Week 11

Monday

Well-Being

Fitting into Those Jeans

You may be just sick of looking at those jeans in your closet and getting up the gumption to try them on. Do they even fit anymore? Will your bottom look too big? Will they be too tight? Did you really put on weight since the last time you wore them? There goes your mood for the day.

Getting yourself in shape is not about forfeiting weekend pizza parties with family and friends or going on crash diets, but maintaining a healthy lifestyle. What to do to get into those jeans and keep your sanity?

• Portion Your Portions…and measure up. Take out your measuring cups and measuring spoons and grab a kitchen scale. Pay attention to everything you eat. Stick to recommended portion sizes and have portion control. Measure a serving of cereal, a serving of peanut butter, a serving of salad dressing, a serving of cheese. You will be amazed at the difference between what you think you’re eating and what you are actually eating.
• Don’t Eat Like a Caveman. A thirty-two-ounce steak for one? Maybe for Fred Flintstone, but not if you’re trying to maintain a healthy body. Most recipes call for more protein than you need. Four ounces of lean protein per person is a healthy serving. When you’re reading through recipes, adjust the quantity of protein accordingly. Don’t cook more than you need, and when you eat out, ask the waiter to have the chef portion food for you and wrap up your leftovers.
• Dress for Success. Creamy dressings don’t have to cost a dress size. Cut the calories from mayonnaise-based dressings by using equal amounts of low-cal mayo and nonfat buttermilk. Add honey mustard, finely minced garlic, and salt and pepper to taste for a super fast and savory, guilt-free, good-for-you dressing.
• Feeding Your Starvation. Once you figure out how much you’re truly consuming daily, you’re going to need to cut back on high-calorie foods. To combat the pangs of hunger that come when you reduce your daily caloric intake, build all-you-can-eat side dishes into every meal, such as garden salads, broth-y soups and microwave steamed veggies tossed with low-calorie dressing.

Visualize yourself looking good in those jeans when junk-food crave waves hit.

Tuesday

Midlife, Parent, Family

When Grandma Becomes Mom

You lived through your unmarried daughter’s pregnancy, and now you’re raising her baby. Or your midlife career daughter decided to go it alone at the sperm bank and now, guess what? You’re raising her baby.

First of all, kudos to you. You stepped up to the plate of unconditional love and made a choice to be there for this child. Instead of nanny care or full-time day care, you’ve undertaken a physically, emotionally, and mentally demanding full-time job. You were not meant to conceive at this age and you’re not as well equipped to raise a child at this age as you were when you were a young mom. But you’re managing and making the best of it.

• Mourn the Loss of Freedom. After years off from child rearing, you as a “grandma mom” will feel the loss of the life you previously had. There is less (or no) time to play tennis or golf or go bowling with the girls. You have enormous responsibilities. And even when you do have the time, you’re pooped. Work through your mourning and get to the other side of gratitude for the gift of this new little person in your life.
• Make Peace. You have made a commitment to raising your grandchild. Deal with it as best as you can and accept your new role. Resisting will hurt you and your grandchild.
• Why Yell? Laugh Instead. When your daughter painted your prized rug (the one that cost more than your car) and the dog with permanent marker at the same time, you threw a fit. But you’re older now and oh so much wiser. Look at the humor in your precious one’s mischievous behavior because, you know what? As you think back, your dog really did look funny with a yellow tail.
• A Baby-sitter for the Baby-sitter. Get out. I repeat, get out and do things you enjoy. Get your support system in place and go for lunch, a game of bridge, a massage, and to have your hair done. You’ll need frequent breaks. Make a point to keep some of your old life interspersed with the new.

When Mom’s at work or busy, Grandma’s in charge. But, when your daughter returns, remember to let go of the reins and do something for you.

Wednesday

Work

Get Out of the Blues When Working Alone

If you are writing a book, working from home, or undertaking a project on your own, it’s easy to lose your motivation to get the job done. Your work space is void of another breathing body and the walls start to cave in. Before you procrastinate one more minute or, God forbid, reach for the clicker, or, even worse yet, another Twinkie, stop and save your sanity!

• Get Out and Exercise. Start your day with a walk, yoga class, or swim—some type of exercise that will get you out early and energize you for the day. If you can’t get out every morning, an exercise tape or TV class will have to do. How about choosing one shot in a tropical location so you can virtually get a breath of fresh air? Come back to your home office or desk to start your day raring to go.
• Get Out of the Kitchen. Schedule your meals as if you were in a city office high-rise. Break for lunch at a predetermined time or reward yourself with a cup of tea after you finish a task or the chapter you are writing. Have healthy snacks on hand, like nuts, pumpkin seeds, and carrots, for the midmorning and midafternoon “hungries.” Instead of giving in to the first stomach growl, tell yourself to go fifteen more minutes (surely you can wait that long) and delve into your work until then. Chances are you’ll get absorbed by what you are doing and those pangs of hunger will wait until your next meal.
• Get Out for a Meal. When you do stop to eat, schedule a couple of lunches, dinners, or coffee/tea meetings a few times a week with business associates, someone you’ve been meaning to network with, or fellow writers for inspiration. This will get you out of that solo space while still in work mode so you’re accomplishing something and not “eating” up time by making a meal. If you’re unscheduled one week, take a break to eat out or bring a bag lunch to a park for a change of scenery.
• Get Out of the Dishwasher. Focus on your work and not on household chores. Do housework at the beginning or end of the day and don’t waste productive work time. The only time domestic labor can come in handy is if you need some “thinking” space when you’re really stuck for ideas. Sometimes vacuuming the rug is good menial work to do while pondering a problem or mulling over a thought. If you need to go this route, pick a chore that’s weighing on you and can free up some brain power, such as folding a load of laundry. Don’t get into cleaning several bathrooms or organizing the closet, which can eat up lots of time. Refrain from getting into the habit of mixing up your priorities, and keep work time for work.

