#Mum

Mum answers the phone almost immediately. She’s on Bluetooth in the car and turns down her awful music.

“Hello, darling,” she says. “What’s up?”

What is up? Where to start? I can’t, so I say, “I just want to tell you that I love you.”

Mum pauses and says, “That’s good.”

Then there’s a massive uncomfortable silence and I find myself blurting out, “Have you had a tetanus shot lately, Mum?”

Mum sounds puzzled. “Er … no. The advice has changed. You only have to … I’m not sure. We order the needles, but I’m not a doctor, darling. If I ever start working with animals from abroad, I’ll have one.”

Despite working in a hospital, Mum always gets tetanus mixed up with rabies.

Mum starts to sound worried. “Millie, have you been reading about tropical diseases on Wikipedia again?”

I can’t lie to my mum.

“No … Well, a bit. Tetanus isn’t tropical, though. It’s here.”

“Hang on. I’m pulling over. What’s really the problem, Millie? What are you worried about? I know how your head works.”

And she does know. She gets me better than anyone. I just can’t tell her right now.

I don’t say a word, and Mum says, “Come home whenever you want. You know you can. We miss you.”

It’s like she is psychic.

“I know,” I say to her. “Anyway, you get on. I just love you.”

“I love you, too, Millie—and just before you go … if you ARE feeling worried about something, make a list of all the things that are on your mind. It really helps, and you can work through them one by one. It’s the sensible thing to do. See you soon. Love you. Bye!”

I flop back on my bed. The truth is, I’m worried about LOTS of things. And I KNOW some of them are silly and stupid, but I can’t help myself. I’m doing an advice vlog, but inside, I’m a mess.

  1.  My best friend may be getting tetanus.

  2.  My mum could possibly have tetanus, too, for all I know. She doesn’t understand things she should understand—like deadly diseases.

  3.  I have made the worst enemy on earth in Erin.

  4.  I have a massive crush on a boy who will never be mine.

  5.  A boy who Erin really likes, too, and who really likes Erin.

  6.  There are really bad people on the news doing really bad things.

  7.  What if the bad people get hold of terrible mushrooms?

  8.  Okay, that one is ridiculous. Perhaps these lists do help.

  9.  Am I hurting my mum by not being with her?

10.  Where is my dad? I thought living with him would make me feel all FREE! It just makes me feel nervous. And a bit alone.

11.  Will Aunty Teresa actually kill someone with her fusion food?

12.  Please let Aunty Teresa never put mushrooms in food.

13.  Sometimes I worry that terrible things are happening to the people I love and there’s NOTHING I can do about it.

14.  People are calling me ugly, and it hurts.

15.  My vlog just makes me look like a massive dork.

16.  My vlog just makes me sound like a massive dork.

At that point, I get a text.

Millie. Had a great idea about your vlog. Promise not to cosplay too much. Want to meet?

I haven’t even replied to his last text. I add another point to the list.

17.  I STILL don’t know how I feel about Bradley.

I upload the vlog. It’s 7:45 p.m. I will honestly, HONESTLY not check the vlog again till 7:00 a.m. tomorrow.