Sandra finished her cone and knew it was time for her to go home. So far the evening had been altogether too pleasant. Too much like a normal family, she thought, looking at the girls sitting at her feet.
She felt a wave of love and compassion for them as she thought of her mother. They had lost their mother at such a young age, they would only have a portion of the memories Sandra had.
Sandra wiped her fingers on the napkin Logan had provided as she glanced at him. She felt a flush warm her neck as she realized he had been watching her.
Again she couldn’t look away. Again she wondered about this man. Wondered why he managed to make her talk about things she had never spoken about to anyone since she left home.
“I think the phone is ringing.” Bethany cocked her head as if listening.
“I’ll get it.” Brittany surged to her feet and ran into the house, the door slapping on its frame behind her. “It’s for you, Uncle Logan.” Her voice echoed from inside the house.
As Logan got up, Sandra couldn’t help but wonder if maybe it was Karen.
None of your business, she chided herself. She glanced at her watch and knew it was time for her to go home. She had been here long enough.
She’d wait until Logan came back, then she’d leave, she decided. This whole scene was getting too domestic.
Logan came back, a frown creasing his forehead.
“What’s the matter, Uncle Logan?” Bethany asked.
“That was Ian. My partner. There’s been a problem with one of the projects we’ve been working on. I need to go back to Calgary. So that means you girls will have to come with me.”
“No, Uncle Logan. Not yet,” the girls cried.
Sandra felt her heart take a slow pitch downward.
She caught herself. Why should it matter to her? She couldn’t look at him—wouldn’t let him see that she felt anything at all.
But she could no more stop her eyes from darting to his than she could stop the spin of the earth on its axis.
Logan’s gaze flicked from the twins to her, stopping, his lips pressed together as if displeased.
Did he want to stay?
Sandra pushed the thought aside. Of course he didn’t. He had to get back to work. To making money.
“Can we please stay?” Brittany jumped to her feet.
Bethany was right behind. “We’ll be good. We will. We’ll listen to Sandra.”
They clung to his hands, pleading.
“We can stay here. Sandra can stay with us.” Brittany glanced at Sandra as if to confirm what she had said.
Sandra gave a noncommittal shrug, her eyes averted. She wasn’t about to get caught up in this.
Logan sighed lightly, and in her peripheral vision she saw him plunge a hand through his thick hair, rearranging it. “I don’t know, girls.”
Sandra chanced a quick glance at him, and her eyes once again locked with his. She could see the question in them.
Don’t do it, don’t offer to stay. Keep your life separate.
But she was spending most of her day with these girls anyhow. What difference would a few evenings in the cabin make?
All the difference. You’ll be giving them one more part of your life, the insidious voice in her head continued. And then you’ll be waiting for Logan to come back. Getting caught up with someone who’s temporary in your life.
“Sandra could stay with us, and take care of us,” Bethany said quietly. She looked over her shoulder at Sandra. “Couldn’t you?”
Sandra felt herself wavering as she met Bethany’s soft blue eyes. “I don’t know,” she temporized, unwilling to say a flat-out no.
“Would you come back, Uncle Logan?” Brittany joined in the fray.
“I could.” Logan spoke slowly, looking at Brittany. He took a slow breath, then looked at Sandra. “Would you be willing to stay?”
Sandra swallowed, glanced at the girls who were looking at her, their glances imploring her to consider it.
For their sake she should do it. If she didn’t, Logan would have to take them to Calgary, and then he might decide to stay there. She wasn’t quite ready to let the girls go yet.
That’s not what it is, and you know it. It’s him you don’t want to let go of. Don’t do it.
“Okay,” she said quickly, as if taking her time answering might make her listen to the other voice in her mind. The reasonable one. “I’ll stay with the girls.”
They rushed to her side, throwing their arms around her. “Thank you, thank you. You’re the best,” they cried.
A peculiar warmth suffused her at the girls’ enthusiastic thanks. At the feel of their arms holding her tight. Their hair was sun-warmed and smelled of shampoo. Is this what it’s like to have children? she wondered. Being held and thanked for doing so little. Giving part of myself away and getting all this back?
“I think Sandra might like to breathe for a bit,” Logan said dryly.
The girls pulled back, grins splitting their faces, and Sandra knew she had done the right thing. The easiest thing would have been to say no. To see them leave with Logan. And watch the three of them move out of her life.
