Chapter Forty-One

Pretending Not to See or Be Seen

Mad Dog’s deadline arrives too quickly and, true to her word, she’s waiting for me in the smokers’ corner after school.

I see Emma, Zadie and Lorna disappearing into the distance. They keep looking back and gossiping, and I take this as a bad sign.

“You’ve got the bag?” asks Maddy.

“In here.” I tap my rucksack unenthusiastically. Knowing I’m leaving has made me brave. The purse, bills, photograph of Mrs Snelling’s dead son – it’s all there. Everything except the money.

“Good – you know what you’ve got to say, right?”

I know what to say, all right. It kept me up half the night as I tried to pre-empt every possible reaction from Mr Morrelly. And I came up with an even better version. I’ve decided to tell the truth. They can suspend me or do whatever they like – I’m outta here! But now, after another frustrating day of being the school leper, I’m exhausted and my brain hurts. I’ve given myself a worry headache and I’ve been jumpy all day. Every time a door slammed, I expected a teacher to haul me out of class and catch me with the bag red-handed.

“We’d better get going,” says Maddy. I must look startled, because she laughs in my face. “You don’t think I’m letting you go by yourself, do you?”

Maddy trots beside me, chatting away about nothing in particular, as though she’s my best friend. I’m careful with what I say in return. I made the mistake of trusting her once and I’m not about to repeat it. As we cross the playground, Mad Dog suddenly goes quiet.

“What the hell is he doing here? He’s got some nerve,” she snarls. “And as for her – she’s dead meat, I swear!”

Jack and Sarah are outside the school gates – Jack’s banned from the premises – leaning in close to chat. They pause now and again to look around nervously, and seeing them together doesn’t sit right with me one bit. Jack looks up and catches my eye. On cue, Sarah spins around and looks at me like she no longer recognizes me – like she can’t believe what I’ve turned into. Unable to bear it, I pretend not to notice them, even though I know I can’t pull it off. Head down, I walk in time with Maddy, pretending not to see or be seen. Maddy takes my hand and swings it as we walk, like we’re complete besties. But once we’re out of their line of vision, she drops my hand and stomps towards the head teacher’s office with an ugly grimace on her face, cursing now and again under her breath. When we reach the office, she turns on me and flings me against the wall, holding me in place by the neck of my polo shirt. It could be worse – it could be my throat. But I daren’t move an inch.

“Listen, you go in there and act as frightened as you can, cos believe me – if you mess this up, I’ll make sure your life isn’t worth living.”

Nodding vigorously, I fight the urge to pee.

“You think things’ve been bad up to now, with this.” Mad Dog tugs at my hair with her free hand. “Next time, you’ll get more than a haircut.”

“OK, I get it.”

“Good. Do well and you’ll never have to worry about being bullied again. And we’ll get that bitch, Sarah, for interfering.”

“I’d prefer not to waste my time with Sarah,” I say, as calmly as I can, hoping Mad Dog will believe me. “Her and Jack deserve each other.”

Mad Dog twists her mouth into a grin.

“We’ll worry about that later. When we’re officially friends.” Pausing for a moment to give her best menacing stare, Mad Dog eventually stands aside. “I think you look scared enough now. Time to deliver the Oscar-winning performance.”

I take a deep breath and smooth down my uniform.

“What are you waiting for?” asks Maddy.

“Don’t you think it’ll look a bit suspect if you’re here too?” I say.

“I guess so,” says Maddy, and saunters off, checking back on me with every few steps. “But I’ll be waiting for you up there.”

“Fine,” I say – like I’m happy about that.

Lifting my hand to knock, I wait until Maddy has rounded the corner, give her a few seconds to make sure she’s not going to check back on me, and then bottle it. I’d be mad to tell the truth and, if I follow Maddy’s plan, she’ll own me for the rest of my life. Racing down the corridor, I use the teachers’ exit, cut through the car park and lose myself in the winding streets of the nearest estate. It’s only seven hours until the bus. Only seven hours to stay hidden.

* * *

As I climb the steps of the National Express coach – changed into my skinny jeans, favourite Johnny Cash T-shirt and warm coat – I feel my heart and head calming.

This is it! I’m finally doing something brave. I’m ready to show everyone what I’m made of. There’ll be no more pushing Olivia Bloom around.

Nervously, I play with my ticket – what if the driver realizes I’m underage? – but I needn’t have worried. He waves me on without even looking up. I head to the back of the bus and choose a window seat in front of the toilet. I don’t remember anything about living in London – I was too young –I’m looking forward to soaking up the sights along the way.

Repeatedly checking my phone for the time, I wonder how long it will take my family to realize I’ve gone. If they notice at all. Putting my phone on silent, I decide to ignore their calls if they do try to contact me. Finding Dad is my best hope for a happy life.

Three minutes before the bus is due to pull away, a girl in a green velvet jacket and cherry-red Doc Martens approaches, eyeing the spare seat. I adopt the best Mad Dog scowl I can and shove my rucksack so it covers the spare seat. Intimidated, the girl sits a few rows in front. As the coach pulls away, I slouch down, knees up against the chair in front, listening to “Father and Son”. Things feel better already.