On the 28th, I drive back to London with Cricket and Arthur. After the snowy magic of the Lake District, London looks a bit grey and wet and business as usual. But that’s OK, I’ve got a lot to do.
Edward is still away skiing, so I take the opportunity to have a good clear-out. It’s amazing how much stuff you can amass in a year. I moved into his flat with just a couple of suitcases and a few books, but at this rate I’m going to be moving out with a removal truck’s worth of stuff.
I find a bunch of old photographs. Actual, physical ones of Ethan and me when we first met. His flight lands tomorrow. We’ve arranged to have dinner.
My mind flicks forward, but I drag it back again. Like I said, there’s a lot to get done here. New Year, fresh start and all that.
To: Ethan DeLuca
Subject: Us
Dear Ethan,
You told me to take some time to think about it, so I’ve thought about it. To be honest, I’ve thought of little else since we saw each other a few weeks ago. When you told me you still loved me and wanted us to try again, I thought at first my answer would be obvious. For so long, you and me and our future together was all I ever wanted. And I’ve missed you so much this past year, there were times when it’s all I wanted to hear you say.
But things have changed. I’ve changed and I can’t change back. I’m not the person I used to be any more and I don’t want to be. I’m glad we finally got to talk about everything – we should have done it ages ago – but if we’re both honest, things weren’t right between us before we lost the baby. That was just the catalyst.
I took some time to write because I wanted to be sure I was making the right decision. But the truth is there was only ever one decision. I’m not coming back, Ethan. It’s not my home any more. My life is here. But never doubt that I loved you very much and I will never forget the good times or your puttanesca J
I’m sorry to let you down about dinner, but there didn’t seem much point. I think we’ve both said everything there is to say.
I wish you only good things. Take care of yourself.
Nell.
Then, for the first time in my life, I don’t re-read what I’ve written before I press send.
To: Penelope Stevens
Re: Offer on Flat 2, Princeton Avenue
Dear Ms Stevens,
I am delighted to inform you that your offer on Flat 2, Princeton Avenue has been accepted! The owners are currently away until the New Year, but wanted to extend their delight and assurances that they are eager to proceed quickly with the sale. The office is now closed until 2 January, but I wanted to give you the good news before sending out the official Memorandum of Sale, upon which your solicitor can begin the relevant searches.
Kind regards and a very happy New Year!
Marcus Brampton,
Sales Manager, Brampton & Proctor estate agents