Daphne told me it was okay, that there’d be other Christmas parties in our future, but I wanted to be there for the first one we’d share together.
“Table five is asking for you,” Rose said as she flew past me.
I scowled. The four men at table five were more interested in getting my phone number than ordering food. So far, they’d ordered only coffee, earning Stella’s ire. She’d been staring down the tallest of the group all afternoon. They’d occupied the table for over two hours, very much a nuisance and an inconvenience to the line waiting at the door.
“What can I help you with?” I asked with my hand on my hip.
“Doll, get closer so I can say this quietly.”
I leaned in to listen.
“I just want your number. I’m not asking to marry you,” he said.
I was about to reply when Stella interrupted me from behind.
“That’s it. You four, pay your tab and leave.”
“Aw, come on, Stella.”
She glared at him before addressing the younger one across the booth. “And you. No more ogling my waitresses.”
“What?” He raised his hands in protest.
“You think I didn’t see you staring at her ass from over there?” She jerked her thumb in the direction of the kitchen. “I know what your game is. All four of you. Now pay your damn bill and get out.”
After much grumbling, the taller man stood, threw down his money, and tossed a quarter in the air toward me. If I hadn’t reacted so quickly, it would’ve struck me in the eye.
“For your troubles, doll,” he said. “Come on, boys. Let’s head down to Luke’s Steakhouse. They’ve got better food anyways.”
“You go ahead and do that,” Stella shouted at their backs. She patted me on the shoulder on the way to the kitchen. “Sorry you had to put up with those jerks, Eleanor.”
Two more hours passed with customers coming and going. Being this busy helped curb my disappointment at not sharing the evening with Daphne. By nine, the arriving patrons had died down to a trickle, but I still had two more hours to go in my twelve-hour shift. Rose must have seen me checking the time.
“I hate you couldn’t go to your party. Where’d you say it was again?”
“At a friend’s.” I didn’t offer more and was glad she didn’t press.
Stella poked her head out of the kitchen. “One of you can leave early tonight. Eleanor, I think it should be you, considering the morons you put up with earlier, but I’ll let the two of you work it out.”
Rose lifted her chin at me. “Go on and have fun.”
“You’re sure you don’t mind?”
“Nah. You can repay me another night when I have a date with Tim.”
I didn’t need her to tell me twice. I whipped off my apron and tossed it under the counter.
“Go home and make yourself beautiful, like you need to do that anyway,” Rose said as I headed for the door. “Wear that blue gown again.”
I waved my thanks and sprinted out the door. I didn’t tell her Daphne had bought me so many other gorgeous gowns. My small closet overflowed with clothes.
I snuck in a quick bath and flipped through the dresses, settling on a red gown that fell a few inches below my knees. I’d lost my shyness with Daphne these past months and didn’t mind at all that it had a plunging neckline. As I applied my makeup, I pondered how part of me longed for the day when I’d live with Daphne and part of me enjoyed my independence. I’d continued working at the diner, hoping I’d still get that big break. I made Daphne promise not to call anyone on my behalf. So far, she’d held up her end of the bargain.
I gazed at my reflection in the filmy, full-length mirror on the back of the rickety bathroom door and decided I needed some accessories. The diamond necklace Daphne had given me, along with the gold barrette, should work nicely.
I smiled at the image before me. Gone was the shy country girl from Banbury. Before me was a woman off to meet her lover.
* * *
After paying the taxi driver, I walked toward the house. Dorian greeted me with a smile and allowed me entrance through the gate. I weaved my way around the numerous cars parked in front of the mansion.
Upon entering the home, I searched for Daphne in the living room, packed with leading stars and extras, some male couples standing together, some women. I struggled through the crowd to the bar and ordered a flute of champagne, still seeking the woman I wanted most to see.
I walked outside and finished my drink as I continued to hunt down Daphne. Eventually, I deduced she must be in the house. I was about to go upstairs when someone grabbed my arm from behind.
