Sorting the Seeds

That is exactly the work of sorting the seeds, trying to become

conscious down to the very bottom of the situation and then to

know what’s what, and what has what effect … to do it for a

long time would be the woman’s heroic deed.

—Marie-Louise Von Franz

Just like nothing ever happened,

my father says. I told her that’s the only way

for her to come back.

My mother dreams the cat is dead

but still, when she goes out to save the kittens,

it fastens all its claws into her leg,

still it terrorizes her and she wakes up screaming

Get it off—Get it off—

How my sister’s mouth pinched that terrible year

when my mother, who knew already

what my sister was doing, offered to help me

clean my house.

The husband doesn’t knock

on front doors, he stands on tiptoe

to look through a window and taps

on the pane. Inside the house

he talks through doors, and against

anything locked, he rages.

For seven days I clean

the basement—scraps of leather,

knives, archeological trash, toys,

outgrown clothes, folders and folders

of old school files, piles of bedding,

dirty laundry, a mountain of black

trash bags out the back door.

Something like that happened

in my marriage, says a woman

at the end of that summer. And was it

your sister? I ask. No, she says.

It was my best friend,

I don’t have a sister.

The garbage bags unmoved from the back door

when I get home from the mountains.

The basement flooded,

floating with ruin.