“Why did you ask him to come?” Sandra muttered to herself, hunching her shoulders deeper in the light jacket she had thrown on. She strode down the darkened streets to the Napier cabin. “He’s pushy and he’ll only criticize what you do.” But even as she tried to list all the reasons she shouldn’t have asked Logan along, she knew there were deeper reasons. Reasons she didn’t want to delve too far into for fear of making them too real.
She was becoming attracted to Logan Napier.
Sandra stopped, biting her lip as she considered her position. She could cancel. She could turn around and change her mind. It was, after all, one-thirty in the morning. Surely they wouldn’t mind missing out.
But Sandra had promised the girls this event as a reward for all their hard work during the week, and they were looking forward to it with an amazing amount of enthusiasm. She didn’t think girls the age of Bethany and Brittany would be interested in meteor showers. Asking Logan along had been a silly impulse. This morning, when he had put his hand on her shoulder, it was as if every nerve in her body swung like a compass needle toward his touch.
She couldn’t imagine why one simple gesture from a guy like Logan could turn her knees to jelly.
But it had, and afterward, when she could analyze it, she knew that spending time with him was just playing with fire. He wasn’t her type—he’d drive her crazy in a week. And if she fell in love with him…
“Whoa, whoa, now you’re really jumping the gun,” she said. She shook her head as if to dislodge even the faintest mote of the previous idea.
Sandra bit her lip, still hesitating. Then, laughing at her foolishness, she walked on. Logan was here temporarily. Once he was gone, her life could go back to, well, whatever it should be.
She bounded up the steps and knocked on the door of the darkened house. No answer. A quick glance at her watch told her that she was right on time.
Just as she was about to knock again, the door opened, and the light in the cabin was turned on, throwing out rectangles of golden yellow on the lawn.
Framed by the door, backlit by the light in the cabin, stood Logan.
His hair was unkempt, and whiskers stubbled his firm jaw, accenting the slight indentation in its center. His eyes were bleary with sleep. He was dressed, however, in a wrinkled T-shirt and jeans. No khaki pants tonight.
“Hi there,” he said, his voice still husky from disuse. Sandra felt a peculiar little thrill at the sound.
“I’m not early, am I?” she said quickly.
Logan yawned, scratching his chin. His fingers rasped over his whiskers. “Nope.” He glanced at Sandra, blinking. “How do you manage to look so perky at this ridiculous time of night?”
Sandra shrugged, warmed at the offhand compliment. “I don’t need much sleep.”
Logan yawned again. “Lucky you. Well, come in. The girls are just getting ready.”
Sandra stepped inside. Logan closed the door behind her and ambled toward the kitchen.
He stumbled, muttered something under his breath and stood for a moment, glaring at the offending table.
Sandra stifled a laugh at the sight and was rewarded with a bleary look from Logan.
“Sorry,” she said, with a quick shrug of her shoulders.
“I somehow doubt that,” he replied. But his grin belied the gruffness of his voice.
“We’re ready to go,” Brittany called, stepping out of the kitchen.
“So am I,” Sandra said. “Now we just have to get your uncle Logan ready.”
She glanced pointedly at Logan’s bare feet. He stared at her as if he didn’t understand, then looked down. “Oops. Sorry.” He yawned again, trudged to his bedroom and came back a few minutes later holding his shoes.
Rubbing his eyes, he sat in the nearest chair, dropped his shoes on the floor and stared into space.
Sandra waited for him to put his shoes on. But he didn’t move.
“Logan?” she asked, taking a step nearer. She glanced at the girls, who merely lifted their shoulders in puzzlement.
“Hey, let’s get going.” She reached out, grasped his shoulder and gave it a little shake.
He blinked, then, looking at her, smiled. It was a smile with no reservation, a smile that held no hint of his usual asperity. “Hi, Sandra,” he said, his voice husky, lowered to an intimate level. Then, to her surprise, he lifted his hand, resting it on hers. His hand was large, engulfing hers, his fingers warm as they lightly caressed her own.
Sandra swallowed as her heart rate jumped. She pulled her hand back as if burned. “Logan? Are you awake?”
He blinked, frowned, then blinked again, and Sandra realized with a beat of disappointment that he hadn’t been.
“What’s up?” he asked, looking around, puzzled, completely unaware of what had just happened.
“It’s time to go,” Sandra said stiffly, grasping her knapsack strap with both hands.
“Okay.” He nodded and slipped on his shoes. As he bent to tie them, Sandra looked away, directly into the smirking faces of the twins.
“Well, girls,” she said briskly, covering her confusion, “get your things together and we’ll leave.”
