If she was asked, Poppy would argue that the news of Karleen’s pregnancy and the timing of the group were completely unrelated. But deep down, she knew it was no coincidence. Of course it hurt, hearing within mere months that her ex was expecting with her best friend. It twisted at her heart and squeezed against her sides. Not because she envied them, but maybe because she felt like they’d proved her wrong. Like somehow, Karleen had triumphed in a race while Poppy never even knew she was meant to be competing. And then there was the realisation that Garret really was gone. That he’d chosen someone else over her, that this wasn’t a horrible, weird blip in their relationship. He was never going to come crawling back, begging for her forgiveness.
She never would have had the confidence to start up the group had it not been for Annalise.
Poppy had been working at Cormack Millennial Holdings as head of the research department for the past six years, whereas Annalise had joined a year back as their warehouse manager. Their friendship, however, was brand new – a result of Annalise picking up on Poppy’s heartbreak after Garret and Karleen’s betrayal, and deciding to appoint herself as her ‘best friend and saviour’ – whether Poppy wanted it or not.
Poppy had been chatting with their marketing manager, Lawrence, in the break room just a few weeks after the separation, when Annalise walked in and lifted herself up onto the benchtop. She drummed the back of her shoes against the lower cupboard doors as though she was a teenage kid hanging out with her mates. The difference in looks between Lawrence and Annalise was almost comical: he was tall and lanky with dark hair cut neatly into a short back and sides. By comparison, she was a petite elfin creature with shocking cherry-coloured locks complemented by sharp blue eyes. Rarest combination, Poppy had once read, red hair and blue eyes, something to do with recessive genes that have to be present in both parents. It was hard to look away once Annalise caught your attention.
‘It’s still a little while until our season starts,’ Poppy had been saying to Lawrence, ‘but we lost so many players from last year that we need to lock down the team asap and start training early.’
‘What’s the sport?’ Annalise asked.
‘Soccer,’ said Poppy. ‘I play on a women’s side for Parramatta.’
‘And you need more players?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘I can play.’
Poppy was a little taken aback by her instant enthusiasm. ‘Oh, that would be great,’ she said, ‘but it’s an over thirty-fives team. You’re not that old yet, are you?’
Annalise gave Poppy a flirty smile and winked. ‘I’m thirty-two,’ she replied, ‘but I can be whatever age you need me to be.’
Poppy couldn’t help laughing. ‘Um, no you can’t,’ she said. ‘You’ll need ID to register.’
‘Not a problem.’
Poppy shrugged.
‘Are you any good?’ she asked.
‘Yes.’
‘Screw it,’ she said. ‘If you really are serious, you’re in.’ She hesitated. The corner of her mouth twitched and she returned a flirtatious smile of her own. ‘You better be as good as you think you are.’
Lawrence had raised his eyebrows over the top of his purple spotted mug. ‘Ooh, look at you two, scheming ways to cheat the system.’
Just like that, Poppy had a new best friend. And Annalise was sweet. Okay, so Poppy admitted that wouldn’t be how most people would describe her. The woman swore like a drunken sailor. She was tough, she was unforgiving, she was crude and brash. But she was also loyal, protective, funny, and within mere days she was pulling Poppy out of a dark, hollow place.
Poppy had quickly learned that her new friend wasn’t one to pull any punches. Annalise wasn’t interested in small talk. The first time they went out drinking together, two beers was all it took for Poppy to start tearfully spilling the entire messy story of her separation from Garret. Annalise listened. She said the right things – but she didn’t comfort. It wasn’t about hugs or ice cream or cups of tea. It wasn’t about reassuring Poppy that things would get better or easier over time. It was about telling her to move the fuck on and providing solid, practical solutions. For instance, when Poppy whinged that she was going insane having moved back in with her parents while she searched for somewhere to live, Annalise simply said, ‘Problem solved. The apartment upstairs from me is up for rent. You’ll love it.’
Annalise’s building was in the centre of Parramatta with views over the river. Poppy had grown up in the area, but she’d never lived right in the heart of the city. Now she was surrounded by life. The restaurants and cafes all stayed open late. There was a pub on the corner and a nightclub up the road. You could jog along the river, walk through the park, wander up to the movies. There were people and noise and lights and chaos, and Poppy loved it.
