Trent had followed Graeson Hardin around like a puppy from the first day he’d met the beautiful boy. They’d only been kids, but Trent knew from the very first time he saw him that Graeson belonged to him. After losing him to that scrawny piece of shit, the only thing that kept Trent sane at not being able to possess Graeson was the fact that the little nothing bastard wouldn’t have him either.
Graeson knew that Trent had never given up on him, even after Graeson cut him out of his life. Graeson looked through him for years and he eventually accepted that Grae would never be with him. Trent had finally married a well-connected, though insipid woman whom he could barely stand to touch. However, she allowed him a small taste of what Graeson had denied him – the status and money he craved. Trent would’ve risked his father’s wrath and come out as gay, because who really gave a shit about what his father thought when being with Grae would’ve made him richer and more powerful than god? It pissed him off to no end that he’d been willing to bend over for that weak fuck, Graeson, but he’d never looked at Trent twice after that night a decade ago.
It still burned Trent that Graeson’s baby brother, Tyler, and that bitch sister of his, Olivia, both kept Trent at arm’s distance. No matter how much money Trent had, no matter his – or rather, his wife’s – connections, or how good an attorney he was for Hardin Offshore, he was never good enough for the almighty Hardin siblings. But this fucking piece of trash was? Un-fucking-believable!
Trent had watched with sick fascination as Grae roughly drilled into the smaller man ruthlessly pinned beneath him. He’d taken pleasure in the violence of the act, as the men slammed against one another, sweating, pounding, and biting. Trent had begun to grow hard until he’d seen the face of the man screaming Graeson’s name as he came – Kaine! He wanted to yank that undeserving little shit off that sofa and beat him senseless. Trent continued to glower at Kaine as Graeson’s shouting broke through his increasingly violent thoughts.
“Trent!” Graeson bellowed, pulling the throw from the back of the sofa to cover his lover’s flushed and trembling body. “Trent! I said what the fuck are you doing in my home? Get the fuck out – now! Trent, goddamnit! Out! Now, before I fucking kill you!” Graeson was in a rage the likes of which he’d never felt as he stood in all his naked glory and stalked toward Trent.
“Graeson… What am I doing?” Trent ran a hand roughly through his gel-slicked hair and turned his glare on Graeson before schooling his features to mask the hatred roiling in his gut. God, sometimes he despised this man, both of these men. “Your brother said you weren’t feeling well and I thought I’d just pop in and check on you. So Tyler wouldn’t worry.”
Turning to glare at the silent Kaine, he continued, “Graeson, what… why is he here? What does he want from you? Money? Blackmail? Let me handle this.”
Graeson leapt over the clothes and shoes that were strewn about the study, approaching the man spewing vitriol towards his Kaine. Trent, surprised, threw himself back against the door. Graeson stood, towering over Trent, naked and menacing, and shoved his forearm under Trent’s neck, lifting him an inch off the floor.
“One more word, Trent. One. You will be lucky to only lose your job. I want you out of my house. I want you out of my life. If I ever lay eyes on you again I will fucking kill you.”
“What!” Trent choked. “You fucking want him here? What the fuck? He’s using you. He wouldn’t have fucked me all those years ago if he cared anything about you. I tried to tell… Ooomph.”
Graeson had released Trent only to grab him by the collar of his polo shirt and send his fist barreling into Trent’s jaw. Graeson hit Trent again, laying him out across the floor, his eyes wide and disbelieving as blood trickled down the side of his mouth. Graeson drew his arm back to deliver another blow but halted mid-air.
“You fucking liar.” Graeson froze as Kaine’s eerily calm voice sliced through the air. “You fucking liar,” Kaine repeated, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped together against his forehead, eyes tightly shut.
Kaine’s voice was little more than a whisper. It was unclear if he was talking to Trent or Kaine or himself. “All these years… wasted… because I listened to a fucking liar.” Kaine looked up; his amber eyes wet and unfocused. Graeson released Trent, shoving him away to rush to Kaine’s side. Graeson grabbed his pants and shoved his legs in, not bothering with underwear or zipping up. He sat next to Kaine, who appeared to be in shock, unable to focus.
Kaine could indeed not focus. It was just too surreal – one moment his beloved Graeson – the man who held his heart, his mind, his soul – was branding Kaine as his own and Kaine had been enveloped in the man’s heat and love. And the next? The next, Kaine was back in a two-bedroom apartment in California having his heart shattered into a thousand tiny pieces. Listening to that familiar, sneering voice telling him he was nothing, would always be nothing.