She didn’t want to think about that. Didn’t have to. For the next few days, she was still a part of their lives. The reality of her situation was she had nowhere else to go. And until she paid for the shipment of glass, nothing else to do.
She wasn’t ready to have Logan move out of her life so quickly. So unexpectedly. This way she could prepare to say goodbye.
“Well, I’d better get ready,” Logan said, his thumbs slung in the belt loops of his pants. “Bethany, Brittany, I want you to get the guest bedroom ready for Sandra.”
The girls grinned at each other and ran off, their excited giggles trailing in their wake.
“Well, you’ve just made two girls extremely happy,” Logan said when the screen door had slapped shut behind them.
Sandra glanced at him and smiled. “It doesn’t seem to take much,” she said.
Logan’s expression grew serious as he held her gaze. “I know how much it means to them to stay here,” he said quietly. “It’s been a crazy kind of holiday for them, what with catching up on schoolwork and all. But so far it’s been working out okay. Thanks to you. I have to confess I had my reservations about you, but I want to thank you for making their schoolwork so interesting for them.”
His words, his eyes holding hers, even his stance created an intimacy that felt so right, so real, Sandra had to catch herself from reaching out to him. From making a connection more tangible than the one they already shared.
Shocked and surprised at the feelings he elicited in her, Sandra looked down, fumbling for her crutches.
“I should go,” she muttered, her heart pounding in her chest. “Tell the girls I’ll see them in the morning.”
In her awkwardness she dropped one of the crutches. Logan knelt beside her chair and picked it up.
“I’ll walk you to your cabin,” he said quietly as Sandra surged to her feet.
“That’s fine. I’ll be okay. It’s not far. I’m used to the crutches.” Her words tumbled out, mirroring her confusion. What was this man doing to her? Kissing her, complimenting her. Looking at her with those hazel eyes that made her forget all the differences between them.
Making her wonder if maybe, just maybe…
Sandra wrapped her hands around the crutches, squeezing them as if squeezing these ridiculous thoughts out of her mind.
“Thanks again for supper.” She chanced a quick grin at him, wishing, praying for the composure she used to have around him.
“You’re welcome, Sandra. I’m glad you could come.” He slipped his hands in his pockets, as if he were waiting.
Then, with what she hoped was a nonchalant smile, Sandra started out, her crutches pounding a hollow beat on the deck.
Logan was right behind her as she navigated the stairs.
“I told you, I’ll be okay.” The words came out harsher than she had intended, but Logan didn’t seem too perturbed.
“I’m sure you will, but I just like to make sure.” And once again she was stumping along the street, Logan right beside her.
“I’ll probably be gone tomorrow and part of the day after. I’m sure I can get the business finished by then,” he said quietly.
“And after that?” Sandra couldn’t stop the question. She needed to know.
“I had initially figured on staying here for two and a half weeks and then taking the tutor I had hired back to Calgary with me. But I’m going to have to make different plans.”
Sandra said nothing, knowing his plans didn’t include her.
Spending time with Logan and the girls this evening had been more than pleasant. For the first time since her mother had died, Sandra had felt as if she was in a home, rather than a house.
For the first time in a long time she found herself attracted to a man who created a feeling of rightness in her.
She pushed the dangerous thought to the back of her mind. She had no right entertaining any kind of thoughts about Logan. They were too far apart in outlook, in attitude.
But should that matter?
They got to the door of Sandra’s cabin. She thought he would leave then, but he opened the door for her and followed her inside.
The door closed behind him, and she turned to thank him again, disconcerted to see him standing directly in front of her. She had to tip her head back to look into his eyes. His deep, searching eyes.
“Thanks for bringing me home,” she said, wishing she felt as nonchalant as she sounded.
“Just wanted to make sure you didn’t hurt yourself,” Logan said, smiling at her. “How’s the knee?”
“It’s fine.”
“Really?”
“Well, there’s no sense whining about it. The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.”
Logan’s smile widened at her flippant remark. “I guess you are feeling okay.”
Sandra couldn’t help but smile back. “Sorry. It’s my defense mechanism,” she admitted.
“I know.” Logan’s eyes held hers as the smile slowly faded from his mouth. He laid a warm hand on her shoulder, his fingers curling around it. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”
Sandra wasn’t sure at all. Not with the way he was looking at her right now. She couldn’t stop her hand from reaching out to him. Resting on his chest.
Her heart climbed up her throat and then stopped when Logan lowered his mouth to hers.