“We have everything, Sandra,” Bethany said, still grinning.
“Good. That’s good.” Sandra took a step back as Logan stood up and blinked. He looked at her as if seeing her for the first time. A frown wrinkled his forehead then he shook his head lightly and turned away.
“I’ll go start the van,” he said, slipping on a denim jacket.
Sandra nodded. She avoided meeting his eyes, wondering if he had truly forgotten what he had done.
The drive through the hills would have been silent if it had depended on Logan or Sandra to make conversation. Fortunately the girls had more than enough to talk about. They asked Sandra questions about what they were going to see, even though they knew.
“I can’t guarantee we’re going to see a lot of meteor activity,” Sandra said as Logan parked the van at the top of the hill on a graveled turnout. “But from what I know, this is an ideal time.”
“One-thirty in the morning is anything but ideal,” Logan muttered, getting out of the van.
“Hey, you didn’t have to come.” Sandra angled him a quick glance.
In the reflected glow of the van’s headlights, Sandra caught his eye, and she once again remembered the feel of his hand on hers. She looked away.
“C’mon, girls, get the stuff we’ll need and then we can get this show on the road,” she said.
Sandra pulled her sweater closer around her. The daytime temperatures were hot, but in the open prairie, the middle of the night was always cool.
“Where do you want us to be?” Logan asked, carrying the blanket that Sandra had taken along.
“I’d like to go just beyond the gravel. The hill is open to the south, and I’d like to face that direction.” Sandra led the way, the beams from the van illuminating her path through the brush.
They came to an open hillside, protected from a faint breeze by the trees that fanned out on either side.
“Perfect,” Sandra said with satisfaction. “Okay, girls. Lay out your bags right here.”
“I’ll go and shut off the van’s headlights,” Logan offered, handing Sandra the blanket. Her eyes were still semiblinded by the van’s lights, so she couldn’t see his expression. He waited a moment, then turned and left.
“Here, girls, help me lay out this blanket,” she said to the girls, pulling herself into the moment. Concentrate, concentrate, she thought.
She wished she hadn’t asked him along. It was going to be an awkward event.
“We remembered our flashlights and pens and paper,” Bethany offered as they laid the blanket out.
“Good for you. I’m hoping we’ll see a lot of meteors right now.”
A rustle in the bushes brought her senses to alert, then she realized it was Logan coming back from the van, and she felt even more tense.
Her eyes were slowly becoming adjusted to the dark, and she felt a sense of déjà vu. Remembered another time he had materialized out of the darkness.
Sandra turned quickly to the girls and sat on one edge of the blanket, indicating that they were to sit beside her.
“What is the name of the meteor shower we’re going to watch?” she asked, putting on her teacher’s voice as she tried not to notice Logan sitting down just a few feet away.
“The Phoenicids,” both girls replied.
“Good. So why are we up this early in the morning to watch them?”
“Because the moon is gone now,” Bethany said, stifling a yawn. “And the sky is as dark as it is going to be.”
“And what is the moon called?”
Silence greeted that question.
“The moon,” Brittany said, puzzled.
“A gibbous moon. Another word for the shape of the moon.” Sandra pulled out her book of star charts as she spoke. “And what’s another reason we’re up at this ridiculous time?”
Silence again.
Sandra was disappointed that they hadn’t remembered what she had shown them this afternoon. It didn’t speak well for her training, and some perverse part of her was trying to show Logan what a good teacher she was.
Then Brittany rescued her. “I think I remember. Is it because we’re facing the same way the earth is traveling in the orbit?” Sandra could hear the question in her voice. “You said something about snow and snow-flakes and driving.”
“Very good.” Sandra felt a surge of relief. “If we’re facing in any other direction, it’s like looking out of the back window of a van during a snowstorm. You’ll see some meteors, but not as much as if you’re in the front of the van. Right now we’re heading into the meteor shower, like a van into a snowstorm.” She went on to show the girls where in the sky was the best place to look. Flashlights came out, and they bent over the book.
“Uncle Logan, come and see, too,” Brittany ordered. And Uncle Logan obediently got up from his side of the blanket and looked over Sandra’s shoulder.
She tried to concentrate on what she was showing the girls, but all her senses were alert to his presence behind her.
Luckily it was dark, and the girls were bent over the book, pointing out the constellations.
“Okay, get out your pens and paper and be sure to notice where you see meteors, how long you see them and keep a note of the time between them.”
The flashlights were shut off, and the little group was plunged into darkness.
Slowly, as Sandra’s night vision righted itself, she could better make out the figures of the girls lying down on the blanket beside her and Logan, who sat behind them.