Kaine revisited every bit of the searing pain he felt that day, thinking that Graeson had left him. Hating himself for wanting to hurt Graeson as he had hurt him… for letting Trent get close enough to him to violate his body by touching him in a way that only one man had the right to. An agony so sudden and sharp speared through his gut, leaving him breathless. Kaine felt dizzy with sickness, his loathing for Trent washed over him before he could do stop it. The blackness overtook him and Kaine felt himself being pulled under. God, I am so tired, so tired of all this.
“…Oh god! Grae! You came back! No! Wait. Grae, please!” Kaine looked into the horrified eyes of the man he loved. Kaine wriggled and squirmed with renewed purpose and tried to push Trent away from him. His head and stomach protested the violent motions as he struggled to dislodge Trent and get to Grae before he left the apartment. He had to explain! Nonononono! He didn’t want this, not with Trent! Oh god!
Kaine finally shoved Trent back on his ass and leapt up to follow Grae just as he heard the door slam. Kaine pulled up his shorts, ran for the door, and as he yanked it open could only watch, heartbroken as the familiar green Range Rover sped out of the parking lot. His cell phone!
Kaine ran back into the apartment for his own phone. His hands shaky, he dialed Grae’s cell number. As it rang, he heard Trent in the background. “You know you wanted it. Graeson knows you wanted it. I told you… he’s never coming back.” Trent walked past Kaine with a shove and a harsh laugh. “You were just a convenient fuck, Kaine. He won’t answer; you’re just not worth it.”
But Graeson did answer. He screamed, he yelled, and he cried. Kaine sat on the end of the bed with the phone against his ear, taking it as Graeson shouted his pain and disappointment at Kaine’s betrayal. Then he was gone. Graeson had never answered another call or letter from Kaine. Kaine had been devastated.
Whenever Kaine relived that day, he fixated on Graeson’s eyes when he’d walked into the bedroom. Yes, Kaine was heartbroken at having lost Graeson, but the real devastation was the memory of the pain in Grae’s eyes. They had held such joy for a split second, until his brain had processed the sight of his childhood friend and roommate with his soon to be partner’s cock down his throat. The anguish that had replaced that joy had been extreme and absolute.
As the years without Graeson passed, Kaine had refused to blame Trent’s lies for all that was wrong in his life, because in the end, he should’ve trusted what he and Grae had. Instead, he’d listened to a liar who had hated him on sight. Kaine’s insecurities, Trent’s lies and Grae’s secretiveness had colluded to make Kaine doubt what he had with his lover. He’d believed Trent, and deep down, did not trust in what he and Grae had. Although he didn’t want Trent, he couldn’t say that he would have been able to continue to fight him off that night had Trent not lost interest when the fight left Kaine’s body. He could only be thankful that Trent had not gone so far as to rape him. Watching Grae walk away, Kaine had given up.
Kaine secured the throw that Graeson had placed over him tightly around his body, lurched up from the sofa, and sprinted for the bathroom. His stomach churned as the memories of his and Graeson’s explosive lovemaking collided with the horrible recollections of the man who was now sprawled on the floor touching his body. That thought had Kaine on his knees with his face hanging over the pristine white bowl, purging himself of the contents of his stomach.
“Kaine!” He heard Grae shout his name as he shut and locked the bathroom door, but simply could not look at him right now. Kaine washed his face and sat back against the cool tiles of the floor and wall, putting his face in his hands and drawing his knees up. Kaine wanted to be alone. He wanted Honey. He wanted to not feel like a fucking failure no matter how much he’d accomplished or how much money he had. Darn it all!
A while later, Kaine thought he heard the slam of Graeson’s heavy front door. He soon heard the familiar tread approaching the bathroom. God! I just need to get out of here! But he was naked and his keys and phone were the in the pockets of those stupid, super-tight jeans he’d worn to seduce Grae. Kaine felt like a fool.
“It’s not gonna happen, sweetie. He doesn’t get to win this time,” Graeson entreated in his inimitable, slow drawl. “Let me in, Kaine. We don’t have to talk; we won’t do anything you don’t want to do. Just let me make sure you’re alright… c’mon sweetie.”
Graeson would swear he heard Kaine whimper on the other side of the door. He drew as close as he could and whispered fiercely, “I know you want to run, Kaine. I saw it in your eyes. I won’t let you. I ran ten years ago and I won’t let it happen again. Fuck Trent. He can’t touch us. I might not know exactly what happened all those years ago, but I did figure out that it probably wasn’t what I thought it was, knowing what a slime Trent is. And just so’s ya know, I might have lost you back then, but I sure as hell was never again a friend of Trent’s. So don’t let him win this time.” At the continued silence from the other side of the door, Graeson began to worry.
