My cat vlog already has over a thousand views, which must be because it has been liked by the DAILY DANESH and he has COMMENTED!
Great cat. Chill. Funny. Purrfect pet, YEAAHHHH. All the thumbs.
The Daily Danesh is one of the BEST vloggers around. He’s a boy who lives with his grandma and created Frozen-Food Jenga. (He made a sixty-inch tower of frozen fish fingers and potato wedges!) He’s a LEGEND, and HE HAS SEEN ME. He must like the fact that my female cat is called Dave.
It seems that Dave not being a viral sensation is actually quite funny. I can see in other places that the vlog’s been shared by loads of people at school … including Danny Trudeau.
I think he’s just trying to sort of be “in” with everyone.
You can stop thinking what I KNOW you’re thinking. No. He does not fancy me. He doesn’t even know me! This is real life—not Disney. Boys like him don’t fall into Big Hug Time with girls like me. You know what I mean.
I take a screengrab and change my bio to Favorited by the Daily Danesh because this is huge and just what I needed after my mum made me feel like I was about seven years old.
I run downstairs to tell everyone. Teresa and Dad are arm wrestling, so I tell Granddad instead. He’s not very impressed. In fact, he’s rude.
“So someone you’ve never met before—you have absolutely no idea what he’s REALLY like—decided that you’ve said something a bit good and pressed some sort of thumb symbol thing, and that’s a cause for celebration?!”
I leap in the air, clap, and shout, “YES!”
“I know you’re a clever girl, Millie,” Granddad mumbles, “but I’m not going to get excited every time something tiny like that happens. You’ll get a big head, and there’s nothing worse than that. Especially in a woman.”
I don’t really want to do that “old people don’t get it” thing but OLD PEOPLE REALLY DON’T GET IT, do they? Besides, perhaps if Granddad had given more praise to his children, they wouldn’t currently be practicing WWE–style wrestling on the front-room carpet—they’re in their late thirties!
Also, “Especially in a woman”?! I decide to make it my responsibility while I am here to drag Granddad into this century with some epic feminism.
Slightly deflated, I go back upstairs to the room that is not really my room. I realize that I didn’t even say good-bye to my actual best friend due to my family’s nonstop drama. I message her.
Sorry for earlier, Loz. Will think of vlogs that aren’t about Miss Mad Cat! See you tomoz. BTW Daily Danesh liked it!
I don’t want to show off, but I am chuffed and minted and all the joys.
Lauren replies almost immediately with two hundred emojis and:
Class, Mills. C-L-A-S-S!
It’s an okay response, but, between you and me, I’m a bit disappointed. This is my best friend, and the Daily Danesh is big, so I reply:
Are you okay?
If I’m being honest with you, that really means: “That was a bit of a rubbish message. Why? Are you okay?”
My phone pings, like, IMMEDIATELY.
No. They are yelling again. It’s horrible.
INSTANT GUILT. Why am I getting excited about a favorite when Lauren basically lives in the equivalent of one of those really horrible places you see on television, where there’s constant war?
I message back.
Stay out of it. Do like I do when it gets to be too much. Put your headphones on, do some coloring, and remember: I think you ARE THE BEST.
Lauren sends back loads of hearts. Send the love. Feel the love. It’s what you have to do, isn’t it?! That is just properly sensible.
Can I tell you what I’ve noticed? Not many adults are feeling the love. Lauren’s parents argue pretty much 24/7 about everything. During the summer holidays, while Lauren and I watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, her mum and dad had a row about everything from Lauren’s swimming lessons (she didn’t want to go) to Lauren’s gerbil (was it dead or just really tired?) that lasted the ENTIRE film. When a boy wizard can save the entire world in the same time that you have screamed about a dead mouse thing, you should probably realize that you have problems.
My problem is that I now can’t stop checking the views on my vlog. Maybe now that Danny has seen me online, I can actually say hi to him in real life at school tomorrow?
Or maybe I’ll just stay quiet and safe and UNDER THE RADAR in real life.