She hugged her knees, looking at the sky. She knew she was going to get a sore neck if she stayed in this position, but she was certainly not going to lie down. Not with Logan so close behind her.
“There’s one,” Brittany said, pointing up.
“Mark it down,” Sandra prompted. “But try to write without the flashlight so your eyes don’t have to get used to the dark again.”
She heard their pens scratching on the paper.
“So how did you know when the shower was coming?” Logan asked from behind her.
“Earth intersects these meteoroid swarms at about the same relative time and place each year,” Sandra said confidently, clutching her knees. She was on familiar territory here.
“And where does the name come from?”
“When we cross one of these swarms, the meteors seem to come from a common point of origin, known as a radiant. This regular shower is named after the constellation from which it seems to originate.”
He was quiet again. Then he got up and stretched out on the other side of Brittany. Sandra ruthlessly suppressed a twinge of disappointment. Crazy. That’s what it was.
Or maybe just plain loneliness, another voice said.
Sandra pressed her chin against her knees, staring at the stars that went directly to the horizon, meeting the faint outline of the hills that sloped away from them. Sitting outside under the stars always made her feel vulnerable and philosophical.
The lines of her life had, of late, not fallen in pleasant places. She thought that her hard-won freedom would have given her a sense of satisfaction. Instead it was as if each move was a move away from something rather than a move toward something.
She glanced past the girls at Logan, who lay on the blanket, his hand under his head. He seemed to know what he wanted and how to go about getting it. In spite of his interference, or maybe because of it, she realized that he was a concerned uncle. She wondered how many of the men she had met in her life would willingly take in two young girls, thereby risking their own freedom.
She sighed lightly, her gaze falling on the girls who were watching her watching Logan.
She looked away.
“How many have you seen, Bethany?” she asked, disconcerted that they had caught her staring at their uncle.
“Four already.”
“Good for you.” She lay back, watching the sky, reminding herself of the reason she was here. The girls first and foremost.
“The stars sure are peaceful,” Logan said quietly. “Unchanging. Always the same. Amazing.”
A few moments before, Sandra might have agreed with him, but her reactions to him left her feeling edgy.
“Actually they aren’t,” she contradicted. “Out there are colliding neutron stars, gamma ray bursts, black holes. All kinds of noise and confusion.”
“What’s a gamma ray?” Bethany asked.
“A powerful form of light. More energetic than a microwave or X-ray. Like the difference between humming and screaming.” She stopped herself, knowing she was spouting off. Knowing that if she kept talking she would end up talking above the girls’ heads.
“Can you see gamma rays?”
“No. Not with the naked eye.”
“Then what’s the point?” Bethany asked.
“I think God made some things just for His own pleasure,” Sandra said. “We can’t even see the tiniest amount of all the stars and galaxies He made, but He still made them.”
“You believe in God?” Bethany asked.
“Of course, I do.” Sandra wondered where that question had come from and wondered if that explained part of Logan’s reserve with her. “How can you look up at all of this and not believe that it was created by God?”
“Cool.”
“Really cool.” Brittany sat up, shivering. “I’m cold, Sandra. I want my sweater.” She stood and grabbed her sister’s hand. “C’mon, Bethy, I’m scared in the dark. You come with me.”
Sandra could see Logan lift himself onto his elbow. “Do you want me to come?” he asked.
“No. That’s okay, Uncle Logan.” As they walked through the bushes, Sandra could hear faint giggles and wondered what they were up to.
But Logan lay down, seemingly unconcerned.
“You seem to know a lot about astronomy,” he commented.
Sandra shrugged, sitting up. “When I graduated from high school, my first choice was to go into that field.”
“Why didn’t you?”
Sandra hugged her knees. “My parents wanted me to study something that would give me a job at the end. And since they were paying for my education…”
“You took teaching.” Logan finished the sentence for her.
“Bingo.”
She heard as much as saw, in her peripheral vision, Logan sit up, leaning on one elbow again. “Why didn’t you go ahead? On your own?”
She thought back to that time. To the daily confrontations she had with her father over her education, her mother hovering, always the peacemaker. Except there never was any peace to make between Sandra and her father. There was always something to fight about. Her clothes, her friends, her marks. Always something that didn’t measure up.
The memories dredged up old feelings of inadequacy. She turned to Logan, finding her own questions. “Did you go it on your own?”
Logan laughed lightly. “Absolutely. I paid my own way. I got where I did by the grace of God and my own hard work.”
“With no help from your parents?”
“Sandra, you know what my mother is like. We lived hand to mouth as long as I can remember. One of the benefits of living a free and easy life.”
