“Can Danny come in, too?” Mandy asked hesitantly from the doorway. “Daddy said no dogs allowed in the house. You discussed it.”
Nikki swallowed her anger and smiled. “What Daddy said doesn’t matter anymore. Danny lives here now.”
Mandy hurried inside. She stopped suddenly, her mouth agape, her eyes saucer-sized.
“Mommy, it’s all changed,” she said, her voice filled with excitement. With Danny chasing her, she ran off to explore the house.
Knowing she didn’t remember her home because it had been altered eased Nikki’s dismay.
“Thomas made some changes to make the house nicer,” Jason said.
Nikki smiled. “You mean easier to sell.”
Jason put his arm around her shoulder. “That, too. When we went to Colorado, he pulled out the contractors he’d hired and left everything half-done. I spoke to Rick, and two local guys came in and finished the job. If you want anything changed, just let me know.”
There went that hand in his hair again. “You said you wanted to come back here to live and you couldn’t have otherwise. I hope it’s okay.”
“Thank you.” She stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. “I remember someone telling me that, but it slipped my mind. Have the men been paid?”
“Yeah. The bill went to Thomas, and he reluctantly coughed up the money. He’d stored your furniture, so it’s been brought back. The upstairs wasn’t touched.”
“I like it this way, Mommy.” Mandy came running back into the room. “The kitchen is all shiny, and there’s a big room with a fireplace at the back. Daddy’s office is gone, too.”
The house, open-concept, was light and airy. It was beautiful, if a little austere and sparsely decorated, but a few new pieces of furniture, brightly colored cushions, and knick-knacks would fix that. She noted the artwork on the walls.
“I’d have expected to see some of my paintings hanging in here,” she said. She stepped over to the closest one and examined it. “This definitely isn’t my work.”
“The house probably reflects his taste, not yours. This,” he indicated the room, “reminds me a lot of the clinic. Why don’t you have a look around down here while I bring in the stuff from the car? You can redecorate the place any way you like.”
She turned away from the painting.
“Minimalism isn’t my style, or it isn’t any more. Bringing in all our stuff will take a while. Do you want help?”
The SUV was crammed full of bags and boxes of food, clothing, shoes, boots, toys, and other necessities she’d purchased for Mandy and herself. Other things, including a dollhouse, would be delivered next week along with the art supplies she’d purchased.
“It’s okay. I’m really strong,” he joked. “I can manage.”
He assumed the classic body builder stance, making her laugh.
“You are strong. You can carry me and Mommy, and you don’t even complain about doing it.”
Jason smiled at Mandy and winked at her. “Anytime, munchkin. Just let me know when you need a lift.”
Nikki watched him leave, and then turned to examine the main floor of her home, admiring the simplicity and efficiency of the design. Jason came in behind her, placed the grocery bags on the kitchen island, and put his arms around her. The blue and white ceramic floor gleamed as did the new stainless steel appliances. She was sure the room looked nothing like it had that night, and she secretly thanked Thomas for that.
“Apparently your cleaning lady used to come in once a week. I’m sure she’ll be happy to continue doing so. I can help with laundry and yard work, but if you want something other than take-out, you’ll have to cook.”
She turned in his arms and lifted hers around his neck. “That’ll work. I’m a good cook, remember?” She stood on tiptoes and kissed him softly. “But for tonight, we have that lasagna in the oven, and it smells delicious. There’s a salad in the fridge, too, and it looks like Trudy stocked the basics.”
Jason moved to kiss her again, but Mandy called, and they climbed the stairs to see what she wanted.
The little girl was standing in the doorway of the front bedroom. The puppy was sitting on the lower bunk as if he belonged there.
“Mommy, can I have this room now, please? It’s got bunk beds, and Lily could sleep over.”
Nikki saw the pleading on her face and moved into the doorway to look at her daughter’s choice.
It was a boy’s room, complete with bunks, two lowboy dressers, and a desk and chair all made of blond oak. The walls were painted dark blue, the curtains and bedspreads a paler shade of blue. The laptop on the desk was hooked up to a video game controller. There were no toys in the room, but the autographed San Francisco Giants game poster recalled the sounds and smells of a ballpark.
I took him to that game.
The room shimmered, and as she looked over at the bottom bunk, she saw a small boy dressed in baseball pajamas, his brown hair still wet from the shower, his chocolate eyes sparkling with excitement. He held a baseball glove in one hand and a ball in the other.
“I made the team, Mommy.”