Maybe it wasn’t the healthiest way to deal with what had happened. After all, Poppy didn’t really get the chance to grieve over Garret and Karleen, Annalise wouldn’t let her. She knew if Poppy was wallowing and she wouldn’t allow it. She’d hear the depressing ballads wafting from upstairs, and next thing there’d be a thump, thump, thump from under Poppy’s feet because Annalise was whacking the handle of her broom against the ceiling. A minute later, there’d be a knock at the door and she’d grab Poppy by the hand and drag her out of that place and into the world, without giving her the chance to put up her hair or change her shoes.
Poppy brought up her idea with Annalise as they warmed up at soccer training one night before the start of the season. Poppy lay on her back on the ground and hugged her knees into her chest. The day had been warm but there was a chill in the air. Typical autumn weather – summer hung on during the days, but winter was creeping into the evenings. The last rays of the sun painted stripes across Poppy’s face as it disappeared over the horizon while the field lights flickered into life.
Annalise stood above her, finishing up another set of squats.
‘Have you heard of the Mums Online in Parramatta and the West Facebook group?’ Poppy asked.
‘That’s a mouthful,’ said Annalise. ‘Nope.’
‘I found out about it last night. Someone was posting on Facebook about a lost dog and there was a comment suggesting they try sharing it in MOP. So I took a look to see what it was, and they have like, five thousand members.’
‘Wait – they call it MOP for short?’
‘Yeah, short for Mums Online – Parramatta.’
‘MOP,’ Annalise repeated. ‘That’s hilarious. Okay, go on,’ she said as she folded her body in half and wrapped her arms around her legs to stretch out her hamstrings and lower back.
‘These five thousand members, they’re all local women like us – some went to my high school, some I’ve worked with, women I know from . . . well, just from around the place. But if you or I wanted to join, we’d be ineligible – because we’re not mums.’
‘So?’
‘So! Doesn’t that piss you off? They have events! They have spin-off groups, like the MOP netballers or the MOP wine tasters. They share important community information about stuff we have every right to know about.’
‘Yeah, but I assume it’s mostly parenting-related, isn’t it? We wouldn’t want to be a part of that. In fact, I’m not sure anyone would want to be part of something called the MOP wine tasters.’
‘Okay, that’s true. But it still annoys me that we couldn’t join even if we wanted to.’
Annalise stared at her. ‘What you actually mean is, it annoys you that Karleen’s about to be eligible to join now that your dickhead ex knocked her up.’
Sometimes Annalise’s ability to zero right in on the heart of the matter completely blindsided Poppy. At the same time, hearing Garret described as a dickhead by someone who’d never even met him shot Poppy through with the automatic desire to defend him. She had to remind herself that it was warranted – all Annalise knew of the guy was that he’d cheated on her and left her. Of course she should call him any and every name under the sun.
‘No. It has nothing to do with that.’
‘Bullshit. Last week I had to pry you out of the foetal position because some idiot friend of Karleen’s thought you had the “right to know the truth” about their happy news. Now all of a sudden you’re noticing mothers’ groups.’
Poppy sat up and picked at the grass by her feet as she tried to decide if Annalise was right. Would she have paid any attention at all to MOP had she not just heard about Karleen’s pregnancy? The old school friend who’d felt the need to message Poppy and warn her claimed she wanted to make sure Poppy didn’t get a shock if she heard it elsewhere. But they weren’t close and Poppy was pretty sure she was just excited to be the one to spread the juicy news.
‘It’s not the point,’ Poppy said eventually, ‘the point is, you and I are a part of this community too and we’re being excluded.’ She hesitated before adding, ‘You want kids one day?’ She tried her best to look like she didn’t care either way as she waited for an answer.
‘Nope.’
‘Really? How do you know? Because for me – I’ve always been certain.’
Annalise shrugged, ‘What do you mean how do I know? Why does there have to be a reason?’
‘It’s just that most women who say they don’t want kids actually mean they might not want them now, but they do still plan to have them someday. I don’t meet many who’ve decided for good.’
‘Poppy,’ Annalise said, ‘you’re not something special. I’m sure there are plenty of people who feel the same way. Trust me.’
‘How come?’ she pressed.
