“My Lord God, I have no idea where I’m going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please You. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.”
—Thomas Merton, Dialogues with Silence
When Ken and I would hit a particularly difficult path in our lives, we would say to each other how we wished there was a book, a road map to our circumstances, proof that other people had traveled the sometimes bumpy road we found ourselves on. Years later it became clear that there could be such a book if I would write it. And so I did.
The stories in this book are true as I remember them, though I did consolidate some parts out of respect for those people whose lives intersected with mine, but who preferred I not include them specifically.
I owe my thanks to many people for helping me tell this story: my agent, Jennifer, who patiently helped me grow the idea so completely into what it became. To Kim, who didn’t let me fool myself into believing a broken hard drive was a sign I should stop writing, but was only a sign that I needed a new computer. To the people at Loyola Press, especially Joe, who saw the potential of the story and wanted it told, and to Vinita, who helped me make all the edits, especially the hard ones.
But mostly to Ben, Molly, and Sarah, who told me what they remembered and bravely read what I wrote. Your acceptance of me in your lives is one of the most concrete pieces of evidence I have of God’s grace.
And to Ken, who through everything is my rock and my pillow, whose fearlessness and selflessness inspire me every day.