She was filled with sorrow so devastating its blackness threatened to engulf her. She reached out to her son, but the sound of Mandy’s voice dragged her back. The puppy sat on the bunk, his head cocked to one side.
“Why are you crying, Mommy?” The concern in her daughter’s voice anchored her.
Jason pulled her into his arms.
“I thought you were going to faint.” His face was a mass of conflicting emotions. “Are you all right? Should I call the doctor?”
“I’m fine.” She smiled although the tears continued to fall. “I remember Danny. I remember my son.”
“Mommy, doesn’t remembering make you happy?”
“It does, sweetie, but it also makes me sad because now I know how much I loved him, and how much I miss him.”
“I miss him, too.” Mandy hugged her. “He’d be happy I named my puppy after him, wouldn’t he?”
Tears continued to slide down Nikki’s cheeks. “He most certainly would. He wanted a puppy, too.”
“Then can I have his room?”
Nikki laughed through her tears. “Why don’t we wait and see? Show me your room. If it’s big enough, maybe we can get bunk beds for you, too.” She wasn’t ready to change anything in here yet.
Jason cleared his throat. She could read the sympathy and helplessness on his face.
“I’ll bring up the stuff from downstairs.”
She took Mandy’s small hand in hers, needing to stay focused. She couldn’t give in to the crippling sorrow she felt. Tonight, after Mandy was in bed, she’d give herself over to her grief. She’d sit down and remember her son.
“Show me your room.”
Mandy nodded solemnly.
Nikki allowed her daughter to lead her down the hall, past the washroom, into a room decorated in mauve and white. The room contained a French provincial styled dresser and mirror, a matching double bed and night table, a bookcase, and a large rocking chair, but it was more impersonal than the hotel room she’d just left. Again, there were no dolls or teddy bears, none of the things she’d have associated with a five-year-old girl’s room. There were a couple of prints on the walls, but even these didn’t suit a child. No wonder her daughter wanted another room.
“Where are all your toys?’ Nikki asked.
Mandy pointed to the bookshelf. “My books are there.” She opened the closet door and pointed to a small toy chest. “My stuffies and dollies are in here, but my big toys like my baby carriage and my tricycle are in the garage. Daddy didn’t let us play in our rooms. It made them messy, and he didn’t like messes.”
“Well, this place needs redecorating. You have lots of new toys now and your doll house will be here next week. If we get you bunk beds, you’ll have lots of space to play. I believe a table and chairs set and maybe an art easel would look good in that corner. What do you think?”
Mandy threw herself into her arms. “You’re the bestest mommy in the whole world.” She hugged her tightly. “I love you.”
Nikki swallowed, ashamed for not standing up to the man who’d been her husband.
“Why don’t you show me my room now?” she suggested.
Mandy led her into the master bedroom, which was as lifeless as the rest of the house. The memories she’d feared didn’t surface, and Nikki relaxed. It was just a room. The en suite bathroom brought back no recollections either.
Jason entered carrying her two new suitcases.
“I put Mandy’s things in the room with the purple bedspread. I figured that was hers since all my stuff is across the hall, and the other room up here is empty. Trudy said the lasagna will be ready in about an hour. That’ll give you time to unpack.”
She squared her shoulders and nodded. “Good idea. Come on, Mandy. Let’s put your new things away first.”
• • •
Jason stood on the back deck, watching the stars come out, and feeling like the worst kind of heel. How could he have forgotten about clothes?
Before supper, Nikki had unpacked Mandy’s suitcase and bagged all the things the little girl had outgrown. He’d carried the bags downstairs for her.
They’d eaten at the kitchen table, enjoying the sunset. The meal had been delicious, and they’d cleaned up the kitchen together while Mandy cuddled on the rattan couch—no doubt deck furniture brought in to make the room less bare—to watch one of her favorite television shows while Nikki unpacked her things.
He’d gone up to stow his gear and walked in on her emptying the dresser drawers in the guest room, tears running down her cheeks. The items she placed so carefully in that bag were baby clothes, intended for the child she’d lost—lost because of him.
He held her in his arms and let her cry her heart out as guilt consumed him. When she’d pulled away and said she’d go empty her suitcases, he’d quickly put his stuff away and escaped outside where he’d burned off some of his frustration and anguish by mowing the lawn.
He berated himself for not asking Rick to go through the drawers and the closets. She’d come down twenty minutes ago with a good-sized cardboard box that she placed beside the items he’d take to the local thrift shop in the morning. He was dismayed to see maternity clothes on top. He didn’t know if the baby clothes were on the bottom, but he suspected they might be.