‘Well, why don’t you want them?’ Annalise countered.
‘Lots of reasons. The lifestyle for one thing. My career as well. But mainly because there’s never been any burning desire in my ovaries for them. When I see my future, I just don’t see a place for kids in it. I see myself working. I see myself travelling. I mean, I used to see this life with Garret by my side, but whatever.’ Poppy hoped Annalise wouldn’t pick up on the touch of vulnerability that had crept into her voice when she mentioned his name. Annalise is right, she reminded herself, he really is a dickhead. He doesn’t deserve your sorrow.
‘So what’s your reason?’
‘I’m just not a kid-person, simple as that.’
Poppy suspected there might be more to it than that, but she was too excited about the idea she was about to put forward so she let it go.
‘Right. In that case, I was thinking, why don’t we start our own local community group? But ours could be restricted to the child-free.’
‘But what would be the point of it?’
‘I don’t know. It would be a place to connect with other people, make new friends, I guess. Have our own wine tastings or book clubs or whatever. A group only for women who don’t have kids, but not just that, they have to be the same as us – they never want to have kids. Not, “some day maybe”, but never. Never ever.’ She paused. ‘So, would you be in?’
* * *
Truthfully, Poppy hadn’t really expected it to take off the way it did. She assumed they’d get a few members – some like-minded women who wanted to chat about local area news without the baby talk. What she hadn’t expected was for it to blow up so big, so fast. She was onto something. She’d hit a niche demographic.
There were plenty of women out there who felt exactly the same way as Poppy about the countless parenting groups, both online and out in the real world. Women who felt left out – silenced. Their rival group gave them a place to share ideas for quiet, child-free cafes and restaurants where they could enjoy a peaceful coffee or get some work done over breakfast without any ear-piercing squeals. There were suggestions for the best time to catch a flight to decrease the likelihood of a lot of kids being on board, and for great parks to walk a dog or go for a jog.
Poppy loved the group. It was her baby and she was protective of it. They called it Non-Mums Online in Parramatta, and NOP for short, as a bit of a mischievous nod to the MOP ladies. Maybe that had been their first mistake.
Now, on an unseasonably warm Saturday in April as Poppy strode through the pub and made her way out to the beer garden, she couldn’t help marvelling at the fact that she was about to catch up with a group of women who had all been complete strangers just a couple of months back. When Karleen had been her best friend, she’d never really considered the idea that she needed more mates. Weekends consisted of brunch with Garret, movies with Karleen, dinner with the both of them – or some variation of the three depending on who was or wasn’t interested in the latest film someone suggested they see. Poppy hadn’t realised how different her social life could be. Today she was meeting Annalise plus a few other members of their group. NOP was only meant to be an online thing, but as they became friendlier and friendlier, the logical progression was an occasional face-to-face catch-up.
The place was packed with families, couples and groups of friends making the most of the afternoon autumn sunshine. She’d wanted to get there early and grab a good table – somewhere in the sun, the right distance from the stage so they could enjoy the live jazz band but still hear one another, but she was running late. So she was relieved when she spotted Kellie – one of their first members – sitting at a high table in the corner of the garden. There were two other women seated opposite her – one was tall with light brown skin, huge, dangly earrings and a stunning, colourful dress; the other sported a purple shaved undercut and a leather jacket. They looked like movie stars next to Kellie, who was in blue jeans and a plain white T-shirt. The three of them were guarding a few extra bar stools as they waited.
‘Nice,’ Poppy said as she approached the table.
‘Perfect spot,’ Kellie replied, moving her handbag so Poppy could sit down. ‘Nowhere near the playground. Not making that mistake again.’
The last time they’d come here, Kellie had been roped into playing the role of gate opener for all the tiny children who kept running up to the playground and realising they couldn’t reach the lock to let themselves in.
‘Don’t know why you kept giving in to them,’ said Poppy.
‘It was just easier. I couldn’t handle the desperation on their little faces.’
‘You’re too much of a softy,’ suggested the woman with the dangly earrings. She reached out a hand to Poppy. ‘I’m Carla,’ she said, ‘and this is Sophie.’
Poppy introduced herself as she shook their hands.
‘Oh, you’re her!’ said Carla.
‘I’m her.’
‘Poppy’s the one who started all of this,’ Carla said to Sophie.
