A problem for many men who are trying to learn about getting good with women is that they are naturally nice, or at least they have been conditioned to limit the expression of their masculinity and instead display a PG-rated, polite, caring, soft version of themselves. This, after all, is what we’ve been told works.
Girls, we are told, want to meet a man who is nonthreatening, interested in the same things they are, and in touch with his emotions. Very quickly, however, our illusions are shattered when these exact behaviours not only fail to work but also often attract harsh blowouts and female ridicule.
I don’t think we should denigrate men for this. Qualities I assumed would endear me to women but which frequently had the opposite effect are actually those that I value myself—being well-read; being willing to converse deeply on philosophy, literature, or politics; being polite and interested in others; having a sense of honour.
Make no mistake. So-called White Knighting (“nice guy” game) is not merely a flawed strategy for accessing sex (“You should like me because I’m such a great guy”). It is also quixotic, reflecting how men think things ought to be rather than how they are, as women mostly don’t find White Knights attractive.
What women really want, it would appear, is the bad boy, the jock, the douchebag, the exciting alpha whose devil-may-care swag causes tornadic pupil-enlarging and tsunamic Victoria’s Secret panty wetting. For those readers unfamiliar this idea, I suggest you read Sperm Wars by Robin Baker, a great primer of female sexual strategy.
For our purposes here, it suffices to say that as women grow increasingly independent from men, “provider” qualities that were once attractive, e.g., being pleasant with a good steady job, are now though somewhat inferior to sexy jerkboy qualities that don’t suggest stability but do promise great sex and superior alpha genes.
I was once the guy discussing Sartre and existentialism with some philosophically inclined girl at the bar for hours before getting a polite peck on the cheek at the end of the night and no sex. Meanwhile, that ripped guy in an Ed Hardy wifebeater and trucker cap would already be having sex with whatever coed he’d picked up tonight.
If I’m honest, I would probably have been snobbish about such a man, whose technique was the polar opposite to my own, but actually it would have served me better to have observed his behaviour and attitudes and incorporated some of them into my own game.
I recently spent a few days on the Spanish party island of Ibiza. For those who haven’t been there, suffice to say it is the Las Vegas of Europe—blazing sunshine for five months of the year, huge clubs, and literally thousands of hot girls getting off planes from England, Russia, Italy, mainland Spain, and the U.S. every day. Here, at my favourite party Circo Loco at DC10, I was privileged to observe some of the most exquisite alpha douchebag club game that I have seen for a long time.
Circo Loco is a techno party that used to attract an underground crowd of Italian music lovers. It was defiantly unglamorous, with the focus being firmly on the beats. Ten years later, like everywhere else on the island, it now attracts a much bigger, more mainstream crowd, including many, many cute 18 to 24-year-old girls in cutoff denim shorts and alpha jock types. Standing in the back room listening to DJ Mees Dierpdorf, I saw a pretty young English brunette get picked up by a loud AMOG (“alpha male of the group”) in a vest with YOLO written on it.
The AMOG was dancing with a group of three guys in front of the DJ box. He was tall and muscular, with a cheeky, good-looking face. He was whooping, throwing his arms in the air, and moving around a lot, dominating the space. He was talking to everyone—guys, girls, young, old, cute, or ugly. Just a friendly word or two here and there, e.g., “All right, mate,” “Sweet,” “Have a good night.” He had a huge grin on his face and looked as though he was having the time of his life. He was touching everyone—a handshake here, a pat on the head there. He was only interested in having fun, in enjoying the music and dancing.
The cute brunette whispered something to her friend and then approached the AMOG. She was holding a Spanish flamenco fan. She stood right in front of him and wafted it up and down, cooling him off. After all, he was glowing with sweat from all that dancing. He laughed, pulled her towards him, rubbed the top of her head with his palm, and then kissed her on the cheek as though she were his little sister. He spoke briefly to her, looking down at her as though highly sceptical and puzzled by everything she said, sometimes pulling her in close to speak in her ear.
Then he carried on dancing as before, but now the brunette and her friend were part of the group. The AMOG didn’t pay much attention to them. He just carried on partying, talking to other guys and girls, and having a blast. From time to time, one of his friends would whisper something to the brunette, probably in attempt to ingratiate himself, but with a light, playful touch.
