I call Lauren immediately. Every second that comment is on there, someone could see it and report back. And when Erin sees it or hears about it, she isn’t going to be happy that someone has accused her of being less than perfect in front of her followers. She will take things even more nuclear. She’ll use Weapons of Mass Social Media Destruction.
Lauren picks up the phone after no rings. “I know, I know,” she yelps, “but I just can’t take that girl any longer. We have to stand up to her, Millie. We have to stick our heads above the parasol!”
“Parapet.” I have to correct her.
“Yeah, whatever—what is a parapet?”
I google it. “It’s ‘a low, protective wall along the edge of a roof, bridge, or balcony.’”
“Yes!” Lauren shouts. “We need to stick our entire bodies over the social-media parapet and put up an anti–Erin parasol to guard against her onslaught of being … fantastic. I will delete the comment, though. Hopefully she’s waxing and hasn’t seen!”
I tell Lauren my plan. I’ve been thinking about it since the hallway clash this morning. “I bet that the best way to fight back is to make another vlog that makes US number one at school. And then no one will remember Mr. Style Shame or the exercise bike.”
“YES! But you’ve got to do it RIGHT. The right name. The right look. The right EVERYTHING. We HAVE to take it as seriously as Erin. She basically has a brand.”
“You’re right, Lauren. No more cats or pandas or ‘How NOT to’ vlogs. This is going to be the real thing. You do realize, though,” I say, “that this means she will go for us, Loz? It’s not just sticking our heads above the parasol.”
“Parapet! Now you’re getting it wrong!” Lauren giggles.
This makes me laugh, too. “Yes. That. Again. This is us sticking our heads above the entire world and saying, ‘ERIN BREELER! We are here with our vlog, and it’s about the things that REALLY matter. It’s the stuff-that-really-matters vlog!’ I know! How about we talk about how we deal with school, home, boys, makeup—we can cover everything?! EVERYTHING THAT MATTERS EVER AND EVERYTHING THAT WILL EVER MATTER! And we can start with…”
I trail off. I sound ridiculous.
“Yeah. This might need a bit of thought, Mills.” Lauren sounds uncomfortable. “And what should we call it? If we’re taking on Erin, we can’t sound like spoons.”
She’s right.
Lauren pauses and whispers, “Perhaps we can make up a really smart pseudo–cyber bully called Tarryn Teeler?!”
“Oh, Lozza, I’m not sure that will work. I know—I’ll come over after school tomorrow, and we can discuss and plan fully.”
I get off the phone and trip over a tennis ball that has rolled out from under the bed. Our next vlog will have to be filmed somewhere quiet, where there is little chance of someone crazy coming in, and when I hear Teresa singing about her latest Tinder date, I know that means not here.