“Eleanor, what a surprise. Daphne said you couldn’t make it.” Gordon gave me a tight smile and kept glancing upstairs. Quinn Tucker stood at his side.
“I didn’t see Daphne in the living room or out back, so I assumed she must be upstairs somewhere.” I started up the steps again, but his grip tightened.
“Why don’t you stay down here and have another drink? I’ll check for you.” He moved to the bottom stair.
Something wasn’t right. A cold, sick feeling hit me in the pit of my stomach. I yanked out of his grasp. “I’m going upstairs.”
I hurried, wanting to take two steps at a time, but didn’t dare chance it in my heels.
“Let me know if you find Daphne, Eleanor,” Gordon shouted. “It’s a little rude to be absent from her own party.” Again, he shouted the words.
With each step down the hallway, dread settled on me to the point that I was barely moving when I arrived at the closed bedroom door. Our room. That’s what I told myself before rapping my knuckles against the wood.
“Daph? Are you in there?”
There was rustling and cursing… and more than one voice.
“Wait, Ellie…”
I didn’t. I opened the door and tried to comprehend the scene before me. A nude woman was climbing over Daphne in an obvious effort to get to her clothes. When her feet hit the floor, I saw Daphne lying there, also nude and flushed. For some unknown reason, she grabbed the sheet and brought it up past her breasts, as if I hadn’t worshiped her body in the same way this woman did who was trying to flee the room.
Daphne’s young, red-haired companion scrambled into her clothes. She snatched up her shoes and hastened toward the door. I recognised her then. It was Janet, the woman from my first reading.
She opened her mouth to say something, but I cut her off.
“Just go,” I said in an even tone.
Janet hurried past me out of the room. I closed the door and leaned against it, angry with myself for the tears rolling down my cheeks.
“Ellie…”
Twisting around, I held up my hand to stave off her words. “Don’t.” After several calming breaths, I moved toward the bed. “How many?”
Daphne lowered her head. “Please don’t ask me.”
“How many?” I repeated, my voice rising.
“I don’t know.”
“There are so many, you’ve lost count?”
“No! Two or three, I guess. God, Ellie, why do you want to hear this?”
“Because I want to know how I rate.”
She shook her head. “Please don’t do this to yourself.”
The sobs I’d held back escaped from my throat. Daphne started to rise.
“Stay there,” I struggled to say through my sobs. “I want this image burned in my memory so I never make the same mistake again.” I moved to the door, had my hand on the doorknob, but stopped and looked back at her. “I love you, but I won’t be treated this way. Did you love me? Are you even capable of love?”
I didn’t wait for her answer. I flung open the door and stepped into the hall. The choked “Yes” I heard cut through me like a knife. It would’ve been easier if she’d said nothing. I stood at the top of the stairs and wiped away my tears before attempting the gauntlet to the front door.
Rushing down the steps, I kept my head down. As I pushed my way through the crowd, I heard Gordon’s deep voice. “Eleanor, wait.”
I stood outside with my back to him. He walked around to face me before speaking.
“You may not believe it, but she does love you.”
I tried to push past him. He stood his ground.
“She’s scared, Eleanor.”
“And deals with it by bedding other women? Is this part of your culture? Because where I come from, it’s called betrayal.”
“No one has touched her like you. Here.” He placed his hand over his heart. “You’re the first woman she’s seen more than twice. Did you know that?”
“That’s supposed to make me feel better?”
“Give her a little more time.”
“Time for what?” I almost shouted the words. Then I lowered my voice, knowing the door behind me was still open. “Time to break my heart again and again?” I moved past him and thought of something else. “And thank you for trying to prevent me from going upstairs,” I said, not attempting to hide my sarcasm.
I stormed down the sidewalk to the gate before I broke down again.
“Miss Burnett, are you all right?” Dorian asked me.
“No. Could you call me a cab, Dorian?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He stepped back into his booth and picked up the phone.
