Meeting Bradley in the shopping center on Saturday, again, starts off sort of weirdly.
We meet by his favorite lift, and the first thing I notice is that he’s looking really good. And the fact that I think he looks good takes me by surprise. He’s got a Star Wars T-shirt on with a jacket, and it sort of works. “I was going to do the full cosplay Vader on you.” He smiles. “But I decided that committed dark side isn’t really your style.”
This makes me giggle. “The truth is, Bradley, if you want to turn up as FULL Jedi Knight, I don’t really care.”
Bradley sort of spins from side to side and laughs. “Surely you wouldn’t want me to be Yoda.”
“At least Yoda is wise,” I say. I like Yoda. I don’t know much about Star Wars, but I know he talks a lot of sense.
“So you’d prefer your men, Millie, to be two feet tall, old, green, and to talk in object-subject-verb word order?”
I stare at him hard. “I’ll be honest, Bradley. I don’t know what you mean.”
“Nor do I, really,” Bradley admits. “I looked it up on Wikipedia. I’ve noticed that if you tell people things you’ve read on Wikipedia with a really straight face, everyone thinks you’re really clever. For example, did you know that people with blue eyes are much more likely to have an accident involving trousers that don’t fit properly than people with brown eyes?”
“Really?” This is an amazing statistic and one I could use in a vlog. It’s good advice for getting dressed.
“It’s totally made up,” Bradley says. “I’ve also noticed that people believe everything I say because I’m a smart nerd with glasses.”
This is actually really quite funny. I laugh, and I see Bradley crack a tiny smile. It’s sweet.
“I’ll tell you what is true.” Bradley goes serious again. “More people die from taking selfies than are eaten by sharks.”
“Honestly?” I squeal. “Wow. What would happen if sharks got the ability to take selfies themselves?”
Bradley thinks hard. “I suppose fatalities would skyrocket. People would take selfies with sharks because it was cool and then they’d be eaten.”
This is the most bizarre conversation I’ve had in a very long time (and my BFF is Lauren), but I am really enjoying it.
Bradley and I go for a coffee. I let him pay this time. It’s only fair. And this time, he’s not mansplaining to me, either. It’s a conversation between equals. It’s …
Why am I being so defensive over Bradley?
Once we’ve sat down, I ask the question I really want to ask: “How often should I be uploading? I’ve done two vlogs in a week now.”
“You should upload as much as you want to. There is such a thing as too much, though. I do it every week. It builds up a bit of excitement, especially if I’m featuring a specialty piece of machinery.”
This conversation has gone odd. I feel like I can say anything to him, like I can with Lauren. My mouth ends up blurting out, “I’ve had a few people saying bad stuff. Like that I’m ugly.”
Bradley brushes my arm for a millisecond and says very gently, “That is trolling, Millie. I did warn you.”
And then it gets even MORE weird, so Bradley starts talking really quickly.
“But more to the point, you are funny and interesting and it’s something different from the endless girl stuff. I loved your last vlog. I am so OVER girl stuff. Pinky cheeks, eyebrows, princess castles. UNICORNS WITH GOLD-TINGED MANES—WHAT IS IT ALL ABOUT?”
“You don’t have to watch it, Bradley,” I snap, glad to change the subject. “And a lot of girls don’t like it, either, AND even if we do—AND I DO A BIT—it’s not what we are all about. We can like what we like, anyway. There is no such thing as boy stuff or girl stuff! There is just STUFF!”
Bradley looks down. “Well, I’ve lost people I love to makeup. Like my American girlfriend. We were drifting apart, so I’ve decided we should probably call it a day. Better to do it before we met in real life. She was always a big cosplayer, and now she’s not so into the fun side of it. I don’t care about the sort of lipstick that Captain Marvel would wear. She can fly! She can shoot energy bursts from her hands! She can do hand-to-hand combat! I don’t think she is going to nip into Sephora in the middle of fighting evil and ask for a consultation.”
Bradley is angry. And also very funny.
“I’m sorry about your girlfriend.” I have to say something.
“Well, that’s the way it goes.” Bradley sighs. “Long-distance stuff is always hard. Anyway, you’re different. You understand that it’s not just about how you look. It’s BRAINS, too. BRAINS. I like brains. I like talking about stuff that’s actually interesting. Not just lifts but THE WORLD. I’m a feminist, you know.”
Bradley asks me really seriously, “Do you like flapjacks or cupcakes?”
This question catches me by surprise. It’s not often that you go from superheroes to sponges.
“Flapjacks.”
“I knew you would.” Bradley does the loveliest smile a lift-loving cosplay geek vlogger could ever do. “I knew you wouldn’t be taken in by all that icing. Now, you know what you should do in your next vlog? Talk about trolling and how to deal with it. Talk about how it made you feel. That’s REAL. Talk about the hard stuff, Millie.”
I am enjoying this afternoon far more than I thought I would. I knew I’d get a lot from it in a professional way, but I didn’t expect to get into random conversations about long-distance relationships, the way people change, and cupcakes. It’s all very natural and easy and …