Chapter Seven

Kirstie woke to Alan’s fingers dancing across the sensitive, exposed flesh of her arm. The simple gesture elicited thousands of sparks, erupting on her skin and leaving a trail of sensations tingling in the wake. She wanted more. It was surprising how aroused she was just from the featherlight movements of an innocent motion probably meant only to wake her.

Opening her eyes, she was enthralled by Alan studying his finger as it explored her flesh. He looked at her, and his lips curled up into a lazy grin. She didn’t want to move, didn’t want to break the spell. This, yes, this is what she’d always wanted, to wake beside his smiling face.

His eyes were hooded and still full of sleep, but she was able to make out a raw longing that she’d never seen. A hint that maybe there was something for her hidden in the recesses of his soul. If there was, what was holding him back?

She wanted to reach for him and give him everything she was; her entire being was his for the asking. But last time she had put her heart into his hands and kissed him, he had squashed it along with her dreams. She was no longer a naive child, she was a grown woman, and she would do what she had to in order to protect what dignity she did have left. She wasn’t going to give him the opportunity to do it again.

Last night, between the fear of the attack and the drug from the physician, she’d been weak, letting herself fall into the old pattern. But no, she was different now. Och, she had to possess more self-discipline. That meant she needed to put distance between them.

“Ye are so bonny when ye sleep,” he drawled in a sated, sleepy voice that sent shivers down her spine and threatened her resolve.

She felt color rise to her face. “Ye are a nice sight to wake to as well.” Her own voice sounded deeper and husky. She barely recognized it, and why did her chest feel so tight?

“I’m going to do something I shouldnae.” His eyes slowly roamed from her face down to her thighs and then back up again. An unnamed intensity she glimpsed in his stare excited her, causing her pulse to race with fevered urgency as her vow of self-control dissolved.

“What will ye do?” She could barely get the words out, and when the throaty reply did come, her head spun with a deep awareness of him as a man. It was so strong she thought she would melt. Her heart beat erratically, and she was having a hard time controlling her breathing.

“I’m going to kiss ye.”

The words sent shockwaves of awareness and need vibrating through her so intense that some part of her was already screaming his name, and even though the logical part of her told her to flee, she couldn’t move.

His gaze never strayed from her as she focused only on him. The rest of the room blurred, and desire surged deep in her core. Licking his lip, he continued to watch her, a sweet torment that left her hot and needy and lost to everything else.

When she thought she wouldn’t be able to breathe again, his head slowly dipped toward hers. He paused just before her lips as if he were either going to change his mind or he was savoring the moment before knowing he was about to have the one and only thing he had ever desired. At least, that was what she felt.

She wanted so desperately to inch forward and make the connection, but her heart had some sense of self-preservation left. She remained still and waited. He smelled of warm covers and sleep and a woodsy male scent that beckoned and tempted her to make that final move.

Her gaze drifted from his mouth to his eyes that were so close she could make out dark blue flecks in their gray depths. She would have looked away if she could have, because whatever burned there was so hot it almost scorched her with a brand that would most likely never go away.

He groaned softly, and magic happened. His lips were on hers, and her whole body trembled at the desire that flooded through her. There was no part of her that she retained control of and that didn’t cry out to move closer to him, to cling, to become one with him.

The velvet soft touch deepened as his mouth widened to take in more of her lips. He did it again and then a small kiss, then his tongue delved into her mouth and found hers. She moved hers to match his, to dance and to tease and revel in the pleasure the caress elicited in her. Chest tightening, her breasts became engorged, and the thin material of her shift tightened around them.

His tongue left hers, and her hands rose to grasp his hips, ignoring the pain in her wrist but making sure he didn’t go anywhere. She faintly heard a husky, satisfied chuckle escape from his throat. His teeth nipped at her bottom lip and tugged gently. Her body arched into his and begged for whatever was next.

His hand slid up her thigh and took her shift with it. It rested on her ass and left a burning trail of need, igniting a flame so hot inside her that she thought she would burst.

He nipped again, and her hips pushed into him, needing whatever he had that would put out this all-consuming ache threatening to eat her alive.

“Alan,” she gasped.

His hand rose under the material and grasped her breast. The pressure of his large calloused hand on her sensitive skin drove her mad. Then his fingers pinched the apex of her mound. She saw small explosions behind her eyes as sparks of need assailed her.

A light knock sounded at the door, and Alan froze. She gulped and thought, No, no, no, go away. Dinnae stop. But the knock came again, this time a little louder.

“Alan. Kirstie.”

Her mother.

Alan’s face went white, and he looked as if he’d just been caught committing a crime. Retreating, he pulled away so fast that her soul went with him. Her heart shattered like glass all over again. All it had taken was one unforgettable kiss.