Nikki came out of the house, the screen door closing softly behind her. He’d made a small fire in the chiminea at the edge of the deck, moved the loveseat closer to it, and had uncorked a bottle of the cabernet he knew she liked. After the cold in Colorado, it felt downright balmy. Mild late November evenings were a treat in Larosa, and spending one with Nikki was a dream come true. He just wished he knew how to ease her pain. Confessing sin might be good for the soul, but all he could see it doing in this case was causing more pain and ruining whatever chance he had of making it up to her.
“Mandy settled?”
He handed her a glass of wine and a serape to cover herself. He didn’t want her catching cold.
“Thanks. Yes. She and the puppy are comfortably tucked in the bed. I won’t be able to get that dog to sleep anywhere else from now on, but it doesn’t matter. He comforts her, and with everything that’s happened, she’s entitled.”
She stared into the fire. There was a deep sadness on her face, and he’d do anything to see her smile again. He led her over to the padded love seat and sat beside her, putting his arm around her. He definitely cared more deeply for this woman than he’d ever expected to.
“This wasn’t the kind of homecoming I’d anticipated. I’d hoped you’d be happy to be home again.”
She reached up and touched his cheek. Her eyes shone with unshed tears.
“I am, Jason, I am. Can’t you see that this is the very best thing that could ever have happened? I’m sad, but I’m also relieved. I remember my son and my pregnancy. I loved him so much and I wanted that baby.”
She lifted the glass of wine to her lips, drank, and continued to stare into the fire for a few moments.
“It was the most incredible thing. The room shifted, and I saw him. He spoke to me and he was happy. Suddenly, it was as if the floodgates opened, and all sorts of memories of him and Mandy filled me. I don’t remember everything, but I recall enough to know I loved him, and he loved me.”
Tears flowed down her cheeks.
“He was crazy about baseball. Now that I remember him, it’s as if he’s still a part of me. He exists in my heart, and as long as he’s there, he’s real. I’m glad I made those plans to have his ashes exhumed and sent here. I want to visit his grave and talk to him. I have my son back. Thank you for bringing me, us, home.”
He pulled her closer to him and held her, letting tears of shame run down his cheeks.
• • •
Nikki’s sobs woke him. He frowned. She hadn’t had a nightmare in the last two weeks, but today had been an emotional one. He sat up, reached across the bed, and turned on the bedside lamp. Her weeping tore him apart.
He got up, padded down the hall, and realized she was caught once more in the nightmares that had plagued her in Colorado.
She’d thrown off the covers. Her body, barely covered by a white lace teddy and the briefest of bikini panties, was bathed in perspiration, and she kept shaking her head from side to side. She mumbled unintelligible words, and tears poured down her cheeks. He sat on the bed and lifted her into his arms.
“Wake up, Nikki. It’s just a bad dream. Come on, honey. Come back to me.”
He felt her stiffen and then relax in his arms. The dream released her, but she continued to cry.
“It’s over. You’ll be okay now.”
He didn’t want to leave her, but it would be almost impossible to lie down and hold her tonight. Dressed the way she was, he’d have to really be an angel to keep from taking what his body craved so painfully.
“Don’t leave me,” she begged. “Please don’t leave me.”
He couldn’t deny her, even though holding her would be agony.
“I won’t.”
He stretched out on the bed beside her and pulled her spoon-like to him the way he often had. His body betrayed his need for her, and he hoped she wouldn’t notice.
She turned over in his arms and faced him.
“Make love to me, Jason. Make love to me and chase the monsters away once and for all.”
The pleading in her voice tore at him.
“You don’t know what you’re asking. Believe me, I want to, but once we do, everything changes. There are things you need to know . . . ”
“I don’t care about them. Make love to me.” Her voice was soft and determined. She lifted her hand and touched the side of his face, pulling him down to her.
His lips touched her cheek and tasted the salt of her tears. His mouth moved to hers, and she responded so strongly he was lost. Whatever good intentions he’d had were gone, buried under need and desire. He could no more deny himself this than he could stop breathing.
“I won’t be able to let you go, Nikki.” Having her once would never be enough.
He rained kisses along the side of her face and down her throat. He nuzzled her ear, licked at the throbbing pulse in her neck, and kissed his way to the edge of the teddy. As he explored her throat with his mouth, his hand moved over her body slowly, softly, imprinting the texture of every inch of her in his memory. He’d fantasized being with her this way, but not even his wildest dream came close to the wonder of reality.
