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creating personality through, 52–53
inspiration and, 51
motivation and, 52
Aldrin, Buzz, 139–40, 142, 146
Allen, Robert, 194
Antetokounmpo, Giannis, 140–41, 142–43
Archimedes, 110
Arlen, Ken, 152–53
Armstrong, Neil, 139
Assaraf, John, 94
atomistic worldview, 202
“authentic” self myth, 59–62
fixed mindset and, 60–62
inflexibility and, 59–60
Baker, Russell Wayne, 157
Baumeister, Roy, 144
Beverage, Rich, 129
Big Leap, The (Hendricks), 186
biography, writing own, 171–72
Body Keeps the Score, The (van der Kolk), 147
Bridge, Donna, 163–64
Brinums, Melissa, 103
Bruner, Jerome, 52
Bryant, Kobe, 121
Burrow, Joe, 107–8
Cannon, George, 192–93
Casey, Frances, 127
catecholamines, 190
causal determinism, 3–4
Chapman, Diana, 93
charitable donations, 192–94
choices, 210–11
choosing one’s own way, 4–8
decision-making and, 4–5
emotional development and, 4–5
social and cultural environment and, 4–5
Christiansen, Jane, 177–83
Coelho, Paulo, 97
Cole, Steven, 184
Color Code, 1–2
commitment to one major goal, 93–96
clarification of identity through, 95
faith and, 96
honesty with yourself about what you really want, 94–95
improvement through, 95
motivation enhanced through, 96
committed decision-making, 168–69
confidence, 51, 52, 83–86, 90–91
as basis of imagination, 83
courage and, 84–85
gap and gain reframing technique and, 155–56
power moves toward future self, and building, 86
trauma, effect of, 83–84
context
memory changed by, 46
past’s meaning changed by, 46
roles shaped by, 199–205
cortisol, 186
courage, 84–85
creativity, 6
Culture Wall, 207–8
de Botton, Alain, 100
decision fatigue, 167, 210, 214
decision-making, 4–5
desire, 80–83
active and intentional pursuit of, 82
learning to want and value what you currently don’t want, 82
training of, 80–83
Dethmer, Jim, 93
Diamandis, Peter, 21, 212, 213
discovery of personality myth, 51–59
confidence, and action, 51, 52
effect of, 54
fixed mindset and, 56
inflexibility in dealing with difficult or complex situations and, 55–56
inspiration, and action, 51
motivation, creation of, 52
passion as something to be discovered, myth of, 51–52
perfect person for marriage, looking for, 57–58
personality, creating, 52–53
self-absorption and, 55
self-centered thinking and, 54
skills, developing rare and unique, 52
Dispenza, Joe, 123
Duhigg, Charles, 90–91
Durant, Will, 215
Dyer, Wayne, 221
Einstein, Albert, 87
Eliot, T. S., 166
Elrod, Hal, 90
emotional development, 4–5
psychological flexibility and, 49–50
radical change and, 32–33
emotional regulation, 148–50
identifying and labeling emotions, 149
negative emotions, letting go of, 150
primary emotions and, 149
psychological flexibility and, 149
secondary emotions and, 149
empathetic witness, 123–35
becoming empathetic witness to those around your, 133–35
building trust, 134–35
encouragement in facing trauma offered by, 129–30
key principles to being, 127
moving past trauma and, 123–33
team of, assembling, 131–33
Emre, Merve, 26–27
end-in-mind thinking, 91
end-of-history illusion, 36
enhanced imagination, 218–19
choices, excess of, 210–11
context as shaping roles, 199–205
forcing functions and, 215–19
peer groups, identity shaped by, 203–4
predictability of behavior and, 41
putting yourself in new environments, effect of, 199
relational versus atomistic worldviews and, 202
reminders of person you want to be and, 207
roles as shaping identity and biology, 199–205
routine environments and social roles, habitual patterns created by, 200–201
strategic ignorance and, 210–15
strategic remembering and, 205–10
transformational triggers and, 208–9
exposure, 77–80
to experiences, 80
to knowledge, 79
reading and, 79–80
