In any discussion of power structures, the most important thing to consider is not the intent of the person or body involved but rather the impact that their actions have on you or your peer group.
“Manosphere” writers have presented a number of arguments critical of feminism and resultant female behaviour. That they have been able to uncover the evidence to do so is largely due to the unique position in which we find ourselves vis-à-vis technology. The Internet has made it possible for the first time ever for men to compare notes and record their common experiences with the opposite sex in relative anonymity.
This meta-discussion is ongoing, with its still tentative conclusions spread across many, many fine (and not so fine) blog posts, analyses, and books, but I think it fair to say that a central tenet of so-called “red pill” thinking is what many commentators refer to as women’s “alpha-fux, beta bux” mating strategy.
This term refers to women’s tendency to select men who demonstrate attractive “alpha” characteristics for quick, short-term sex (and impregnation) and “beta” types for long-term provisioning and child-rearing (often, unknowingly, of the alpha’s child). This, coupled with Rollo Tomassi’s excellent analysis of women’s first stellar and then declining sexual market value as they pass through their party years (18–23) to “the wall” and beyond, and the personas that they adopt within each phase (e.g., party girl, marriage-and-kids enthusiast, adulteress, crazy cat woman) is at the heart of men’s shared observations.
Overall, it’s depressing, and I suspect that a great many men (myself included) would rather not believe it, preferring to cling to the notion that NAWALT (not all women are like that). Unfortunately, the reason that manosphere sites have gained traction in the last few years is that they enable men to see how closely their own experiences align with those of others, leading them to conclude that, regrettably, most women are indeed “like that”—or at least have the propensity to be so.
I recently read a critique of the manosphere on a feminist blog that took issue with this model of female behaviour. The writer’s argument went something like this:
What world are these people living in? Everyone makes mistakes when they are young and still learning. I don’t know any woman who sets out to fuck sexy alphas when she’s in her twenties, then snag a boring guy for marriage, have kids with him, and milk him for alimony and child support after she’s cuckolded him. We all muddle through life, making mistakes as we learn and grow. The manosphere is a paranoid conspiracy theory.
As it happens, I don’t entirely disagree with this view. I am a brother to three sisters, and I am friendly with many women at work and through my social circle. I also don’t personally know any women who have actively set out to ruin men’s lives by acting as described above (although I am aware that such callous gold diggers do indeed exist). The women that I know are largely lovely people who, if questioned, would express their admiration for such traits as kindness, generosity, and respect as well as the ability to provide for a family.
It doesn’t mean, though, that they all behave well.
Some men believe that feminism is a power structure constructed with the specific intention of subjugating men and ruining their lives by extracting resources from them through unfair divorce and childcare laws. I don’t accept this opinion. I think feminism has evolved due to any number of complex political and social reasons over the last hundred years or so, and to describe the current situation as a conspiracy against men is wrongheaded.
In the end, however, does it really matter?
This is where the difference between intent and impact applies. Whatever the meta-intent of those behind feminism may or may not have been, the impact of it on me remains the same: if I display beta characteristics and get married, there’s a good chance that I’ll get screwed over down the line. Alternatively, if I act like a jerk in a Vegas nightclub, there’s a good chance I’ll get laid.
I can think of two women I know right now, both in their late twenties or early thirties. One has just married her long-term boyfriend; the other will marry hers in a few weeks. Both are, on the surface, intelligent, pleasant enough, caring women. Both have also cheated on their partners several times on drunken nights out with colleagues. They are simply following the manospheric template outlined above precisely by marrying a provider-type just as their SMV passes its peak and the wall beckons. Both have had no compunction in cuckolding their fiancées with fun, alpha-type guys, and I would say it is not unlikely that this will continue even after their respective weddings.
The funny thing is, though, that if you asked either of these women for their thoughts on red pill thinking, I have no doubt that they would vehemently refute it. Two reasons: (1) women are generally unable (or unwilling) to admit the similarity between the manosphere model and their own bad behaviour, and (2), I don’t believe that either woman went into her relationship intending to cheat on her partner. Their intentions, I’m sure, were good, but their vaginal tingling proved to be too much, and they did it anyway. The emotional impact on their partners, though, (were they to find out the truth) would be the same as if these women had planned it.
Some time ago I was secretly seeing a girl who had a boyfriend. I’d really lost it over this girl. She was beautiful, exotic, intelligent, and I wanted her to leave the boyfriend for me, but she wouldn’t. We’d meet for sex in the afternoon, and then she’d go back to him. It sounds like an ideal arrangement now, but back then it wasn’t enough for me.
Things came to a head, and I told her how upset I was by the situation, but there was reason after reason why she couldn’t leave him. “I don’t mean to hurt you,” she said at one point. “I’m a good person. It’s just the way things are at the moment.” It was at that point that I realized the importance of impact over intent. I wanted to believe her. I wanted to believe that she didn’t intend to hurt me, but whether she did or not it didn’t matter because I was hurt: the impact of her behaviour was damaging to me. As soon this became clear, I walked and never spoke to her again.
Some might blame this whole thing on feminism, since you could say that this girl was “empowered” to have her cake and eat it too. Now I am no great believer in conspiracy theories about feminism or anything else. I’m not saying all of them are false (although some certainly seem more plausible than others), but in the main I sense that human beings are just too disorganized, selfish, and solipsistic to effectively (and secretly!) operate the sorts of complex structures that some theorists imagine. This is just a personal view, and many will disagree with me, but regardless, as individuals there is very little we can do about meta-structures anyway.
When something negative happens in your life, just ask yourself honestly what you can influence and what you can’t. If your girl cheats on you, the chances are that she is not acting as an agent of a shadowy feminist conspiracy to destabilize men. Instead, she is just acting in accord with her own vaginal tingles. She may not intend to hurt you through her behaviour, but the impact of it will likely be the same as if she did, so treat her accordingly. Delete her number, and cut her out of your life.
Men can rail against feminism and smartphones and hookup culture all day long on Internet message boards, but the genie isn’t going back in the bottle any time soon. The modern world is what it is, and you must put your own interests first. So don’t waste time thinking about the intentions of those whose actions affect you, e.g., women, employers, governments; they are largely irrelevant. Instead, think about how their actions impact you and what you can do about it.
If you’re unhappy with your girlfriend, dump her, learn game, and find another one. If you don’t like the way your company has been restructured, leave and start your own business. If you don’t like the state of the nation, emigrate to a foreign country where there is a better way of life. The fantastic thing about many men’s websites is that they are filled with positive, actionable advice to help you do all these things.
You are so much better off concentrating on what you can control rather than what you can't.