Chapter Thirteen

 

 

John was persistent. He wasn’t going to stop until Hal confessed. She pictured her fate when Emma found out she killed Zacchaeus. No belonging to this family, once that young lady called another family meeting which Hal wasn’t invited to and voted her out of the family. All the happiness Hal had dreamed would be hers soon was coming quickly to a drop dead end. She had been within a hair’s width of the happiness she wished for on that rainbow. That happiness was going to fly out the kitchen window once she confessed to Emma. She’d again be living alone in that small apartment in Wickenburg. Each day would wind up dull and lonely like the one before it. Hope and joy would just be distant wishful memories. It wouldn’t matter that she loved John enough to give in to being a submissive wife.

Hal glanced wistfully at the sky above the barn. It was dusky dark and not a storm cloud in sight. No chance of a rainbow when she needed one to promise her the happiness she wished for. She wanted so desperately to have a hopeful sign to cling to. A rainbow to give her the courage to fight for what she wanted in life and protect her from feeling so lost and dismal. Instead, she was on her own and not so sure she could handle what was ahead of her. She was about to find out what twisted fateful havoc the truth would create in her life.

John cleared his throat and tried again. “Noah and Daniel said you are mourning the loss of Patches. They suggested that I get you a dog.”

Hal gave John a weak smile. “They said that?”

“Yes.”

With some humor in her voice, Hal said, “The boys are past mourning Patches. Would it surprise you to know they asked me to talk you into letting them have another dog? If that didn’t work I’m to ask you to get me the dog.”

“Ach, no surprise that,” he assured her. “Noah and Daniel have figured out that you have the power to persuade me in ways that they can not. You know that my sons love you like a mother.” He licked his top lip. “One more thing you have failed to mention. It has been told to me that the boys call you Mama.”

“Oh,” Hal said in a small voice. “Honest, I told the boys we had to discuss it with you to make sure that was okay. Things have been so crazy lately, I just forgot.”

“It would be nice to know what is going on with my family if you could remember to tell me important things from now on.” Hal ducked her head, feeling chastened. John added, “My children are the happiest I have seen them in years. You are the reason for that. It gives me much joy to know you are going to be a part of this family. I want my children to think of you as a mother. If the boys feel comfortable calling you mama, that is all right with me.”

“I’m so glad,” Hal said with tears of relief in her eyes. “Who told you the boys call me Mama?”

“Elton mentioned it when he was here,” John said offhandedly.

“Elton?” Hal asked, surprised. “How would Elton know such a thing? He hasn’t been around since you built the clinic.”

John rubbed his chin, picking his words carefully. “Elton had a visit from Stella Strutt. She heard the boys call you Mama the day Patches got run over.”

“I might have known. Stella Strutt,” Hal spit the words out like she was saying the name of a poisonous snake. “She doesn’t like me. I don’t think she ever will.”

“She will onct she gets used to you. Right now you represent all that is English to her. You are too close to her home. She sees you as a threat, but that will change,” John predicted.

Hal worried, “What did Elton think about what Stella told him?”

“He was most curious why I allowed an English person to be so close to my children. He is not dumb. He noticed the change in my family while he helped build the clinic. After Stella’s visit, he gave that some thought. He remembered last winter Emma asked him about a friend of hers that was thinking about converting to Amish.”

“Oh my,” Hal gasped.

John said slowly, “He wanted me to spell out my intentions where you are concerned.”

“What did you say?” She whispered.

John cocked an eye at her. “I told him I asked you to marry me.”

Hal gripped his knee. “You did? What did he say?” Rushed out of her mouth.

“If you do not change your mind, you are to come talk to him when you are ready. He will decide after he meets with you.”

Hal got a case of the jitters just thinking about meeting with the bishop. “It’s too soon for that. I’ve much more to learn. My Dutch is not good yet. I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to understand all that I need to know about belief and customs,” Hal excused but she added, “I am trying. Believe me, John. I am.”

“Elton knows that. I told him so. I know that. Emma, Noah and Daniel know that so calm down,” John reassured her.

Hal leaned her head to one side. “Did this talk happen when Elton asked you to look at his new horse?”

“Yes.”

“I just knew it,” Hal declared.

“How?”

“I was watching you out the window. You can’t check a horse by looking the other way. At least John Wayne didn’t do it that way,” Hal said with conviction.