“Just a minute.” He stood and moved to the chair to collect his plaid and hastily belt it on.

Not capable of movement, she fought the sting in her eyes. She felt like a bucket of cold water had just been thrown on her. Her perfect moment was already gone.

Alan’s face was hard stone when he turned to her. “This was a mistake.” He shook his head. “I willnae let it happen again.”

“Alan, is Kirstie in there with ye?” Eslpeth’s voice filtered in through the door, but as much as she loved and missed her mother, her query had not penetrated the hazy fog of pain that had clouded the room. Sitting up, she pulled the covers to her chest like a shield against Alan’s hurtful words replaying over and over again in her head.

Mistake. Mistake. Mistake.

“Give me a moment, please.” He finished dressing and pulled on his boots.

Alan unlatched the door, and it flew in. A small, determined woman pushed him aside to get to her.

“Are ye hurt?”

Kirstie shook her head no but thought, Yes, yes, it hurts more than words can say. She was glad she hadn’t voiced it when her mother continued, “We heard about the attack. How’s yer arm?”

Oh, she’d forgotten about that. Her mother reached out to take her hand and hold it up. It was still wrapped in a cloth bandage. “’Twill be fine. I barely feel it.”

Elspeth turned. “Alan, are ye hurt?”

“Nae, I am all right.” Kirstie peeked around her mother to see Alan stood by the door with arms folded to block the view of whoever else was there.

“I need to go. Ye cannae be seen with me,” Alan said as he turned and disappeared through the door, shutting it behind him.

Elspeth released the grip on her and leaned back. “Have ye two finally come to yer senses?”

She felt her face crumble. “He doesnae want me.”

It was safe to talk to her mother. Other than Blair, Elspeth was the only one she’d ever told of her affection for Alan.

“Did he tell ye that?” Elspeth quirked her brow.

“Nae, but he might as well have.” She pouted and glanced down at the bed.

“Ye are wrong. I’m amnae sure why he is holding back. He cares for ye deeply.” Her mother took her hands and held them.

“How would ye ken? I’ve no’ been home for ye to see him with me.”

“I ken how his eyes light and his ears tilt in when we mention yer name. ’Tis like a pup waiting for a piece of meat he kens yer about to drop from the table.”

“Yeah, so he can chew me up, swallow, and wait for the next.” She wiped at her eyes with the blanket.

“Ye ken what I mean.”

“Well, I am done with him. ’Tis time I moved on and stopped running.” She broke free of her mother’s soothing hands and crawled from the bed to dress.

“Aye, I agree. ’Tis time for ye to come home. I tried no’ to get involved and let ye two work it out, but that may no’ have been the best course.” Her mother gave a firm nod.

“I have pined after him since I was a child. I am nae longer a little girl. I will make my own happiness instead of waiting for him to come to me.” She pulled the dress up around her and tucked the shift under the material.

“Ye ken if I tell yer brother I found ye in a compromising position with Alan, he would ask him to make ye his wife.”

“Nae, we only kissed. Dinnae do that, because he would resent me. Besides, Alan has been treated like my brother for years and is considered an appropriate chaperone by all the Camerons.”

Her mother nodded, and she knew her wishes would be followed.

After the gown was fastened, Kirstie touched her lips. Her body still tingled with the desire he’d awoken inside her. She didn’t regret the kiss; it had been magical, and it had been real.

She remembered Alan’s burning eyes as they looked at her with such need she’d wanted to dissolve into him. Those eyes hadn’t lied. He did want her.

For the first time, she admitted her mother was right. There was something there and he was fighting it. If she continued to be easily attainable, he’d never get close again. It was time to show him what he would miss if he let her go. And if he truly didn’t want her, so be it. She would find someone else and move on. She was done living on a dream that would never come true.

Kirstie turned back to Elspeth. “How is Maggie? Did she have the babe?”

“Aye. He is such a bonny wee thing.”

“A boy.” Kirstie’s eyes lit. “Did they name him?”

“They named him William.”

Kirstie’s eyes watered. “Och, ’tis a fine, strong name.” She draped one of Alan’s extra plaids over her shoulders, and she and her mother headed for the door.

Once outside, Dougal interrupted their conversation. “Hurry, we cannae be seen here. It puts us all at risk.”

She did as instructed, but when she could find one of her brothers, they had some explaining to do—why were they and Alan acting as if they hated one another?

…

Alan had put himself in an impossible situation. That kiss this morning had pushed him over the edge. The wall he’d built to protect himself and Kirstie had crumbled as easily as the wooden blocks children played with. He’d been such a fool to think he could touch her and not want more.

Now Elspeth and Lachlan knew she had spent the night with him. Would they forgive him if they knew nothing had happened? Well, almost nothing had happened.

