First Step

Annabelle

Sunday night

Packing for New York,

I picture this:

The bus crossing

the Lincoln Tunnel, emerging

into Manhattan, Christopher and me pointing

out the Empire State Building

the Chrysler Building,

and other famous landmarks.

The yellow taxis winding

through busy streets, cutting

through Greenwich Village, taking

us to where the conference is waiting

at NYU.

In the morning,

the store grates scraping,

pigeons cooing,

and cars honking

will wake everyone up and send us hurrying

to our workshops.

In the evening

Christopher and I will be gazing

at stars splashed across the high ceiling

of the Planetarium

My mom is helping

me pack and I can feel her thinking

that this is my first step to leaving

her behind—she keeps sighing

heavily, like she is picturing

the saddest things in the world.

I know it wasn’t easy, having

me so young, raising

me alone, putting

her dreams on hold, forgetting

about things she’d been wanting

to do forever, like dancing

on Broadway, singing

in musicals, taking

on the world like I am about to.

I can’t imagine anything stopping

me from living

the kind of life I want.

And when we’re in the workshops, learning

about ways to make a difference, sharing

ideas with other kids, I know I’ll be thinking

about my mom, working

at a job she doesn’t really like, giving

me so much.

Whatever I end up doing

it will have meaning

because of her.

I won’t leave without telling

her that.