John looked really worried. His voice sounded edgy. “John Wayne? Is he another friend of yours like Bill?”

“Phil,” she corrected. When she saw the worried look on his face, she almost laughed. John actually thought John Wayne was his competition. He had been right when he said the Amish had the same pangs of jealousy, but he was wrong when he said they fight it harder. She wanted to point that out, but she thought she better leave well enough alone. Maybe some other time when he wasn’t so put out with her, she’d remind him of his reaction to John Wayne.

“Oh no,” she assured him adamantly. “John Wayne was a western movie actor. He died about thirty years ago. When I watch his old movies on television, I’ve seen the way he checked a horse.”

“Actor,” John snorted. “Mind telling me how Mr. Wayne checks horses?”

“He opened the horse’s mouth and looked at its teeth. He felt up and down the horse’s legs and checked the bottom of its feet. John Wayne never checked a horse by standing around talking with his hands in his pockets like you did,” Hal acknowledged.

“That might work for an English actor, but Amish do not have to check their horses that way. They are better judge of horse flesh than that. Now when looking at a woman to marry, that is another story,” John said, giving her a tongue in cheek look.

“You’re joking! Aren’t you?

John put his hand on Hal’s knee and slid it down her shin.

Pushing his hand away, she scooted over to the end of the step. “John Lapp, you are not going to treat me like a horse. You will just have to take my word for it I am sound of limb, and I have all my teeth.”

“It’s not your teeth or the bottom of your feet that I am interested in,” John said, grinning.

Hal bristled. “In that case, no reason not to give me the same treatment as you would a horse. Eying should be enough to make your decision. No feeling needed.”

John exploded with laughter. He doubled over unable to control himself until he had to wipe tears from his cheeks. When he straightened up, Hal was looking off into space, wearing the same hang-dog look. Nothing had changed for her He held his arms out. “Hal, come here.” She slid to him and let him hold her in his strong, warm arms. John put his cheek down in her fuzzy, copper red hair. “Mind telling me what is worrying you. You are the one that said we have to start telling each other what is bothering us. Did we not cover everything yet?”

“No,” she said, her voice cracking. “We haven’t covered the worse of it. Not at all. Not by a long shot.” She burst into a flood of tears.

“Calm down. You must tell me now before this worry really does make you sick,” demanded John in exasperation.

Hal took a deep breath. She had to stop the tears if she intended to confess. Right then she felt all color drain from her face. Her stomach churned just anticipating John’s bad reaction. If she dreaded his reaction, think how much worse it would be when she had to face Emma.

She sniffled, “Give me your hanky.”

“My schnopp-dooch?”

“Yes, your whatever you call it.” She blew her nose in John’s blue work hanky. That gave her a moment to find her voice while she dabbed her eyes. “All right, but I’m warning you right now, you’re not going to like knowing. I did something bad. Real bad. I hate it. There’s no undoing it. I’ve known all along I should be honest enough to confess, but I’m afraid that Emma will never forgive me.”

“It is something to do with Emma that brought this worry on? Not me?” John asked in relief.

“Don’t sound as if you’re off the hook, Mister! You know Emma has a big say in what happens around here. You might not like what she has to say about me when she knows. She might tell you to make me leave and not come back,” warned Hal.

“Just tell me what is wrong.” He took her by the shoulders and shook her gently. “I will decide who stays in my family.”

Hal gave him a hard look. This must be the voice she was going to hear when he thought he was the boss. “I’ve been afraid to say anything, but I hate it that Emma is giving the boys a hard time about Zacchaeus disappearing. She blames Noah and Daniel. I feel sick at my stomach every time her pet rooster’s name comes up.”

“Emma will get another rooster. You are making yourself sick over a missing rooster?” John asked incredulously, trying to digest what she told him.

“Yes. You need to know the boys didn’t hurt that rooster,” defended Hal.

“I did not think they did. But are you telling me Noah and Daniel do know what happened to the rooster and did not tell us?” John looked grim.

Hal nodded. “Don’t be mad at the boys. They’re keeping quiet to protect me from getting in trouble with Emma. I felt so guilty I had to tell someone. When I helped the boys milk one night, what I did just came out.”

“What did you do?” John sounded exasperated.

“I killed Emily’s rooster, Zacchaeus,” Hal moaned.

“You could not do such a thing.”

