Chapter Twelve

 

 

Emma knew she was busted. She gave Hal a slow nod yes.

“Well, don’t worry about your sneaky plan. It worked,” Hal said with a wide grin.

“What worked, Hallie?” Emma asked hopefully.

“Roseanna is a sweet person. I like her. She said it was a good idea John had when he talked me into running the clinic. She was glad that I’m here to help Plain people,” Hal admitted. “She seemed so genuinely pleased to see me again and talk to me. How could I not like her?”

“Gute,” Emma said with a sigh of relief.

“What did she mean when she said you were day rich wanger?”

“What? Oh, daerrich szwanger. She was telling you I do things in a hurry,” Emma said smiling.

“Roseanna’s right. That you do. I’d say that daerrich szwanger applies to the tasks you take on other than your household duties.” Hal paused when Emma gave her a disheartening look. “I got the impression she knew your father is romantically involved with me.”

Shrugging her shoulders, Emma ducked her head to hide the glow in her eyes. “I think it is just that Roseanna is very observant. Sometimes just looking at you and Dad together, how you feel about each other is easy to see. Otherwise, I am sure I can not say how Roseanna came by that idea.”

“Or won’t,” whispered Hal as Noah and Daniel came in the kitchen for a drink of water.

To change the subject, Emma said to Hal, “Time to gather eggs.” She sighed. “I think of Zacchaeus every time I go to the hen house. I wonder where he got off to.” With meaning, she said for her brothers benefit, “Some day I hope those who know what happened to my rooster feel guilty enough to tell me. They should be very sorry for taking my rooster from me.”

Noah gave Hal a wounded look over the top of the dipper as he took a sip.

Daniel turned his back to the table so he didn’t have to face Hal and Emma when he took the dipper from his brother.

Hal held her breath as she waited. True to their word, neither boy spoke up. Quietly, they went back outside to do their chores.

After supper that evening, Emma and Hal just about had the kitchen tidied when Hal peered in the living room. With his head leaned back on his rocker, John dozed as usual. His Bible had slipped out of his hands and lay on the edge of his lap. In the glow of the kerosene lamp, the boys played scrabble at the table.

“Emma, I think I’m going to sit on the porch for awhile. I need some fresh air,” Hal said dully.

As she walked by the boys, Noah asked, “Want to play a game with us?”

“We will play in English,” Daniel said, trying to tempt her.

“That’s kind of you. Actually, it’d do me good to play in Dutch so I learn the language, but I think I will pass tonight. I’m going to sit on the porch for awhile and watch the moon come up.” She started for the door.

“Ask her,” Daniel hissed at Noah.

Hal stopped and came back. “Ask me what?”

The boys glanced over to see if their father was still asleep.

“We wondered if you would ask Dad to get us another dog?” Noah whispered.

“I didn’t think you ever wanted another one,” said Hal.

“We did not at first, but now we miss having a dog to play with,” Daniel shared.

“I see. Why don’t you ask your father?”

“We did mention it, but he did not seem too interested,” Noah said.

“If you ask him maybe he will get us a dog for you,” Daniel said, giving her his wide doe eyed look.

“For me?” Hal shook her head and said truthfully, “I’m not so sure your father is willing to listen to me about anything, but if I get a chance to bring it up, I’ll see what I can do.”

“Danki,” Daniel said, squeezing her hand. “One more thing. We want to know if you will teach us that spoon trick.”

“The spoon trick? Oh no! No, I won’t. That was an accident. I’m in a lot of trouble with the bishop and your father because of that. Don’t ever try doing it on anyone or you will get me in more trouble, because your father knows you learned it from me,” Hal hissed. “Promise me.”

“We promise,” Noah said.

Daniel concentrated on pushing a scrabble tile around in a circle.

Hal took Daniel by the chin and made him look up at her. “Daniel, promise.”

“All right, I promise. I still think it was a good trick,” he said, smiling at her.

