When they got off the elevator, River found herself counting the steps to the office. Twenty-nine. Tony unlocked the door, and she walked through it. When he flicked on the lights, River jumped.
“It’s okay,” Tony said. “Just be honest with me about what you’re feeling. And if we need to move to a different office . . .”
“Thank you,” River said. “But I’ll be fine. I won’t want to let Brian Walker—or anyone else—take away one more minute of my life.” She smiled at Tony. “I love working here . . . with you.” She was so blessed to have this man for a friend. She was convinced God had somehow pulled divine strings and placed him in her life. She’d prayed that at some point He would make this a two-way street. Right now things were lopsided. Tony had been through a lot too. River wanted to help him the way he’d helped her.
She sat down at her desk while Tony got her a cup of coffee. She laughed when he brought it to her.
“You got me another cup?” She looked at the lettering on the outside: Instant FBI Agent. Just Add Coffee.
He grinned. “Yeah. Do you like it?”
“I love it. Thank you.”
“I bought a few more cups.” He handed her another one. River turned it around and read Private Detective. Accept what is . . . Let go of what was . . . Have faith in what will be. She blinked away tears. This was getting ridiculous.
“Did you have these made too?”
Tony laughed. “No, believe it or not I found them online. I got one for me too. Then there’s this one.” He took another cup from inside the cabinet where the coffeemaker sat and handed it to her. Private detective. You make the world a better place.
“These are awesome, but what do we give our clients? They might think we’re rather stuck on ourselves.”
“We still have the plain blue cups in there as well. Our reputation is intact.”
“Good.” River picked up her coffee cup and took a sip. Her favorite kind. It was delicious.
She put the cup down and looked at Tony. “Well, we closed our first case. Didn’t make any money, but at least we were able to bring Amy Stover the resolution she was looking for.”
“Yeah, I have a feeling the satisfaction she feels now won’t last for long. Visiting two gravesites will be hard.”
“But at least it will be a place to finally say goodbye.”
River wished she could do more for Amy, but outside of bringing Chris back to life, there was nothing more she could give the brokenhearted mother. River would be praying for her, though. At least she could do that for her.
“You know, we actually closed three cases. The police uncovered a drug ring at the high school that, sadly, involved some teachers. And Alan Levellie won’t be trying inappropriate things with female students anymore. Mr. Peachman followed through and made sure he lost his job.”
“I hope one of those girls will come forward and tell the police what he did.”
“Someone will,” he said. “Now that he’s not a direct threat, my guess is it won’t take long for him to be charged with sexual harassment.” He sighed. “When I told Amy that Chris was directly responsible for stopping the flow of drugs at the high school, she was really moved. He did something great during his short life. I can’t help but wonder what kind of person he would have turned out to be. That’s why I can’t feel compassion for Brian Walker . . . yet. No one has the right to take another person’s life. Not only is the victim gone, leaving their loved ones to deal with the grief, they’ve also stolen any children or grandchildren they might have had. An entire family is lost. Murder is the most selfish crime of all.”
“I agree. But the Bible tells us that we’re not really fighting human beings. We’re fighting evil. The kind of evil that can turn a human being into something else. I mean, Brian never got married either, you know. Never had children. I keep trying to see it from his perspective. To develop some compassion. I admit that I’m struggling too.”
Tony chuckled. “You quoting the Bible. I’ll have to get used to that.”
“Yes, you will.”
The door to their office opened suddenly and Edmund Walker came in, looking a little uncertain. “I hope I’m welcome here,” he said.
“Of course you are,” Tony said. “You did the right thing. You warned us about him. You tried to do what you could to help. I know it was really hard for you.”
Edmund walked over and sat down. “I hope you believe me when I tell you that even when I suspected him, I tried to chalk it up to my imagination. You see, my father had schizophrenia, but he didn’t kill anyone. I assumed Brian would be like him—troubled but not violent. But it was my fear that caused me to follow Brian the night that man, Rodney Cooper, went missing. When I saw Brian come back to the rooming house early in the morning, and I saw how dirty he was . . . Well, at first, I tried to believe it was a coincidence. I mean, he worked as a janitor. But now I realize he was busy digging a grave.” He shook his head. “I really wanted to save him. Make up for letting him down.” He swiped at his eyes as a tear snaked down his cheek. “But it was too late. Way too late.” He looked back and forth between them. “You’ve heard how many bodies they’ve recovered, right?”
River nodded. “Yes. It’s terrible.” She hesitated a moment. If this man and his wife had kept Brian at home, would he have turned out differently? There was no way to know. But compassion for this tortured man forced her to say something. “Look, Brian was deeply disturbed. You didn’t cause that. It came from inside him. If you and your ex-wife had kept him at home, maybe he would have been different. But there’s no way to know that. What if he’d tried to hurt you and your wife . . . or your children? Besides, punishing yourself for what happened to Brian’s victims won’t bring anyone back.”
“I’ve prayed. Prayed that God would forgive me,” he said. “Not sure if even God can do that.”
“Of course He can,” Tony said. “When God forgives, He forgets too. That means there’s no place for guilt, Edmund. All you can do is move on and make good choices for your life from now on.”
“Thank you,” Edmund said, his voice breaking. “That helps, but it may take me a while to get there.”
“Have the police talked to you?” River asked.
