Hostess Gifts

Happy is the house that shelters a friend,” Emerson wrote, which is interesting given his decidedly mixed feelings about how long Thoreau stayed with him.

On its best behavior, I might say. But I don’t have a lot of personal experience. We didn’t open our home easily to others. Being a good host is all about anticipating need and we didn’t have the energy for that. And we didn’t visit much because being a good guest requires knowing how to let yourself be welcomed. We weren’t good at that either.

There are some great party hosts in literature—Fezziwig, Mrs. Dalloway, Jay Gatsby—but few who have to consider the care and feeding of visitors for a night or more. Mrs. Wilcox of Howards End comes to mind, but she spends most of her time in the garden and then dies. Maybe the point is you can’t be a good host and be present. Bad hosts, however, can drive a story. Think of Goneril and Regan, Roderick Usher, and Mrs. Danvers.

It is Martha, I think, who should be the patron saint of hosts. “As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, they came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to them. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’

“‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’”

The “one thing” is faith, of course, which you can’t eat or sleep on. So Martha went back to the kitchen. She deserves a gift.

In descending order, the best approach to hostess gifts is as follows:

  1. Something for the hostess.

  2. Something for the house (which is really something for the hostess).

  3. Something for the family.

  4. Something perishable.

Something for the children (if there are children) is an altogether separate consideration. But fair warning: children are picky.