On the ride back to my apartment, I laid my head against the headrest of the taxi. The unbidden image of Daphne’s and Janet’s entwined bodies battered my mind.
I’d been so naïve. No more. I had willingly given my innocence to Daphne, thinking we had a future together, and it had been a lie. Just as I knew from the moment we met that I’d never be the same, I feared from this moment on, trust would be a cold-hearted enemy.
* * *
Chelsea finished reading the last line. “How did you recover from the deceit?”
Eleanor stared out at the gardens as though she hadn’t heard her question.
“Eleanor?”
“Two months went by before I spoke to her. And it’s not from her lack of trying. I refused another reading for one of her pictures, thinking it was a ruse to get me on the set so she could see me. Hal was so frustrated. He of course had no idea why I was turning down another opportunity. I can still hear his voice, ‘Eleanor, how can you give up now?’ I couldn’t tell him the real reason. I couldn’t betray her, despite what she’d done to me.”
“What happened when you spoke to each other again?” Bailey asked.
“She surprised me one night at my apartment. She looked like hell. Believe it or not, it didn’t give me much pleasure. I didn’t realize how much I missed her until I saw her standing in my doorway.”
“You forgave her,” Chelsea said, “but I’d find that almost impossible to do. Bailey and I never cheated on each other. That’s one thing I can say. We were always faithful.”
Eleanor cocked her head with a knowing smile. “But you cheated each other out of time, didn’t you?”
Chelsea sat back in her chair, stunned.
“Time apart can be just as much a mistress, Doctor Parker. Let’s see what happens.” Eleanor motioned at the diary. “Do you want to continue?”
Chelsea needed a break from the emotional reading and sought a diversion. She grabbed a shortbread cookie and shook her head. “I’m enjoying your cookies,” she mumbled around a bite and pointed at Bailey.
Bailey took the diary. “Where should I start?”
“Move ahead to February 24.”
“We’re not missing anything, are we?” Bailey asked as she flipped the pages.
“Two months of angst, which I don’t want to put you through.”
Chelsea finished off the last of the cookie and brushed the crumbs from her shirt. “You remember the exact date she came to your door?”
“Wouldn’t you?” Eleanor asked.
Chelsea shared a long look with Bailey. “I guess I would.”
“Please start reading, Bailey.”
“Here we go. Saturday, 24 February 1951. What a long day at the diner. It was my turn to repay Rose for the night at the Christmas party…”
* * *
I don’t know what was going on in the area tonight, but all of the regulars showed up and it seemed they had brought as many of their friends as they could gather. My feet were killing me on my walk home from Joe’s. I almost called a cab but didn’t have the money. Things had been tight for me. It’s not that Daphne paid for everything, but I did spend a lot of my nights and mornings eating at her place. Most of my money went for groceries now.
A nice breeze ruffled the hem of my uniform dress, but it didn’t help ease the soreness of my feet. I felt the beginnings of blisters underneath my thick calluses as I walked upstairs and down the hall to my flat.
Feeling somewhat refreshed after my bath, I boiled a pot of water for tea. I brought my steaming cup to the threadbare sofa, tucked my legs under me, and tried to enjoy something that at one time gave me such pleasure. But instead, it accentuated the loneliness that had been my constant bedfellow since that fateful night. I missed the talks I shared with Daphne after making love until the early hours of the morning. Who was I kidding? I missed her.
At first, I didn’t recognise the knock, thinking it was a backfire from a car passing by on the street below. But it came again. Someone was at the door. I glanced at the clock. Who would be visiting at almost midnight? Worried it might be feeble Mrs. Halberson from down the hall, I hurried to the door. I peeked through the peephole and swallowed back a gasp. Daphne. Wondering if it could be my vivid imagination or my fatigue conjuring up someone who wasn’t there, I checked again. But there she stood.
When I opened the door, we stared at one another. Her face was devoid of makeup. Dark circles under her eyes as well as worry lines on her forehead made her appear haggard. Rather than find comfort in the fact that she must have suffered without me, I felt a deep sadness.