He nodded. “The prosecutor’s office has decided not to move forward with any charges. Even if I was convicted, it would only be a misdemeanor. I guess they don’t think it’s worth the effort.”
“Well, that’s something,” Tony said.
“I’m grateful, but I would rather have my son. You know, eventually, I planned to tell him who I was. I wish I’d moved faster.”
“I’m surprised he didn’t recognize you,” River said. “If I saw my father, even after, what was it? Thirteen years? I’d still know him.”
“I dyed my hair, grew a mustache . . . and I was careful to change my aftershave. Although we didn’t know Brian had a condition called synesthesia, I’d noticed that he was very aware of smells. He associated people with their scents.” Edmund sighed. It was like the sigh came from somewhere deep inside him. River suspected that it did. “If only the doctors had diagnosed him correctly. Maybe with the right treatment, his life would have been better.”
“Would your wife have felt the same way?” Tony asked.
River could hear a note of disdain in his voice. It was obvious Edmund heard it too.
“Probably not. Look, my ex-wife isn’t a monster. She’s been a terrific mom to our other kids. Unselfish. Giving. And they’ve turned out great. But Brian . . . She couldn’t understand him. Felt that she couldn’t reach him. She tried. She really did. I think her inability to understand him frustrated her so much that she finally found a way to disconnect from him. She was truly convinced that sending him to that hospital was the best thing for him. That they would be able to help him. Anyway, that’s what she told herself.”
“But you didn’t feel the same way.”
“No. I knew Brian felt rejected, but I let it happen anyway.” He tried to blink away tears.
“Look,” River said. “I think you’re missing something here. Brian made the decision to kill. Every time he took a life, he made a choice. A lot of people have challenges. Whether it’s synesthesia, schizophrenia . . . or anything else that makes life difficult. Not everyone kills people. If you take this upon yourself . . . carry around guilt . . . then it will only be one more life Brian’s anger will destroy. It needs to stop . . . now. Take Tony’s advice and receive God’s forgiveness.”
Edmund stared at her for a moment. River wasn’t sure where those words had come from, but she knew they were right. They hit her like a punch in the gut. She was just like Edmund. She’d allowed the Salt River Strangler into her life . . . into her mind. She couldn’t allow him to take anything else from her. He’d taken her peace, her security, her confidence . . . and had almost taken her life. How much longer would she allow it? She looked over at Tony. He’d gotten it. He knew exactly what she was thinking.
“I know you’re right,” Edmund said haltingly. “It’s just that when you have children, you have a responsibility. It isn’t something you can give up easily.”
“River isn’t asking you to give Brian up,” Tony said. “She’s telling you to let go of the thing that made him use the life God gave him to hurt people. Remember Brian when he was young. When he was at his best. Remember the good parts of him. He had them. He could have killed Paty Gomez, but he didn’t. He cared about her. Remember that part of him. Brian wasn’t only his anger. His rage was simply the thing that took him over. Hate it. Love him. I know you can do it.”
Edmund was quiet for a moment before getting to his feet. Finally, he said, “Thank you. What you both said means a lot. I’ll definitely try to do what you’ve suggested. It’s time I went back to my life. I have two children who want to see me. Who have no idea what I’ve been doing.” He shook his head. “I’ve got to tell them about Brian, but I’ll talk about him the way you suggested. Try to get them to understand. I’m sure it won’t be easy, but I need to start living again. And again, sorry about the psychic thing. I was at my wit’s end. It was dumb.”
He reached into his jacket pocket and took out an envelope. “I’m pretty sure you didn’t accept any money from Chris Stover’s mother. I want to make up for that.” He smiled. “Just because I moved into that rooming house to be close to Brian, it doesn’t mean I don’t still have money. Plenty of it. Please accept this as payment for your services.” He handed the envelope to River. “Thank you again.”
He opened the door and left, pulling it shut behind him.
“Wow, that was intense,” Tony said.
“Yeah, it was,” River said. “Frankly, both of us need to stop allowing negative things to take up space in our heads. I’ve got to find a way to live my life without being in constant fear that someone is going to suddenly jump out of the shadows and kill me. And you need to forgive yourself for what Audrey did. Brian decided to kill, and Audrey decided to take her own life. If she hadn’t done it then, she would have probably made the same choice at some later time. Maybe even earlier if you hadn’t befriended her. We’ve got to stop blaming ourselves for what other people do.” She shrugged. “I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did with my mother the other day. I knew she wasn’t in her right mind. I’ve felt so guilty, but God forgives me. I intend to let it go. Because I have to.” She peered into Tony’s eyes. “Right?”
He laughed. “Yeah, right. Now, will you please open that envelope?”
River grinned at him. “I wondered how long it would take you to ask.”
She opened it and pulled out a cashier’s check. “Wow,” was all she could say.
“How much is wow?”
“It’s right in between ouch and boing.”
Tony put his head back and hooted in the way she loved. “Quit quoting White Christmas. How much?”
River leaned back in her chair and smiled. “Let’s just say that we’re finally in the black—and will stay there for a while.” She fastened her eyes on him. “So now what, partner?”
Tony held up his coffee cup. “I guess we accept what is. Let go of what was. And have faith in what will be.”
River smiled and held up her cup too. “Amen.”
HE WATCHED THEM enter the building. He was glad River was getting back to her life. That would make it easier for him to get to her.
He wouldn’t rest until River Ryland’s nightmares came true, and she was finally dead.