I WASN’T SURPRISED when the judge passed my sentence.

I didn’t bat an eyelid.

I just stood slowly, with my hands in chains, and let the officers lead me away.

I purposefully ignored every damn person in the courtroom.

I didn’t care anymore.

To the outside world, I was emotionless.

Inside, I was dead.

My one consolation lay in the knowledge that George Dennis was gone.

Fucker had a stroke three days ago and never pulled through.

That piece of news was the only good thing that had come out of his daughter’s mouth during her visit the other day. I had thought Ellie wanted to visit to gloat, or pass on a message from her father. When she cried over her dead daddy and apologized and then cried some more, I felt something break free inside of me. It was like the shackles that had held me down for so many years had been torn off.

George’s son and right-hand man JD was still out there somewhere. He’d managed to escape arrest that night, but with father dead, and his gang either in prison or in hiding, he was weakened. I knew JD wouldn’t forget about me, not by a long shot, but right now I was taking one small victory at a time.

I would sleep soundly tonight because the grudge I had feared George was holding had died with him.

The man who knew my weakness was dead.

And my Thorn was safe.

 

 

THE REMAINDER OF SPRING passed in a hazy blur, and by the time summer arrived, Hope and I were settling back into the Irish culture and lifestyle. We had found ourselves a nice little bedsit close to Salt Hill where we had lived contently for the past three months, but one visit from Hope’s parents last week, and it was decided that our living quarters weren’t close to being good enough for their only daughter.

Mr. Carter made a few phone calls and one night’s packing and a four-hour drive later we found ourselves standing in the swankiest bachelorette pad ever in the Rebel County.

I wasn’t friends with Hope for the money, but the fact that her dad was loaded with cash didn’t hurt. Personally, I would have preferred to stay in Galway, but I was homeless and the Carter’s had the money, so it was their call.

“I can’t believe you actually own this place,” I told my best friend as I unpacked a box of towels. “This is insane.” It wasn’t a huge apartment– two bedrooms, with one bathroom and a kitchen/lounge – but it was beautiful and in a really safe part of the city. This place made our bedsit look like a cow shed. “Most nineteen year old girls get hair straighteners for their birthday, Hope. You get a property.”

“You know what my father says,” Hope huffed as she balanced a gigantic box against her thigh, lowering it onto our brand new coffee table, matching our brand new L shaped couch. “Rent money is dead money.” Dropping the box on the table, Hope stretched her back and let out a sigh. “This isn’t a freebie, Teegs, and I’m not accepting this place as a birthday gift either. I’ll pay him back.”

“I don’t think he minds, Hope,” I assured her, holding back on the sarcasm. Being in debt to her dad was a touchy subject for Hope. She hated getting handouts. For a daddy’s girl, she was unusually independent and incredibly self-sufficient.

“I mind, Teagan,” Hope shot back, “I…”

Hope’s phone went off and she dropped everything she was doing before bolting down the hallway towards her bedroom.

Of course, I knew why she was rushing to get to the phone. It was the same reason Mr. and Mrs. Carter had flown back to the states instead of helping us move.

Noah was being sentenced today.

When I thought about Noah locked away in some shitty penitentiary half way across the world my chest squeezed so tightly I could barely draw a breath.

A huge chunk of me wanted to board the next flight just to be there for him, to support him and love him; but then I remembered what he had done to me and I shut those feelings down. I couldn’t feel sorry for him, it would break me, and I couldn’t cry for him because if I did, if I let myself mourn, I would never stop.

 

 

“TEAGAN, LOOK AT ME. Look at me.” Noah’s eyes were red and pained. “This is not your fault. Do you understand me? This is my fault, baby, and you’re not going down for it.”

The sound of sirens blasted through my ears and panic tore through me.

Noah hissed out a sharp breath. “The second this belt cracks, I want you to get out of this car and run.” He caught my chin between his fingers. “Do not stop running. Do not wait for me.”

I ran and ran until every breath left my body – until I couldn’t run any further.

Hiding behind a boulder on the side of the dirt road, I sank to my knees and wept.

Noah…

What was going to happen to him?

Oh god, I shouldn’t have left him there. I was a horrible person.

Every fiber of my being demanded I go back there and help him, do something, anything… but I couldn’t move.

I was frozen in fear.

In shock.

I must have stood in our kitchen for half an hour, frozen to the spot; waiting, wishing, hoping and praying until, finally, I couldn’t take anymore.

Walking down our short hallway, I opened the first door on the right and let myself inside. Hope was sitting on her bed, looking as numb as I felt. When she noticed my presence, she wiped her eyes and smiled brightly. “Hey babe,” she whispered, patting her bed.

Walking over to Hope’s bed, I climbed up and sat cross-legged, facing her. And then I asked the question I had been telling myself I didn’t need to know. “How long did he get?”

Hope stared at me for a long moment, chewing on her lip in deliberation, before finally answering me. “Five and a half years.”

I swear to god, the moment those words came out of Hope’s mouth, my heart shriveled up and died in my chest.

“That long?” I managed to squeeze out, as my breath came in short, fast puffs. “But I thought the lawyers were going to…”

“It didn’t work out that way,” she interrupted quickly. Taking my hand in hers, Hope smiled sadly. “Noah got himself into some more trouble and broke the conditions of his bail,” she told me. “He’s been in custody since we arrived here.”

“Is…is he okay?”

“Honestly, I don’t know, Teagan,” Hope replied. “He stopped all contact with my family over a month ago – says it’s easier that way. They went to court today, but he won’t see my father. He won’t even let Logan visit, and they were best friends.”

“I don’t know how to deal with this,” I admitted, voice torn. “I want to be there for him. I don’t want him to go through all of this on his own. I want…him. But I can’t get past what I saw,” I confessed, my words barely more than a whisper. “In my dreams it still haunts me, Hope. The image of her naked, sweat soaked body pumping my boyfriend, grinding her pussy all over him, taking him into her body… Oh god, saying the words out loud makes me feel physically sick.”

“Don’t,” Hope ordered, reaching out and grabbing my hand. “Don’t you dare torture yourself like this.”

“I’m still in love him, Hope…even though he’s dangerous and wrong for me and broke my heart for kicks,” I choked out. “He’s the love of my life.” Tears spilled down my cheeks. “He is everything and I love him…all the time. It won’t go away. I am stuck in a never-ending cycle of loving him, losing him, missing him, hating him, mourning him, waiting for him, and caring. It won’t stop and I can’t claw my way out. I feel like I am dying.”

And then I admitted to my best friend my darkest thought – the thought that made me hate myself more than I hated him. “Sometimes I regret leaving him.” Clasping the back of my head with my hands, I fought to catch my breath. “Sometimes I think that I would have been better off staying with Noah and letting him treat me the way he did – letting him cheat on me. Because at least then I would still have him and not this empty fucking hole in my life.” Shaking my head in self-loathing, I looked straight into her eyes. “How pathetic does that make me?”

“Noah fucking Messina,” Hope muttered after a long pause.

“Yeah,” I half laughed, half cried, “Noah fucking Messina.”