Her crutches clattered to the ground as her arms slid around his neck. He was holding her, supporting her.
His hand tangled itself in her hair as he murmured her name against her mouth. Then a light sigh escaped his lips as he gently pulled away. He rested his forehead against hers. Sandra couldn’t focus on his face. It was just a pale blur, his eyes two dark smudges.
“What’s happening here, Sandra?” he murmured, his thumb stroking her neck.
Sandra didn’t trust herself to respond. She didn’t know herself. She had never felt this way with anyone. Ever. She had tried to tell herself again and again that Logan wasn’t her type.
After this evening, however, standing within the safety of his arms, none of that mattered. Being with him felt good and true and right.
Logan dropped a light kiss on her forehead and drew back. Without a word he bent, picked up her crutches and handed them to her. “I better go,” he said quietly, his forefinger tracing a light line down the side of her face.
Sandra was surprised at the feeling of deprivation that washed over her when he lowered his hand. Surprised at how incomplete she felt without him. It seemed an overreaction to such a simple thing. But she knew that between her and Logan, things weren’t so simple anymore.
“Do you mind coming by at seven tomorrow morning? I want to get an early start” He slipped his hands into his pockets, still watching her.
She shook her head, hoping her voice sounded steadier than she felt. “I don’t mind at all.”
He smiled, and to Sandra it was like seeing the sun peeking through storm clouds. “I’ll see you then.”
And on that mundane comment, he walked out the door, leaving behind a distinctly bemused Sandra.
* * *
Sandra rolled over in her bed, glancing at the clock. Four o’clock. What had woken her? Her knee felt fine.
There it was again. A rustle, then the thunk of the kitchen door closing. Sandra sat up, her heart thudding in her chest, adrenaline coursing through her. Someone was trying to break in.
Then she heard a tuneless whistle, followed by a muttered question.
Cora was back.
Sandra eased herself out of bed and grabbed her crutches. She stumbled through the darkness toward the crack of light that appeared under her door.
Cora was standing in front of the fridge, one hand on the door, the other rooting through the precious few groceries Sandra had bought with the advance Logan had given her.
“Hey, Cora. What’s up?” Sandra asked.
Cora whirled around, her hand pressed to her chest. “Sandra. You scared the living daylights out of me.” Then she grinned at her friend. “What do you have to eat?”
Sandra helped Cora put a sandwich together. Cora made a pot of coffee, and they sat at the table.
Sandra found out that Cora hadn’t found a job yet. “So I guess it’s either head out east or maybe welfare,” she said with a casual shrug.
“I thought we were going to try to make our own way in this world. Without help.”
“My skills aren’t appreciated,” she mumbled around a mouthful of sandwich. “Hey, how’s the stained glass business? You must have gotten some money.”
Sandra explained what had happened as Cora finished the sandwich and made another. Sandra stifled a stab of annoyance at her friend’s nonchalant attitude and how easily she helped herself to food that Sandra had paid for.
“I need some money for rent, Cora,” Sandra said, crossing her arms on the table. This time she wasn’t going to let Cora finesse her way out of paying her share.
“Well, if you’re making money, then it’s cool.”
“No, it isn’t cool, Cora. You owe me for gas on the way out here and rent for two months.” Sandra frowned. “By the way, how did you get here?”
Cora held up her thumb with a grin. “Beats walking.” She took another bite of her sandwich and jumped up. “Hey. Got some pictures.”
And for the next half hour, the rent was conveniently forgotten. Sandra was regaled with stories of where Cora had been and some crazy notion of moving to the island where she could make a fortune growing ginseng. But as Sandra listened, she realized that where once she would have been entertained, she found that she grew annoyed with Cora’s pipe dreams. Cora never managed to stay with anything longer than six weeks before she got impatient because the money didn’t come in fast enough. Then she’d be off to the next thing.
“So, you gonna come?” Cora leaned forward, an expectant gleam in her eye. Sandra sat back, flipping through Cora’s pictures, melancholy settling on her. At one time the idea of packing up and leaving might have created a sense of expectation and adventure, but now she knew different.
The excitement of the change would die down, and the new venture wouldn’t live up to the high expectations, and Cora would start chafing. It took time to make money, and it never came easy.
“No. I’m not coming.” Sandra handed the pictures back with a wry smile.
“Are you nuts?” Cora grabbed the pictures, shaking her head. “This is a great opportunity. The big chance.”
