I’m going to be dead honest with you. I’m a bit of a worrier. It’s why I’m on the more … what does Mum call it? The cautious side.
I think it might have started when Mum got run over when I was six. She broke her pelvis and was in the hospital for ages. I don’t remember a lot of it, but I do remember seeing her in plaster up to her actual face and thinking, Oh, don’t leave me, Mum. It just seems like the world is a really dangerous place. And when you google stuff, it gets worse. Six hundred fifty thousand car accidents a year are caused by random insects. A plane once crashed because of some wasps in a tiny tube. There’s a jellyfish the size of a fingernail that can kill you! Okay, it’s very unlikely for jellyfish to be in Devon, where we normally go on holiday, but still! Stepladders, scarves, lawnmowers, cows! All these things have caused serious injuries, you know.
I’d better not google “accidents caused by exercise bikes.” That’ll be another thing to worry about.
Granddad gets it. He seems to see through me. He says Grandma was like this, too. “The Swan,” he called her. She looked graceful on the outside, but underneath, where no one could see, she was paddling furiously. Mum gets it, too. Or used to, before Gary.
So, YES, Lauren. You only live once. So be careful.
This is why I like my bedroom so much. You’ve got friends on Messenger and you’ve got people on YouTube who just want to make you laugh or help you put your lippy and blusher on the right way. AND you’ve got people who seem quite happy to jump into frozen lakes dressed as lizards to promote their band. You can watch other people do the risky stuff. I CAN STAY SAFE.
Who am I kidding? Your bedroom is also the place where trolls can say what they like about you. Or where you can see the photos Mr. Style Shame has posted of you looking like a massive spoon.
Perhaps Lauren is right. Perhaps I should start #YOLOing and just GO FOR IT. I’ve broken free from Mum and the Neat Freak. Perhaps I am braver than I thought. Better than I thought. And being a panda to cheer up Lauren was pretty epic. Perhaps I should just do a vlog. Instagram is great, but with a vlog you can TALK to people. Have a laugh. Perhaps I should just put the camera on now and just … just …
What?
What sort of stuff would I talk about? I can’t talk about fashion or beauty—and, anyway, hundreds of vloggers are already doing it way better than me. Could I pretend to be an animal other than a panda? Maybe my specialty is just comedic bears.
Dave is looking at me. Right now, I think she’d make a better vlogger than me, and she’s currently trying to attack my cardigan and eat her own tail at the same time.