There it is: that look in her eyes, vulnerable yet fierce. The one I’ve been waiting for. To see how much she loves me. It cracks me open, makes it hard to breathe. I can’t swallow. Can’t speak the words I’ve wanted to say for weeks. In the past it was easy. I’d tell a woman I loved her, she’d say it back, and it felt right in the moment, but it was never hard. The unspoken words were never cut glass in my throat. But now’s not the time to force them out. Not with Josh and the trial and my ten thousand worries. When it’s just us, none of this bullshit in the way, she’ll get all of me.
But damn, do I love this girl.
Her pupils are glazed, her lids heavy with pleasure. I slide out and then in, moving slowly, easing her back. But she grips my hips. “Not like this. This time, you’re going to fuck me.”
My dick twitches, that dirty mouth of hers too hot. “Did I not make you feel good?”
She shoves my chest, and I slide out of her, immediately craving her tight heat, her body beneath mine. She moves to her knees, too, and grips my chin. “You make me feel so good, I worry I’ll never come down. But you always hold back. I want you to take me. Fuck me. I want you to let go.”
I curl my fingers around her hips, the tip of my cock pressing against her belly. “No. I’ll hurt you.” But the thought of moving without restraint the way I work a speedball at the gym, hard and fast, has me digging my thumbs into her inked skin.
She kisses me. Once. Softly. Then she smooths my brow. “You won’t hurt me, big guy. But I need this. You need this. Just take for a change.”
She peels off my condom and curls her hand over my length, pumping me, coaxing me. I move with the motion. Eyes closed, I push my day away. The fear in Josh’s eyes. The guilt hibernating in my chest. I forget about the thin line Nikki walks, and the father I put in jail. That I nearly broke the law for my brother. I move faster, guiding her, thrusting roughly. My lungs burn. I open my eyes, and Raven’s face is flushed with excitement. She knows exactly what she’s doing to me, pushing me to break the shackles I wear.
What happens if I go too far?
But she mouths fuck me and something inside me snaps. The need to slam into her catches, sparks lighting down my spine. I flip her over and prop her ass in the air. I rip open another condom, rolling it on with haste. Positioning myself at her entrance, I hesitate, but she grinds into me, so I do as she wants. I let go. I detonate. I push into her. Swift. Hard. I tug her ass against my groin in a violent motion. She grabs the couch arm, and I grip her shoulder, keeping my other palm on her hip, anchoring her. I thrust hard—deep and dirty. My need for release surprises me in its ferocity. Our skin slaps. She cries out with each contact, her breasts bouncing and legs shaking. I move faster. I pound into her. Relentlessly. Heat sears my skin like needles, tattoos inked from within.
My grunts turn into growls, pleasure coiling up my thighs. “Oh, fuck. Oh fuck.” My words sound strangled, savage, my dick so hard and deep inside Raven, I nearly combust. A few more thrusts are all it takes. My orgasm rips a path down my spine as I slam the last of my energy into the woman I love.
Spent and winded, I barely hear her sob. Her fucking tears. My arms shake. My heart hammers in my ears. Oh, God. Oh, fuck no. I slip out of her, terrified to turn her over.
What have I done?
Tossing the condom, I rotate and slide under her, gathering her on my chest. I wrap my legs around her, my arms over her. I kiss her everywhere I can. “Please tell me I didn’t hurt you. Babe, I couldn’t…I didn’t want to…”
She looks up, tears like fireflies in her eyes. “I’m fine.” She places my hand over her heart. It’s beating as wildly as mine. “That was just intense.”
Relief quiets my pulse slightly. “You sure?”
“I might avoid spin classes for a while, and that horseback riding lesson will have to wait, but”—she smiles, tentative and shy—“I’m okay.”
I kiss her cheeks, salt coating my tongue. Raven rarely cries. She doesn’t risk vulnerability, just like I don’t lose control. Not like this. But she gave that to me tonight. She gave that to us. Words curl up my throat, but I swallow them down. When I’m no longer living with this twisting in my gut, I’ll tell her the truth. Confess the depths of my feelings. The rest of my life may be crumbling, but she’ll hold me together.
We lie this way awhile, breathing in time. She nuzzles into me. “I don’t need a mattress when I have you.”
“You telling me I’m getting soft?”
“Only one part of you.”
The way she wiggles, it won’t be for long. But she’s had enough for tonight. “Way to bruise the ego.”
“Trust me, big guy, you have nothing to worry about in the performance department. Sentences might not be your strong suit, but I like you quiet.”
If she only knew the words I’m holding hostage. “Thank you,” I whisper. “For tonight.”
Her breath skims my chest. “It was as much for me as it was for you.” Her back expands and pauses, as though she wants to speak. To say something more. Only air comes out. Then, “Are you still up for drinks with the gang tomorrow? If you want to stay in, that’s fine.”
“No. I’d like to go. It’ll help get my mind off things, and I like having you on my arm in public. Showing you off.”
“How Neanderthal of you.”
If Neanderthal means swinging her over my shoulder and having my way with her in a cave, I could get behind that. “You can parade me around all you want.”
“Or line dance with you to that crap music you like.” She pops onto her elbow. “Forgot to tell you, but Colin and Nikki came by today. Your nephew actually smiled when I gave him the skateboard.”
