MY MIND, BODY, AND SOUL ache for her. Stopping us from going all the way earlier was a test to my self-control that I have no idea how I passed. After a sprint around the forest, two ice-cold showers, and a vicious session on a punching bag that now lays in tethers on the floor, I feel no relief of this desire.
I have felt true, gnawing hunger that consumes me to the point of insanity, but I can confidently say this is worse. So much fucking worse. It is killing me not knowing what it feels like to be inside her. The girl who barged into my life, took over it, and laid a claim on my heart. The girl, brave, loyal, and strong, with a kind heart and unwavering spirit. A girl destined to ruin me.
Because I’m in such a state, we have to push back the trip to tomorrow. I don’t know what they think is going on with me. I hope they don’t realise the real reasoning. I can’t think or stand to be near her right now. If I see her, I’m afraid I won’t be able to be so strong this time.
I just can’t risk the bond strengthening – not now, when I don’t know what our future looks like. We are already on a dangerous mission, and this could make things worse. I don’t even know how I can be gentle when the severity of what I want to do to her is running thick and hot through my veins. I know my bond would stop me from breaching the line of safety, but it still concerns me that I could hurt her in some way. I have known humans to die because of this. It’s an easy thing to do. Can I really trust myself not to, bond and all?
‘Are you okay?’
My hands are splayed across the wall as I lean into it, chest heaving. ‘Don’t come any closer.’
Does she listen? Of course she fucking doesn’t.
‘Don’t,’ I warn her through a clenched jaw.
Slipping underneath my arm, she stands before me, the tiny, little thing she is. Her scent invades me, burning through me so intensely that it ignites a raging fire that lights up my entire body. Slamming my fist into the wall, the plaster shatters around it, raining down onto the floor.
‘I respect your decision to not go further,’ she laments, her tone indicating how highly she disagrees with it, not even flinching. ‘And I have an idea to get your mind off of it.’
Swallowing the lump that has lodged inside my throat, I drag my gaze from the ground, to meet the stunning doe eyes that I’ve fallen in love with.
Fuck. I love her. I tried my hardest to stop this from happening, and I have epically failed.
‘I want to know what it is like to be a vampire,’ she says, placing her soft hand against my chest. ‘Will you show me?’
Tingles erupt over me at her touch, and I battle to give in and kiss her senseless like I so desperately want to. Swallowing down the agony of denying myself, and with gritted teeth, I nod.
In one movement, I swing her onto my back and run. Fast. She squeals, clinging tightly onto me as I zoom out of the house faster than the blink of the eye. I’m flying through the air, over the tops of cars, traffic lights, so fast that the human eye cannot see me. Twisting my head, I watch her eyes light up, and the shocked mixed with delight expression on her face reminds me how much power us vampires really possess. I guess I sort of had forgotten the fun side of it all there for a while.
We land with a thud on the branch. I turn my head, watching her flushed cheeks and wide eyes. She grins at me.
Jetting forward as fast as I can, we spin and dive through the air. She squeals and laughs the entire time, filling my cold body with warmth I thought I’d never experience again.
I whoosh us up to the top of a building in town, having launched us effortlessly from the ground. Raya’s eyes widen as the distance from the cement pavement to where we are now continues to increase. She stumbles off my back, hair crazy from the wind. She throws her head back, breathing up at the sky.
‘That was insane,’ she says breathlessly.
‘You think that’s insane?’ I arch an eyebrow, yanking her up to the side of the building.
‘Oh, hell no!’
Grinning wickedly, I swipe for her hand, and leap off the side of the building. She screams louder than I thought was possible for such a tiny person. I laugh wildly, feeling her adrenaline course through my own body like a tidal wave.
Landing swiftly on the sidewalk, I hold my arms out, catching her, and swinging her around. Pressing her up against the side of the building, I dive toward her mouth, kissing her passionately.
Kissing me just as ferociously back, our bodies tangle together as one. This time, as powerful as the urge is to claim her truly and completely as my own, it is somehow easier to break the kiss. I plant a tender kiss on her nose and lower her to the ground.
‘That was so fucking scary,’ she whispers. ‘And the coolest thing I have ever experienced.’
‘Yeah?’
‘If you’re trying to convince me not to be a vampire, you’re doing a very poor job.’ She laughs.
‘Well,’ I say with a shrug, ‘maybe I’ve changed my mind.’
‘Really?’ she whispers.
‘Maybe. Is it what you want?’
‘I don’t know,’ she answers honestly. ‘How do you feel?’
‘I . . . can’t keep doing this,’ I admit.
Her chin jerks. ‘Doing what?’
‘Pretending I don’t want to claim you as mine. Acting like I don’t want this to go further.’ Taking a deep breath, I stare into her eyes. ‘Pretending I don’t want you by my side, as my equal. My soulmate. My forever.’
We breathe hard as we gaze at each other.
‘But you need to want this for you,’ I say. ‘Not for me, not for your sister, not for anyone. It must be what you want.’
Rolling her lips into her mouth, she releases a breath.
‘Don’t say anything back right now,’ I murmur, twisting a bit of her hair between my fingers. ‘About the things I said. Ignoring the bond for a moment, what else is on your mind? What are your thoughts?’
‘My thoughts and feelings are all over the place. I need to focus on finding my sister.’
‘That’s right. That is what is important here.’ I nod. ‘The rest we can figure out when we need to.’
‘Agreed,’ she says, looking a mixture between concerned, thoughtful, and a little relieved.
‘Ready to go again?’ I ask.
‘You bet.’
Throwing her onto my back once more, we race into the night.