Sandra pulled her lip between her teeth as she thought of her financial situation, also the result of the free and easy life Logan spoke disparagingly of. “Money isn’t everything,” she said softly, trying to find some feeble way of justifying her choices.
Logan was quiet. In the dark, all she could see of him was the gleam of his eyes, then a flash of white as he grinned.
“Is that the best you can do, Sandra? ‘Money isn’t everything.’ I expected better.”
She couldn’t stop her answering smile. “Sorry. I must be a little off my form tonight.”
Logan sat up and faced her, sitting cross-legged. “So what made you interested in astronomy?”
Thankfully he had found another topic. Talking about her parents always created a mixture of guilt, anger and frustration.
“I guess I was drawn to the vastness of this universe. The fact that there is so much dark interspersed with so much light. That during the day, light is stronger, then in the evening, darkness wins out.”
“But even in the darkest night, like now, there’s light.”
“And Jesus said, ‘I am the light of the world,”’ Sandra quoted softly.
“How about this one from Job. ‘What is the way to the abode of light? And where does darkness reside?”’
Sandra paused, letting the words take root. “I’ve never read that before. That’s beautiful.”
“It’s from God’s mighty challenge to Job, asking him who he possibly thinks he is.” Logan moved closer, creating an intimacy. “You know your Bible, Sandra, yet you claim to not need God.”
“I’ve never made that claim,” she said quietly, her heart stepping up its rhythm at his nearness. “I just don’t feel that I need to restrict myself to worshiping Him in church.”
“Those hypocrites,” he said, his voice holding a faint teasing note.
“I only said that once.”
“But you meant it?”
Sandra shrugged. She didn’t know what she meant anymore. Didn’t know what she needed. Since she left home, her life had lost a center, a focus. No one had challenged her on her faith until now. Until the girls. Until Logan.
“What do you really want from God, Sandra? From life?”
“Why do you want to know?” she countered, uncomfortable with his probing questions. He sounded like her father.
“I’m not sure,” he whispered. To her utter surprise, he took her hand in his, stroking her fingers. “I’m not sure at all.”
She looked at their connected hands, knowing she should pull away, yet unwilling to. It had been so long since she had allowed any man to get close to her. That the first man since Henri should be someone like her father…
She stopped that thought, knowing that in spite of some similarities, it wasn’t really true.
“You don’t like answering questions, do you, Sandra,” he said, letting go of her hand.
“I’ve answered enough in my life,” she retorted.
To her relief, Logan leaned back again, creating a distance. “From who?”
“My father.”
“What was he like?”
Sandra sighed as the conversation came full circle. “I don’t talk about my parents much.” In the first place, none of the people she had lived with or spent time with since she left home had ever asked her about them. Second, each time she thought of them she faced a combination of emotions. Guilt and sorrow.
She suddenly realized that they had been alone a while. As she and Logan had been talking, she had heard Bethany and Brittany’s faint giggling, but it had been quiet for some time now. “Where are the girls?”
Logan didn’t seem too concerned. “I’m pretty sure they’re not far. Brit, Bethy, where are you two scalawags?” he called.
But all that came back was silence.
Logan got to his feet, and as he did, he held out his hand to Sandra to help her up. The gesture was casually intimate. It bespoke of established relationships and had a chivalry that Sandra had never seen before.
She couldn’t stop herself from putting her hand in his, from allowing his to grip hers as he pulled her to her feet.
As soon as she was upright, however, she pulled her hand free and walked down the path, through the shrubs and to the road to the van.
The girls weren’t there, either.
“Brittany, Bethany,” Logan called, turning around.
He sighed, plowing his hand through his hair. “I guess we’ll have to go looking for them.” He turned to Sandra. “Get in. I suspect they’re just down the road.”
Sandra quelled the nervous jumping of her stomach. Logan didn’t seem worried. She was sure he had been through enough other things with the girls that this was simply another event.
But she couldn’t stop her feelings of concern about the girls as she got into the van.
Logan lifted his hand to turn the key in the ignition. “Did I take the keys out?” he asked, turning to Sandra.
“Not that I remember,” she replied.
He turned on a light on the dash that illuminated the interior of the van, then bent over to look. “Didn’t drop them, either.” He sat up, glancing sidelong at Sandra. “I suspect my dear little nieces took them.”
“So what do we do?” she asked.
“We could wait.”
“Or we could start walking,” Sandra offered quickly. The idea of sitting in the confines of the van felt too intimate to her.
“Okay. We walk,” he agreed.
Logan got out and Sandra followed him, relief mingled with a tiny niggling of regret.