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MARY-ALICE RETURNED to Sinful in time to join her friends for takeout over at Gertie’s house. Gertie and Ida Belle were brewing a batch of Sinful Ladies’ Cough Syrup, and they needed to stick around and keep an eye on it.
The other reason Gertie wanted to stick around was that Godzilla had briefly escaped through Gertie’s bathroom window while the ladies were occupied, and she wanted to watch him to make sure it didn’t happen again. Godzilla was a friendly alligator who sometimes came up out of the bayou to visit Gertie. Mary-Alice had never met Godzilla, but she had seen many a baby gator in her time. No one would claim that they were suitable pets, but they could certainly be cute, in their own way. Mary-Alice only hoped for Gertie’s sake that Godzilla would stop visiting before he got too big.
“Fortunately, we managed to get him back before any harm was done,” Gertie explained as Ida Belle rolled her eyes.
“Ruined a perfectly good pair of pants,” Ida Belle muttered as she helped herself to a piece of Francine’s buttermilk fried chicken. “I told you we shouldn’t have opened the windows, Gertie. That was just asking for trouble.”
“But Godzilla doesn’t like the odor of the cough syrup brewing,” Gertie retorted. “Alligators have a very keen sense of smell.”
“So does Deputy Sheriff Carter LeBlanc,” Ida Belle shot back. “Who happens to live right across the street. We’re just lucky he was working today.”
“Mary-Alice,” Fortune interrupted, “how was your trip to Mudbug? Did you get to see your friend?”
“Oh, yes, Beulah always has the most interesting stories,” Mary-Alice said. “You’d think that working in the Office of Motor Vehicles would be dull, but it’s no such thing. Why, Beulah just had a run-in with a car thief on Monday.”
“Anyone we know?” Ida Belle asked.
“Oh, I don’t believe so. The man wasn’t exactly a mastermind, as Beulah tells it. He came in on Monday morning to try to register a car in his name, but the paperwork wasn’t right, so Beulah called the sheriff. She hoped that she’d brightened someone’s day by getting their car back for them, Beulah’s very thoughtful and all, but it turned out it was just a big scam. A car dealer over in Lafitte had the car stolen off his lot on purpose so he could collect the insurance. The thief decided the car was too nice to trash, and he figured he could keep it for himself instead.”
“Oh, bless his heart,” Gertie said.
“Honestly,” Ida Belle added, “If a man can’t follow the law, at the very least he should be able to follow directions.”
“That’s not bad, Ida Belle,” Gertie said. “Why, I might embroider it on a pillow.”
“Mary-Alice,” Fortune interrupted, “Did you say the man came in to the OMV on Monday morning?
“Why?” Ida Belle asked.
“That would mean the actual theft must have happened over the weekend. Exactly when Celia was supposedly being held captive.”
“Do you think the two are related?” Gertie asked.
“I don’t know,” Fortune said. “But Lafitte isn’t that far from here. And I haven’t heard of anything else happening out of the ordinary that weekend. Anyway, we don’t have any other leads right now, do we?”
“Miss Fortune,” Mary-Alice asked, “Do you mean to say you believe Celia was involved in a car theft? I’m finding it difficult to picture, to be perfectly honest with you.”
Mary-Alice tried to imagine Celia squeezing under a dashboard to hotwire a car, then leaping up into the driver’s seat and peeling out.
“Well...” Fortune hesitated. It was apparently difficult for her to picture too.
“No, Fortune has a point,” Ida Belle said. “Where there’s trouble, that’s where you’ll find Celia Arceneaux. And this past weekend, there was trouble in Lafitte.”
“Well, what are we waiting for?” Gertie mumbled excitedly through a mouthful of fried chicken. “Let’s go!”
“We can’t go back to Lafitte, Gertie,” Fortune said.
“She’s right,” Ida Belle concurred. “We were just there.”
“Oh, nonsense!” Gertie declared. “That’s what disguises are for!”
“I don’t know, Gertie.” Fortune looked skeptical. “Lafitte didn’t seem like the kind of place that gets a lot of visitors. I think they’d remember us, disguise or not.”
“Well. Challenge accepted.” Gertie wiped her mouth, flung down her napkin, and rose from the table.
“It’s no use, Gertie,” Ida Belle shouted after Gertie as she disappeared down the hallway.
“Who’s Gertie?” Gertie cried, as she sprang back into the living room.
Ida Belle shook her head.
“Gertie, it’s obviously you in an exterminator costume. Just how inconspicuous do you suppose an old woman in an exterminator costume’s gonna be?”
“You’re just saying that ‘cause you already know it’s me,” Gertie pouted.
“No,” Ida Belle explained, “I’m saying...oh, for heaven’s sakes.”
Gertie had disappeared again. A minute later, she leaped out into the living room.
Ida Belle, Fortune, and Mary-Alice stared. Finally, Ida Belle broke the silence.
“An exterminator in a rainbow ski mask. Yes, that’s much better. I’m sure that won’t raise any suspicions at all. Hey, Gertie, how about you ride a unicycle and play the kazoo while you’re at it. Why, you’ll be practically invisible.”
The exterminator in the rainbow ski mask made a very impolite two-handed gesture in Ida Belle’s direction and then stomped back down the hallway.
“I wish we hadn’t all gone in to that convenience store now,” Fortune said. “We need someone who hasn’t been there before. Someone who...”
Mary-Alice felt a surge of hope as Fortune and Ida Belle both turned to look at her.