extroversion, 31
Eyring, Henry, 133
Facebook, 2
failing, 102
faith, 96
fear
of failure, 116–17
Ferriss, Tim, 207
financial investment, 218–19
fixed mindset
authenticity and, 60–62
discovery of personality myth and, 56
fear of failure and, 116–17
non-intentional meaning making as leading to, 145
trauma and, 115–16
The Flock: The Autobiography of a Multiple Personality (Wilson & Casey), 127
focus, and momentum, 90–91
forcing functions, 215–19
forgetfulness, 206–7
fragile math identity, 114
Fraley, Chris, 32
Frankl, Viktor, 4
Franklin, Benjamin, 190
Fried, Jason, 211
future self, imagining, 37–40
gap and gain reframing techniques, 154–65
author’s reframing of his past, 157–59
changing identity narrative of former self, 162–63
confidence, building, 155–56
focusing on what’s missing, living in gap when, 154–55
former self and future self, conversation between, 161–62
measuring yourself against your former self as living in gain, 155–56
negative experiences, thinking about and listing benefits gained from, 161
observer effect, applying, 164–65
progress, focusing on, 160
re-remembering past by filtering past through your chosen identity, 156–57
retrieval as altering memory, 163–64
selective attention, refocusing of, 155
shifting past meanings from gap to gain, 160
steps in, 160–63
Gapingvoid, 207
See also purpose
behavior as goal-driven, 73–76
commitment to one major goal, 93–96
desire and, 80–83
expecting to succeed, 107–8
experiences and, 80
exposure and, 77–80
going to bed earlier to avoid destructive consumption, 97–98
hope and, 92
identity shaped by, 73–76
intentionally designing your future self and, 87–89
journaling and, 103–7
knowledge and, 79
labels, usefulness and dangers of, 28–29
learning through failing, 102
peak experiences and, 99–102
process-first thinking versus end-in-mind thinking, 91
questioning yourself and your goals, 70
reading and, 79–80
selecting and pursuing one major goal, 90–93
waking up earlier and, 99–102
Godin, Seth, 212–13
Goethe, Wolfgang von, 199
Goins, Jeff, 28–29
Goldsmith, Marshall, 219
Graham, Paul, 29
gratitude journaling, 105–6
Great Pain Deception, The (Ozanich), 180, 188–89
Growing Up (Baker), 157
growth mindset, 115
Hamilton (play), 174
Hansen, Mark Victor, 194
Harbinger, Jordan, 30
Harry Potter books (Rowling), 5
Hendricks, Gay, 186
Herold, Cameron, 174–75
history, 44–45
Holiday, Ryan, 207
Holmes, Oliver Wendell, Jr., 18
hope, 92
Howes, Lewis, 94
Hudson, Nathan, 32
Hugo, Victor, 33–34
Hull, Melissa, 223–29
identity confusion, 168
identity narrative, 109, 139–76
of Antetokounmpo, 140–41, 142–43
committed decision-making, 168–69
creating meaning through stories, 143–51
decision fatigue, avoiding, 167, 168
examining future you’ve consigned yourself to, 170
gap and gain reframing techniques, 154–65
growth as genuine motive and, 141
identity as formed by integrating life experiences into internalized evolving story, 153–54
imagining yourself three years out, 172–73
past as fiction, 152–53
predictability of behavior and, 41
reframing your narrative, 153–65
self-signaling and, 175–76
telling everyone your new story, 174–75
Vivid Vision document, creating, 174–75
writing own biography, 171–72
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell (Max), 42
imagination
confidence as basis of, 83
enhanced imagination, 218–19
future self, imagining, 37–40, 88–89
psychological flexibility, impact on, 115
trauma and, 115
Imuta, Kana, 103
innate and fixed personality myth, 3–4, 24–25, 34–40
end-of-history illusion and, 36
imagining future self, 37–40
longitudinal study finding no evidence of personality stability, 34–35
previous decisions, seeing changes in personality by reviewing, 36–37
