In an age of Tinder hookups and fast sex, the notion of a date may appear old-fashioned, almost quaint. Perhaps that’s to do with the word itself, which conjures up images of 1950s teens drinking milk shakes at the diner before going to the drive-in.
Whatever you choose to call it, though, make no mistake that you’re going to need to know how to interact with a girl you’ve only just met in a one-on-one situation. However archaic dating may seem, even in today’s world it’s pretty much unavoidable.
In very few circumstances are you likely to meet a girl who will have sex with you without any preliminary conversation at all. Even if you meet her in a club and end up banging in the bathroom, you will almost certainly have to take her to a quiet corner of the venue to chat her up out of earshot of her friends first. This is effectively a mini date.
When you meet a girl on the street, you will likely need to take her somewhere—perhaps for a coffee or a drink—before bringing her back to your place. On many occasions, the decision will actually be taken out of your hands as the girl will demand some sort of meetup to “get to know you better” after your initial approach before she will even countenance the thought of sleeping with you.
Many men get sore about this and go on a tirade against girls, accusing them of leaching on male resources. While there are undoubtedly a great many gold diggers out there whom you should avoid at all costs, it’s not unreasonable that girls should have the opportunity to find out whether or not you are a serial killer or a fat-assed beta chump before sleeping with you.
Make no mistake, though, that when you go on a date you are on trial. What you must not do is fall into her frame, where you are positioned as the seller before her the buyer. Instead, you must seize the impetus and direct the date according to your best interests.
What men and women generally want from dates is not so much opposed as temporally mismatched. Generally speaking, she wants to find out if you are a “good match” and whether or not you “connect.” Generally speaking, you want to bang, but she won’t necessarily be in a hurry to get naked, so you need to develop a strategy.
Most important is that you adopt the right mind-set. You should go on every date with the intention of closing the deal, i.e., having sex with her that night. Why? Girls have many options, and only after you’ve fucked her will you be anything less than a speck on her radar. If you don’t make it happen that night, there’s a good chance she’ll be lining up her next Tinder bang on the way home, and you’ll never see her again.
You should be absolutely prepared for sex, carrying condoms, and cleaning your apartment before the meeting. It has been said that each time a woman agrees to go on a date with you she is contemplating having sex with you. Broadly speaking, this is true. It is your job not to do anything to cause problems and push the interaction forward through verbal and physical escalation and male dominance all the way to the bedroom.
The following tips are most applicable to the conventional evening date—one that takes place on a separate occasion to your first meeting with the girl—although they also apply in other situations, such as daygame “insta-dates.”
The first date with a new girl should always be for drinks, i.e., alcoholic drinks. Never take her out for dinner (not until you’ve slept with her at least), and try to avoid coffee dates. While these can work for building comfort, they are antiseductive and opposed to our purpose of getting laid quickly.
The idea of taking a girl for drinks is not to get her blind drunk. Paul Janka recommends that you have two or three drinks maximum partly to keep costs down and partly because on or after the third drink you should be making your move. So intoxication is not the aim here.
Alcohol has smoothed the path for sexual encounters forever. It will relax her and you too, assuming you drink, of course. I don’t, so I just take a sparkling mineral water. A tip to the barman will ensure they’re discreet about the fact you’re on soft drinks.
Many men get worked up about whether or not you should buy drinks. Ancient game advice states that to do so is supplicatory and therefore beta. While this might be the case in a club when you first meet, I would suggest that on a date scenario it’s slightly different.
If you make a big deal about refusing to pay or making her go halves, you risk looking socially inept and lacking in value. This is a supreme passion killer. Don’t sweat it. Put your hand into your pocket.
If she indicates that she’s cool with going halves, that’s great. If not, don’t let it affect you. I’m not suggesting you should lavish her with vintage Dom Perignon. Just don’t make an issue out of something that needn’t be.
Find a nice lounge to take your girl to, not a noisy pub or frat house. Somewhere that serves cocktails, has booths, and table service is ideal.
What you need to do is find a couch, or something similar, in a relatively secluded part of this venue. At all costs, you should sit next to her. Never sit across a table. This is crucial. To do so feels formal, like a job interview and sucks the erotic tension out of the scenario. What you are aiming for is to be close enough so that you can initiate touching and kissing easily and without having to lean in awkwardly.