“Hi,” she said in a timid voice. “Can I come in?”
I moved aside for her and shut the door.
“I took the chance that you might still be up. I remembered your twelve-hour shifts at the diner on Saturdays. If you’re too tired, I can go.”
I saw the fear in her haunted expression. Evidently fear that I would turn her out. I’d thought of this moment so many times. What I’d do. What I’d say. In my musings, I’d slam the door in her face or I’d slap her and tell her to stay out of my life forever.
But now she was a few feet away; now I smelled her unique scent and looked into those dark brown eyes that had drawn me to her so many times. The only thing I wanted to do was grab her and pull her to my chest.
“Please say something, Ellie.”
“Why don’t we sit down?”
She took a seat in the middle of the sofa, and I chose the chair.
“Would you like some tea?” I tried to remember the words I’d wanted to say if this moment presented itself.
“No.” She ran her fingers through her hair, a move I’d seen her make so many times. Before, it was seductive. Tonight, it conveyed her nervousness.
Rather than speak, I waited.
“You’re not going to make this easy, are you?” she asked.
I shifted back in my chair and crossed my legs. “Why should I?”
“I don’t know what to say except if I were in your shoes, I’m not even sure I would have let me through the door. But because you did, I’m hoping I still have a chance.” Daphne inflected the last word as a question.
“I thought of this moment. Thought of how I’d turn you away. But now that you’re here…” I stopped as emotion overtook me.
“I’m lost without you, Ellie. I know you may not believe me, but I’ve not been with anyone since that night. I think about you in the morning. I think about you during filming. I go to sleep at night with your name on my lips.” She slid nearer. She reached out to touch my knee, but I shifted away. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “No one ever moved me like you do, and I… I got scared. I never had the feelings you stir in me. I—”
“What are those feelings?”
Daphne raised her head, as if searching for her answers from above. “That I could lose my heart to you and never regret it. That I could fall in love with you and never want to be with another woman.” She looked at me then, and seeing the intensity there, my breath hitched. “That I could spend the rest of my life with you.” She wiped her wet cheeks as she spoke.
“I don’t understand, Daphne. How could these things be bad? How could you do what you did to me?” I shed my own tears. “You betrayed me and broke my heart.”
“I was afraid of losing my freedom. But instead, when I thought about the sex with those other women…”
I flinched.
“It was just that—sex,” she said hurriedly. “When I had sex with them, I was more and more alone and lost.”
“How many more of these episodes did you plan to partake in before you came to this conclusion?” I let my anger show.
“I don’t know.”
“At least you’re being honest now.”
Daphne must have sensed she was losing me. She grabbed my hand. “Since that night, I realise what a colossal fool I’ve been. I’ve never been in love before. Never. When we first went to bed together, I thought this could be fun. You were young, inexperienced. I thought back to my first encounter and how she had taught me. I thought I could do the same. Stomp on your heart and move on to the next.”
I yanked my hand away, but she knelt before me, took both my hands in hers, and squeezed them gently.
“But these last two months, I understood what I felt for you was love, and no matter what I might do or who I might bed, no one would be you. Only you could make me feel this way.” She caressed my cheek with her fingertips. “I love you, Ellie. Can you forgive me?”
I tried to find any trace of dishonesty in her eyes. I had a decision to make. Like that first time I initiated a kiss, it was up to me if I took the next step. I loved this woman. I knew that as sure as she knelt before me. But was it enough?
God help me. It would have to be.
“It will take a lot for me to trust again. If you can live with that, then I do forgive you.”
“Oh, Ellie.” Daphne crushed me in a tight hug. “You won’t regret this. It will never happen again. You have my word.”
“Where do we go from here?”
“Spend your life with me. Leave this.” She waved her hand to encompass the room. “Leave that job. Come live with me, and I’ll take care of you.”
“I need time,” I said. “We need time. But…”
“But?”
