RULE 42

Change the oil.

OK, it’s not a cosmic issue, but there are quite a few details of life that you will have to master that nobody might get around to mentioning. Changing the oil on your car is one of them. It took me years and several thousands of dollars of costly maintenance and repair bills before it sunk in that I really did have to change the oil regularly, or bad and smoky things would happen to very expensive stuff. Seriously, it never came up in World History, although my son’s high school recently sent a flier telling upperclassmen: “If you don’t work to control events, they’ll control you. Neglect, like bad mistakes, can have disastrous consequences. One of the signs of maturity is the awareness of how neglect can lead to misfortune. You may have to live with the consequences of failing to take timely action.” Obviously, that applies to changing the oil, rotating the tires, flossing, and a lot of nonmaintenance life decisions you will face; it’s good advice.

Other details that might not get covered:

Tip. If you get good service, add 15 percent to the bill (that’s roughly one-sixth). Most of the people waiting on you are paid less than minimum wage, so they rely on tips to survive. One of the secrets of life is that you will get much better service if you tip generously.

Learn to do laundry. Unless you plan to live with your mom forever or are OK with smelling like old socks and moldy underwear. Separate colors. Use cold water.

Learn to cook. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life eating out of a can or eating fast food. You will be amazed at how impressed your significant other will be if you can make something more complicated than cereal.

Save. If you actually start setting aside money in your twenties (and it doesn’t have to be that much), you can end up a millionaire. If you take this advice, you have no idea how grateful you will be when you are forty-five years old.

Floss. You don’t want to have root-canal surgery. Trust me. Dental pain is on par with passing a gallstone or childbirth. So when you are writhing in agony from a wicked toothache later in life, you will wish your mom had been holding a whip when she told you to brush eight times a day (or was it only three?) and to use floss.

Nose hair. Cut it.

You’re welcome.