ALLOWING MYSELF A FEW more seconds of holding her hand, I drop it once we are outside on the street. My senses are on overload in a place like this. All the sounds of the bustling nightlife, the music, the bright lights . . . it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Usually, I would zone it all out, but I need to be on high alert. It’s a fun part of the bond, I’ve discovered – the constant fear that someone will leap out of the shadows and steal her from me.
I hear Cas and Alex arguing long before I see them. When we reach them, Alex is looking all kinds of smug while Cas looks extremely pissed off. Raya and I sigh at the same time. As we approach, Alex spins around to face us. His eyes flash in confusion – with a hint of anger – when he notices Raya’s wardrobe change.
‘What the hell happened to you?’ he asks, narrowing his eyes suspiciously as they flick between the two of us. His hair is messy, and his clothes a little dishevelled.
‘I got blood all over her clothes,’ I say.
‘Damn, he got you?’
‘Cas didn’t get you?’ Raya exclaims.
‘This is one sneaky bastard,’ Cas mutters, scowling. ‘Slipped his jacket off. I tracked in the wrong direction.’
Alex’s smug smile only grows. ‘I hid between a group of people and made a dash to the car.’
‘Nice!’ She grins, looking impressed as they bump knuckles. I can hear Cas grind his teeth together.
‘You won’t win round two,’ he challenges.
‘Game on.’
‘Enough for tonight,’ I say with a headshake. ‘Let’s go back to your place, Cas. Everyone could use a good night’s sleep.’
‘Tomorrow.’ Cas points at Alex. ‘It’s on.’
‘You bet it is.’
We pile once more into the small car. I expel a breath and try to grapple with my self-control as Raya sits on my lap. My hands move to her bare thighs. Heat ignites inside me, making me all kinds of worked up. I can hardly think straight when she is this close to me – especially not with our recent intimacies so fresh on my mind.
The taste of her is potent against my tongue. My new favourite taste. Even better than her blood, which should be impossible.
Shifting her so that she faces me, I hold her gaze as I lean in to brush my lips against her shoulder. A shiver rolls through her at my touch.
‘So,’ Alex says, leaning over and draping his arms over the back of the driver seat, obnoxiously ruining the moment. ‘I guess it’s time for me to get that favour, yeah?’
It’s a quiet night. Most people are asleep. The faint volume of televisions nearby tune in and out of my head. I’m sitting on the front porch of Cas’s house, flicking the lighter in my hand on and off every few seconds.
I love being out at night. Walking or running through the woods. Bathing in the moonlight. It’s when I feel most calm and comfortable. When everything around me is still. Looking up at the starry sky, I close my eyes, hearing the slight whoosh of the world breathing around me. I hear Cas approaching, his soft footfalls padding along the floor. I exhale, not really wanting to discuss more about Raya and our predicament right now. I’m already overthinking everything, talking to Cas about it just makes it worse.
‘Hey,’ he says, digging his hands into his hoodie.
‘Hey.’
‘Can’t sleep?’ Cas asks, rocking on the balls of his feet, gazing out at the dark sky.
‘Nah.’
‘You should try to get a few hours.’
‘Yeah. I will.’
‘What’s on your mind?’ He drops beside me and plucks the lighter from my hand, using it to light the end of his cigarette. He tosses it back to me a moment later.
‘What isn’t on my mind?’ I try to laugh but it sounds strained even to my ears.
‘The girl?’ he guesses.
‘Yeah. Just thinking about this bond. It’s easy to tell myself not to give in and let it grow stronger, but then when I’m with her . . .’ I exhale sharply, my mind recalling every delicious moment of the hunt. I can’t get it – or her – off my mind. The lack of control I have is frustrating. Doing what we did . . . it can easily get out of hand. Of course I loved every second of it, but I specifically told myself not to go there with her. The line between us continues to get blurrier every day. ‘I can’t control myself.’
‘I say fuck it. Give in. Is it all that bad?’
‘It will only make it more unbearable when we part.’
After the mission, when things come to an end, she will go back to her life, and I will be there, protecting her, from a distance. It is how it will have to be to ensure she is safe and able to live her normal, human life.
‘Who says you have to be apart?’ Cas frowns, tilting his head curiously.
‘She doesn’t want this life. She never asked for it.’
‘Neither did you,’ he says softly, threading his fingers together as he leans forward.
‘And I’m full of regret over those choices that were taken from me,’ I explain. ‘I don’t want this for her.’
‘Have you actually asked her?’ Cas questions, drawing in a long inhale. The smoke leaves his lips, disappearing in a cloudy fog.
‘If she wants to be a vampire?’
‘Yeah.’
‘No.’
‘Probably should before you make all these decisions on her behalf,’ he points out with a smirk. ‘I remember how you felt after you turned. We talked about it, and you got through it. Besides, your situation is very different to hers.’
Cas helped me immensely after I turned. He has always made me explore things that I never considered. He always thinks outside the box, which I like. He offers great advice. As much as we are different in regard to our personalities, Cas is one of the only people, other than Theo, that I would consider a true friend.
‘I think it’s a bit soon to be asking her that. She doesn’t even know anything about us. Not as much as she needs to before making this kind of decision.’
‘Then teach her.’
Picking at my nail bed, I scrape away the skin, watching the blood ooze out, only for it to heal up just as quick as it split open.
‘You’re already in this far, Hunter. The choice on both sides has already been taken away. Why not embrace it?’
Considering his words, I let my mind explore the possibility of giving in to the bond and letting our worlds totally and utterly collide. There would be no going back. But the question is, would we want to?
‘I don’t think our future will be all sunshine and rainbows, Cas.’
‘Why do you say that?’
‘If Kian finds out we are bonded,’ I whisper, levelling Cas with a heavy gaze. ‘He will do everything in his power to take her from me.’
‘Your brother is a piece of work,’ Cas agrees, looking away from me. ‘But I will be there to protect her, too. He won’t get the chance to touch her.’
Rubbing my face, I pinch the bridge of my nose. ‘He is the most cunning vampire I’ve ever known. He is stronger and more powerful than the both of us. If he wants her, he will take her.’
‘We won’t let it happen, Hunter,’ Cas assures me. ‘And if this is really a concern of yours, you know what you have to do.’
‘What’s that?’
‘Turn her,’ he whispers. ‘So she can defend herself.’
Tiny, droplets of ice slither through my veins at the thought of taking her innocence, her humanity, away from her. I don’t know what that would mean for us and the bond. A part of me wants to cling to her. I don’t want her to go on with her life, without me. The thought of being apart from her . . .
‘Turn her,’ Cas repeats. ‘It’s the only real guarantee you can have that you won’t lose her.’