Hal shook her head up and down as she assured him, “Oh, but I did.”

John hugged her tight. His voice sounded gentle and warm, but she heard a touch of that irritating humor of his coming though. “Tell me what happened. I will decide how terrible you are.”

She wrenched free. “If you are going to laugh at me I won’t tell you. This is too horrible to laugh about. I will just go back to my apartment and cry myself to sleep.”

John bit his lower lip and took a deep breath. When he got hold of himself, his chocolate eyes held an over-abundant amount of sadness. He could see how hard Hal was struggling with her confession. “I promise never to make fun of you for something that makes you feel this bad. I never want you to keep a problem to yourself again when you are this upset. Will you promise me that?”

“Oh, yes. I never want to feel this bad again,” Hal said adamantly.

“Gute. Mind telling me now. Please! You are driving me crazy,” John begged.

Hal shook her head disbelievingly. “I don’t know how you can always be so understanding. On the other hand, you might not be once you know.”

John looked perturbed. He demanded, “Hal, out with it.”

“It happened the Sunday Emma fixed fried chicken for dinner. I went with the boys to get two fryers. Noah caught two roosters in the hen house. He gave one to Daniel and the other to me. Daniel ran around back to wait for Noah to get the hatchet. I was following Daniel when my rooster acted up. He pecked me on the hand. It surprised me and sort of hurt. I dropped him, and he ran off. Another rooster came right up to me. I thought he was mean. That he had the idea to flog me. I reached down and managed to grab him by the tail. When Noah came back, I didn’t want to tell him I lost the rooster he caught for me. I handed him the one I caught without telling him what I did. Noah cut Zacchaeus’s head off. Oh if only I had it to do over again. I’d let Noah catch another fryer instead of doing it myself,” she wailed.

“Did you know that the rooster you caught was Emma’s pet?”

Hal shook her head hard enough to send her fuzzy hair flying. “No. I’d never do such a thing to Emma’s pet on purpose. I didn’t know I’d killed him until Emma asked the boys if they might have caught her rooster for that Sunday dinner. It was then that I realized what I did.”

John stroked her head. “This was an accident. Emma will understand and forgive you.”

“I don’t know why she would. She’s already upset over Patches dying. Now to find out I’m the one that killed her rooster may be more than she can bear. Not only that, she’ll feel bad every time she remembers she ate him. It will come back to her when we have fried chicken for dinner. Forgiving me will be more than she can cope with when she looks at me and at her drumstick.”

“You’ll know Emma is stronger than that if you settle down and think about it. She will forgive you,” John said adamantly. “Trust me on this. Plain people have a saying. One lie brings the next one with it. It is not good to let what happened hang in the air between you and Emma. She is worried about you. She misunderstood what was wrong. Right now she is blaming me for the way you feel. She’s pestering me to make things right with you. You are right about one thing. I do not like Emma upset with me, either. I felt helpless not knowing what was wrong with you.

You did not seem to want to tell me. I did not like it that you would not share what was bothering you. On top of that, you put the boys in bad with their sister. You should think about Noah and Daniel. As bad as they feel about Emma mistrusting them, they choose to keep silent because they love you.”

“You’re right. I’ve taken advantage of those poor, little boys, because they were so willing to protect me. This afternoon Emma gave them a hard time about the rooster again. I felt so sorry for them. They will grow tired of waiting for me to come to my senses and grow to dislike me,” Hal said with a long sigh.

“I think it is that you are having trouble figuring out what someone Plain like Emma would do,” John predicted.

“That worries me no end. That and the fact, I think I am a hopeless bother. Will I ever catch on to the way you think?”

“Yes, just give yourself time,” John said sincerely.

“Do all Amish have such blind faith or is it just you?”

“I can not speak for others. It’s you I want to have faith in,” he said, giving her a tight squeeze.

“The English see things so different. I fear all the time that I’ll do or say something that will upset someone around here beyond repair. I seem to have a knack for doing the wrong things. Now I need to repair the damage I’ve done because of the rooster if I can, don’t I?” She asked.

“Yes,” John said.

“Now that you know, could you tell Emma for me? I’ll go home right now and wait for her to cool off,” Hal planned.

“No, I am not going to say a word. This is something you have to do,” John told her.

“Guess I better go tell Emma what happened, huh? Will you come with me?” Hal asked hopefully.