When you work alone and feel lonely, a walk outside is the best remedy.

Thursday

Partner

When Your Partner Changes Your Life Plans

Before you married, did you talk endlessly with your partner about how it would be nice to move from the city and raise children in a less hectic environment, but after some time, your partner realized that the suburbs are just not for him or her? Or did you marry someone of a different faith who assured you that he would not interfere with your children’s religious education, but now he’s feeling differently? Perhaps you both agreed to work for three years, live frugally, save money, and then travel before having children, but he wants to forgo globetrotting and start a family now.

Managing your expectations and disappointment when someone you are committed to has a change of heart and “reneges” on your agreement is a significant challenge. Sometimes circumstances impact our choices, and the better part of valor requires that we change our plans. But it’s not always easy to forget an unfilled promise and accept your partner’s change of heart and mind. You might be angry and blame your partner for his about-face. But what you’re really dealing with is feeling that you are not in control of your own life, loss of trust in your partner for not fulfilling a promise, and the possibility of your dreams being shattered.

Before resentment builds, remember that you are in a partnership and that problem solving is best when done together. Both of you have needs, and the healthiest thing to do for your relationship is to try to get your needs met. Realize that there may be a solution that is different from your (and his) ideal. Be open-minded and compromise.

• Matter of Trust Versus Change of Heart. If you think you were manipulated into a situation by being placated, “yessed” or hoodwinked, it will be difficult for you to release the disappointment and anger that you feel about losing your shared dream, and make it harder to accept the new situation. It will be even more difficult to develop trust. Seek out a counselor if you mistrust your partner.
• Understand His Position. However, if he is truly having a change of heart, trying to understand his point of view will help both of you tackle the issue at hand. Listen to your partner about what the real reasons are for his change. Try to be open to the life circumstances that have contributed to this new view. Try to accommodate any part of the old plan in a new way.
• Plans Change. One of the reasons you may have connected with this person was that you agreed to live your life together in a certain way, and now you wonder if that is possible. Things change. People change. Sometimes those changes impact us in ways that are difficult to accept or integrate. People make plans and God laughs. Sometimes we have to go with the flow.
• Create a New Plan. Work on releasing your attachment to the dream plan. Construct a new plan together that can work and satisfy the desire that drove the first dream. If you keep holding on to the anger and blame, you not only will hurt the relationship but potentially will poison others’ views of your partner.
• Release… your partner from the responsibility of “making up” for letting you down.

Dreaming together is important but when the dream is no longer shared, letting go of part or all of it allows you to create new (and sometimes better) dreams.

Friday

Well-Being

Not Feeling Sexy

When you were younger, feeling, looking, being sexy was no big deal. It just seemed to happen and oozed from your every pore.

Today, being sexy is everywhere. Books and television shows are telling you not only that you can be sexy at your age—you should be! But you’re not feeling particularly sexy these days. You may have had a marriage that didn’t work out, carried the burden of supporting a family, cared for elderly family members, or were even ill yourself. In fact, you don’t even have the urge to light candles and get in the mood and you’re not all that unhappy about it. Are your sexy days over?

• Is Sexy for You? If the world around you applauds engaging in healthy, regular, safe, and—if possible—loving sexual activity and you still can’t manage feeling that way, it’s okay. If you’re feeling good about who you are, you certainly don’t have to feel the way the media want you to feel. That is, unless you want to.
• Want to Be More Sexy? Like and value yourself above all. Someone who is comfortable with her sensuality coveys a message of confidence. Think of the qualities others recognize in you that you often forget about. After you uncover your sex appeal, then you can hit the lingerie store.
• Your Libido Comfort Level. Be honest with yourself. If you really don’t want to be sexually active at this point in life, accept it. If people are telling you, “You’re too young to act like a person without a libido,” consider that they’re wrong!

Being and feeling sexy is one of the most personal expressions of who you are, and only you can assess what is right for you.

Weekend

Well-Being

Facing Risks

If you always thought of yourself as risk averse, it is time to rethink your definition of the label you have given yourself.

If you’re cautious and conjure up the nerve to actually do something in the risky department (complete with sweaty palms), you might give yourself a pat on the back (as well you should) and then sit back on your laurels. But this might stifle you to go further. On the other hand, if you take a different approach and think of yourself as someone who used to be risk averse, you will find that you’ll be more likely to try new things and have different experiences.

It is all in the way you think about yourself. Giving up that old label is part of the journey. So, when you are facing a new and challenging situation that will challenge your risk taking, know that you can preserve your sanity while stepping out of the comfort zone.

• Pretend. Visualize yourself doing whatever you are contemplating and see yourself doing it well. Feel the anxiety and allow it to be OK. Tell yourself that the benefit is worth the discomfort.
• Take Small Steps. Do whatever it is you are apprehensive about and notice your reaction. Take it in small increments. Go through the scary part not unlike walking along a trail on the edge of a mountain—you walk carefully, one foot in front of the other, looking in front of you, not down the edge of the slope.
• Be Your Own Coach. Tell yourself you are doing this thing—talk to yourself and give yourself positive feedback and support. This self-talk can and should sound like a coach or cheerleader, encouraging you from within: “Good for me!” “I can do this.” “I am able to do this thing that I was afraid of.” “I will feel good when I know I have done this.”
• Celebrate. Use this experience as evidence that you are no longer a risk-averse person but someone who used to be risk averse and is working on it.

You can change the label you have put on yourself by experiencing life through a different lens.