Annalise appeared next to Poppy. ‘With my help,’ she said, elbowing Poppy. ‘You didn’t wait for me.’
‘Of course I didn’t,’ she replied. ‘I knocked on your door three times and I called out that I was leaving.’
‘Yeah, I still thought you’d wait.’
‘I have to ask, considering the nature of our group, why are we meeting at a pub with a playground anyway?’ asked Carla. ‘Surely we could avoid the gate issue by going somewhere else altogether.’
‘It’s Kellie’s fault, she’s mad for the jazz band that plays here on weekends,’ said Annalise as she took the seat opposite Poppy. ‘So is this all of us?’
‘Yeah, I think so,’ said Kellie, pulling the elastic out of her ponytail and fluffing out her brown hair. ‘I know Viv pulled out last minute and Jess couldn’t make it ’cause she and her husband are having a dirty weekend away in the Blue Mountains.’
‘Viv always cancels,’ said Annalise.
‘How do you know it’s a dirty weekend?’ Carla said. ‘Could be perfectly tame, all antiquing and candlelit dinners.’
‘Because she put a post up on Facebook asking if anyone knew where she could buy a cheap set of handcuffs.’
‘Fair enough.’
‘So you two haven’t made it to one of our catch-ups before, have you?’ Annalise said, addressing Carla and Sophie.
‘First timers,’ Carla confirmed.
‘Excellent,’ said Annalise. ‘First timers have to buy the first round of drinks.’
‘Is that a thing? I don’t think that’s a thing,’ Poppy said.
Carla pulled her purse out of her bag obediently. ‘All good, I’ll go. What’s everyone having?’
Poppy couldn’t help but be transfixed by the way the honey highlights in Carla’s long dark hair caught the sunlight as she stood up. Good grief, the woman could be in a shampoo commercial.
They all placed their orders with Carla, and Sophie accompanied her to the bar to help carry the drinks back.
‘What do we think of the newbies?’ Annalise asked the moment they’d left the table. ‘The purple-haired chick has crazy eyes.’
‘Annalise!’ Poppy whacked her arm. ‘No she doesn’t.’
Kellie narrowed her eyes at Annalise. ‘I think you’re just jealous because she looks more alternative than you. You’re wishing you had a purple undercut right now, aren’t you?’
‘Bullshit. I’ve already done the half-shaved look. Took me two years to completely grow it out again.’ Annalise cocked her head to the side thoughtfully, ‘I just think she has a very intense look about her.’
‘How about Carla?’ Poppy asked. ‘Is it only me or does that women look like she belongs on a catwalk in Paris?’
Kellie laughed. ‘You sound like you’re crushing on her, Poppy.’
‘Stop it! It’s not like that. I mean, come on, she’s stunning.’
‘It’s okay, I know what you mean. I think she might be a full two foot taller than me. People like that shouldn’t be allowed to wear high heels. It’s not fair. Oh! I love this song, someone dance with me!’ Kellie jumped up from her stool and held her hand out, waiting for one of them to take it.
‘How can you love this song in particular?’ Annalise scoffed. ‘It’s jazz, it all sounds the same.’
Kellie feigned a knife to the heart. ‘Sacrilege. How could you say such a thing?’
Knowing there was no way Annalise was going to oblige Kellie’s request, Poppy reluctantly got up to join her. ‘Umm, how exactly does one dance to jazz music?’
Kellie grabbed Poppy’s hands and started swinging her around, wriggling her hips as she went. ‘One dances however one wants to,’ she replied. ‘One simply feels the music.’
‘One really needs a drink first,’ said Poppy as she tried to keep up.
Thankfully Sophie returned a moment later, precariously balancing three glasses. ‘Carla’s coming with the rest in a sec.’
Poppy relieved Sophie of one of the drinks and backed away from Kellie. ‘Sorry, you’re on your own.’
Kellie huffed as they all sat down again. ‘You guys are no fun.’
Annalise raised her eyebrows. ‘My idea of fun is very different from yours, honey.’
Sophie leaned right across the table then and beckoned for everyone else to lean in too. The three women obliged and Poppy noticed a bemused look on Annalise’s face. Sophie’s eyes darted around as though she was making sure no one else could hear them. Up close Poppy could see darker roots starting to peep through from under the purple colour in her hair. She could also tell that someone must have eaten a whole lot of garlic earlier, and she wondered if she ought to offer around some chewing gum.