“Yah. Just like selling my stained glass to Henri was a great opportunity. I’m still trying to get over that one.”
“Okay. Tactical error. But at least you made some money. C’mon. It’ll be fun. I mean, what’s keeping you here?”
Sandra didn’t want to tell her. Didn’t want to share the fragile feelings that she knew had as much future as Cora’s newest big chance did. “I’ve got this stained glass job to do,” she said instead.
“And after that, why don’t you come?”
Because you’ll be somewhere else by then, Sandra thought. “I don’t know what I’ll do. Maybe get a job in Medicine Hat until I get other commissions.”
“Don’t be an idiot. You’ll die of boredom. Like you always do.” She looked at Sandra with a knowing smirk. “And I hate to burst your bubble, but you haven’t really made as much money cutting glass as you thought you would.”
Sandra shrugged Cora’s comment away, knowing it for the truth. She swallowed a bubble of panic at the thought of trying, once again, to find out what she really wanted to do. Would she be able to work a steady job as she so casually mentioned to Cora?
But the other side of the coin was Cora and dreams and plans that never, ever came to fruition. Cora and scrimping and being forced to make bad decisions. All this for the sake of preserving a freedom that was illusionary.
And Sandra knew she didn’t want to go back to that lifestyle. Not anymore.
“Anyhow, I’m going to bed,” Sandra said, getting slowly to her feet. “I have to work tomorrow.”
“I just got back,” Cora grumbled. “Phone in sick. We need to catch up.”
Sandra looked at her friend, remembering many times she had done just that. Sandra was the only one of the two who ever held down a traditional job, and Cora had always encouraged her to skip work. But this job was different. Brittany and Bethany were counting on her. She wasn’t going to let them down.
“No. I’m going to work. I’ll see you when I’m done.”
Cora licked her fingers. “Maybe you will, maybe you won’t.”
Sandra held her friend’s gaze, then shook her head. “If I don’t, take care of yourself.” Then she turned and hobbled to her bedroom. As she settled in the bed, she realized that not once had Cora asked her what happened to her knee.
* * *
“Here’s where I’ll be staying.” Logan handed Sandra a piece of paper. “This is the number of the condo, this one is the office’s.”
He looked at her bent head as she glanced at the paper. She wore a long skirt today. The same one she had worn the first time she had come here, he realized.
“Thanks. I’m hoping I won’t need this,” Sandra said, glancing at him. She gave a little hop and pinned the paper to the bulletin board that served as a message board beside the fridge. Logan had to catch himself from reaching out to make sure she didn’t fall.
He’d had to stop himself a number of times this morning from supporting her, helping her up the stairs. It was as if he was looking for an excuse to touch her, to make sure she was real. To show himself what happened last night and the night before that wasn’t just loneliness, but emotions that might, just might, have a future.
He glanced at the clock. He had to get going, but he was loath to leave. Ian’s timing really stunk, yet at the same time being away from Sandra might be just what Logan needed to put her into perspective.
“Will you be back for supper tomorrow night?” she asked, tossing her hair from her face as she turned to him, resting on her crutches.
Logan shook his head, a wistful tenderness engulfing him. He couldn’t stop himself this time and reached out to gently stroke a strand of hair from her face. He didn’t want to go, he thought with a sudden yearning as his fingers drifted down her cheek.
He drew in a deep breath, as if to dispel the notion, then dropped his hand and took a step back.
He really needed some time out, he thought, shaken by his reaction to her.
“I’m not sure when I’ll be back tomorrow, but it will be later on in the evening.”
Sandra nodded, looking down. He waited a moment, as if willing her to look at him, but she kept her eyes resolutely on a point beyond him, just below his shoulders.
He turned and caught a glimpse of two heads quickly withdrawing from the doorway and knew the girls had been spying on them. The thought disconcerted him. If they had seen that slight interaction between him and Sandra, no telling how far their imaginations would run with it.
But there was nothing he could do about that now.
He affected a casual air and sauntered into the main living area. “You girls listen to Sandra, now,” he said, holding their gaze. “I don’t want to hear about any funny business while I’m gone.”
They shook their heads, watching him with shrewd eyes. “We’ll be good,” Bethany said, giving him a quick hug.
Logan returned the hug, rubbed Brittany’s hair and with a quick wave he left.
But as he drove away, he wondered how he would feel about Sandra on his return.