Learning game is rather like learning a musical instrument. Technique can be taught: body language, what to say, and how to lead. Core “talent,” which in this case translates as sexual presence can’t, but it is the key element to attracting girls that you have in your arsenal.
When I see guys chatting up girls, it is almost always sexual presence or intent that is missing. So many times I’ve seen a man interacting with a woman, maybe saying something funny and making her laugh, but with no suggestion that he intends—or is even capable of—ripping her clothes off and having sex with her. Yet, this is exactly what he must emanate to be successful. The girl must sense immediately and without any question that he is a sexual, dominant man.
In both night game and daygame, the optimal state you achieve is a kind of sexual trance, where you prowl around like a tiger eying its prey, ready to pounce. If you can get there, you will find that the importance of your “outer game” will diminish as girls are drawn to you on a primal level. If you’ve ever had the experience of making out with a girl in a club without even having spoken to her or having sex within a few minutes of meeting, it will have been because the degree of sexual presence you showed was sufficient to arouse her without any “pickup” window dressing.
How do you become a ball of pent-up sexual energy? This is difficult to teach, as it must come from within. Every pickup interaction is to some degree an expression of your inner state at the time: every successful pickup occurs when your sexual energy is potent, and you have signalled this sufficiently to the girl.
This is easier for some men than others. If you had a particularly conservative upbringing and are not comfortable with being sexual, the curve is going to be steeper than for the former high school jock accustomed to getting blow jobs from girls after class. Here are a few things that you can do to help get into the right state.
1. Develop swagger
As with many things in life, if you adopt certain external behaviors, your mind will soon catch up. One of the fundamental ways in which you can demonstrate that you are a sexual man is through your body and the way you move.
The way you walk through a bar or a nightclub is critical. Ensure that your head is high and your shoulders back at all times. Relax your shoulders so that your arms are hanging down casually by your sides. Shake them so that they feel loose and free. Walk forward, rotating your torso from side to side from your lower back. Keep your legs wide apart and your crotch angled slightly forward, as though your cock is leading you. Angle your head up so that you look down on each girl you pass. Your aim is to take up as much room as you can while demonstrating an arrogant, cavalier attitude. Imagine you are John Wayne in a cowboy movie.
This may feel unnatural: you should exaggerate your movements at first until they become second nature. A lot of game is akin to acting. Imagine that you are a cocky, alpha guy (if you’re not already), and move how that guy would move.
Soon, it will be easy.
Girls have often commented on the way I walk around as if I own the place. When I show sexual intent, therefore, I am congruent. It’s a simple trick and very easy to pull off.
2. Lift
You will rarely read a manosphere blog or men’s self-improvement book without lifting weights being advocated somewhere. The reason I mention this here is because it will help you with your posture but mainly because it will boost your testosterone, thus increasing your sexual potency.
There are other sources where you can find specific information about working out. In my experience, though, compound exercises or lifts that target bigger muscles, such as a bench press, shoulder press, dead lifts, and squats, give me a kind of high, making me feel masculine and powerful. This is exactly the mood you need to be in when you go out to meet women.
Try lifting weights right before you hit the club. I guarantee that it will lift your mood, you will feel more on point, and this will be apparent to the girls you meet.
3. Approach loads and loads of women
Once you’re out, approach as many women as you can. In fact, you should never stop approaching. Do daygame and night game. Daygame may yield fewer solid leads, but the one thing it does do when practiced consistently is it ensures that you are on point. Do you really think a man who talks to one hundred women in the street in a month is going to have a problem approaching some stuck-up hottie in a bar?
More importantly, the more girls I hit on, the more sexually potent I feel. Strangely, it doesn’t matter whether I get rejected or not. Even after a knock-back, I find myself feeling more in state and more predatory than before, which communicates itself to the next girl I talk to.
Always be approaching. Look girls straight in the eye, and allow your gaze to communicate your sexual state. Be ruthless and unemotional. Negative reactions don’t matter. You’re not doing this to please people or to make friends. You’re doing it to get laid. If a girl is rude or bitchy or says, “but it was nice to meet you,” simply turn your back on her and go on to the next. Keep grinding out the approaches and you will find the girls that are interested in you.
4. Watch strippers and porn and listen to hip hop
There is simply no getting around the fact that to be sexual with women you need to objectify them, at least to some extent. This is not to suggest that I objectify all women all the time. That would be ridiculous. Nevertheless, let’s be honest. Both genders objectify the other to some degree in the realm of sexual fantasy and attraction. Basically, you’re going to need to be able to visualize the cute girl in the woolly hat coming out of Whole Foods having a crazy, sweaty threesome with you.
The best way to accomplish this? Expose yourself to sexy material. Go to strip clubs. Watch porn—in moderation. Hip-hop music, with its unapologetically sexual lyrics, is also great for getting you in the mood.
These things will help you tune into the right mind-set and remind you that girls are sexual creatures too. It will also increase your desire for sex, spurring you on when you’re out meeting real women.
You need to shift your perception of women so that you see them as 80% sexual and 20% wholesome rather than the other way around. Do this and you will find that your interactions with them are more highly charged.
5. Don’t masturbate too much
Don’t masturbate too much. If possible, keep it to a couple of times a week. You need to maintain a balance between being so horny that you come across as desperate and being sated, pale, and red-eyed after a wanking marathon, too exhausted to approach.
The right balance will vary from guy to guy: find out what works best for you, and stick to it.
6. Assume her sexual attraction to you
This is key. Go into every interaction with the assumption that she is into you. Why not? You are the prize, after all.
7. Push it further than you think you can
In the realm of sexual attraction, the currency of overconfidence is king. Be sexual with her more quickly than you think you can get away with, that is, look at her commandingly, with deep eye contact, touch her, hold her hand, drop in suggestive comments, kiss her early.
It goes without saying that you should never do anything against a girl’s will. If she seems particularly angry or upset, pull back immediately. You need to have some basic social awareness. My point is that it is your job as a man to show sexual intent and to lead the interaction in the right direction to your timetable.
8. Learn to deal with feelings of incongruity
For many men, showing sexual intent and presenting ourselves as sexual beings can feel uncomfortable if we are not used to it. You need resist this, and initiate proper man-to-woman interactions with those girls you want to sleep with.
Ignore any feeling that this behaviour is somehow incongruent with your true self. It isn’t. Men are sexual beings who are naturally sexual around women. Remember that and feel good about it.