RULE 5

No matter what your daddy says, you are not a princess …

… even if Daddy throws you a sweet-sixteen party complete with limousines, flights to LA for shopping, caviar, foie gras, shrimp, vases of hydrangeas, chicken wings, beef au poivre, ball gowns, videographers, live bands, and expensive new cars as gifts.

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Chronicling the ongoing saga of parental indulgence, USA Today recently noted the growing popularity of five- and six-figure teen parties, including a forty-thousand-dollar party in Phoenix that required turning a backyard into a gym—complete with wood floors, bleachers, and basketball hoops.37 “I feel like a princess,” enthused another sixteen-year-old girl, whose party was held at New York’s Waldorf-Astoria Hotel. One party organizer told the newspaper that the most lavish parties are usually thrown by parents who weren’t rich as children but who now “want to give to their child.” And they are giving it to them good and hard.

One pampered high school sophomore who was featured on a popular MTV show devoted to the sweet-sixteen party circuit not only declared, “I’m a princess,” but shared these other observations on life:

“I’m such a rock star that I can do this.”

“So many people are so jealous of me because my dad owns three car dealerships and we have a lot of money.”

And, of course:

“I always get exactly what I want.”

The lavish parties have become so popular that in 2006 Hyatt Resorts announced a special program called the “HyaTTeen Suite 16” to cash in on the pampered princesses and their indulgent parents.38 Touting “the ultimate Sweet 16 sleepover party” at resorts in the continental United States, Hawaii, and the Caribbean, Hyatt explained that it was recognizing what it called “a trend toward unique ‘coming of age’ parties that mark celebratory milestones”—like turning sixteen—for children for whom a mere party with cake and ice cream would be unbearably lame. The standard “Suite 16 Package” includes:

• Birthday Concierge consultation

• One night’s luxurious accommodations in a two-bedroom suite, for up to 2 adults and 6 guests under the age of 18

• Limo transportation provided, to and from the resort, for up to a 30-mile distance

• One plush Kashmere Spa Robe for the birthday teen

• Use of a digital camera while at the hotel and commemorative picture frame for birthday teen to take home

• Dinner for eight catered by in-room dining

• Special birthday dessert

• Bowls of popcorn and candy

• Movie night in room

• Use of Cranium® games in room

• Continental breakfast for eight served by in-room dining morning of departure

All of this was designed, Hyatt carefully explained, for the discerning, demanding teenagers who “want unique travel experiences that are tailored with their preferences in mind.” Carefully avoiding judgmental terms like spoiled and brat, Hyatt deploys popular cultural buzzwords to dress up all of this wretched excess. “The new package,” Hyatt’s flacks explained, “empowers teens—a new market focus for Hyatt Resorts—to assert their independence and celebrate their birthdays by indulging in a range of fun activities—from chocolate manicures to surfing lessons—with their best friends.” [Emphasis added.]

This undoubtedly marks the first time that chocolate manicures have been described as empowering. But even that stroke of psychobabble pales next to the claim that letting Daddy pay thousands of dollars for a lavish resort party is a way for teenagers to assert their independence. Once, teens asserted their independence by listening to unacceptably loud music, by protesting the war, or even by getting a job. Now they do it by getting a facial and charging it to Daddy’s gold card. Viva la Revolución!

Of course, all of this sets the bar awfully high for the princess wannabes. If this is what she expects from a sweet-sixteen party, what will her high school graduation have to be like? Her college graduation? Her wedding showers? Her wedding itself? Her honeymoon? Baby showers? Anniversary parties?

The princess had better hope that (1) her parents either continue to foot the bill or leave her a boatload of money in their wills; (2) she marries very, very well; (3) she wins the lottery; or (4) she founds a company that comes up with a solution to global warming, a cure for cancer, or an explanation for Britney Spears’ marriage to Kevin Federline. Otherwise, life is likely to be a letdown.

Try, for example, to imagine what lies in store for a sixteen-year-old named Marissa who was recently featured on MTV and in a profile in The Arizona Republic.39 Reporter Jaimee Rose notes that, even though Marissa hasn’t appeared in anything bigger than the local community theater, her parents have hired a staff of twelve for their little girl: a manager, a publicist, a voice coach, a makeup artist, a hairstylist (“willing to jet off whenev, wherev”), a Web master (what modern princess would be caught dead without her own Web site?), a photographer (who also does Lindsay Lohan), two acting coaches, and a “guy who listens to Marissa humming on a tape recorder, and then puts the music on paper.”

“She’s spoiled,” her mom says, “but hopefully, it’s a grounded spoiled.” [Emphasis added.] This is perhaps a reference to the grounding influence of the Jacuzzi tub in her princessville bedroom, or the “iridescent-tiled vanity, Chanel bags peppering the careful closet and drapes above the bed, Sleeping Beauty–style.”

Marissa describes her work ethic—what it takes to get Daddy to buy her everything she wants—this way: “You know, I just bat my eyes and smile and act really sweet, that’s the only way I can get anything.”40

On the MTV show featuring her party, Marissa gushed: “I know that this party cost over $150,000. My daddy likes to spoil me, so he thinks I’m worth it.”

Someday she may find out that not everybody shares his opinion.