The temptation had been too great, but last night only proved that he couldn’t be with her. He’d lost all control and nearly beaten the arse in the stables to death. He was a monster, and Kirstie wasn’t safe with him. If the pain in his side hadn’t reminded him, he might have gone too far last night. He’d almost kissed her then, and there wouldn’t have been anyone to stop them.

Hell. He might not have been able to stop just now if Elspeth hadn’t knocked on that door. His hand still trembled as he remembered the slight curve of Kirstie’s waist and her soft skin. Her reaction to his touch had lit a fire in him no woman before had ever been able to produce.

He had tried so hard not to follow in his father’s footsteps, but here he was, falling for the one lass who was forbidden. He ran his hand through his hair. Och, he was such a fool. He might have just lost what meant most to him, the only real family he’d ever had.

Brushing by Dougal in the hall, he whispered, “Get them back to the castle and then meet me at the safe place.”

The Camerons shouldn’t be seen anywhere near him. He’d taken a risk bringing Kirstie here last night, but he’d been cautious, sneaking her into the inn. Having them all here this morning was perilous, but at least it was early and most would still be in bed.

Continuing on without waiting for a reply, he descended the stairs. Relieved to see no one about, he collected his horse and took off for a tavern two villages away. It was a secluded town, well off the path most would take on a traditional route into the city and far enough from Edinburgh that it could serve as a place for emergency meetings.

A couple hours later, Alan spied Dougal, as the Cameron man stepped through the door of the tavern and made his way to the private dining alcove in the back of the main room. Pulling the thin curtain closed, the man left a small opening to watch for the arrival of any new patrons. “They came in last night,” he answered before Alan could ask.

“Lachlan?” He looked directly into Dougal’s eyes, thinking if he showed courage he would eventually feel it, but as he sat there waiting for the Cameron man’s answer, he dreaded the fall of the knife that would sever the brotherly bonds he’d built over the years.

“Aye,” Dougal said.

Alan dropped his head into his palms while his elbows dug into the table. He swallowed. His hands slid to his temple, and he stared at the table. Any appearance of calm had disappeared. “Is he angry?”

“He didnae look too pleased when he got yer message. If he had known where ye were last night, I’m sure he would have come.”

“Why did he no’ come now?” Facade back in place, he looked up.

“He had matters to discuss with Malcolm, and Elspeth said she would retrieve Kirstie.” There was a lot of information Malcolm had to pass on to Lachlan.

“Nothing happened.” Alan shook his head.

Dougal snorted. “Do ye think that will matter to him?”

He started to offer excuses for why he hadn’t made sure Kirstie made it back to her room last night, but it didn’t matter what he said. He had crossed a line, and no excuse would be good enough. Despite the ache in his ribs, he should have slept on the floor outside the room. Then he wouldn’t have to deal with Lachlan or this unwanted ache that told him Kirstie should be his.

Lachlan would never force them to wed, and if the man couldn’t see into his heart, he would probably blow off the whole incident as Alan doing the right thing and protecting his sister. But he suspected Lachlan knew of the hidden desire for Kirstie he held buried deep inside. It was probably why he had never asked him to accompany the family to visit her.

“I cannae believe Lachlan left Maggie,” he said.

Dougal glanced around to ensure no one else had entered the tavern and could overhear, but he still leaned in to whisper. “They received yer note two days after Maggie had her babe, and she insisted they come to get Malcolm out of danger. She said she and the babe would be all right until they were back.”
“Ye have to tell Lachlan I caught Kirstie sneaking into Argyll’s room. He and Malcolm will have to keep a closer eye on her. She must ken something of the plot, but I havenae had a chance to find out what she kens.”

Dougal’s eyes widened. “I’ll tell him. He’s already told Finlay and me to keep her in our sights after what happened last night.”

“We need to watch her closely. Her proximity to the Covenanters is unnerving, but I also think she’s learned something of the plot and is looking to gather information from them.”

“Lachlan kens that until the Macnabs take a side, he needs to bring Kirstie home to Kentillie, but he cannae risk alienating them until they’ve chosen. So, he’s not going to keep them from her while we’re here in Edinburgh.”

Lachlan was always levelheaded, but he didn’t know how deep Kirstie had dug herself in. “Why does he no send her and Malcolm home now?”

“He might. Who kens what he’ll do when he finds out everything that’s going on, but until then, ’twill be up to ye to keep Kirstie safe when she’s around them.”

Oh hell, he couldn’t spend all that time near Kirstie. He didn’t know if he could be near her anymore without thinking of how she tasted, how she made him feel, and how she filled a void in his life that he hadn’t even known was there.

Dougal stood to leave, but Alan grabbed his arm. “Tell him to send her home. She isnae safe here.” But even worse, she isnae safe with me.