As Hal sat down on the edge of the porch, her worries piled up on her. Too many awful things going wrong in her life to think about in front of the others. What had happened lately kept her feelings all shook up. She folded her arms across her legs and laid her face down. Feeling physically drained, she knew she should go back to her apartment before John woke up. She wasn’t fit company for anyone. Not even herself.

She closed her eyes to shut out the image of John, glaring at her. If they did have a talk, she could imagine him saying he’d changed his mind about marrying her. He didn’t want to spend the rest of his days with a English red head that couldn’t seem to do anything right. That would certainly keep her from having to make the decision about marrying him.

After a while, the front door squeaked opened. Hal heard the soft thud of footsteps on the porch floor boards. She was nudged by someone sitting beside her and felt a tentative touch on her shoulder.

“Thought you were going to watch the moon come up?”

“Decided I didn’t want to,” Hal mumbled.

“I am supposed to tell you we just had a family meeting,” John stated.

His body felt warm and strong against Hal. That was no comfort to her now. His family had excluded her from their family meeting. That didn’t bode well for her future.

“Without me,” she said flatly, eying a crack in the wooden step between her feet.

“It was Emma’s idea. She did not want me to ask you to be there this time. The meeting was about you. Emma says you have not looked pretty good for a long time. She said it was time I should notice. My daughter is right. You do not look good,” John said with conviction.

“Thanks a lot,” sniffed Hal, huffily.

“You are welcome,” John said. After a pause, he cleared his throat. “Emma reminded me I was going to have a talk with you before the Bontragers came to visit. My daughter is one determined young woman when she wants something done. This talk between us is long overdue, but I put it off on purpose. I did not want to face your decision about marrying me. I have feared you might say no.

Emma says something is wrong. I am to find out what is bothering you. First, you need to hear me out. We do need to sort out what is wrong before we can go on together with our lives.” He amended, “If we are going to be together. I have been thinking about what I need to say. It hurts me that you do not trust me to help a woman in need. Are you ever going to accept that there is not and will never be anything between me and Roseanna Miller? You are making yourself miserable for nothing.”

In John’s voice, she heard a quiet frustration on the verge of anger. He was to the point that he had waited long enough for her to come to her senses. Hal slowly brought her head up. In a strained voice, she said, “That’s not it anymore. Really it’s not”

John put his hands on her shoulders and twisted her around so their eyes met. “Are you sure? Emma says you told her this afternoon you like Roseanna. You do not act like this is the way you feel.”

Casting aside her pride, Hal swallowed hard. “I do like Roseanna. I admit I had been jealous. For that I am really sorry. I suppose jealousy is an English fault that Amish never have,” she accused, feeling judgmental.

“Do not believe that only English suffer from such faults. Plain people might try harder to overcome harmful emotions. I am at the end of my rope with you. I do not know what else I can say to make you believe that it is you I love,” John said desperately.

Hal wiggled out of his grasp and put her head back down in her arms. “I’ve always believed that you love me. It’s just that I kept comparing me to Roseanna. If I was a smart, good-looking Amish man like you which woman would I choose? Me or a woman who is young, beautiful and very dignified. She’s already Amish. Roseanna knows the customs. Plain people accept her already. She would never do anything to embarrass you in front of your friends and family. She not only has poise but a graceful calm about her.” Hal recited the list of Roseanna’s attributes just like she had in her head a million times.

John relaxed against the porch post and rubbed his chin. “Danki for pointing out all of Roseanna’s good qualities to me. She is really all of that?”

Hal raised her head to finish her point. “And much more than I’ll never be. She owns a farm. Best of all, she can cook. She says you really like her doughnuts. I’ll never be able to make doughnuts. Choosing between the two of us is like ---- like eating a sweet, yellow delicious and a rotten, sour apple.”

The corners of John’s mouth twitched. “Strange that I have never thought of you as rotten, sour or an apple. You are bright and full of life. Sometimes a little too spunky, but usually a pleasure to be with. Until lately that is,” John amended wryly, looking down at his hands.

“If you mean that cake thing with the bishop. I said I’m sorry about that,” Hal apologized.