“You need to do that alone. I will not come with you,” John said inflexibly.

“Why? Scared?”

“Yes, I am not dumb. I do not want to be close to Emma until I know how she is going to take this news. I am not very good sure what she will say,” he admitted. The corners of his mouth twitched.

“Coward!” Hal scolded. She stamped her foot and went into the house.

Noah and Daniel looked up from a game of checkers when Hal closed the door.

“What is wrong, Mama Hal?” Noah asked.

“You look sick,” added Daniel.

“I feel sick. I’m going to tell your sister what I did to her rooster so she’ll quit giving you a hard time. Want to come with me?”

“Not me,” Daniel said. “I have had enough of Emma’s mean looks.”

“Me, too, but it’s good that you do this,” said Noah. “I will be glad to soon be off the hook.”

“I’m sorry that Emma has been upset with you. That was not a nice thing for me to do to you. I should have told her sooner.” Hal glanced toward the kitchen door. “If it sounds like she is going to hurt me, I’ll yell help. Will you come save me?”

Daniel giggled, “Emma, will not hurt you.”

“But if she does, we will think about helping you. No promises,” Noah said with a boyish grin so like his father’s.

“Oh, you two are a big comfort.” Hal braced herself, took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen.

Surprised, Emma looked up from her garden book. “I thought you went home.”

“Your father told me about the meeting. We had that talk you wanted,” Hal said.

“Good. Did it help you?”

“Oh, yes. Now I understand he will inspect me like a horse before he marries me,” sniffed Hal.

“What did he say to you?” Emma’s voice was sharp.

“Oh, I shouldn’t have said anything. I think he was joking. John told me I’ve worried you. For that I’m sorry. I need to tell ----.”

Emma shot up from her chair and flitted to the cookstove so fast the strings on her prayer cap flew out behind her. She pulled the cast iron tea kettle to the front. “First listen to me. I tried my best to help make things better for you, Hallie, so you would not leave us. I do not want you to go.” Wadding her apron tail in her hand, she picked up the hot lid. Looking into the kettle, she said, “I thought I could help by taking you to Roseanna’s house. It might have worked if she had not said all those kind things about Dad.” She dropped the lid noisily back into place.

She’s really getting excitable. This isn’t helping, Hal thought. “Emma, ----.”

The girl wasn’t listening. “I hoped inviting Roseanna and Samuel to dinner might help you feel better when you saw them together.” Emma set the kettle down hard on the counter. The aluminum, long-handled dipper bounced up in the water pail and clattered back against the metal bucket. She snatched the hot lid off with her bare hand, fumbled with it and lost her grip. The lid rolled along the counter and fell with a bang to the floor.

Chairs scraped against the hardwood floor in the living room. The boys were ready to come help or run the other direction. Hal glanced toward the kitchen door, wondering what they had decided to do. If they were coming, she hoped they would hurry up before Emma exploded.

Hal opened her mouth to speak, but she didn’t get a chance.

“If you saw that Roseanna and Samuel liked each other, I hoped that would help the way you felt,” Emma continued in a frenzy. She paused long enough to fill the kettle with water then picked up the lid. She slammed it on the kettle forcefully. “That did not work. Something still bothered you. I asked Dad to talk to you.” She flashed to the stove.

Oh no, she’s working herself up into a real tizzy, Hal worried.

“Did he do it? Yes, but all he did was upset you worse with what he said. I told him to try again. He did not until tonight after I reminded him again with a potholder upside the head,” Emma said. “What did he do? Let you think he is going to treat you like livestock before you can be a member of this family.” She set the tea kettle down hard enough on the stove water shot out of the spout. Little sputtering beads jumped across the hot surface.

Just listening to Emma, Hal wondered if the girl knew about the Amish commandment that the man in the family was boss in all things. The idea came to her, the compromise with John was going to be a cinch if she took her cue from Emma. John may talk big, but so far Emma wore the pants in the Lapp family. John just didn’t seem to notice.

Hal had to stop Emma from chattering and calm her down. If she let Emma stew much longer, the girl wasn’t ever going to forgive her. Hal rushed over to her. “Emma, please let me say something. Sit down and listen to me. Don’t get mad at your father. It’s bad enough that you’re mad at the boys because of me.”

“I am not mad at the boys. I am sorry, Hallie, for going on this way. Sit down and talk to me.” Emma pointed to a chair and chose one herself.

