When I check my phone between classes, I find that the High Commission of Canada in the United Kingdom and someone called Annabelle D’Sa have favorited my comment. I suppose it doesn’t really matter that actually the entire country of Canada thinks I love it.
Lauren agrees. “They are probably nice people, too. Their flag has a leaf on it that looks really approachable and friendly.”
How can a leaf look friendly?
Lauren googles it. “Look at it! It’s sort of jumping in the air and saying, ‘Come in … to my hot tree!’”
“You’re off your tree, Lauren—that’s the basic problem.”
We collapse into giggles.
“Seriously, though, Mills, we mustn’t get distracted from the vlog. Let’s see how things are going with the Dave one. Maybe someone’s got an idea for Hashtag Help.” Lauren flicks the phone out from her pocket.
The numbers haven’t changed from last time. Not one more like. Not one more view.
I’m a bit gutted by this. However much #Help means to us, it’s probably not going to be a success. How do people even become popular?! How do you win against all the celebrities, people jumping into frozen swimming pools, and experiments involving sticky goo and massive water balloons?! Or the Erin Breelers of this world?
Lauren sees that I’m down. “You know what you’ve got to do: When you see Bradley Sanderson on Saturday, you HAVE to get him to tell you how he gets so many hits for his stuff about boring stairs. Then we can start vlogging properly.”
I will, but after today, I’m not sure he’s going to tell me that much. I think he’s probably just being kind. He’s only really interested in his own thing, though. Between you and me, I admire him.
Anyway, I should just get over myself and ask for more advice.
“Yeah. You should … ask … or talk or … whatever you think is the right thing, Mills.” Lauren seems distracted. “Sorry!” She sounds embarrassed. “I’m looking at the Instagram photo of the Canadian bottom again.”
I’m still a bit uncomfortable with it. I would hate it if someone did that to me, but I just have a quick look. It is fabulous. It’s a really tremendous view of someone’s back. Since I commented on it, it’s got loads of likes and more comments, including—
“Lauren. LOOK at the comments!” We’re late for history now, but I am FULL of rage. We read it together.
I hope @LeanneP asked permission from @DannyTruds before posting this #Creepy
It’s from Erin.
She’s also replied to my comment about Canada with the embarrassed monkey emoji. Maybe my Danny love wasn’t so subtle after all.
Lauren points to the phone and says every word in slow motion. “Can you EVEN believe the total hypocrite, two-facedness of it? After what she did to you with the exercise bike … She really is a major piece of work.”
I know the real reason why Erin is acting like Miss Moral Social Media. Hot boys unofficially belong to her till she says otherwise. And she has to be the first to know all the gossip. Still, we’ve been warned.… I explain this to Lauren, and she looks really impressed.
“You are basically a psychologist, Millie,” she says. “You just need to do a vlog that’s actually good and doesn’t make you sound like a seven-year-old that’s just got hold of his mum’s phone while she’s hanging out the washing.”
I death-stare Lauren.
“It’s a compliment. Sort of,” she says.