“I am not talking about that. I am trying my best not to remember that moment,” John said, rubbing the top of his head.

Hal turned to him and blurted out “I think Roseanna is interested in Samuel.”

“Do you think? That would be good, ain't so?” John watched her for a reaction.

Hal searched his face. “You wouldn’t mind if Samuel proposed to Roseanna?”

“They would be a good match,” he agreed. “Besides it would stop those crazy thoughts in your head if Samuel wed Roseanna,” he said honestly.

“John, I’ve already stopped those crazy thoughts. I am glad that Roseanna is happy again. I want her to be happy with Samuel,” Hal declared. “I don’t know what happened to me. When you weren’t around, I missed you. The awful doubts about Roseanna and you kept popping into my head. What you just said was what I needed to hear straight out.” She sighed and said with meaning, “It’d help if we could have these talks a little closer together from now on. I'm willing to adjust to most of your ways and understand”.

“Gute. I agree we should talk out what bothers us just like we are doing now.” Anxious, he asked, “Have you decided yet if you will marry me?”

John gave her a grave look, expecting a serious answer one way or the other. “I want to marry you. I’m just not sure I can be the kind of wife the Amish approve of or you for that matter,” Hal said honestly.

“I was afraid you would see it that way,” John said softly. “I think you will do just fine if you really want to be my wife. You have to decide what is most important to you, being English or Amish.”

John had her on the spot. She had to make a commitment or go home. He expected an answer right now. She didn’t like the thought of giving up her women’s rights but the alternative was living alone and apart from the Lapp family. She didn’t want her life to go back the way it was.

“I will marry you on your terms. The Amish way,” Hal surrendered.

The look on John’s face held relief and joy. “You had me worried. Do not ever do this to me again. I do not think my heart can stand it.” He pulled her to him. “Now I know you really do love me. Would it help if I told you, I do not mind us the way we are? Maybe we could reach a compromise.”

“Like what?” Hal said suspiciously.

John licked his lips and said meekly, “When we are out in a gathering could you try to let me be the head of the house?”

Hal giggled. “Try? Oh, John, I wouldn’t have it any other way as long as I get a say when we’re home,” Hal declared.

“Gute, I like the sound of that,” he said with relief in his voice.

Hal’s eyes narrowed. “Why didn’t you tell me about this compromise before?”

“I had to know you would marry me for me no matter what I ask of you,” John said. “There is bound to be other problems that come up. Things that seem strange to you or difficult to accept. I did not want to find out later you do not love me enough to be with me.”

“Now we know,” Hal said, sounding down. John sure was right about other problems. She had one right here and now.

One look at Hal told John she still felt terrible. “But something else is wrong with you. If your worry is not about me being unfaithful or our marriage, what is it that makes you so sad? Emma thought you are afraid that you will not fit in as a Plain person. The Lapp family does not worry about that so you should not.” He looked her directly in the eye, wanting her to feel his sincerity.

She tore her eyes from his face. She knew this talk would be difficult, but she didn’t realize how hard until now. “It’s true, I’m concerned that I might not be able to convince the bishop that I’ll try hard to be Amish. I’ve had doubts about what I’m getting into with you. The future worries me a lot. Especially when I do stupid things like fling cake on the bishop and you. Elton may be wondering if he should turn me away before I harm someone. He probably thinks I’m crazy. I wouldn’t blame him.”

“He does not think you are crazy. You just try too pretty hard to please everyone,” said John firmly. “Once you settle into the routine with us, everything you do will be second nature. You will not have to worry. Is that all that is bothering you? Forget about it if that is it.”

“No, that isn’t exactly all that’s bothering me,” Hal said in a whisper as she focused on the barnyard.

The Holstein bull rested his head on his pen fence, lifted up his nose and sniffed for airborne scents from the bawling cows. She thought about the day that bull knocked her out of his pen and broke her ribs. The squeal of pigs brought back to her their big escape which got her flattened by a sow. None of that was going to as painful as Emma being mad at her.