There was recently some interesting discussion in the comments under an article I wrote that was about the need for men to seize the moment and not pass up opportunities to meet women they are attracted to as they go about their daily lives.
I hadn’t intended the article to be a paean to daygame, but I guess that’s how it turned out, as my basic point was that there are women all around us every day, and the smart man doesn’t wait for permission or for the “right moment” to make an approach.
One comment in particular that caught my eye was from one “Captain Nemo.” I hope he won’t mind me quoting it in full, as I think it contains an important concept that is worth discussing further.
“Good article. Some people chicken out because they start thinking: ‘what the fuck should I say...’ and then they end up screwing up the chance not saying anything because everything they came up with sounded too fucking dumb. I on the other hand sometimes bypass such things by deciding to say the most retarded shit I can come up with instead.”
Does it backfire a lot? Hell yes it does, but when it works, it works. In fact, acting like a retard actually landed both me and my friend some LTR material. So to those who are still trying to get their shit together and have trouble coming up with what to say to that lovely chick that can’t take her eyes off of you, remember the following: Even a retarded approach can get you more than not approaching at all.”
That last sentence is golden. Internalize it, and it will free you up to go out and make the mistakes that are necessary in the journey towards becoming great at meeting girls.
As men, we naturally tend to be both logical and competitive. These are great attributes in themselves, but when applied to such a discipline as pickup they can sometimes be detrimental. If you have spent a good while reading pickup books and forums as well as watching videos, you will have a pretty accurate idea of what a good pull should look like. At the same time, your competitive streak probably means that you would prefer to do it better than the guy on YouTube or not at all.
Here’s the lesson: to get really good at meeting girls, you need to kill your ego. Stop trying to live up to some self-imposed standard of pickup mastery. Stop trying to be the next Master Pickup Artist.
Why? Because you must be prepared to take risks by speaking to strangers on packed trains, in coffee shops, and in the street, and you won’t be able to do that if you’re scared not to make a mistake. If you think your pickup heroes never fluffed an opener or ran out of things to say mid-set, you’re deluded.
But there’s something even more important than that.
We all know that to an extent pickup is a numbers game. That’s not to say that you can’t improve your odds and do better or worse in a given situation by studying technique, but you will likely encounter three types of girls when you go out: “yes” girls, “no” girls, and “maybe” girls.
The best pickup artists are those who can convert the “maybe” girls—after all, they’d get the “yes” girls anyway, and the “no” girls are never going to happen. The point is that only a third of sets you encounter will be susceptible to influence.
For the most part, your goal on the initial approach should simply be to introduce yourself and get her contact details so that you can continue gaming her later. Same-day lays do happen as a result of daygame, but in the main it’s at least a two-stage process.
Your strategy should be to initiate contact with as many cute girls as possible, screening out those who are a definite “no” and adding the others to your database to contact again later. When you take this industrial approach, the manner in which you open and precisely what you say in each case isn’t necessarily that important.
In an ideal world, you should aim to present yourself as smooth, charismatic, and sexually dominant every time through verbal and physical indicators, such as wit and strong eye contact. If you can say something penetrating and amusing that communicates these characteristics and gets the girl giggling, that’s great, but what if you are tired or in a bad mood or your mind goes blank when you see her? Or if you only have three minutes before catching a train? Should you avoid approaching because the approach may be a little under par?
Not a bit of it. Approach anyway.
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve broken the rules, and it’s worked. I’ve walked up to girls, told them they’re hot, and straight up asked for their number. No funny stories, no DHVs, no amused mastery, no game —just a straight-up telegraphing of male-female desire—and it’s worked. I’ve contacted these girls later, flirted a little over WhatsApp, taken them out, and then slept with them.
On one occasion, I was in a restaurant, saw a cute girl, and got the waiter to pass her a note with my number on it. In theory, this was a beta move. After all, I didn’t even have the nerve to go up and talk to her (actually, I was with my boss, and I didn’t want to look sleazy). But she contacted me, we messaged for a while, and things developed from there.
My point is that your primary purpose should be to initiate interactions and collect contact information. You should not concern yourself with being a pickup hero or doing anything dramatic. Sometimes normal works. Sometimes “game” that is too polished comes over as fake. If you can’t think of anything else to say, just walk up, tell her she’s pretty, and ask for her number. It’s worked for guys forever. Some days you’ll be on fire, and on other days you won’t, but if you do it often enough, you will run into girls who are into you, and you will end up having sex with them.
GK Chesterton once wrote, “If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.” Bear that in mind, and free yourself from the need to achieve perfection as you go out to meet new women.
Remember: the only thing you absolutely have to do is approach.