“But I do love you. After I learn to trust again, yes, I’ll move in with you.”
She brought me to her chest for another hug.
I pushed her gently away and held onto her shoulders. “The only way this will work is if we’re equals, Daphne. I know you’ll always have the money, the home, the fame, but I want a say in everything we do.”
“Whatever you want.”
“Don’t say that to make me happy. Say it because you mean it.”
“I mean it with all my heart.” She pressed her lips to mine.
That was my undoing. I put my hand behind her neck and pulled her forward, making the chaste kiss something much more.
We tried to catch our breath.
“You’ll never be sorry,” Daphne said.
I hoped she was right, because I couldn’t live without her.
* * *
“But she hurt you again, didn’t she?” Bailey asked.
“More than if she’d brought another woman to our bed.”
“Yet, you still stayed together for almost sixty more years,” Chelsea said.
“What did the last line of that day’s entry say?” Eleanor asked her.
Bailey opened the diary and looked at the words. “That you couldn’t live without her. Still…”
“Even though she did what she did to me in 1954, my love for her didn’t die. Would you have let Chelsea go for this? No, wait.” Eleanor tapped her temple with her index finger. “That’s right. You ended your relationship because you were busy and grew apart. I believe those were the words.”
“It was a difficult time for us,” Bailey said. “Yes, we were busy. Incredibly busy. I was flying out of state, sometimes even leaving the country, to conduct research for weeks at a time. Chelsea had her own obligations. She’s very well respected in her field.”
“You’re in gender studies at the university, correct?” Eleanor asked Chelsea who raised her eyebrows. “Don’t look so surprised that an old woman knows how to use a computer.”
“My core concentration is lesbian feminism and film.”
“That’s right. You’ve had several books published. And one of your biographies was up for an award. The one on Marlene Dietrich? About two years ago?”
“Yes.”
“Outstanding work, Doctor Parker.”
Chelsea’s face reddened.
“No need to be embarrassed.” Eleanor turned to Bailey. “And you. You’ve done some remarkable work with Ms. Addison.”
Bailey tried to hide her surprise that Eleanor checked into her credentials, but she wasn’t successful.
“Like I said, I may be eighty-one, but I do know how to, what’s the word? Surf? Ms. Addison speaks highly of you on her website.” Eleanor stood up and stretched. “I think that’s enough for the day.” She reached for her cup. Bailey didn’t miss the tremor in her hand as she placed the cup on the tray. “Why don’t we take a break tomorrow? That will give you time to go over anything you may want to discuss. Perhaps together?”
Bailey chuckled. “You aren’t going to give up, are you?”
“Not where you two are concerned. I’ll see you day after tomorrow. Come a little later next time, say around ten?”
Bailey and Chelsea agreed and watched as she entered her home.
“I wonder how much Daphne’s death has taken out of her,” Chelsea said. “Over sixty years together. I can’t imagine…”
“Can’t imagine what, Chels?”
“I can’t imagine how I’d be if something were to happen to you.” The wind ruffled her hair, carrying the soft scent of the roses up from the gardens.
Seeing the sun sparkle in Chelsea’s eyes, Bailey had a rush of memory from their college days. “Let’s go to the lake tomorrow.”
“The lake? You mean Lake Monroe?”
“Yeah. Let’s pack a picnic lunch and head down there. We can take our notes if you want, since Eleanor mentioned that. Or we can go and talk and…” Bailey tried to read Chelsea’s expression and thought she saw hesitation. “Or we don’t have to. It was just an idea.”
Chelsea smiled, bringing out her dimples. “I think that sounds like fun.”
“You do?”
“Why don’t you pick me up tomorrow at eleven since you know where I’m at? Would that work for you?”
A trembling hit Bailey’s stomach that she hadn’t experienced since their first dates together. “I think I can arrange that, Doctor Parker.”
Chelsea slapped her arm on their way around the house. “Don’t you start. One person giving me a hard time is enough.”