The appeal of Tinder to men is pretty obvious. Here is an app that offers a seemingly endless supply of potential sexual partners to be accessed with a simple swipe to the right—an apparent cornucopia of hot, sexually up-for-it females just ready to be plucked from cyberspace and pulled into your bed.
Anyone who’s spent more than two minutes on the app will be more than aware that this somewhat idyllic portrayal is nonsensical and that pulling on Tinder is not as easy as one might have hoped. Having experimented with it extensively in the last few months, I can say categorically that for me at least approaching girls in real life is far more effective, yielding better results.
I don’t intend to get into a deep, wider discussion of Tinder and the somewhat bleak assessment of the state of male-female relations its vast popularity invites, but it has to be said that when finding a partner is reduced to a card shuffling-like exercise on your smartphone, where you scroll past one narcissistic selfie after another, something isn’t quite right.
My interest here, though, is in the efficiency or otherwise of the process for meeting women for sex or relationships. While some guys are successful with Tinder and many experts offer advice on how to optimise your chances, I would still say that the old-fashioned, face-to-face approach works best.
1. On Tinder You Are Judged Solely On Your Looks
Don’t have a six-pack, broad shoulders, and the smouldering looks of Robert Pattison or Ryan Gosling? Then bad luck. You are in female left-swipe purgatory.
Tinder is fundamentally a visual medium, which was its original USP after all. Rather than have to fill in a lengthy profile, you simply upload a few pics, and you’re away. While initially this might have been seen by men as attractive—“Hey, I can skip the boring, getting-to-know-you bit and just take my pick out the pictures of hot girls”—in fact, it is a massive disadvantage.
While women’s SMV (sexual market value) is largely determined by their looks, a man’s is influenced by many other factors, including his social dominance, humour, intelligence, and gravitas. None of which comes across in that moody five-year-old pic you plucked off Facebook because your mum told you that you looked handsome in it.
Your profile description beneath your main picture? Forget it. Who has time to read those?
2. While In a Face-To-Face Interaction Your Approach Itself Can Create Attraction
Contrast this with the power of the face-to-face approach. I met an ex-girlfriend of mine, a solid 8, very cute Turkish girl, through daygame on the streets of London. We had several great months together before I got itchy feet and called time on the relationship. Enraged, the girl targeted me with a volley of abuse, including the following insightful nugget:
“If you hadn’t have approached me like you did I would never have gone with you. You’re not even my type.”
Now, granted, she was upset and deliberately trying to hurt me, but I happen to believe that on this she was telling the truth. She had already told me that when we met that she had felt my approach (a direct street-stop) showed “balls.”
It is my belief that the approach in itself created much of her attraction for me, as it showed dominance and a tendency to take risks to get what I want. Had she seen my picture on Tinder, however, I’m almost certain I would have been a default left swipe.
3. You Are Limited To Gaming The Girls You Match With
Even if your messaging game is really on point, the system only allows you to chat to those girls with whom you’ve matched, and then you don’t even get the chance to work your game (and thus potentially positively influence) those girls you really like.
Contrast this with getting a telephone number from a “maybe” girl in the street. Initially, she might not be that interested, but your text game may just save it, and at least you know you are attracted to her since she promoted you to approach.
4. There Can Often Be A Mismatch Of Expectations
As above, you really only have the pick of girls with whom you match, and of these, only a proportion are going to be looking for the same thing as you. So if you are looking for someone to date, you might find that your matches are those girls looking for covert hookups.
If you are still a young guy looking to experiment and meet a variety of women, you’ll be surprised at the number of girls who are deluded enough to be using Tinder to try to find a serious partner.
Again, the beauty of face-to-face approaching is that this can be determined through a few leading questions at the outset, saving time for both parties.
5. Girls Are Exceptionally Flaky On the App, As They Have So Many Matches
Given how thirsty the male population is, girls and especially hot girls get matched by pretty much everyone on Tinder, which means they are swamped with options. When you get chatting to a girl, even if your messaging game is stellar, there’s still the likelihood that she’s going to get distracted by the next man who comes along and stop replying to your messages.
A face-to-face approach, particularly through daygame, creates much more impact, meaning that you stand out from her other male orbiters, and you have a fighting chance of commanding her attention for longer.
6. You Never Really Know What You’re Going to Get
Tinder is rather like ordering clothes on the Internet. You never know exactly what you’re going to get until it turns up. That T-shirt you thought was perfect online looks baggy and is made from cheap material when it arrives.
Everyone accentuates their best selves online, and girls are obviously going to put up their hottest pictures on a dating app. Don’t be surprised when that Kate Upton lookalike turns out to be a less attractive proposition when you meet her for a date.
This is where real-life approaching wins out big time since you only approach those girls you are attracted to and with whom there’s a reasonable chance of some chemistry. You may suffer many rejections, but at least you’ll know exactly what you’re getting with those who bite before you invest time on a date.
7. You Invest More Time In Prospects That Were Never Going Anywhere
At a minimum, you are going to have to chat to her for a while on the app and then perhaps on WhatsApp before she’ll come out to meet you. When she does but she isn’t what you are looking for, you will kick yourself for the wasted time. Had you met her in person first through cold approach you would have known precisely what you were dealing with and apportioned your time appropriately.
There’s nothing really wrong with Tinder as a supplement to your regular game. Men can and do have success on it on a regular basis (a good-looking friend of mine has recently been getting laid consistently nearly every night through using it). For all the reasons listed above, however, you should never be tempted to make it your primary tool for meeting women.
If you fear rejection, you should man up and start meeting girls in person anyway. I promise it will be worth it in the end.