Week 22

Monday

Single

Buying Your Own Home as a Single Woman

Married women are not the only ones who need to invest in their futures. In fact, everyone, single or married, is wise to think about how their lives will be enriched by creating a home for themselves.

Think about why it doesn’t make sense for a woman to wait for a guy to come along to make a great home. Whether you live in a home of your own for one year or ten years, purchasing your own home or apartment may help you to feel grounded and secure. And if you do change your living arrangements somewhere down the line, you might be able to hold on to that property as an investment for the future.

Your own home means you can decorate it in the way you like and have it truly reflect you, your taste, your energy. For some single women, renting apartments keeps them focused on being in a temporary “limbo” state. They focus on waiting to begin their lives when a man comes along rather than appreciating what their life is worth now. Somehow, owning your own place can help you feel as if you are “grown up” and a “real” adult. When women own their own home, they describe feeling more settled and “at home.”

• Is It Possible to Buy? Think about what it would take to purchase a condominium or house and see if this is possible. Weigh the positives and negatives. Renting means you can call the landlord when the pipes burst, while owning means that year after year you’ll be building equity in your property. Go online or call a reputable bank or broker who can qualify you for a mortgage that you can afford.
• Visualize Yourself in Your Own Home. Picture it decorated in the style you like, in a neighborhood where you will feel safe, with neighbors you can relate to.
• Women Can Buy Their Own Nest. When someone else’s negative comments related to your purchasing a home come into your mind, focus on the top five reasons you believe you will benefit from living in your own home.

Your home can be a reflection of what is important to you.

Tuesday

Well-Being, Friends, Family

Recovering After Surgery

This is not the time to be Ms. Independent. Healing is more about allowing your body to rest and restore than it is about proving to the world how tough you are. Making your recovery a priority is the only way to get back into everyday life as soon as possible.

• Get Help and Accept Help. Having a competent, comforting person whose touch is reassuring and who also knows how to read your vital signs will allow you to do what you need to do—take care of yourself and heal.
• Music Heals. Listening to music during your immediate recovery period is therapeutic. Gentle instrumental (string) music in particular is thought to have a particularly soothing effect on cardiac recovery.
• Limit Visitors…the number and who comes. Some people are very healing and will not drain you. Others come and you need to take care of them. Not good for you. You will have enough visitors with the nurses, doctors, interns, residents, food service people, chaplains, cleaners to keep you going for a long time. Also, after surgery, you need to be able to nod off at your leisure. If you feel the need to stay awake because Uncle Jack drove two hours to see you, you will not get the healing rest you need. Having said all that, if someone makes you laugh, invite them over. After all is said and done, laughter is the best medicine.

Surgery takes strength. Preserve yours and recover well.

Wednesday

Parent, Family

Workaholic Children

You have a strong work ethic. Your parents had it. You have a need for approval, and people tend to reward you for your dedication. It is a legacy you want to pass down to your children.

So why are you so shocked when your child runs for office at school while juggling a full course schedule with no lunch break, and signs up for a variety of outreach programs and after-school activities? Why is she more like a little adult than a child, cannot relax, and is so competitive with her peers?

It is time to save your sanity while you help your child save hers by realizing the benefit of letting her be a child and enjoy life.

• Take Responsibility. Parents who are workaholics present a dichotomy for their children. Children appreciate the value of hard work but see a parent who is distant or more concerned about what is going on in her work world than the rest of her world. Tell your child that you are sorry and will take the necessary steps to become more available (and then do it!).
• Don’t Let Them Miss Out. Model for them that you can enjoy time off, take care of yourself, relax, and engage in activities that are non-work related on your own and with your family. Let your children know that fun experiences and time with loved ones is essential for developing as a whole person.
• Live with Humor. Whenever life gets too serious, sprinkle giggles and laughs along the way and lighten the load for your kids.

Consider what is truly important in your life, share this with your child, and insist that your child take time off to play.

Thursday

Work, Midlife

Generational Differences at Work

When you work with someone from another generation you may need to open your mind to what her experience is in the world of work.

You may be someone who challenges authority, balances your work and personal life, takes risks, has technological know-how, loves to multitask, and values change, while demanding meaningful and interesting work. And next to you, working on the same project, is someone from another generation who is more practical, respects authority, works 24/7 (even on the weekends), and would never challenge the rules of the office.

Keeping your sanity when working with someone from another generation who comes to the table with different expectations and experience can be challenging.

• Revel in Your Differences. Recognize the background and generational influences of yourself and your workmate. Rather than condemning her or her characteristics, see the value in her attributes and different point of view.
• Focus on Your Strengths. Find ways to emphasize the areas in which you can work together despite your differences. Someone’s experience and familiarity with a company’s history can help give perspective, while someone else’s technical savvy can help you think in new ways.
• Share and Learn. Listen to each other’s perspectives and notice each person’s expertise, to gain the most from an intergenerational workplace experience.

Flexibility and appreciation of differences that come from intergenerational perspectives can add flavor and originality to any work environment.

Friday

Partner, Family

Caring for a Partner with a Chronic Illness

You vowed to stay together in sickness and in health. But, in fact, you did not really think you’d be caring for your significant other who is managing a chronic illness at this point of your life.

Much of your pattern and rhythm as a couple will be reflected in the way you deal with each other and this particular health challenge. Save your sanity, your dignity, and your marriage by caring for your partner with compassion.

• Be an Adult. You may be asking “why me” and feel disappointed, angry, tired, or restless. It’s normal to feel this way. Try to maintain self-control and respect instead of taking out your frustrations on your partner. Seek couples therapy if either of you blames the other or you are both having difficulty adjusting.
• Get into Your Role or Get Help. What is needed to help deal with this change in your life? Do you have to get a job? Will care need to be provided when you are out of the house? Who is in charge of making dietary decisions? Try not to become a mother but instead be a supporting player.
• Do Couple Things…ones that allow you to be conscious of the illness but not totally focus on it. If your spouse tires easily at the end of the day, and evenings out are no longer viable, meet friends on a weekend afternoon for a movie or lunch. If you are music buffs, attend uncrowded concert rehearsals instead of the evening event.

Although your partner is living with a chronic illness, there are ways to preserve and deepen your bond as you find unique ways to “marry” your new roles with the challenges you both face.

Weekend

Well-Being, family, Friends, Community

Getting Through Sorrow

As you go through feelings of mourning and grief, it is essential that you do whatever is necessary to accept that you have suffered a profound loss. Permit yourself to experience the pain, and if you can, while in the process, try to focus on positive memories of and experiences with the person who is no longer in your life. Develop and maintain your own rituals that can serve as a structure to help negotiate the loss, particularly during times of celebration.

• Process and Keep Moving Forward. Work on getting closure with your feelings. Whether the relationship you had with that person was a good one or not, try to close the chapter on your feelings of grief. If you’re angry, sad, depressed, feel abandoned or dumped, try to work through it with counseling and the support of loved ones.
• Create a Ritual. If you’re blue on your mother’s birthday and you are estranged, take out your childhood album and revisit the pictures with joy of once sharing a better time. If you are sad on your anniversary, but it evokes unrest because of a divorce or unhappy marriage, why not book an annual massage to help you get through the day.
• Journal. When sorrow overcomes you, write down what you feel. Hopefully you will find comfort in releasing your feelings on paper so you can enjoy life around you.
• Engage…in good works to help cope with feelings of loss.

Sorrow is highly personal. No one can tell you what you should feel. Your relationship determines how you feel and how you move on.