She gives me a small smile.
“Joyful Justice isn’t a religion.” I point out, my words forceful. It’s important to me that our members not treat the organization as gospel—they need to question us, guide us. The only way Joyful Justice works is if its grassroots are strong.
“No,” Anita agrees, pausing in front of a fountain. The nude female figure is missing an arm. Probably lost during the storm. This hotel suffered minimal damage, being of new construction and far from the ocean. “We are not a religion, but we are susceptible to the same folly. And attacks. If people believe that we are dangerous, foolish, not to be trusted, they won’t come to us for help. And law enforcement agencies will be more interested in taking us down.”
“They should be after the people who are after us.” I sound like a petulant child. I should be allowed to go to bed whenever I want and eat ice cream all the time.
Anita reaches out and squeezes my shoulder. “Of course. But we also have a job to do. We must protect ourselves. Defend our honor, as it were.”
“And kill the fuckers who are trying to destroy us.”
Her hand drops from me, and she shrugs. “First, let’s deal with this mess.”
“Have you had any luck finding the ‘contact’ who gave the shooter her weapon?”
“I’m running down some leads. I’ve got a friend, a reporter for the Miami Herald. He’s good at what he does. He has copies of the email messages between the two—probably got them from the shooter’s defense lawyer. We are meeting later. He’s agreed to show them to me before going public with them.”
“That’s good of him.”
“Yes. Like I said, he’s a friend.” She turns and continues down the path. It winds between tropical foliage before opening up to a view of the airport.
“Let me know what I can do to help, since Robert’s been a dead end.”
Anita nods. “Do you think it’s worth speaking to him again?”
I shake my head, chewing on my lip. He hates me. I saw it in his eyes. I hurt him.
“What?” Anita asks.
I meet her gaze. “I think a part of me loved…loves him.”
She raises both brows. “I’m not shocked to hear that but still surprised. What about Mulberry?”
I let out a weary sigh that turns into a laugh. “I don’t know. I mean, I know I love him. And have for a long time. But I feel like Robert is right, that we are alike in a lot of ways.”
“You two have a connection.”
“Yes.”
Anita gestures to a bench facing the airport, and we sit. “I know you want to help deal with this present crisis and then face all the issues around your impending motherhood, and that’s fine—as long as you realize there will be another crisis after this one.”
We can’t ever end this war.
“I know.”
“When we met,” Anita says, “you were running from your life.” I look at her, but she’s watching the planes taking off and landing—morning sun glinting off their metal bodies. “You couldn’t avoid confronting injustice for long.” She turns to me, her eyes serious and sympathetic. “You’re like a magnet for it.” She offers a soft smile.
“You’re telling me. I’m terrified.”
“Are you going to run away again?” Anita reaches out and takes my hand, lacing her fingers through mine. In the webbing of her thumb is a dark, circular scar—from a cigarette seared into her skin when her journalistic pursuits nearly cost her her life in India.
“Isn’t it the safest thing to do?” I ask.
She sighs, her breath sweet, scented with cardamon and black tea. “I don’t know.” She gives my hand a squeeze. “I can’t, you know? Get pregnant.”
I raise my eyes to meet hers—warm brown ringed in dark charcoal. “I didn’t know that. I’m sorry.”
She gives me a sad half smile, but her eyes are dry. “Thank you. I’ve come to peace with it.”
“Children don’t really go with our lifestyle,” I point out.
Her smile is full this time. “No.” She shakes her head. “But I don’t know anyone who is prepared for a baby. Not really. From what I understand, they change everything.” She’s grinning now, teasing me.
“Right,” I agree. “But if you’re a normal person, one with a regular job that doesn’t involve killing people or being hunted down by criminals, then you’re in a little better position to take on the challenge.” By the time I finish the sentence my voice has gone mousy and terribly pathetic.
Anita bumps her shoulder against mine. “You don’t think we can keep you safe?”
“I don’t want to be kept safe. I want to be safe.”
Anita laughs at my dreams. “That’s not a thing, Sydney. Even if you were this imaginary normal person with their normal job and their normal commute, danger is everywhere…and nowhere. Car accidents, cancer, random acts of violence. You know how easy it is to die.”
“Are you trying to make me feel better? Because it’s not working…”
“No,” Anita shakes her head. “I’m trying to make you see that you’re not the only woman to fear for her safety while pregnant. To want a perfect life for their child.”
“But it’s not possible.”
“It’s never possible.” She sounds exasperated. “I’m sure your mother wanted to keep you safe. To make sure nothing bad ever happened to you. But that couldn’t prevent your father’s illness. Your own instincts to help others no matter the cost—”
I cut her off. “This is a price I’m not willing to pay.” I’m cradling my belly. “I can’t risk…” I can’t even say it without tearing up.
“I know.” Anita puts her other hand on top of our laced fingers. She looks out to the sky—robin’s egg blue criss-crossed with aircraft trails. “We will do everything we can to keep you safe.”
“But,” I swallow the lump in my throat. “Isn’t it possible, we’d be safer away from…all of this? A new name, a new life…?”
Anita shrugs. “You’ve tried that before. I don’t know the future. But you’ll need help, Sydney. And you’ve got people who care about you, love you even.” Anita looks over at me. “I think you should stay. I think you owe it to yourself and your baby to be surrounded by the family you’ve created.”
“Where could I go, anyway?” Hiding from Dan seems impossible.
“I’d help you.”
My brows raise. “But you just said…”
Anita’s brow contracts into a stern frown. “I wouldn’t force you to take my advice, Sydney.” Her eyes shine with emotion. “You saved me in more ways than one.” The memory of Anita strangling her captor with the chain linking her bound wrists flashes across my vision.
“You saved yourself,” I remind her quietly.
“I’ll always help you in any way I can. And I’m not the only one. Which is why I think you’re safer with us than without.”
“What about the fact that everyone I love dies?” I try to laugh, but it comes out all distorted and weird.
“I’m still here,” Anita says. “So is Merl and Dan. Even Mulberry is still limping along.” She smiles, teasing me even as I reveal my darkest, deepest, most painful fears. “Isn’t it possible that people you loved have died, but it’s not because of you? It’s life. It ends, Sydney. For all of us.”
“You’re just a ray of sunshine.”
Anita laughs, putting her arm around my shoulders and pulling me close. “I try.”
We sit like that for a long time, watching the planes taking off and landing.
“Do you think this incident could really hurt Joyful Justice?” I ask. “Will people really think Joyful Justice would be so irresponsible and stupid?”
Anita sighs. “Those who already hate us will believe, and those who love us won’t. The people in the middle may barely take notice.”
“So why bother?” I ask. “Why risk yourself coming all this way?”
Anita sits back and looks at me, her head cocked. “I had to defend us.”
I nod, knowing what she means.
Just because a battle can’t be won doesn’t mean it isn’t worth fighting.