One of the main things that holds men back in their pursuit of women, whether for relationships or a short-term flings, is their fear of awkwardness. Indeed, the prospect of being called “creepy,” a word that is bandied about far too readily these days by women looking to shame and silence guys they are not attracted to, is terrifying for many men.
To get over this fear, it is important to understand that “awkwardness” is simply a social frame and not to buy into it when you are dealing with girls.
A friend of mine who is getting back into game again after a period out of the market recently expressed his fear of “going in for the kill” on a date. Basically, he is nervous about trying to kiss girls. I told him that he needs to lead the interaction towards sex. In almost all circumstances, the girl isn’t going to do it, and dominance is the most attractive trait that a man can demonstrate to a woman.
What really frightens him? After all, the very worst that could happen as a result of going in for an undesired kiss on a date is a slap around the face, but the chances of even that happening are extremely slim. Far more likely is that the girl will simply pull away and make an excuse about not being ready yet.
Given that physical repercussions are unlikely, what’s the problem? Awkwardness. What my friend doesn’t want to face is the aftermath of a failed kiss. He wonders what he will say and how he will regain his composure after such a crushing occurrence.
It is this very fear of awkwardness that will cause him to be reluctant, ironically making him less attractive to the girl. In the world of dating (as well as the world of business or sports or artistic endeavours), boldness will take you much further than holding back.
I’m not saying that one should blithely disregard all social conventions in the pursuit of one’s personal goals (although perhaps that wouldn’t be a bad idea). What I am saying, though, is that you should recognize that “awkwardness” or “creepiness” is not real or tangible but simply the manifestations of a frame that is stronger than your own: the girl’s.
Once you understand this concept, awkwardness is much easier to deal with.
The way to not be creepy, then, is to understand that awkwardness is a frame set by someone else and refuse to accept it. This is easier said than done, but bear with me while I explain what I mean.
When I’m on a first date with a girl, I will often try to kiss her within the first fifteen or twenty minutes. This initial attempt will frequently be rejected. In such cases, the girl’s frame will be something like: “I just came out for a nice drink and to get to know you, and you are violating social convention by trying to kiss me before we know each other well.”
That’s absolutely fine, but my frame is different and goes like this: “I am a man, and you are a woman. I am attracted to you, and that is entirely normal. We are on a date together, so what could be more natural than that I kiss you?”
As we all know, in any given social interaction, whoever has the strongest frame usually wins, and my frame in this context is now rock solid through practice. If a girl attempts to shame me or otherwise imply that my behaviour was in any way over the top or inappropriate, I simply front it out. “You’re cute, so I’m going to try to kiss you. Who wouldn’t?”
The same applies when I cold approach. If a girl asks me whether I’m hitting on her when I go up to talk to her, I simply say yes. Why say anything else?
What this all comes down to is owning one’s actions. If secretly you think there’s something wrong with trying to kiss a girl on a date, or more likely, that you feel deep down that you’re not good enough for her, you will telegraph this to her. Or if you think approaching girls cold is weird, inappropriate, or that you are simply not hot enough this will also be conveyed in even your tiniest actions.
It is far better to walk out into the world entirely confident in your actions. Those with a strong frame are simply less likely to receive negative feedback about their behaviour. Just think of the school jock who goofs around with girls and gets away with all kinds of things that betas would be shamed for. Without a doubt, he is afforded a license to pull crazy stunts largely because he doesn’t see anything wrong in doing so.
You must be the same. The next time you feel awkward or a girl accuses you of being creepy remember that awkwardness and creepiness are not reality but rather a frame that has been imposed on you by someone else. Refuse to recognize it, and over time as if by magic it will melt away.