Her skin was damp and hot, silky smooth, flawed only by the minor scars left from the surgeries. His senses reveled in the moment. Her body seemed to flare hotter as his hand caressed her. She smelled of vanilla and lavender.
Her breathing was heavy as her arousal increased, and the sound excited him. He shifted his position and removed her scraps of lace and his pajama bottoms, wanting to touch all of her with all of him. He lay on his side, admiring the faint glow of her alabaster skin in the dim light from the bathroom. He’d never seen a more magnificent woman in his life.
She was small and delicate, but everything about her was proportioned. She might be an artist, but she was a work of art herself. Had Botticelli seen her, he’d have known he’d found his Venus.
He cupped first one and then the other of her flawless breasts, teasing the nipples erect. His mouth closed over the tender buds, and he laved them. He felt her shudder at his ministrations, and soft moans of pleasure escaped her. He moved his mouth lower, and her breath came in shallow pants. He kissed the tender flesh of her tight abdomen. He moved his hand to the apex of her thighs, felt the moisture there, and knew she was ready for him. As much as he wanted to pleasure her and drive her to climax, he couldn’t wait a second longer.
He rose on his knees above her, careful to keep his weight off her delicate body, and eased himself into her, joining their bodies together. For the first time in his life, he felt complete. With each thrust, he felt the primal rhythm of life flowing through him. He drove them higher, and when he felt her climax grip her, he cried out her name and joined her.
Exhausted, he rolled off her, and pulled her close to him. His heart pounded out a staccato in rhythm with hers. With his hand, he pulled the blankets up over them, and together they fell into a deep sleep. He knew he’d never be able to let her go. He only hoped she felt the same way.
• • •
Nikki awoke, stretched, as contented as a cat, and reached out for Jason, only to find she was alone in the bed. Disappointment filled her. Making love had been the most incredible experience. She knew, regardless of her incomplete memories, she’d never felt that way before. She sighed. This was what it felt like to be well loved. She looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table. It was barely after six, and yet despite the night’s activity, she felt energized.
She got up, went into the bathroom, and turned on the shower, allowing the water to invigorate her. When the shower door opened and Jason entered, she smiled. Last night, she’d barely glimpsed the magnificent body she’d explored with her hands and mouth.
She blushed, thinking of the liberties they’d taken with one another. He had a dusting of golden hair across his chest, and the only marks on him were two scars—one on his left shoulder, the other under his right arm. His was the body of an athlete with rock-hard abs and muscles that rippled down his arms and legs. He was overwhelmingly sexy with a narrow waist, lean hips, and long, muscular thighs.
Her eyes were drawn to his magnificent erection, and she wanted him again just as much as she’d wanted him last night.
“I was going to surprise you with breakfast in bed.” He pulled her slick, wet body next to his and kissed her. “But I see it’ll have to wait. I have more pressing things to do.”
She laughed at the teasing in his voice. “Oh yeah? And what might that be?”
He smiled wickedly and raised his eyebrows. “Why, Ms. Longtain, you need your back washed, and I’m just the man to do it.”
Hearing him call her by her rightful name thrilled her. The paperwork would arrive in the next week or two. She’d changed Mandy’s name, too. She wanted no reminders of either Thomas Lincoln or Sam Hart.
“Why, Agent Spark, I’d be honored to have you wash my back and anything else you think might need cleaning.”
“That’s an invitation I’m not going to turn down.”
The feel of his soap-covered hands on her body was the most erotic sensation she’d ever imagined. He stood behind her, his erection smooth against her back, and rubbed circles on her breasts. The nipples hardened to the point of discomfort, begging for his touch.
His hand moved lower, his fingers filling her, and within moments she climaxed hard, flying apart in a shower of stars, calling his name in her ecstasy. When he slipped into her molten core, she convulsed around him again and rode the wild and wonderful waves of heat that surrounded her. She felt him explode within her, crying out her name in his release as he’d done last night. If he hadn’t been holding her, she’d have fallen, weak from the wonder and beauty of his lovemaking. She leaned back against his chest and panted.
They stood slumped together against the wall, letting the water massage their sated bodies. Recovering first, Jason turned off the water and opened the door. He dried off quickly, turned, and wrapped her lovingly in her robe.
He picked her up and carried her back to bed where a carafe of coffee sat on a tray beside two cups. He stood her up and poured coffee into her cup, added cream and sugar, and handed it to her.
“Happy Thanksgiving, Nikki,” he said. “This year I really have something to be grateful for.”
She put down the coffee cup and reached for him. “As do I.”
By the time they got back to the coffee, it was cold.