Many men come to me looking for answers to problems they have with girls. While these vary in the details, inevitably they all point to a much bigger issue. The man who has sought help just does not have enough options. Rather than look for quick, silver bullet fixes for difficulties with this or that girl, what the alpha would do is seek out other opportunities elsewhere.
I was recently chatting with my good friend Nick over WhatsApp. Nick had met a cute girl in a bar, chatted her up, enjoyed a quick makeout, and then taken her number before leaving. The next morning he sent the girl (let’s call her Alice) a message, and she responded, leading to several rounds of flirtatious WhatsApp banter. Then, just as he was about to go in for the kill and ask her to meet up with him, she stopped responding. Just like that. The whole interaction was dead in the water.
Puzzled and perturbed by this turn of events, Nick contacted me and asked what he should do to reignite Alice’s interest and get things back on track. While text game is certainly a skill and there are techniques you can try to pull back in such a situation, in the end Nick’s problem is macro rather than micro.
Why did Alice flake on Nick? Who knows? It could be for any number of reasons, many of them entirely unconnected with Nick. Perhaps Alice actually had a boyfriend or fiancé and was feeling guilty. Perhaps she had been horrendously drunk that night and couldn’t remember what he looked like. Perhaps, and this is the killer, she had already hooked up with someone new whom she was more attracted to than Nick. Or perhaps she had simply lost her phone.
In most such cases, you will never know the woman’s reasoning. Nor should you want to. What do you want? Closure?
Closure is for girls, my friend.
The sexual marketplace is a cold, wild, barren, and unfriendly place. When you interact with strangers (as the girls that you meet through pickup inevitably are), you run the risk of playing with emotional fire. Remember that everyone is out for what they can get, you included. You want to meet and sleep with the hottest girl that your SMV will afford, but girls have an agenda too. They also want to meet the “hottest” man that they can get. It’s just in their case the definition of “hot” might expand to encompass such things as status, influence, wealth, or even “bad boy” indicators.
You may have been in the frame for that hour you spent talking to her and making out with her in the club, but have no doubt that she has other options, other guys blowing up her phone asking for a date. That’s not to say that a clever piece of “text game”—a smart quip or cocky-funny line—could never help in such a situation. It is just possible that delivered correctly such a line could indeed prompt her reappraisal of you, but realise that the cards are stacked against you, and that such a turnaround is unlikely.
You must recognise that the modern dating arena is a ruthless place, where everyone is out for themselves. Don’t be fooled by a pleasant half-hour conversation with a girl at a lounge bar or a makeout at a friend’s party. Girls especially tend to act on their feelings in the moment. OK, so when she met you at 2:00 a.m. after she’d drunk three Sambucas you seemed to her like the perfect guy, but that doesn’t mean she’s feeling the same way on Tuesday morning at work, especially after that cute guy on Tinder has started messaging her again or that male model on the subway passed her his business card. Life moves on very quickly, especially for hot young women.
The only way you can insulate yourself from the vagaries of the sexual marketplace and ensure that you don’t leave money on the table is by constantly filling your pipeline with potential sexual and romantic prospects. As in sales, the only way you can ensure a consistent “income” is by opening new prospects every day. Remember that the more girls you approach, the more opportunities will open up to you, and the more opportunities you have, the better your chance of having regular sex.
Rather than worrying about the minutiae of an interaction with this or that girl, you want to be in the position where you have so many girls “on the go” on text, WhatsApp, Facebook, Tinder, or whatever that you really couldn’t care less if one or two drop out of the funnel each week. It is only by systematically approaching every day that you will achieve this goal. Once you have a regular girl you like or several regular girls, depending on your preference, (but not until then) will you be in a position to slow down and adjust this strategy.