After ten minutes or so, the group disbanded, and now the two girls were on the periphery again. Seeing his opportunity, a Spanish guy came up behind the brunette and began dancing close to her, holding her hips. The AMOG noticed. He came over immediately, put a huge arm around the girl, and moved her away to his right. Then he took her place in front of the unfortunate interlocutor and began grinding his ass into his crotch, laughing all the while. Then he turned and playfully grabbed the guy’s head, pulled it towards him, and kissed him on the cheek, as though this was all just good fun rather than serious mate-guarding.
His physical dominance and the man’s humiliation were plain for everyone to see. Then—and this was the AMOG’s masterstroke—he grabbed the brunette and threw her back into the Spaniard’s arms.
Predictably, she shook her head, disgusted by the implication that she might want to be with this weaker beta male. With huge, shining eyes, she walked once more into the protective radius of the AMOG, who was now ignoring her and dancing wildly once more as though nothing had happened.
The unfortunate Spaniard walked away, his emasculation confirmed, any opportunity for sexual access to the brunette brutally eradicated. In contrast, the AMOG’s supremacy was now ensured. I am certain that after his seeing off the lesser man the brunette would have had sex with him in the bathroom right then had he chosen to lead her there.
If this sounds like something you might see on a wildlife documentary, believe me, it was, but in the modern nightclub, the combination of alcohol, drugs, and overtly sexual music as well as the array of potential male suitors on hand means that attractive young women have little need not to seek out the highest value males they can get.
Does this mean that alpha douchebag game is the only way? No. My own style is based more on conversation coupled with increasing physicality throughout the interaction. It works well for me and for people I’ve taught. Could I have pulled the cute brunette? Quite possibly. She was certainly no more attractive than other girls I’ve slept with, but let’s be honest. Stealing her from the AMOG that night would have been a challenge. A well-built natural who exhibits physical dominance and a fun, don’t-give-a-shit attitude in a club is always going to be hard to beat
If you are not like the AMOG in this story, there are still a few things you can do. The first is to consider whether night game is for you at all. If you favour a softer approach, you might be better off sticking to daygame. That’s not to say that you’re not also competing with AMOGs in the girl’s circle during the day, but at least they won’t be present, so you can take your shot in a more low-key, less-pressured situation.
If you prefer clubs, though, there is a lot to be learned from AMOGs, and it’s worth watching them and copying some of their behaviours.
First, if you don’t work out, begin immediately. I go to the gym about five times a week. I’m not huge, but I have developed greater muscle mass over the years, which means I feel significantly more confident around other men than when I was in my early twenties.
Second, rather than doing hundreds of “gamey” cold approaches, you might experiment with simply going out with a group of high-value male friends, dominating the club environment, speaking to everyone, having a great time, and attracting girls that way. In my anecdote—and this is the mark of the true alpha—the AMOG didn’t have to bother approaching the cute brunette. She came to him. I’m not saying do nothing. You still need to interact, but given that you will be talking to everyone anyway, and those close to you will likely be there because they are attracted to your energy, pulling them will be much easier.
You should look quizzically at girls when they talk to you, as if they are children who aren’t quite making sense. Be physical with everyone, especially other men. High-fives, hugs, pats on the back, handshakes. If you can make it look as though you can dominate other guys, you are well on the way to creating lots of attraction in your vicinity. Don’t try to be cool. Smile, be happy, and look as though you’re having an amazing time. Be friendly to people. The true alpha can afford to be magnanimous because he knows he can dominate anyone who steps out of line.
Remember that while “dark triad” characteristics are undeniably attractive to women, the greatest currency in a nightclub is fun . You should not attach too much importance to your target, and if another guy moves in on her, feel free to replicate the technique I’ve described here as it was, quite frankly, a stroke of genius. (Judge the situation carefully though. Don’t get beaten up.)
Another thing you should bear in mind is that the cute brunette I describe looked like a typical good girl—the type who the beta male would assume would be swayed by intelligent conversation, flowers, and dinner. Not a bit of it. It was a central tenet of Mystery’s thinking that ultimate masculine energy attracts ultimate feminine energy.
There will be those who read this and attribute the alpha’s success entirely to his looks and build, but that would miss the point. While those things undeniably helped (and every man can work on his body and his appearance), it was his behaviour, his display of masculine dominance that really made the difference. Not everyone has to use this type of physically dominant game, as you can use other strategies, but you should at least be aware of it, of how susceptible beautiful young women are to it, and how easy it is to imitate.
Even if you are not a 6', granite-jawed champion lifter, aping a few of the behaviours I’ve outlined here while in the club will pay dividends and certainly differentiate you from the guys you are competing with, the majority of whom will be the overwhelmed James Bond-imitating, wall-hugging types that populate most clubs.