Week 7

Monday

Work

Beginning a New Job

Just hired for a new position? Transitioning careers? It takes courage and commitment to walk into a new work environment or start an entrepreneurial venture. With determination and focus, you can make it a success.

After the first days at your job, you will discover the office dynamics. It only takes time, an open mind, and keen observation skills to become familiar with the new workplace, tasks, people, personalities, culture of the organization, and the requirements of the job itself. You’ll quickly find out who is grateful you are now there because they could not stand your predecessor, whose nose is out of joint because you got the job they coveted, and who needs to be coddled to get things done.

It also takes an honest assessment of your skill set. Are you experienced and familiar with the work to get the job done or do you need to ask some questions, seek out an on-site mentor, or study up where you are rusty? While you are feeling your way around or playing catch-up, you’ll soon develop your own work habits for this place and settle into your new digs.

• Approach and Be Approachable. Greet people and introduce yourself since you are the new kid on the block. You may want to share information about yourself and your experience, previous work, and how you came to this organization. At the onset of your new career, offer personal facts (where you live, marital status, kids, and hobbies), if you care to, when you’re in casual settings—at lunch or at after-work gatherings. Be available to someone who pops by your cubicle to say hello. Volunteer for projects that get you into circulation, but don’t lose sight of your job and your work purpose.
• Observe How People Interact. Do coworkers or business partners e-mail, instant message, walk into each other’s space, or shout across the office? Know that there are different styles of interacting. As you settle into the space, settle into the way you best communicate.
• Be Yourself. You may work with or for people whose style is different from yours. Behave in a way that suits you and is consistent with who you are. Don’t take on someone else’s characteristic that demeans you.
• Stay Clear of Office Gossip. It can only backfire, and is not the best way to join an organization. You can always claim that as the new person you prefer to get all the facts before casting your vote.

When finding your way in a new job, always take the high road.

Tuesday

Parent

Saying No to Your Children

You love your children. You want to gratify their every wish. And you can, so you do. Time passes. Your children begin to become acquisition monsters, demanding more and more, and appreciating what they have less and less. You feel angry and depressed and are “losing it” with them more and more often.

• Say No. Good parenting means not gratifying every wish. Follow your refusal to grant their request with a brief, to-the-point statement so they know why you are not obliging.
• Get Your Children to Dream. Talk about wishes and turn those into reality. Teach your children the joy of anticipation, the satisfaction of working toward a goal (saving those dimes, nickels, and quarters), and the sense of accomplishment when they finally get there. Help your children know the value of making their own lives what they want them to be.

Dreaming, longing, planning, looking forward to, and working hard for—these are the virtues and pleasures your children can grow up with.

Wednesday

Well-Being, Parent

Losing Weight After Giving Birth

Why did pounds shed easily after the first baby but not after the second? Are you still wearing maternity clothes several weeks after you gave birth? Worse yet, are people asking, “When are you due?”…even when you’re strolling with your newborn?

Your body and mood are not the same as before you got pregnant, and moods affect ability to lose weight. You may even be experiencing some depression. Many women feel this way (and don’t know it), either because they are not severely depressed or their previous birthing experiences were so different.

Save your sanity and get your whole self back in shape.

• Give it Time. You’ve heard this one but it’s true. It took nine months to put on the weight and it’s going to take several months to take it off. If you are nursing, the pounds may linger due to hormonal changes and the need to intake more calories. If you eat healthfully and exercise, you can get back in shape.
• Get Back in Emotional Shape. It’s not always about the weight. Consider your mental health. If you inadvertently blame the baby for the weight, you may be unknowingly keeping on pounds while having difficulty forming a strong motherly bond. Seek counseling if you are dealing with resentment, anger, or depression.
• Accept Your Body. Even if you lose the weight, your body will be slightly different. Hips might be wider, breasts might change shape, and your stomach muscles may be looser—even your feet may have grown. Some of these natural occurrences of motherhood can be addressed with regular exercise. When you hold that precious baby in your arms, know why you have stretch marks.

You need to wait to take off the weight.

