RULE 45

Grown-ups forget how scary it is to be your age. Just remember: this too will pass.

Unless you are a total screwup, your parents know that you will graduate, get a job, and be more or less OK. But you know there are losers who live in trailer parks or with their moms and work in dead-end jobs if they aren’t junkies or unemployed. And you worry that you could end up being one of them. Whether or not you will depends on you.

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You are about to undergo a series of transitions that might look familiar to your parents, but that look a lot sketchier to you: from high school to college; from college to grad school or a job—probably multiple jobs, possibly multiple careers; several changes of residence; relationships that may include marriage and the birth of children; the entire world of global competition, income, expenses, taxes, savings, and debt. The uncertainty and the explosion of choices, along with the shifting nature of the rules of life, make all of this especially intimidating. Not only is the future less predictable and the jobs and relationships less stable than in the past, you have also been given remarkably little in the way of a road map. Grown-ups in your life may have thought they were doing you a favor by not setting limits or answering you with harsh language like “no,” but all of that simply makes life all the scarier. Somewhere at the back your mind, you have probably realized that your expectations might exceed reality, and you are looking disillusionment in the face.

But the good news is that you can always turn it around. Life is full of successful former burnouts. Getting older, of course, does not necessarily mean becoming more mature, but it does provide a better sense of perspective—you’ll learn that the bad stuff doesn’t usually last. High school only lasts four years; your skin will clear up. No matter how bad your golf game was today, there’s always tomorrow.

This works the other way around too: until you get older, you probably won’t recognize your most valuable experiences. It could be the tough teacher you don’t much like now, but who won’t give up on you; the school that you can’t wait to leave but that changes your life. Or the wrong choice that helps clarify the kind of person you don’t want to be.