‘So,’ Sophie hissed, ‘are there any rules I need to know?’
‘What do you mean?’ Poppy whispered back. ‘What sort of rules?’
‘You know, like the first rule of fight club is you don’t talk about fight club, that sort of thing.’ Sophie was still speaking quietly, but now they all leaned back and laughed.
‘We’re not an underground boxing club!’ Kellie was almost choking on her rum and coke. ‘It’s a Facebook group.’
‘Yeah, but there was all this secrecy and exclusivity around joining.’
‘Okay, yeah, it’s a secret group, but it’s not the Illuminati.’
Sophie looked disappointed. ‘So there’s no secret handshake? No signal I give another woman if I pass her in the shops and I want to check if she’s NOP?’
‘Nope, nothing like that,’ said Poppy. ‘I guess if you want rules though, the main thing is that we don’t share stories from inside the group with people outside of the group. Don’t take screenshots of posts, don’t retell stories elsewhere. But that’s only because it’s likely that if other people found out about NOP, they’d probably take it the wrong way.’
Carla returned with the last two drinks and took her seat next to Sophie again.
‘There’s no handshake,’ Sophie said to Carla in an accusing tone. ‘You said we’d learn the secret handshake today.’
‘Good God, Soph, I was being facetious! I thought you knew.’
‘Ah.’ Sophie looked forlorn for a moment but quickly recovered. ‘Oh, before I forget, I brought business cards for you all.’ She reached into her handbag for a stack of cards and started handing them around.
Kellie read out the company name. ‘Coco’s Cuts, Curls and Colours. Cute name.’
‘Soph, I told you this isn’t the same as that business networking group,’ Carla scolded.
‘No, it’s okay. I need a new hairdresser,’ said Kellie. ‘Do you do balayage? I tried to get my last hairdresser to do it for me and it looked like I’d just dipped the lower half of my hair in a bucket of bleach. It was awful. I had to chop it all off.’
‘Balayage is my specialty. Book in with me and I’ll have your hair looking glam like that.’ She snapped her fingers.
Annalise took a long sip of her double bourbon on the rocks and eyeballed Carla. ‘How about you? What’s your deal?’
‘God, you’re blunt,’ said Kellie.
‘Dum da dum,’ sang Sophie in a menacing tone. ‘This is Carla’s most hated question.’
‘It’s not!’ Carla said. ‘It’s fine.’
‘Oh really?’ exclaimed Kellie. ‘How come? What do you do – work in a slaughterhouse or something?’
‘No, nothing like that. It’s just that I don’t work.’
‘So you study?’ Kellie asked.
‘Nope. No study.’
‘She’s a lady of leisure,’ Sophie said, putting on a posh accent.
‘Rich husband?’ Poppy asked.
‘Nope. I’m single.’
‘She’s a trust fund baby,’ Sophie explained.
‘Seriously?’ said Annalise. ‘You’re so rich that you don’t have to work?’
‘Yep.’ Carla picked up her wine and gulped it in a way that had Poppy guessing she might be a match for seasoned drinker Annalise. Poppy suspected that despite her assurances, Carla actually was feeling uncomfortable, and she smoothly switched the topic of conversation to the previous night’s episode of The Bachelor. From there, the five of them chatted about everything from Kellie’s new colleague who was possibly making a move on her – and whether she ought to tell her husband about it – to Sophie’s new jeans that apparently made her feel like a model, and Carla’s upcoming holiday to Thailand. They kept up a steady flow of drinks and as it grew darker, the families started to clear out and the jazz band packed up. The temperature dropped as the stars began to pop into view in the night sky above them and they all pulled on jackets and scarves.
‘So am I allowed to ask “the question”?’ Carla said when there was a lull in conversation.
‘What question?’ Kellie asked, shivering and wrapping her thin cardigan tighter around her body. Poppy smiled as Annalise feigned irritation before wordlessly unwinding the scarf from around her neck and handing it over to Kellie, who accepted it gratefully.
‘The “why doesn’t everyone here want kids” question. Or is that taboo?’
