Stacey
I want to be there for her, at least
that’s what I pictured
in my mind,
But when we get here
and she just kind of freezes
against the wall
Like she is having some kind
of panic attack,
her eyes wide,
A spastic smile
glued to her face,
all my good
Intentions fly outside
and I follow them
up the stairs and out the door
Where I find some people to hang with
and drink a few beers and
smoke some joints
And have a good time like
any normal person does
at a party.
At one point, when I have to pee,
I pass her, still glued
to the wall
Like she is waiting for me to return
like I said I would and be
her best friend.
I don’t want to, but I catch the
deer-in-the-headlights look
in her eyes
And it makes me think of my dad
when I came out to bow
at curtain call
And his eyes caught mine, hard,
like the beam of a cop’s
flashlight,
Making me feel like a criminal because
I know he thinks I have stolen
his little girl.
When he smiled, his eyes softening,
it sent a zap right through
my body
Like he’d reached in and stunned
my heart with some kind of
electric rod.
I know he’d want me
to go to Mary and be nice
and rescue her
Because that’s how he always saw me,
as someone who always did
the right thing,
Because up until last year, before that swim
out to the big rock with Paul,
I always did.