Thursday

Partner

So Far Away

Long-distance relationships are not easy and require an enormous commitment from both people. With careers requiring people to move to different places from their significant others, and with Internet dating encouraging people from different parts of the country (and world) to begin romantic unions, how can you keep your sanity and your love intact?

There are many reasons why the relationship won’t work. Although the cell phone comes in handy, you are often not in the same time zone, so you have to plan what time to have a phone conversation. But if you put your time and attention into connecting with this person in a variety of ways and allow yourself to be flexible and to trust, the miles in between really won’t matter.

• What’s Your Tolerance Level? Think about what you need in a relationship. If you need constant contact and immediate access, a long-distance relationship is probably not for you. If you are easily frustrated, impatient, and need immediate gratification, a long-distance relationship will be a tremendous challenge for both you and your partner.
• Establish the Ground Rules. Understand that your expectations and your partner’s expectations may be different, so sort them out from the beginning. If you are away from each other, what is the understanding you have about dating other people or developing friendships and going out with other people? What is fair game and what do you care to know about? What is private?
• Get a Routine Going. Long-distance relationships present particular challenges for those who are not ready to sign on to a regular time when they will commit to talking with each other rather than catch-as-catch-can. If you know that every night you will be online with each other, talking via a Web camera or some kind of free Internet phone service, you can plan your day and look forward to having your time alone with your long-distance partner. Use some of the time you are talking to organize visits in person, and put the dates on your calendars so you can look forward to being together. Plan your life around those times.

Keeping up a relationship over the miles takes energy and focus, but the rewards may be worth the effort.

Friday

Friends

Reciprocity

Friendships and love relationships work best when the people involved feel that there is a back-and-forth—they offer what is needed and they receive what they need.

It is the classic give-and-take, and when it works, it is a charm. Sometimes, however, the back-and-forth is more weighted in favor of one person or the other. You may feel that you give and give and give, and are never on the receiving end. Or you take and take and take friendly advice, while your words of wisdom are never heeded or even considered.

In some relationships that may be OK but in others it just does not work. Are you waiting for reciprocal behavior in areas that the person is unable to give?

• Are You Inviting? Perhaps you wonder after you invite people to join you why you are not asked for social events. Is the face you present someone who is too busy, solely engaged in her own life, not interested, or unavailable?
• What Are Your Expectations? When you do something for someone, do you expect a return favor? How will you feel if one is not forthcoming? Do you feel the need to keep score with what you do for others and what they do for you? Can you give without expecting something in return?
• Do You Need to Be Acknowledged? Keep track in your own mind whether you do things needing to be acknowledged, and if you do, what do you need? Are the people you are doing something for aware of your efforts as well as your expectations and interested in and able to provide for you what you need?

If you are in a relationship that you feel is one-sided and your efforts are unacknowledged, and if it is important to you that the other person is aware of your perception, let them know.

Weekend

Well-Being, Midlife

Exercising Your Memory

You’re over forty, are more forgetful these days, and can’t recall things like you used to. You always take note of a great meal but can’t remember what you ate at that scrumptious new restaurant last month. Or you tell someone on call waiting that you’ll call right back but it is days later when you finally remember. Or how about leaving the tea kettle on the stove, and later you smell it melt to the burner because you forgot about it. Sound familiar?

Before you jump to conclusions and diagnose yourself with early Alzheimer’s (which may run in your family) or consider yourself crazy or senile, why not try a mental workout along with that much-needed physical one? That way you can help to save your sanity along with your memory.

• Name Recognition. The old technique of pairing someone’s name with a physical characteristic usually works with new introductions and helps you do some mental gymnastics as you are being creative (and often funny).
• Visualize Numbers. Be imaginative and have fun. If your friend lives at 12 Argyle Street, imagine one dozen argyle sweaters arranged on a shelf. If the apartment number is 2711, imagine twins stopping by the local 7-Eleven. By pairing a visual image with your numerical needs, you have a higher likelihood of recall and will feel better about your memory.
• Play Mentally Challenging Games. Scrabble, bridge, crossword puzzles, and playing a musical instrument (it is never too late to learn how) all help exercise your mind. Also, try to recall phone numbers before you hit the automatic speed dial.

Whether or not you are predisposed to memory loss, you cannot lose by developing memory-sharpening skills.