The female-centric conception of the date is that its purpose is “getting to know one another,” hence “classic” date topics of conversation are such things as your job, your family, and hobbies. What you must do is ignore these subjects and talk about sex instead.
The purpose of the date is to end up having sex. You should make every effort to eroticise the conversation from the outset, which can be a lot of fun for both of you, and it will position you as “one of those guys”—an alpha male who isn’t looking for anything serious but whom she can bang without fear of your subsequent neediness or other negative consequences.
When I say talk about sex, what I don’t mean is that your opening gambit should be asking about her favourite position. That’s creepy. What you should do instead is use double entendres and deliberate misunderstandings of what she says to plant jokey references to sex that become more overt over the evening. This is a skill that you will develop, and it will become easier as you do so.
I interpret almost anything a girl says as sexual. It doesn’t matter how lame it seems. If you do it with confidence, she will giggle and start to view you as a viable sexual prospect.
An example might be as follows: Perhaps she says she needs more ice in her drink. I would raise my eyebrows, shoot her a naughty look, and say, “I bet you like ice, don’t you?” When she says yes, I’ll then wink and say “where?” Or if she comes in from the rain and complains about being wet (an open goal, of course), I’d shoot her that same wink and say “oh really.”
There are countless examples of this technique. You just need to adopt a dirty mind. It’s very simple—essentially schoolboy humour—but if done with panache it raises the conversation from the banal, lending it an erotic fizz and positioning you as a sexual guy who knows what he wants and is probably good in the sack.
Anyone who’s read The Game will know about kino, the art of touching to sexualise an interaction. This is absolutely essential on a date, and you should begin doing it as soon as she arrives.
Without hyperbole, the use of touch was the single most important revelation that accelerated my game beyond anything I’d thought possible.
Don’t touch in a sexual way, not at first, anyway. Instead, touch her on the lower arm, embrace her, grab her shoulders to make a point. After you’ve been with her for a while, you can start resting your hand on her thigh and touching her hips.
One thing that is very effective is handholding. You’ll be amazed how quickly you can take a girl’s hand on a date. I’ve done it literally in the first five minutes. Once you’ve done that and before you’ve even kissed you’ve made the romantic status of your interaction overt. This is key. There’s no way she’s going to friend zone you now. If she pulls her hand away, don’t worry. Just carry on talking, and try again a few minutes later.
As with handholding, you’ll be amazed how quickly you can kiss a new girl on a date. Don’t wait for ages and make it awkward. Go in as soon as there’s a small pause in the conversation and you’re just looking at one another. Put your hand gently on her cheek, and pull her towards you as you bring your lips to hers.
Many men get scared about what to do if she turns her head away. The answer? Don’t worry about it. Just carry on talking, and try again in a few minutes. I’ve had girls turn their heads on me four or five times during a date before they’ve finally kissed me passionately. You will always encounter resistance. Remember that confidence is attractive. The alpha male is charming but persistent, and temporary rejection doesn’t phase him.
If a girl turns her head, I normally say something like, “Sorry, my mouth slipped.” Then I leave it for a while and try again. In most cases, she will admire my persistence and eventually accede.
Head turning is a form of shit test, as are such statements as “You’re a player, aren’t you?,” “Does this normally work?,” “You’re not as smooth as you think you are,” “I bet you do this with all the girls.”
When hit with any of these, the advice is always the same. Smile, ignore, and persist. If a girl tells me I’m not smooth, I’ll say something like “Yeah, it’s great isn’t it?” and then just carry on. The same goes if she says, “It’s not going to happen tonight.” Just ignore it and proceed with what you’re doing anyway. Chances are she’ll change her mind later on.
After two or three drinks, some sexy banter, touching, and kissing, you’re ready to take her home. The best way to do this is simply grab her hand, say “let’s get out of here,” and lead her to a cab. If she asks where you’re going, say “on an adventure.” If you really need to explain, just say you have a great movie to show her. “Going home to watch a movie” is universal code for sex, so she’ll get what’s up and in most cases will be happy to go along with it.
If she does resist at this point, that’s fine. Just arrange to meet her another time. Just realise that if she doesn’t come back with you that night you may have done something wrong earlier on, and your chances of seeing her again are severely reduced.