When I see Lauren at school the next day before homeroom, she looks tired. “They shouted till about two in the morning,” she moans. She pulls the books out of her locker in the corridor like she hates everything. “Millie, it was pretty horrible. It was slightly funny, though, when I heard my dad say, ‘The way you arrange the spice rack is madness!’ It’s very difficult dealing with people who are getting really angry about coriander and ground nutmeg.”
Lauren smiles but seems like she’s about to sob, too. It’s times like this when your best friend needs a lift, so I change the subject.
“What about the next vlog?” I’m talking very quietly because I don’t want anyone else to know just yet. “How about a ‘How NOT to Be a Parent’ vlog? You and I have got lots of personal experiences we could share.”
Lauren does a little jump in the air. She brightens up pretty much immediately. “I LOVE IT, MILLS! The point is that it’s a global, universal issue. Like gaming. And makeup. All the big vlogs are about the stuff that is worldwide and really matters. Like cats and really amazing cakes.”
I decide to just come out with it: “We could talk about your parents!”
Now, I know this is touchy, so I quickly say, “But we could disguise ourselves.”
Lauren stares at me intensely. “We could totally wear huge wigs.”
“Hm. Maybe not.” I don’t tell her that’s possibly the worst idea in the world. I just gently say, “But I think if we start off by talking about it from our own—”
Lauren interrupts, “Like if I talk about the argument last night. I mean, loads of parents probably argue about swimming, gerbils, and the precise placement of herbs in the spice rack.”
I can sense that she is being sarcastic.
“Actually, they probably do, Lauren. I bet that argument has happened the world over. I bet that if we did a vlog about that, we’d…”
Suddenly, the atmosphere around us goes icy cold. A shadow appears. We’ve been spotted. Hunted. Cornered.
“Well, well, well! Look who it is! Millie Porter! We ARE causing a bit of a stir, aren’t we?”
Abandon the plans. Put all defenses up. Erin Breeler is coming this way.