“Sweetie? Unless you want me to break down this door, you’d better say something. Anything. Just let me know you’re okay.”
The worry in Grae’s voice sent a sliver of warmth down Kaine’s spine, but he struggled to find his voice. His throat was hoarse from screaming his lover’s name and from the lump seemingly permanently lodged there.
“I’m fine, Grae. Just need some time. Please,” Kaine croaked out, his voice heavy with emotion as he prayed Grae would just leave him alone.
“’kay. Do you need anything? Can I getcha a beer, water?” Grae asked through the door, unsure how to fix this mess. “Will you let me help you, Kaine? Lemme just whip us up some dinner so we can relax. I got your clothes here at the door. I’ll leave and let you get dressed. You come on outta there and let me love on ya, sweetie. I’m waitin’. You c’mon outta there soon, now.” Graeson breathed the final words quietly, his drawl thick – the cultured, educated voice long gone. With no response from Kaine, Grae placed two final taps on the door and left Kaine to himself. Graeson headed to the kitchen, making sure all the doors and windows were securely closed and latched.
Kaine’s lips tugged up in a faint smile. Grae had never had much of a Texas drawl unless he was excited or furious, that little quirk had always fascinated Kaine. It was also one of the reasons he watched any movie with Matthew McConaughey, their voices so alike it was scary. Graeson’s pleading voice held that sexy drawl, which played across Kaine’s skin with petal-soft fingers. Taking a deep breath, Kaine mulled his options. He could dress and run or he could force himself to rehash the most horrible moments of his life. Aughh!
Why? Why did this have to happen tonight? Tonight! Just as he’d finally gotten what he wanted most – Graeson in his arms. It wasn’t fair. Kaine squeezed his eyes shut and banged his head against the tile to stave off the tears that burned behind his eyelids. He had pushed himself and Honey darn hard for the success they’d achieved, and he never lost sight of his number one goal – Graeson. He’d almost reached it. Almost. As Honey would say, he hadn’t come this far to punk out now. He’d face Graeson with honesty and get it all out – once and for all.
He winced slightly at the soreness of his ass as he used the wall to get to his feet. After washing his face and cleaning himself as best he could, he unlocked the door and grabbed the clothes left for him by Grae. A new pair boxer briefs and a t-shirt he didn’t recognize sat atop his jeans. The worn, black t-shirt was to replace his Hermes silk shirt, which was in tatters. Kaine grinned… that was the best couple hundred bucks he could ever remember spending.
Kaine picked up the t-shirt and looked at the logo… Wow! It had been one of Kaine’s favorite shirts of the handful he’d owned while in college. Smiling at the worn image of reggae artist Sean Paul – his song “Gimme the Light” had been Kaine’s favorite tune at the time – he couldn’t believe that Grae still had the shirt. It was the one he’d worn when they had their first kiss that beautiful night on the beach. Tears tried to escape again as he pulled it on and ran his hands over it, feeling all the warmth and love he’d felt that night.
Kaine longed for Grae with a passion that had withstood time, lies and distance. He knew what he wanted and as he moved to go find it, he looked directly into its eyes.
Grae was standing there, near enough to touch. He pulled Kaine into his arms. “Oh god, sweetie… you scared me! You okay?” Grae whispered hoarsely. He buried his face in Kaine’s neck and hugged him tightly before pulling back to stare into Kaine’s eyes. “We okay?”
Kaine was so caught off guard by this new, accepting Grae he could only nod. Kaine had spent so much time chasing, he didn’t realize he’d been the one caught… by Grae. The tears he’d been holding back began to flow. Kaine’s body heaved with great sobs and he leaned into Grae’s strength as the dam broke. Grae began to kiss away the tears and every inch of Kaine’s face. He led Kaine down the hallway and up the stairs to his bedroom. Once they entered, Grae again pulled Kaine into a fierce hug and gently swayed with him while Kaine released the fear, anger, and pain that had tormented him the past decade of his life.
When Kaine was spent, Graeson slowly, lovingly undressed him. He looked completely wrung out, and not for the reasons he should have been. Graeson winced at the evidence of how roughly he had taken Kaine. He’d let years of frustration and need spill out in a rush and now Kaine was paying for it. