The club was packed. Music and laughter filled the space, as the DJ moved the crowd. The dance floor was full and the energy was high. Keisha was greeted constantly by people she knew. Smiling broadly, she was in her element as she mingled with her friends. Sydney wasn’t surprised that only fifteen minutes after they arrived, Keisha had disappeared into the crowd. Sydney didn’t mind. She stood near a wall on one side of the room and rocked to the beat of “Yo (Excuse Me Miss)” by Chris Brown.
“Hey,” she heard a voice, but didn’t see anyone familiar as she looked around those closest to her in the crowd. “Sydney,” the voice came again. Then she spotted him. Troy sat comfortably on one of the few white leather seats lining the walls of the club. He had a white T-shirt on, black jeans, and Jordans. As simply as he was dressed, he still managed to look better than all of the other guys present. Sydney couldn’t help but smile. She walked over to where he was and he moved over so that she could sit down beside him. The girl who had been seated beside him seemed annoyed that she was expected to move aside for Sydney. But Troy leaned over to her and with a discreet yet sultry voice said, “Excuse me, please, sweetheart.”
The girl looked at him and very reluctantly slid aside to let Sydney sit between them. Sydney tried hard not to laugh, but it wasn’t easy. Troy grinned, too, as she squeezed in next to him.
“Hey,” he said again. “You look nice.”
Sydney smiled and wondered why her pulse was racing. “Thanks.” She looked around at all the people. “It’s packed in here tonight.”
Troy nodded. “I just saw Daryl and Keisha at the bar. They’re having a good time.” He looked around at the partyers milling about. “You having a good time?”
Sydney nodded. “This is my first time at a party since I came here. I usually go to—”
“Yo, Will!” Troy called out to one of his friends across the room. Troy’s friend hollered back and headed their way. Before she knew it, Will was standing there, holding an animated conversation with Troy as if Sydney was invisible.
Sydney caught the girl next to her chuckling at how Troy had cut her off. It made her angry. She slid off the banquette and walked off, calling out to Troy over her shoulder, “I’ll see you later.” She heard him say something as she melted into the crowd, but she didn’t care. She chastised herself for being distracted by his good looks. Troy was clearly a jerk. She knew his type. One of those rare students who was both a cool kid and a geek, smart enough to excel academically and savvy enough to make it look enviable. Add arrogance and a brusque demeanor to the mix and you had Troy.
“Why’d you walk off like that?” he asked as he came up behind her.
Sydney rolled her eyes, dismayed that he had followed her.
“Troy…”
“I cut you off again, right? I’m sorry.” He was laughing. “I know, I get distracted.”
“You’re self-absorbed,” Sydney corrected.
Troy stopped laughing. “Me? Self-absorbed? You’re crazy.”
Sydney shrugged and focused her gaze on a group dancing nearby.
“You think I’m self-absorbed?” Troy shook his head and sipped his drink. “Really?”
Sydney nodded with an apologetic look on her face.
Troy smiled. “Maybe a little.”
The DJ switched to Sean Paul’s “Temperature.” A couple was dancing nearby and both Sydney and Troy were distracted by them. The girl was bent over with her butt grinding on the guy’s crotch. She touched her ankles and shook her ass on him as he braced himself against a wall and thrust himself against her. Sydney looked away. But Troy seemed utterly amused. As he laughed, his beautiful teeth seemed to gleam in the dimly lit club. Sydney nudged him playfully and he looked at her, still smiling.
“What?” he asked. “Come on. You know you want to dance like that with me.”
Sydney laughed.
“Come on,” he teased. “Show me what you got, Sydney Taylor.”
She laughed with him and then looked at him questioningly. He knew her last name, too?
Troy looked at the drink in his hand and seemed to catch himself. “I’m sorry. You want me to get you a drink?” he asked.
Sydney shook her head. “No, thanks.” She gestured toward his cup. “What are you drinking?”
Troy grinned slightly. “Bacardi,” he admitted. “I don’t drink all the time. It’s homecoming weekend.”
Sydney shrugged. “Do your thing.”
“So, where you from?” Troy asked.
“New York,” she answered.
“Me, too,” he said. “What part?”
“Staten Island. How about you?”
“I live uptown.” He sipped his drink once more. “I never knew they had black people in Staten Island,” he said.
Sydney chuckled. “Well, we’re definitely out there. Lots of us, too.”
“But Staten Island ain’t really New York City. You know what I’m saying? It’s more like Jersey, ain’t it?”
“No.” Sydney always marveled at how little people knew of the city’s fifth borough. “It’s not.”
Troy shrugged. “I always pictured it like a bunch of houses with white picket fences and all that. You know, real suburban. So you must be rich, then,” he said, smiling.
She laughed. “Please! The struggle is everywhere. Don’t get it twisted.”
Troy’s eyes widened. “The struggle? What you know about that?”
Sydney sucked her teeth. Truthfully, she wasn’t even sure how her mother did it, aside from the men she befriended over the years to keep her company and keep her shopping. But Sydney had practically grown up in Aunt Pat’s home, where money wasn’t always so readily available. She had seen plenty of struggle in her young lifetime.
“I know enough,” she said simply.
“Is that right?” He never would have guessed it. Sydney was different than the other girls. After class, she usually gathered up her things and headed straight to the next one. She never seemed to be hanging around doing nothing and was never found among the clusters of girls who stood around in the hopes of attracting male attention. For that reason, he had watched her. Intrigued by the girl who didn’t bother blending in. She wasn’t in college scouting for a husband. Sydney stood out in all the right ways. He never would have guessed that she came from hard knocks.
The DJ called for everybody’s attention as he introduced the first act. Everybody rushed the dance floor, which was directly in front of the elevated platform serving as the stage. People were pushing and shoving their way to the front. A few exchanged heated words as the pandemonium escalated. The DJ yelled for everybody to chill, and security moved in to calm the crowd. Troy and Sydney stood on top of a nearby platform to get a better view. Lil Jon took the stage wearing an eclectic outfit and hollering the lyrics to his hit song “Snap Yo Fingers.” The crowd sang along in unison.
Sydney rapped along from where she stood atop the platform. Troy bobbed his head, too. But he was more interested in watching Sydney let loose. He was so used to seeing her serious academic side that it was entertaining to see her unwind. Without realizing it, he smiled as she passionately rapped along to the song. Sydney caught him smiling and stopped singing, embarrassed.
“You laughing at me?” she asked shyly. She had gotten swept up in the moment.
“Nah,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m enjoying it. Keep going.”
Sydney laughed and sang along with the next verse as Troy stood smiling and nodding his head to the beat. Suddenly someone was reaching for Troy’s hand and pulling him down onto the dance floor. Sydney recognized that it was one of the girls she had seen on the Metro earlier. The girl was squeezed into a body-hugging black dress. She was tugging at Troy, pulling him closer. Lacing her arms around his neck, she danced with him provocatively. Sydney watched for a moment and then forced herself to turn her attention back to the performance onstage. As the other partygoers reveled all around them, Troy danced with the girl for a few minutes. Then he gently peeled her arms off of him and politely shooed her away. Pissed, she stomped off to where her girlfriends stood waiting and frowning at Sydney and Troy. Their looks were so venomous that Sydney looked at Troy in dismay.
“You just made me four new enemies that fast. What did you say to her?” she asked.
Troy laughed. “I told her that I already pissed you off tonight and she was only making it worse.”
Sydney frowned. “Did you really say that?”
Troy nodded, laughing. “It worked, didn’t it?”
Sydney laughed and shook her head at Troy. Lil Jon moved on to a song that she didn’t know all the words to and she climbed down from the platform and stood next to Troy. The crowd around them jostled Sydney so that she was pushed even closer to him. She could smell his cologne and it smelled divine.
“This is why I don’t like parties,” she yelled over the noisy crowd. “All these people … I hate it.”
He leaned down closer so that she could hear him over the music and mayhem. “You want to leave?” he asked. “We can go if you want.”
Sydney was surprised. We? She had been battling a nagging thought all night. What did Troy want from her? Guys like him never noticed girls like her. She wondered what his angle was. “We’ll miss the rest of the show,” she said.
Troy shrugged. “It’s okay. I’ve seen all these people perform before. Nothing new.” He set his cup down on a nearby table.
Together, they left the party. Once outside, the cool October air felt good on their faces. As they strolled leisurely toward the Metro station, Sydney let out a sigh of relief.
“Whew!” she said. “I hate crowds like that.”
“Me, too,” Troy said. “That’s another thing we have in common. Both from New York, both don’t like crowds.” Smiling, he said playfully, “Both good at math.”
Sydney laughed. “I wish.” She flashed Troy a brilliant smile. “What’s your major?”
“I’m majoring in business, minoring in finance,” he answered. “I like working with numbers.”
“Good,” she said. “You can be my accountant someday.”
Troy laughed. He was thinking way bigger than that. “Maybe I will,” he humored her.
They walked in the direction of the train station. They talked about their classmates, about the upcoming midterms, and the differences between New York and D.C. Their conversation flowed freely and never felt forced. Sydney was impressed. Troy was smart, handsome, and very ambitious. He was still boisterous and overly energetic and a bit macho. But by the time they arrived back at their dorm, Sydney was smitten. Troy walked her to her door and bid her good night with nothing more than a wink and a smile. And it was enough to melt her heart completely.
* * *
Troy started tutoring Sydney the weekend after homecoming. Sydney was no quick study. She struggled with the complexities of their statistics class. Even with Troy’s help, it took two sessions before she grasped even the basic concepts of the course. He did his best to be patient with her. But it was a struggle.
On the night of their third scheduled session, Troy and his boys were celebrating D-Bo’s birthday. Somehow, the group got their hands on some bottles of Alizé, and before long all of them were twisted. Unaware that the fellas were out getting wasted, Sydney waited for Troy in the dorm lounge. When he stumbled in at close to ten, she could tell immediately that he was in no condition to study. Troy was even louder and more obnoxious than usual.
“Yo, sing that shit again!” he was yelling to one of his friends. “How that shit go?”
He spotted Sydney and his smile widened. He grabbed her by the waist, and began grinding on her, dancing to “U and Dat,” which his friends were drunkenly singing. D-Bo and the rest of the guys started cheering him on loudly, laughing, whooping, and hollering. Sydney was embarrassed. She pulled away, finally shoving Troy into the couch. He lay there on his back, still laughing. Then coughing. Next he was vomiting all over the psychedelic lounge carpeting.
Troy’s friends stopped laughing and began gasping and making noises of disgust and repulsion. They laughed and grimaced while he threw up all over the floor. Sydney ran to the nearby resident assistant’s room and grabbed rolls of paper towels. Running back to the ugly scene, she sopped up the remnants of Troy’s evening as best she could. Troy’s body was wracked by spasms as it expelled the remaining contents of his stomach. It was his turn to be embarrassed as Sydney took charge and got his friends to help get him to his room. They managed to get him there, tossing him on his bed before leaving to laugh among themselves at their friend’s drunken misfortune.
Troy lay splayed across the bed until he caught his breath. Throwing up had taken a lot out of him and he needed time to gather himself. Sydney looked around his room. D-Bo’s side was messy and disheveled with rap posters lining the walls and clothing littering the top of his bed. But Troy’s side was meticulously neat, almost compulsively so. Everything was in its place. A calendar and a picture of a dog were the only things on his side of the wall. Sydney marveled at how organized he was. Except now as he lay in stark contrast to all of that order, sprawled across his bed on his back with his arms outstretched over his head.
Troy groaned and rolled over on his side.
“I’m never gonna drink again, I swear.” His words were slurred and he was drooling a little. But somehow, he still managed to be kind of cute.
Sydney caught herself grinning at him. Once aware of herself, she snapped out of it and grabbed a bottle of mouthwash from atop his dresser. She poured some into the cap and handed it to Troy.
“Sit up and swish this around in your mouth. I’m sure it tastes like garbage in there right now.”
Troy lay there, willing himself to sit up. It was pointless.
“I can’t.”
He looked like a sick little boy all curled up on his side like that. Sydney shook her head. She pushed some of the debris on D-Bo’s bed over and carved out a seat for herself. Sitting across from him with the mouthwash cap still in one hand, she wondered who Troy really was.
“You got a girlfriend, Troy?” Sydney watched girls flirt with Troy every day. Many of those girls were aggressive. He seemed to revel in it, eating the attention up. But she hadn’t seen him showing any serious interest in any one of them. Sydney wondered if he had a girlfriend back in New York. She did her best to convince herself that she was only mildly curious.
He mumbled something incoherent into his pillow.
“What? I can’t hear you.” Sydney hadn’t realized how badly she wanted the question answered until now.
Troy wiped his face on the pillow and took a deep breath, only to erupt in a loud hiccup. He threw his head back against the pillow in defeat.
“I said”—he hiccupped again loudly—“no. I don’t have a … girlfriend. You want to be my … my girlfriend?”
Sydney shook her head in pity. “You’re so drunk right now.” She laughed. Later she would write in her diary about how relieved she was that Troy didn’t have a girlfriend. She even added hearts at the end. It was so cliché.
“I like you, Sydney.” Troy sat up at last, slowly. He made a weak attempt at reaching for the mouthwash. “Your name sounds like a … like a news anchorwoman. ‘In Canarsie, this is Sydney Taylor, Eyewitness News!’” Troy punctuated his impression with a newsworthy smile, then burst into laughter at his own joke.
Sydney chuckled at him, stood up, and walked over to Troy’s bed. She sat beside him and handed him the cap. He swigged some of the mouthwash and handed the cap back to her. Sydney set it on the dresser, aware that the opened bottle of Scope was the one thing askew among Troy’s perfectly stacked belongings. His neatness was an unexpected surprise. She grabbed a plastic cup from an open pack and handed it to him. He spat out the mouthwash and Sydney was relieved. He still smelled like a distillery, but the stench of his vomit was lessened some.
It took a while before his words began to make any sense. Troy sobered up slowly. While doing so, he went on a tangent, chattering incoherently about high expectations and the black male experience. Sydney listened, piecing together what he was telling her like it was a complicated puzzle.
“It feels so good to be away from home. All that pressure and shit. They tell me to work hard, but for what? They already have their plans for me. What if I have my own plans?” Troy rambled.
“Who are they?” Sydney asked.
“My father.” He hiccupped and shook his head. He lay back flat on his bed. “My uncle.”
“They expect a lot out of you?”
Troy shrugged. “Yeah. But I got my own plans. I’m not about to waste my life being like them.”
Sydney frowned. “What do you mean ‘like them’?”
He hiccupped again. “When society looks at me, they think they got me all figured out. And if I left it up to my family, they’d let me feed right into that stereotype. But I’m not going out like that. That ain’t my story.”
Sydney stared at him, rapt. “What’s your story?” she asked.
Troy shrugged again, held his breath against the hiccups. Finally, after several long moments, he spoke.
“My mother died when I was thirteen years old.” His voice was low and melancholy. “I’m still not over it. I know that sounds crazy—”
“No, it doesn’t.” Sydney’s heart went out to him. “Doesn’t sound crazy at all.”
Troy was grateful for her compassion. “I was always closer to her than I was to my father. My brother Wes was always Dad’s right-hand man, while I spent the most time with my mother. She understood me completely. My pops … he’s cut from a different cloth. All the men in my family are. But my moms could tell from early on that I wasn’t built for the life my father and my uncle wanted me to live. She shielded me from it.”
Sydney listened. She had never heard Troy sound so serious before, so honest. In fact, she realized, Troy had never spoken about his family at all until now. She wondered what he was alluding to as he described his family dynamic. But she dared not interrupt as he continued to pour his heart out.
“Nobody in my family wanted me to come to Howard. They all tried talking me out of it. But I kept hearing my mother’s voice in my head. Telling me that I’m not like them. That I don’t have to take the easy way out. So that’s why I’m here. To prove her right and to prove them wrong.”
“How did she die?” she asked gently.
“Breast cancer,” he said. “It happened quickly. She was diagnosed and then she was gone.” Troy sighed deeply. “Ever since then, my family’s never been the same. My brother started getting in trouble more often. I felt like I was watching him self-destruct.”
“Is he your younger brother?” Sydney asked.
“He’s five years older than me. He’s more like my uncle, Don. I’m like my dad.”
Sydney smiled. “What are they like?”
Troy shrugged. “My father is smart. Keeps his hands clean. Uncle Don is … different.” He seemed to hesitate a minute. “He’s not like my dad.” He looked at Sydney then, thinking that he had said more than he should have.
“I bet your mother would be proud of you,” she said softly. “You’re here doing what she always knew you were capable of.”
He shrugged. “I miss her.”
Sydney thought about her own mother and how devastating it would be to lose her. Hearing Troy speak so longingly of his mom, Sydney felt guilty for constantly complaining about her own.
“Sometimes, I picture her face in my mind.” Troy had closed his eyes and seemed to be envisioning her. “I still hear her voice in my head sometimes. Every day she told me that I could do anything. She always told me that I think too small. She said I could be the first black president of the United States if I decided to do it. That all I had to do was stop dumbing myself down to make the people around me feel comfortable.”
Tears spilled forth from the corners of his eyes and Sydney felt her heart break for him.
“I used to always try to downplay my … my intelligence, my talents, and all of that. I thought I was being humble so my friends wouldn’t feel overshadowed by me. But she hated that. I never could fool her.” He sniffed. “She was the only person in my life who ever really knew me.” What broke him down even more was the realization that he would never be fully known, fully understood, and accepted in that way by another human being again. He pulled himself together and wiped his face on his nearby bath towel. He was embarrassed now that Sydney had seen him cry. That was the last thing in the world he wanted. As he wiped his face, it occurred to him that this was the first time he had allowed himself to cry in years.
“I’m sorry,” he croaked.
“Don’t be,” Sydney said. “You needed to get that out. Keeping it all bottled up will make you crazy.” She leaned forward and touched his forearm compassionately. “If you ever want to talk about her, I’m here. I’ll listen. Your mother sounds like she was a great person.”
He nodded. “Thanks.”
“But don’t make a habit of drinking like this. I know it’s your friend’s birthday. And I’m sure it felt good to drown out your troubles for a little while. But don’t get used to this.”
Troy nodded. A slight smile crept across his lips. His mother would like Sydney, he decided. She had already mastered the art of subtle nagging—a skill his mother was famous for. “You’re right,” he said. “Good advice.” He sat up, a little woozy still, but better now that he had gotten so much out of his system. He cleared his throat. Changing the subject, he asked, “What’s your story, Sydney?”
Sydney thought about it. “Well … I have a brother. Malik. He’s older than me.”
“Y’all close?” Troy asked.
Sydney shrugged, unsure. “I guess so. I’m closer to my cousin, Destiny. Probably just because we’re both girls and it’s easier to relate to her. We grew up practically side by side. Our mothers are sisters, but they’re complete opposites. But my grandmother kept them together when she was alive. She was always the mediator. My mother traveled a lot and I spent a lot of time at my grandma’s house. And my aunt Pat worked all the time. So Destiny would be there, too. I guess you could say growing up with her was like having a sister who didn’t live with me all the time.”
Troy nodded. “You and your cousin are close in age?”
Sydney nodded. “Two years apart,” she said. “Destiny’s older. She didn’t go the college route, though. She’s working as a medical assistant at the same hospital where my aunt Pat works. They’re so close.” Sydney smiled wistfully as she said it. “It’s not like that with me and my mom.” Her smile faded. She often envied her cousin Destiny for getting the “cool” one as her mom. Aunt Pat was funny, down-to-earth, and so easy to talk to. Sydney’s mom, Georgina, was much more self-absorbed, much more concerned about image and reputation. “Not that my mother is mean or anything,” Sydney clarified. “She’s just not the warm and fuzzy type.”
Troy nodded again. “How about your father?”
Sydney’s expression changed and Troy noticed. She averted her gaze. “He’s in jail.” She looked down as she spoke, not wanting to see any sympathy in Troy’s eyes. “But it’s cool. My brother and I still have a relationship with him despite all that. And my mother somehow manages to make it all work out.”
Troy could tell that she wasn’t really cool with it at all. He tried to imagine Sydney as a young girl growing up in the hood while her mother struggled to make ends meet. “Your mom sounds like a strong lady.”
Sydney smiled then. “She is. That’s where I get it from.”
Troy didn’t doubt it. “Seriously. To raise an honor student, pretty much by herself … that’s impressive.”
Sydney was proud of her mother for that. “My grandmother helped, too. She died earlier this year, so I know how you must feel about your mom. Losing Gran was the hardest thing I’ve had to deal with so far.” She sighed. “But at least she’s not suffering anymore. I try to live my life so that she would be proud of me. I understand what you were saying earlier about wanting to prove society wrong and debunk the stereotype. I feel the same way. Drinking, getting high, having sex. That’s not for me. I didn’t want to be a statistic so I don’t do those things. I’ve never wanted that type of lifestyle. That’s why I came to Howard out of all the schools I was accepted to. I wanted to be around other black students like me, who want more for themselves and for our race. People who want to be part of the solution, rather than contributing to the problem.”
Troy listened to Sydney speaking so passionately and felt his respect for her soar. But there was one piece of information that she had divulged that piqued his interest. “So, you’re saying you’re a virgin, Sydney?”
She felt instantly horrified. It hadn’t been her intention to reveal that nugget. She replayed her own words in her head. “I never said that.”
“You said you don’t drink, get high, or have sex.”
“I don’t. But that doesn’t mean that I never had a drink in my life. I just don’t do it all the time.” Sydney fought to keep her voice under control. She was mortified.
“You ever get high?” Troy was smiling at her.
Sydney shook her head. She never had. “Just forget it,” she said, praying that he would let it go.
Troy sat up, grinning now that the conversation was getting good. “You ever had sex, Sydney?”
Sydney felt hot suddenly. “That’s none of your business,” she said, surprised herself at how embarrassed she was. She stood up and began gathering her books. She felt silly now for waiting around for Troy to tutor her while he was out getting drunk with his friends instead, for having a crush on this fool, and for still being a virgin in a world where it seemed that everyone was happily getting fucked except her. “It’s late. I gotta go.”
Troy stood up to try to convince her to stay. He was enjoying the time he spent with her. He wasn’t sure what it was about Sydney, but she had his full attention. She wasn’t as exotic-looking or as outgoing as some of the other girls, but it didn’t matter. There was something he found sexy, even comforting about her presence, and he wanted to keep her there with him for as long as he could. But he stood too quickly and the room started spinning. As he looked at Sydney and prepared to mouth the word “Wait,” bile rose up in his throat. He squeezed his lips shut to block the surge and his cheeks puffed up like a fish’s. Troy’s eyes widened in horror and both he and Sydney scanned the room frantically for somewhere he could let loose. Finally, Sydney grabbed a nearby trash can and thrust it in Troy’s face just in the nick of time. A flood of vomit surged forth while Sydney held her breath and tried not to smell the foul stench. The whole scene was disgusting and the grimace on her face illustrated it. Troy finally expelled all that he could and fell back on his bed, weak and breathless. He lay there in silence for a long time before he found the strength to manage a conversation.
“You’re trying to kill me just because I asked a question.”
The statement was so absurd that Sydney cracked up laughing and Troy joined in.
“What the hell did you drink tonight?” She held her nose against the odor.
Troy groaned in agony. “Everything!”
D-Bo came back to the room then and, on entering, balked at the stench and the sight of his clearly ill friend.
“Yo, you are really fucked up,” D-Bo observed, eyes wide.
Troy let out a long, deep sigh. “I’m never gonna drink again.”
Sydney scrunched up her lips in disbelief. “Yeah, right. That’s what they all say. Until the next party.” She looked at D-Bo and shook her head. “He’s your responsibility now. You’re the one who let him get like this.”
D-Bo shook his head. “It ain’t my fault. He has to have like three or four drinks before he can get his nerves up around females.”
“Shut the fuck up, D-Bo!” Troy’s voice was muffled with his face pressed against the mattress. But Sydney still detected the urgency there. She smiled. Was Troy Mitchell shy?
“Next time I see you with a drink, I’m gonna slap it out of your hand,” she said.
Troy shook his head slowly with his eyes closed. “I feel like shit.”
Sydney watched him and wished she could make it better. “Get some sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning,” she said. She gathered her things and walked over to his bed. Gingerly, she touched his arm. “I’ll come and check on you when I wake up.”
Troy watched her leave. He didn’t want to see her go. But he watched as she turned back to him one last time. She flashed her prettiest smile before she shut the door, leaving him anxious for morning to hurry up and come.
* * *
After Troy’s drunken episode, he and Sydney spent a lot more time together. He tutored her and she became so adept at statistics that she began to challenge him from time to time. It was an odd occurrence for Troy, being attracted to someone intellectually as opposed to physically. Not that he wasn’t attracted to Sydney’s natural beauty. But what piqued his interest most of all was the fact that she made him think. Few of the girls he came in contact with bothered to see past his good looks and notice that Troy possessed intelligence and a drive for success that was unusual for a young man his age. He and Sydney grabbed lunch together on the regular and would get lost in conversations about any and everything. She told him that she loved to paint, a hobby she had picked up during sleepaway camp one summer when she was a little girl. He offered to let her paint him in the nude and then couldn’t stop laughing when she covered her face, hysterical at the thought.
Sydney challenged his way of looking at things. Yet she wasn’t afraid to let him take the lead if he knew more about a particular subject. She wasn’t just smart, she was creative and spoke in broad strokes and bold colors. She fascinated Troy. He admired her ambition and her brilliance, especially coming from such humble beginnings.
“I want to win a Pulitzer Prize someday,” she told him once.
They had been in Troy’s room and she had been helping him pack for the Christmas holiday. Their relationship had blossomed into a close friendship ripe with flirtation but no action. Neither of them had made a move toward taking their relationship a step further. Instead, they allowed the chemistry between them to grow to a fever pitch.
“I think you can do it,” Troy said. He threw several pairs of balled-up socks into his suitcase.
“I know I can.” Sydney folded his T-shirts neatly and imagined life as the recipient of worldwide acclaim.
Troy smiled. “You say it’s me, but you’re the cocky one.”
Sydney pretended to be offended. “I’m not cocky. I just have high self-esteem.”
Troy nodded. “You should. You got it going on.”
Sydney felt her pulse quicken. She wanted Troy in the worst way. They hadn’t even shared a kiss, despite the signals she thought she had been giving off that she was available. She was aware that she was falling for him, but she hadn’t been bold enough to risk rejection by being the first to take things further. Until now.
Maybe it was the fact that they were going home for four weeks or that she just wanted to know what it was like to be a woman in the truest sense. There was certainly no mistaking the electricity between them. For the longest time Sydney had felt an unmistakable thrill whenever Troy was close to her. If their arms brushed accidentally, a spark shot through her body, hardening her nipples instantly. When their eyes locked, she detected a hunger in him that made her long to be devoured. As she stood folding his T-shirts, she looked at him and could no longer stand it.
“Troy…”
He was piling pairs of jeans on top of his dresser. He didn’t stop, but answered, “What?”
Sydney cleared her throat. “Before we go home … I want to lose my virginity.” The voice didn’t sound like her own. It was bolder, more certain of it than she truly felt. Sydney couldn’t believe she’d had the courage to utter the words.
Troy turned to her and stared. He swallowed and she watched his Adam’s apple shift.
“You sure about that?” he asked at last.
She nodded, aware that she had never felt this vulnerable before.
Troy stared at her, taking her all in. She was nervous. He could tell by the way she gripped the T-shirt in her hands for dear life. Truthfully, he was afraid of what Sydney made him feel. It was unlike anything he’d ever felt for a female before. He wanted to protect her the way that a big brother would. He was able to talk to her like she was one of his boys, but at the same time, a part of him wanted to ravage her and to make her scream his name. He was confused by what was going on inside of him and didn’t know how to respond.
He licked his lips. Several thoughts came to him at once. Sydney was definitely the unexpected object of his attraction. His flirtation with her had been harmless and innocent. Unlike Sydney, Troy was no virgin. He had gotten his share of panties from the “light, bright, and almost white” girls that he favored along with most of his peers. Sydney often chided him about his preference for girls who stimulated his dick but not his intellect. And, now here she was, giving him the green light. He wondered if she knew what she was in for.
Troy seemed to hesitate. “Why me?” he asked.
Sydney wasn’t sure how to respond. She had been holding out for true love and she wasn’t sure if that was what she felt for Troy. What she did know was that his presence, the sound of his voice, the feeling of his touch against her skin—those things made her stomach flip and caused her heart to race. If this wasn’t love, it was the closest thing she had ever felt.
“I like you.” Her words seemed insufficient. “I trust you.” Her voice was soft, but she had never been surer about anything. Troy was the one she wanted to give herself to.
Troy stared at her silently for a few moments. Then he began to clear his bed, removing the suitcase he had been packing. He fluffed his pillows and dusted off his sheets before he faced her. He looked at her questioningly, though he said nothing. He walked over to the door and locked it, aware that a locked door was the unspoken signal between him and D-Bo that they were entertaining female company.
Sydney held her breath as he crossed the room to her. He palmed her face gently with one hand, looming over her for several tense moments. Finally, he leaned in and kissed her slowly at first. He seemed to hesitate again, stepping back a bit and looking down at her. He took her hand in his, a sexy smile teasing one corner of his mouth.
“I like you, too, Sydney.” He licked his lips. “A lot.”
He glided his thumb across her hand in one smooth stroke and it sent chills up her spine the likes of which she’d never felt before. With that one gesture, he left her feeling woozy. Suddenly he stepped in close and kissed her with so much passion that it left her breathless. She had never been kissed like this.
Troy scooped her up easily in his arms and set her down on his bed just inches away. His kisses intensified. He fisted her hair in his hands, not too roughly, but enough to let her know that he was in control. Sydney responded to him with intensity, her hands roaming his chest, his face, arms, his back … and then!
Sydney’s eyes flew open in shock. She had felt the pressure against her thigh while he was kissing her and had convinced herself that she was imagining things. But there was no mistaking the length and considerable girth of the penis that she held in her delicate hand. Even without having much experience with dicks, she could tell that this was a very large one. She had jerked her boyfriend Jason off back in high school a time or two. But that felt like child’s play now that she felt the weight of Troy’s penis in her hand. She wanted to flee, but how could she? Troy was clearly too excited to turn back and his kisses were making her feel slick between her legs in ways that she never had before. Sydney felt like she was somehow floating outside of herself. She moaned softly, her body trembling in a mixture of fear and bliss.
Before she realized it, he was peeling her out of her shirt and standing back to admire her in her pale pink bra. The color against her brown skin made his dick jerk forward in excitement. Sydney gasped. Troy looked at her and for a fleeting moment she thought she saw pity in his gaze.
He stepped toward her and slowly unhooked her bra. He could feel her heart racing as he slid it off and stroked her breasts. His hands were firm, but his touch was gentle, as if they had all night. She closed her eyes and lost herself in his rhythm. After a few moments he stopped and stood back, admiring her body with an unrelenting gaze.
Subconsciously, she covered her breasts with her shirt. “I—”
“Let me see you,” he interrupted. “Don’t cover yourself.” He caught the urgency in his voice and stilled it. “Please.”
He watched her lower her arms shyly. He almost felt like he was dreaming. This was too good to be true. Who knew she was hiding a body like that under all those clothes? “Damn,” he breathed. “You’re beautiful, Sydney.”
She relaxed a little.
His expression conveyed his reverence for her. In his eyes, Sydney was special, pure. And she was letting him touch her. The thought of being the first man she allowed inside her body felt like a privilege and he had never been as aroused as he was right now. Still, he willed himself to take his time.
He stroked her nipples with his thumbs and bit her lower lip, sucking it softly in his mouth.
Sydney sucked back and again gripped his dick in her hands in disbelief. She didn’t know how she was going to handle this thing. But she figured, she might as well come to grips with it—literally. Troy seemed surprised by her boldness, but he didn’t stop her. Instead, he let out an encouraging growl and climbed on top of her. They peeled each other out of their jeans in a tumble of belt buckles and zippers. Sliding their ankles free, they came together, raptured by the feeling of their bodies pressed together, skin against skin.
Sydney gripped his back and sucked on his neck. Troy pulled her panties to the side and slowly slid his middle finger inside of her. Sydney tensed a little, clinging to it, beckoning his finger further. She was so, so tight. He sank his finger a little deeper within her walls and felt her practically pulsating around it. Her pussy felt so warm and wet. He stroked at her clit, strumming her pain with his fingers. Sydney got lost in the feeling and closed her eyes. Troy handled her body like it was a work of art. He was fully in the moment with her and the realization touched her so deeply that she fought the urge to cry.
He took one nipple in his mouth and then the next, never losing his rhythm between her legs. Sydney pulled him toward her and kissed him deeply, hungrily. She wanted him so badly. Troy urged her legs apart and sat back, watching his own hands work her pussy expertly. Sydney watched, too, and she couldn’t believe herself. What kind of magician was he?
Without warning, he bowed his head between her legs and bit the inside of her thigh. She gasped at the sensation. Somewhere between a tickle and a pinch. He kissed her inner thighs, gripping them tightly in his hands. Suddenly, he spread them wide and began to eat her hungrily. Sydney moaned, so gone. A million rapturous thoughts raced through her mind at once. She watched him eagerly devouring her, and he was so incredibly good at what he was doing. Troy’s tongue danced inside and out of her. She gripped his head and spread her legs even wider. It only made him lick and suck her pussy harder, softer, then harder and again softer, in such a perfect way that the tears she’d kept at bay before plunged forward now. Sydney cried as she came in his mouth.
Troy had her right where he wanted her and he knew it. His dick was rock hard as he came up for air. He fumbled around in his things for a condom. Sydney watched him, spent. She wondered where he found condoms big enough to accommodate him and wondered if they came in sizes. If so, surely he was an XXL. A mixture of fear and anticipation filled her. She was about to go through with it. She prayed that it wouldn’t hurt too badly.
Finally he pulled a condom out and unwrapped it, rolling it over his girth. Then he climbed on top of her and looked into her eyes.
“Tell me if I hurt you, alright?”
Sydney swallowed hard and nodded. Another tear slid from her eye and she was embarrassed. Before she could wipe it, Troy kissed it away. Then he kissed her softly on her lips. “I’ll stop when you tell me. Okay?”
Sydney nodded again and held him tighter. Troy kissed her deeply. He rubbed the head of his dick against her entrance, nudging it slowly within her walls. Sydney held on for dear life. She groaned against the pain and felt him draw back a little. She was grateful that he was being patient. She had never been more afraid in her life.
“Okay,” she whispered to herself. She felt him resume his slow and methodic thrusting, urging himself slowly deeper and deeper inside her. He took his time, gently pressing himself further until they both felt the dam break. Sydney cried out softly and Troy growled deeply in animalistic pleasure as her creamy slickness surrounded him. His rhythm was perfect, slow and steady, pushing himself gently deeper with each stroke. Slowly, the pain was replaced by pleasure and she gripped him tighter. Troy let out a throaty growl again as Sydney began to rock with him. He couldn’t believe how wonderful she felt. He had never experienced anything like this. It was something like magic. He came in long, glorious spasms of ecstasy, holding Sydney tightly in his arms.
Together they lay breathlessly for several moments. Troy couldn’t believe the sensations his body was feeling. All of his sexual experiences thus far had been with women who were no strangers to it. Even the most seasoned among them had a hard time accepting all of his girth inside of them. He definitely hadn’t managed to get all of himself inside of Sydney and still she had given him the most explosive orgasm of his life. He had never been with a virgin before. He felt himself getting aroused again and wondered what kind of voodoo she possessed inside of her. Reluctantly he slowly slid out of her and then kissed her softly. He looked at her speechlessly, then cleared his throat.
“Wow,” he said. He looked at her, concerned. “You okay? Was it okay?”
Sydney smiled. “Okay” was an understatement. “Yeah,” she answered. What she had just experienced surpassed every one of her expectations. She couldn’t describe what she was feeling if she tried.
“I never…” Troy struggled to find the right words. “I see you every day, but I feel like I’m seeing you for the first time.”
Sydney didn’t quite understand. “What do you mean?”
He touched her hair, such a lovely mess on her head at the moment. “That was like … I don’t know. That was special or whatever.”
Sydney smiled shyly. “Special or whatever.” She knew that for macho Troy that was quite a statement.
“How do you feel?” he asked her. He needed to know. Because right then he was feeling something so intense that he might have described it as true love if he didn’t know better. In fact, part of him wondered if he indeed did know better. He felt vulnerable and it was an emotion he was incredibly unfamiliar with.
Sydney searched for the right words to answer his question. She wanted to say that she felt the closest thing to love she’d ever known. But she wasn’t sure if it was the real thing. And she certainly didn’t want to scare him off with the L word so soon after their relationship had taken such a serious turn. Still, she had no doubts about what they had just done. She wanted to tell him that she liked the way he made her body feel, but that he fucked her mentally every day. But she was too embarrassed to say those things out loud. Instead, she said, “I feel good.”
“How long were you thinking about this?” The question had been lingering at the back of Troy’s mind ever since Sydney had offered her virginity to him. He stared at her, her face still aglow from the way he had made her feel.
Sydney met his gaze. “It’s like I said before. I like you. And I trust you.” She hesitated. “Can I trust you?” she asked softly.
Troy smiled at her, the way that always seemed to melt her heart. “Yes, you can. Definitely.” He licked his lips, eyeing her seductively. “I like you, too.”
He kissed her, and Sydney held on to him for dear life. She got lost in the moment, the feeling of his skin against hers, the motion of his tongue in her mouth. A breathy moan escaped her as he pulled her on top of him and palmed her ass in his strong hands.
A sudden knock at his room door interrupted their romantic moment. Sydney’s eyes widened in horror. The last thing she wanted was to be caught buck naked in a guy’s room like so many other girls on campus. The gossip and whispers would be unrelenting if word got out that the Goody Two-shoes in Drew Hall was giving it up to cocky Troy Mitchell. She gripped the sheet and held it tightly against her body as she dismounted him.
Troy climbed out of the bed and watched as Sydney scrambled for her clothes. He smiled at the sight of her naked body, wiggling into her clothes nervously.
“Relax,” he said. “It’s probably just D-Bo.”
Sydney continued dressing in a rush. She didn’t want the whispers that would inevitably ensue if D-Bo or anyone else found out that she and Troy had crossed the line. She watched Troy pull on his sweatpants and head for the door. He slid his feet into his sneakers and hesitated, allowing her time to finish getting dressed before he opened it.
D-Bo stared at Troy with an expression of disbelief. “Yo, my dude! You been in here for like two hours! I ain’t never seen this door locked for that long. You good?”
Troy fought the smirk that crept across his face. “Yeah. Can’t you come back later?”
D-Bo balked at the suggestion. “Later? Nigga, we leaving tomorrow. I gotta pack my shit up, too.”
Troy glanced back at Sydney. She slid her feet into her Reeboks and grabbed her belongings. With embarrassment etched on her face, she approached him.
“I’m gonna go,” she said softly. “I need to pack, too.” She peeked sheepishly at D-Bo and saw the shocked expression on his face. Clearly, he hadn’t expected her to be the girl responsible for Troy’s locked door.
A broad smile spread across D-Bo’s face. “Sydney, wow! How you doing?” His tone was mischievous and she felt her face flush with embarrassment.
Troy noticed and tried to put her at ease. “You don’t have to leave, Sydney.”
She shook her head, more anxious than ever to get out of there. “I’m gonna go finish packing,” she said again.
Troy sighed. “Alright then, I’ll come by your room afterwards.” He leaned down and kissed her gently on her lips. Unlike Sydney, he had no reservations about anyone finding out about their new relationship. He was feeling her, and at that moment he didn’t care who knew it. He lingered with her there, smiling down at her, their faces merely inches apart, clearly reluctant to see her leave. D-Bo cleared his throat and snapped him out of it.
“I’ll see you later,” she said softly. She avoided making eye contact with D-Bo as she walked off toward her room. She realized that she needed to take a shower. Part of her was tempted to let the scent of Troy linger on her for hours longer. But the stickiness between her thighs was aching to be cleansed and she wanted to address that immediately.
Floating from the euphoria of what had just transpired in Troy’s room, Sydney entered her own to find Keisha sleeping. Though it was early in the evening, Keisha was exhausted from the day’s classes and her late nights spent grinding herself on top of D-Bo. Sydney crept slowly through the room, gathering her shower caddy and a change of clothes before slipping back out and heading for the bathroom. She picked her favorite shower stall and lathered up, her mind on repeat over what had happened only minutes ago. She wanted it to happen again and again.
As she washed, she noticed the trickle of blood that streamed down the drain with the sudsy water. She couldn’t believe that she was a real woman now, no longer a virgin. She thought about what this meant for them. They hadn’t discussed it. But the way he looked at her before, during, and after they made love was something new. She knew for sure that something had changed between them. She wondered how they would define their relationship from now on. Then she wondered if defining it was necessary at all. She imagined that they might just fall into a rhythm the way they had in bed. She wanted to feel his lips on her again, feel his stiffness deep inside of her where no one else had ever been. As she toweled off and slid into a pair of clean panties and her Howard sweats, she thought about the way he looked at her. It made her smile.
She entered her room to find Keisha wide awake now.
“Hey, Z.” Keisha sat on her bed with her back against her pillows, her legs pulled up against her chest.
“What’s up, sleepyhead?” Sydney put her things back in their place and tossed her dirty clothes into her hamper.
“Troy came looking for you,” Keisha said.
Sydney’s eyes darted in her friend’s direction. “He did?”
Keisha nodded. “He said to tell you he couldn’t wait for you to finish packing. He’s waiting for you downstairs in the lounge.”
Sydney couldn’t fight the wide smile that snuck up on her. “Oh,” she managed. She tried to act nonchalant, but her awkward body language gave her away.
Keisha beamed. “You did it with him, didn’t you?”
Sydney’s eyes widened in surprise. “What?”
“You heard me!” Keisha’s eyes narrowed suspiciously.
“Did what?” Sydney fought the urge to laugh.
“Don’t make me hurt you!” Keisha glared at her roommate mockingly.
Sydney pressed her lips together to keep from smiling any harder.
Keisha stared at Sydney unrelentingly. “Tell me!” she demanded. “Did you give it up to Troy or not?”
Sydney could no longer fight the broad smile that stretched across her face. She nodded. “Yeah,” she admitted at last. She threw herself onto her bed and hugged her pillow tightly. “Keisha, seriously, I feel like I’m dreaming. I still can’t believe it!”
Keisha scrambled to the edge of her own bed and squealed with delight. “Sydney! Tell me everything!” Truth be told, Keisha was a little envious. Sure, D-Bo was cute, and he thought the sun rose and set with Keisha. But there was no denying the fact that Troy was sexy as hell.
Sydney let out a wistful sigh, as she replayed the night’s events in her mind. Still, she knew better than to divulge too much. Aunt Pat had often warned Sydney and Destiny to be careful not to tell other women too many details about their relationships. “A woman will hang on your every word, and the whole time she’s plotting on taking your man. You better keep your cards close to your chest! Don’t let them bitches know any more than they need to know!” Aunt Pat’s words resonated in Sydney’s mind like a distant echo.
She smiled at Keisha. “It was perfect,” she said. “Romantic and sweet.” She smiled dreamily. “Perfect.”
Keisha’s smile faded and the expression on her face turned skeptical. She hated to rain on her friend’s parade. But she didn’t want to see her get hurt.
“Be careful,” Keisha said. “I’m not trying to blow your high or anything. But Troy might be kinda out of your league. He’s a player. Don’t forget that.”
Sydney glanced at Keisha. Her heart sank at the suggestion that what had just transpired between them had been anything short of magic. The way he looked at her, the way he clung to her, the passion and intensity in his touch. Those things couldn’t have been faked.
Seeing the crestfallen expression on Sydney’s face, Keisha backpedaled a little.
“I’m not saying that you can’t look out for yourself…”
Sydney sat up, swung her feet around to the other side of her bed, and nodded. “Good,” she said. “Because I got this.”
She grabbed her room key and headed for the door. “I’ll be back later,” she called over her shoulder.
Keisha watched her go and hoped that her instincts were wrong about trouble. Something told her poor little Sydney was in over her head.
By the time Sydney made it to the student lounge to meet Troy, he was dozing off in a corner while SportsCenter played on the overhead TV. Sydney walked over and gently touched his face. He looked even more handsome than usual. Troy stirred when he felt her touch. He smiled as his eyes opened and settled on her.
Sydney Taylor, he thought. Who would have known she had all that going on underneath her bookworm exterior?
“You running from me?” he asked. He glanced at the clock on the wall. An hour had passed since he had gone looking for her.
“No.” She sat down beside him. “Not at all.”
Troy sighed. He gestured toward his cell phone at his side. “My pops called me a little while ago. He’s upset. My brother got himself into some trouble. It’s no big deal, but my father’s pretty pissed off. He’s going to send somebody to pick me up first thing in the morning so I can get home and … you know, help them deal with it.”
Sydney frowned without realizing it. Troy was vague with details of what sort of trouble his brother had found himself in.
“What can you do to help?” she asked. Smart as he was, Troy was just a college kid. She wondered what contribution he could make to whatever trouble his brother was in.
“The usual,” he answered with his trademark smile in response to Sydney’s gentle probing. Then he shrugged. “Keep them from killing each other.”
Her eyes widened. She shifted in her seat eagerly. She loved a good story. Tucking her legs beneath her, she rested her chin on her hand as she leaned on the arm of the sofa. “What’s the story with that?” she asked.
“My brother Wes is a real live wire,” Troy explained. “He likes to push the boundaries.” He touched Sydney’s face tenderly. “Don’t worry about it. When I get home, I’ll help everybody sort things out. That’s what I do.”
Sydney smirked at the reemergence of Troy’s cocky side. What had once repulsed her was now a sexy side effect of his ability to disarm people with his intelligence and his charm.
They escaped to Troy’s room, equipped with condoms, snacks, and a mixtape of slow jams he produced from out of nowhere. He had persuaded D-Bo to spend the night in Keisha’s room. Troy was eager to steal every precious moment with Sydney before they headed home for the holidays. They made love in all the ways young lovers do. And Sydney was gone, falling in love with the man who would take her heart and shatter it in a thousand pieces.