I wait till Saturday morning and then I message Bradley.
Do you want to meet up?
Bradley replies like he has been sitting on his iPhone.
If you can fit me in, global celebrity. See you at 2 at the mall
I look at my vlog. Loads of views already, and it’s only been up for half an hour. People must be looking as soon as they get notifications. This is great, but …
Aunty Teresa comes in and tells me that, with my dad’s help, she has finally got her ice-cream van finished and is thinking of rebranding it as “Ice Scream” and using it as part of her new nowhere-near-the-posh-flats ghost tour.
This is actually a great idea, but I still can’t think of anything but Bradley. I’m really nervous.
When I get to the shopping center, the clock moves as slowly as Dave the cat when you want her to do something, and then finally, eventually …
It’s 2:00 p.m. and forty-three seconds.
I see Bradley. He’s never late.
In almost silence, Bradley and I go and sit down on his favorite bench between his favorite lift and the double-fronted Otis lift that secretly goes to the basement if you press the right buttons.
I stutter, “Bradley … I, er, really like you.…”
“I know,” he says, “but you really, REALLY like Danny. Mr. Normal. And I suppose he doesn’t bore you with lifts. And escalators.”
“Actually, Bradley.” I stare at him intently. “I want you to know that I do have a newfound respect for lifts that I never had before I met you. I like to think that if I can open one mind up to the gift of lift engineering, then…”
Bradley looks gutted.
“Don’t tell me. You should never have kissed me.”
“No. I shouldn’t have,” I whisper. The fact that I did makes me a cow.
“Don’t worry.” Bradley sighs sarcastically. “What girl can resist such geek talk? And now I suppose you just want to be friends.”
This is awful. I cannot describe how terrible I feel. I would HATE it if someone did this to me.
“Please, can we?” I whisper.
“No,” Bradley snaps. Then he becomes gentler. “No. No. No. It doesn’t work like that. Because right now I want to be horrible to you and say the worst things ever, and seriously, I just need to go before I say something, because … just … just—I need to go.”
Bradley disappears into a Sigma Solon MRL (he’s taught me a lot). The doors shut behind him really slowly. You can’t slam a lift. That’s the problem.
Horrible. Horrible. Horrible.
That’s how I feel.
I call Mum and explain. I just need some advice right now.
“Did you mean to hurt him?” Mum asks.
“Of course not!” I shout.
“No! But you still did, Millie, and that’s life. He’ll be okay after a while. Male pride is a very complicated thing. In fact, ANY pride is a very complicated thing. You’re going to hurt people, and people are going to hurt you. But you can’t live a lie. Look at Lauren’s parents. Hearts rule where heads fear to tread, Millie. Get used to it.”
In the middle of a shopping center, I ask Mum a very important question. “Mum, does this get easier?”
“Oh, no!” Mum says, and she’s brutal. And then she corrects herself a bit. “Yes, it does, darling. You learn to manage it a bit better. And you can see the problems galloping down the road before they knock you over. Usually. Not always. But here’s a tip—don’t you DARE share what happened with that boy ANYWHERE. NOTHING. No vlog. No ‘vaguebooking’ or whatever it’s called. Some things, Millie, are not and never will be for public consumption. Sharing YOUR thoughts is one thing. Sharing the pain of others without their permission is just cruel. DO NOT do it. You’re not my Millie, the girl I know and love, if you do.”
I know she’s right. Even though it would make the best subject matter ever for a vlog.
“Don’t worry, Millie. Bradley will find someone else! And then YOU’LL be jealous and wonder what is happening and if you’ve made the right decision. But you should be happy that such a lovely young man—and he sounds like one—has found happiness.”
And I will be—it’s just that …
You know, when I started this whole thing, I thought I knew loads. But it’s by sharing what I thought was loads that I realized I’ve got quite big gaps of things I have no clue about. Although escalators now aren’t one of them.
Life is very confusing. Or, as Granddad says wrongly, trying to sound very clever indeed, this whole thing seems to have led to a great deal of “confusement.”
Now I’ve just got to wait around for Danny. Two boys in one day. I feel slightly cow, and I hope Erin isn’t around. I hope no one is around. I might go and hide at the florist’s. It’s like a mini jungle in there.