After Mum’s gone, I feel a bit down. It doesn’t help that it’s Monday, when you just feel like you’ve got so far to go till the weekend.
If I were doing an honest vlog tonight, this is what I would talk about:
1. Those comments really hurt. They sting inside and make me feel sick. I KNOW they shouldn’t, but they do. And I want to keep the vlog going so Erin and all the haters don’t win. BUT IT’S HARD.
2. My dad is never here! Granddad acts more like my dad. I see Dave the cat more than I see my own father—and she’s always out doing the feline party thing. I know Dad loves having me here, but it’s just like my mum said: Dad is completely … his own man. He is not a bad man. He is not a bad dad. If I were in trouble, I know he would be here for me. But in normal life, he just lets me get along with things, and he does his own thing, and I …
3. Okay, I’m only telling you this: I sort of miss a clean home and knowing people are going to be around when they say they will be. I don’t miss McWhirter and CONSTANTLY being treated like an actual ball of fluff on laminate wood flooring, but I do miss all the … organization. The stuff that makes you feel safe and not … panicky. I AM SO DULL. If only the Neat Freak Gary Woolton would DISAPPEAR and take his special antistatic flat-screen wipes somewhere else.
4. I love Danny Trudeau, and I’ve got no chance. And this isn’t me wanting you to say, “Of course you have, Millie!” in a fish-for-compliments special, because if you’ve seen Erin, you’d know what I mean. ZERO chance.
5. If all that wasn’t enough, I’m confused about Bradley Sanderson. I didn’t want to admit it to Lauren, but I think I like him. In what way, I don’t even know. I need the sensible part of my head to detach from all the squiggled-spoon-confused bits and sort it out. Or I could tell Mum. But that would mean admitting that I can’t really cope and I’m not that … clever. Or wise. Or anything my vlog claims.
So that’s my honest vlog. But there’s no way I want to share all this with the rest of the world right now. Just with you and Dave the cat, who is currently halfway up the curtain, swinging from side to side. To her, a curtain is just a fabric playground. She’s probably only copying what Aunty Teresa has already done anyway.