scope of personality changes over time, 35–36
inspiration, 51
intentional change, 32–33
intentionally designing your future self, 87–89
future self as different from current self, 87–88
imagining future self and, 88–89
James, William, 200
Jordan, Michael, 168
journaling, 103–7
gratitude journaling, 105–6
meditation or prayer prior to, 104
optimal times for, 104
preframing yourself for peak experiences and, 103
reviewing goals before writing, 104–5
right environment for, creating, 104
Jung, Carl, 26
Katie, Byron, 223
keystone habits, 90–91
Klemp, Kaley, 93
knowledge, and goal setting, 79
knowledge therapy, 181
labels, 28–29
Lambert, Nate, 166
Langer, Ellen, 29, 101, 197–98
Les Misérables (Hugo), 33–34
Levine, Peter, 124
Ling, Lisa, 130–31
Lipton, Bruce, 197
Lopin, Daniel, 192
McAdams, Dan, 153
McConaughey, Matthew, 89
Magic of Thinking Big, The (Schwartz), 207
Magnificent Desolation (Aldrin), 140
Maslow, Abraham, 100
Massively Transformative Purpose (MTP), 21
Maté, Gabor, 118
math trauma, 113–15
Mattis, James, 79
meaning, creating, 143–51
being intentional about your interpretation of your experiences, 146
cause-effect thoughts, examples of, 147
connection between cause, our identity and bigger picture and, 144
emotional regulation and, 148–50
formulating meaning based on your desired future self, 146
global meaning, creating, 147
identity-forming thoughts, examples of, 147
non-intentional meaning making, negative effects of, 145
personality as based on meaning given former experiences, 144–45
stories, developing, 150
memory
context as changing, 46
as reflection of our current state, 45
unresolved trauma and, 47
Millennials, 54–55
momentum, 90–91
motivation, 52
commitment to one major goal as enhancing, 96
expectancy theory and, 92
Music Man, The (play), 206–7
Musk, Elon, 9
Myers, Isabel, 27
Myers-Briggs test, 26–27, 28, 30
myths of personality, 17–63
authentic self myth, 59–62
discovery of personality myth, 51–59
innate and fixed, personality as, 3–4, 24–25, 34–40
past determines personality myth, 40–50
personality types myth, 26–34
negative emotions, letting go of, 150
Nelson, Wendy Watson, 193
Oaks, Dallin, 38
observer effect, 164–65
openness to experience, 31, 201–2
options, 211
Osborn, David, 131–32
outlier, 23–24
Ozanich, Steven, 179–81, 188–89
Paradox of Choice, The (Schwartz), 211
Park, Crystal, 144
Parkinson’s Law, 217
passion, 51–52
past determines personality myth, 40–50
causal determinism and, 3–4, 40
changing way you see your past, 49
context, relevance of, 46
identity narratives based on past, 41
personal narratives, adaptation and change over time of, 45
predictability of behavior, reasons for, 40–41
present as shaping meaning of past, 45–46, 48
psychological flexibility and, 49–50
reinterpreting your past, 43–44
subconscious and, 41
subjective perspective, past as, 46–47
trauma and, 47
past trauma. See trauma
peak experiences, 85, 99–102, 103, 172
Pearson’s Law, 95
peer groups, 203–4
personality
author’s experience in transforming own personality, 12–16
causal determinism and, 3–4
environment and (See environment)
goals and (See goals)
identity narrative and (See identity narrative)
myths of (See myths of personality)
past as not defining, 8–9
percentage of people dissatisfied with aspects of own personality, 3
subconscious and (See subconscious)
trauma and (See trauma)
The Personality Brokers: The Strange History of Myers-Briggs and the Birth of Personality Testing (Emre), 26–27
personality tests, 1–3
See also personality types myth
Color Code, 1–2
conditions under which test given and, 204–5
context and, 46
instant gratification element of, 54–55
mainstream perspective on, 3
Myers-Briggs test, 26–27, 28, 30