Hal ignored the invitation to sit and persisted, “Yes, you are mad at your brothers. Because of your pet rooster.”

“Oh that. What has that to do with you, Hallie?” Emma asked, puzzled.

“You’re not going to like what I have to tell you, but I have to say it.” Hal braced herself against the counter and folded her arms across her chest. She wasn’t a complete dummy. She wasn’t about to sit down. All too quick, she might need to propel herself away and out of the kitchen. “ I killed your rooster.”

“Oh! That is not funny. You would not do such a thing.” Emma didn’t believe her.

Hal shook her head up and down. “I’m not trying to be funny. Believe me, I haven’t felt like laughing for days. I did kill him. I did not kill your rooster on purpose, but I did it.”

Emma propped her elbows on the table and rested her hands under her chin. She looked at Hal sideways. “How?”

Steepling her fingers together, Hal gripped her hands tight at her waist and told the whole story just as she had told it to John. Her voice was so low Emma had to lean closer to hear. Finally, Hal concluded with, “There you have the whole dreadful nightmare. I killed Zacchaeus, and you ate him.”

Emma had an incredulous look on her face. “This is what has been bothering you? I thought it was Roseanna or something Dad did.”

“You’re right on both those counts, but I came to my senses where Roseanna and your father is concerned. Killing your rooster has been bothering me a lot longer. Can you ever forgive me for doing such an awful thing?” Hal asked, looking miserable.

“You said you would not harm my pet rooster on purpose. I believe you. I am relieved to know what happened so I can quit pestering my brothers about it. I will say I forgive you if that will make you feel better. I want you to feel better. I am very glad you and Dad made up. You have to know I so worried this family was going to lose you. I love you more than any old rooster.” Emma gave her a heartwarming smile.

“Thank you,” Hal said bursting into tears. For days, she’d had a tight feeling in her chest like an over-wound clock. So tight a pressure that she felt as if her chest might split open from the pain. That had gone away now just as fast as it came. “I feel so much better now that I’ve confessed.”

“Good. There is no pillow as soft as a clear conscience. Now you will be glad to know you will not be thought of in the same way Zacchaeus was in the Bible,” said Emma, smiling.

“How was that?”

“He was a very dishonest man.”

It was then that Hal realized the walls behind the kitchen doorway had ears. Noah whispered something to do with Roseanna Miller. Daniel wondered why Nurse Hal would be mad at their father. All the while, John, making hissing sounds, did his best to silence their voices.

“Emma, do you suppose we could start over from scratch with a clean slate?” Hal asked.

“Ach, Hallie, no need to start over.” Emma giggled as she came around the table. “But some day soon we need to have a discussion about the animals we raise on this farm. You need to understand what happens to them so you do not feel bad about killing a chicken.” She gave Hal a hug.

“I grew up on a farm. I’m well aware farm animals are income and food. I just wasn’t sure how the Amish felt about pets,” Hal explained.

“A pet cannot replace a human in my affections. Remember that,” Emma said seriously.

“Thank you for being so understanding,” Hal said, smiling with tears of relief bubbling out of her eyes. She wiped her eyes with John’s hanky and nodded toward the door. Putting a finger to her lips, she whispered, “Do you think we should go get the guys away from the wall before they come down with irreversible flatearitis?”

“Is that a medical term?”

“No, I just made it up. That, my dear Emma, is a symptom of eavesdropping in my medical terminology.”

When Hal and Emma pounced out of the kitchen, Noah and Daniel were on one side the door, flattened against the wall. John leaned on the other side, his legs crossed at the ankles.

“What’s going on in here?” Hal asked casually.

“Not much,” Daniel said. He fiddled with his straw hat on the wall peg. “I am straightening my hat.”

“I am looking for something. I thought I left it in my jacket,” Noah said, going through the pockets.

“How about you, Dad?” Emma asked.

Her father shrugged his shoulders. “Just resting.”

“I’m going back to town now. John, since you are all rested up, would you like to walk me to my car?” Hal asked.

“Yes,” he said with a lopsided grin.

When they reached her car, Hal turned and smiled at him. “Good night, Mr. Lapp.”

She reached for the door handle. John put his hand over hers and brushed her lips with a light kiss. “I love you, Hal. Always remember that.”

“I intend to from now on,” she replied.