“You should have taken a picture.”
“Totally should have. And Rose seems to be getting more shifts at work, which is good.”
My jaw locks, all the tension I’d released still simmering below the surface. I’ve kept my mouth shut where her sister is concerned. Raven sleeps on her own couch, gives the woman money, and falls over herself to please Rose. I don’t like the hours Rose keeps, don’t understand why she won’t introduce Raven to her friends. The intuition that serves me well on the job blares like an alarm when Rose is in spitting distance. I can’t explain it, can’t see past it. But Raven asked me to let her navigate their relationship on her own, and I’m doing my damndest to let her.
“That mean she’ll find her own place soon?” A guy can hope.
Raven narrows her eyes, that sexy glare a little scary. “She’ll stay with me as long as she wants. Do you have a problem with that?”
Last time this came up, she stormed out of my apartment and left me tossing in bed all night. She’s still not ready to see Rose as anything other than the perfect sister she imagines. She thinks she owes Rose a debt. It’s tough to argue with that, and there’s no way I’m risking a fight tonight. I slide my hands over her hips. “How does a bath sound?”
“Delicious.”
I kiss her nose and untangle our legs, leaving her to watch my ass as I go fill the Jacuzzi tub—the one decent perk of this apartment. The guys love mocking my baths, but my muscles get sore, and my mom always ran them for me as a kid with salts to ease the ache.
I watch the water run, the sound becoming white noise, the white-tiled wall so stark my vision goes hazy. My mind coils tight again. Letting go with Raven felt cathartic, but it was temporary abandon. My family knows the score now, knows I didn’t come through. Before I told them, I had a moment of weakness. A spell where I dialed Alessi then hung up. Nearly begged him to just fucking do it. Bait those punks. Plant evidence. Force confessions. Whatever it takes. Nearly puked up my dinner. Had to remind myself that as a kid I couldn’t sleep, knowing my father had stolen sunglasses. Lying for Josh is coercion, not petty theft.
Yet I almost took the easy way out again.
My breathing gets shallow. The room starts to spin, and I hunch forward, hand braced on the tile wall. I don’t realize how close the tub is to overflowing until Raven dips under my arm to shut off the tap. She’s all gorgeous inked skin and rounded curves. Makes my mouth water, just looking at her. She kisses my chest and guides me into the warm suds. I let her. Need her. My heart is thudding so damn hard, I’m worried it’ll crack my breastbone.
The water sloshes onto the floor as I sink in. Raven moves to clean the mess, but I grab her wrist. “Don’t go.”
I can’t say if my face looks as twisted as my insides feel, but she cups my cheek and bites her lip. “Baby. I’m not going anywhere.”
I tug her toward me, and she slips into the water, her spine curling into my chest. I gather her close, wanting to fuse our bodies together and forget how weak I was today. Pretend I never dialed Alessi’s number.
She runs her lips over each of my knuckles. “There’s something else, Nico. Something you’re not telling me.”
Of course she senses it; she’s the woman who owns my heart. The last person I want knowing about my actions. But she strokes my hands and traces watery circles on my knees and calves. I lean the back of my head into the hard tile, jaw clenched. She doesn’t speak, but her feathering fingers loosen my vocal chords. “I almost broke the law to save Josh.”
Shame seeps through me as the words croak out.
Her hands freeze. The bubbles stop their lazy spin. “Does this have to do with the call in the motel? Forcing a false confession?”
My pulse revs. “You heard that?”
“Part of it. You didn’t want to talk about it, so I didn’t push. But I’ve been worried. I know how much pressure you put on yourself to walk a narrow line.”
The bottom half of her dark hair has sunk into the water. I push it aside and press my face into her neck. Her damp-soft skin envelopes my forehead. “Twice,” I say. “Twice, I almost gave Alessi the go-ahead. Actually said yes the first time he asked, and I’m sick about it. Makes me want to punch a wall.”
She twists her head to kiss my temple, runs her nose over my ear. “You’re just a man, Nico. Only human. You almost made that choice because you love your brother, not because it served you or your job, or because you were going to score cash. No one is perfect.”
“But I need to be. I’m the example. The one who models right from wrong. And I was ready to break the law. I’m a fucking coward.” That last word sucks the air from my chest.
“No, no, no.” She squishes closer to me. “You’re as honorable as they come, but life isn’t as neat and tidy as you’d like it to be. I took that fall for my friend in high school because I thought it was the right thing to do. Sometimes we let our hearts drive our choices. There’s no shame or cowardice in that.”
Wish I could agree with her, but I know the thoughts going through my head today were wrong, and I don’t like that she lied to the cops, even back then. But Raven knows better now, and her calm acceptance has my limbs loosening. We breathe in time—her upper back rounding into my pecs, my abs cradling her spine. My lungs and heart fill with all things Raven. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
I press my toes on top of hers. “For understanding. For not judging me.”
“Isn’t that what couples do? Support each other? Us against the world.”
“Us against the world. I like that.” Warm water and suds and Raven are a remedy I could live on. I just wish we’d stop fighting about Rose. Wish my family wasn’t so damn fragile. “Not sure what I’d do without you.”
Sinking lower in the tub, she sighs. “Good thing you don’t have to find out.”