scientific methodology, lack of, 27–28, 30
situational factors impacting, 204
underlying assumptions, 3
personality types myth, 26–34
continuum of behaviors and attitudes, personality as, 30–31
goals versus labels, 29
intentional change, difficulty of, 32–33
labels and, 28–29
our view of our behavior makes personality seem consistent, 31–32
past, defining people by their past, 33–34
type-based personality tests, unscientific nature of, 30
Pert, Candice, 184–85
Pirsig, Robert, 9–10
Polish, Joe, 179
Power of Habit, The (Duhigg), 90–91
prayer, 191
prediction errors, 102
premature cognitive commitment, 116
Pressfield, Steven, 113
primary emotions, 149
process-first thinking, 91
Proust, Marcel, 49
psychological flexibility, 49–50
emotional regulation and, 149
refractory period and, 121–23
trauma, impact of, 115
See also goals
choosing your purpose, 53
marrying for aligned purpose, 58
Massively Transformative Purpose (MTP), 21
personality transformed by, 53
Ravikant, Kamal, 165
reading, 79–80
refractory period, 121–23
reframing your narrative, 153–65
gap and gain reframing techniques, 154–65
shifting negative experiences into positive ones, 154
reinterpreting your past, 43–44
relational worldview, 202
Resistance, 113
Revised NEO Personality Inventory, 26
Rice, Condoleezza, 142
Rogers, Katherine, 30
roles, 199–205
Roosevelt, Eleanor, 125
Ross, Lee, 201
Rowling, J. K., 5
Ruef, Jennifer, 113–15
Salmon, Stacy, 7
Schwartz, Barry, 211
secondary emotions, 149
self-absorption, 55
self-actualization, 100
self-centered thinking, 54
self-signaling, 175–76
sexual abuse, 124
Sharma, Robin, 133
Shaw, George Bernard, 51
shifting your story. See identity narrative
Shirazi, Saadi, 46
Sinek, Simon, 54
Singer, Michael, 119
Slife, Brent, 45
social roles, 31
Socrates, 74
So Good They Can’t Ignore You (Newport), 52
Soto, Christopher, 32
Specht, Jule, 32
Stephenson, Sean, 145
strategic ignorance, 210–15
strategic remembering, 205–10
addiction and, 185–86
charitable donations, making, 192–94
Christiansen’s experiences and, 177–83
emotional system, viewing body as, 185
emotions, physical markers left in body by, 184–89
experiences become our biology, 185
fasting and, 190–91
memory as physical and physiological, 184–89
physical pain, suppressed emotions manifesting as, 188–89
powerful change must be made at level of, 187–88
predictability of behavior and, 41
Upper Limit Problem and, 186
Suddendorf, Thomas, 103
sunk cost bias, 218
“Teens Are Protesting In-Class Presentations” (Lorenz), 59
teleology, 73
Tempest, The (Shakespeare), 8
Thiel, Peter, 92
This Is Life (TV show), 130
Time and Psychological Explanation (Slife), 45
Tomlin, Lily, 15
Tosi, Christina, 215–17
training, of desires, 80–83
transformational triggers, 208–9
cognitive commitment justified by, 116
confidence and, 83–84
empathetic witness, role of, 123–35
fear of failure and, 116–17
fixed mindset and, 115–16
imagination, impact on, 115
internalization of, 123–25, 136
math trauma, 113–15
as meaning you give to an event, 145
moving past, 121–23
personality as by-product of, 118–20
predictability of behavior and, 41
rebuilding trust, and transforming trauma, 134–35
refractory period and, 121–23
resistance and, 113–14
rigidity of our past and, 47
unresolved, effect of, 47
Trotter, Charlie, 77–78
trust, 134–35
uncertainty, 101–2
Untethered Soul, The (Singer), 119
Upper Limit Problem, 186
van der Kolk, Bessel, 111, 184
Vivid Vision, developing, 174–75
Wahlberg, Mark, 98
Whately, Richard, 99
Whistler, James Abbott McNeill, 205–6, 207, 208
Willson, Meredith, 206–7
Wilson, Colin, 85
Wilson, Lynn, 127
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance (Pirsig), 9–10
Zero to One (Thiel), 92
Ziglar, Zig, 210