‘Why would it be taboo?’ Kellie shot back.
‘You know, ’cause it’s too personal or whatever.’
Annalise groaned. ‘Or maybe because it’s the kind of question we all face constantly and we don’t want to continually answer?’
‘Yeah, or that,’ Carla admitted.
‘Well, I don’t mind talking about it,’ said Kellie. ‘I don’t want kids because I’ve never ever been the type of person to take on responsibility for anything beyond myself. I can’t imagine having the weight of someone else’s life on my shoulders.’
‘What about pets?’ Sophie asked. ‘Could you handle keeping a cat alive?’
‘Nope. I can barely keep a potted plant alive.’
‘Seriously? I’d go insane without my two dogs. My furbabies more than satisfy any need I have to nurture.’
‘For fuck’s sake,’ said Annalise, ‘why does there have to be “a reason”? Do people ask mothers what their reason is for choosing to have children?’
‘I guess not.’ Carla looked guilty. ‘Sorry, I didn’t really think of it that way.’
‘Well, for me it’s totally political and environmental,’ said Sophie. ‘Once upon a time procreation might have been a necessity to keep the human race alive, but now the world is far too over-populated. Having children is a selfish act, as far as I’m concerned.’
Poppy felt an unexpected surge of protectiveness towards her brother, who had three boys – twins in kindergarten and a two year old. While she might not want kids herself, she loved her nephews. ‘I don’t know if that’s really fair,’ she said. ‘I don’t think my brother and his wife were being at all selfish when they decided to have a family.’ She thought about the way Nolan doted on his kids. He was an absolute natural as a father – she couldn’t imagine him without them. The twins had inherited Nolan’s infectious laugh and their younger brother was adorably shy.
‘I’m not saying they’re being intentionally selfish,’ said Sophie, ‘I just mean it in a more general way, you know, across the board. The wider population doesn’t really think about the effect of a human life on the world. The easiest and by far one of the most effective ways you can reduce your carbon footprint is by cutting down on the number of children you have.’
‘So you want us to adopt a single-child policy like China?’ Kellie asked.
‘Look, I don’t know what the solution is. I’m just saying that’s how I made the decision to stay kid-free. More people ought to consider adopting rescue dogs like me when they get the urge to mother.’
Two kids ran past them then playing a game of tag, knocking Poppy’s bag off the empty seat at the end of the table.
‘I thought all the families were out of here by now,’ said Annalise, hopping off her chair to grab Poppy’s bag for her.
A woman appeared next to them, ‘Sorry about that,’ she said, indicating Poppy’s bag. ‘Trying to round them up.’
‘All good,’ said Poppy with a friendly smile.
‘How relaxed is this?’ the woman added, seeming to suddenly take in the fact that five women were sitting around a table full of drinks and not one had a child hanging off her. ‘Jealous! I’m so overdue for a girls’ night out without the kids.’
Kellie grinned back at her. ‘Every night for us is a night out without the kids.’
The woman looked perplexed for a moment, as though she couldn’t figure out how they could possibly achieve this. Then the other shoe dropped and her face switched to embarrassment.
‘You guys aren’t mums? Sorry!’ she exclaimed. ‘I just assumed because you all look around my age that you —’ Her face reddened and she stopped short before rushing to clarify. ‘Not that it means anything, of course. Like, just because you’re old it doesn’t mean you should . . . Oh, shit, not old, I mean older. You’re not old at all. You still have heaps of time to have kids if you want to. Not that it has anything to do with me. I’m going to shut up now. Sorry!’
‘Don’t be,’ said Annalise. ‘We’re about to order another round and tomorrow we’ll be sleeping off our hangovers with zero interruptions. We’re all good.’
The woman nodded fervently. ‘Yes, of course, of course,’ she said. ‘You’re so lucky. I am super envious right now.’ She backed away from the table as though they had morphed into an unknown species.
‘Wow!’ said Carla as they all started laughing. ‘That was mortifying. Did you see how embarrassed she was when she realised her faux pas?’
‘Why do mothers always feel the need to reassure us that we’re so lucky in case they offend us?’ said Kellie, shaking her head. ‘Thanks, love. We’re good.’
Poppy grinned. That mum had just proved exactly why they’d needed this group in the first place.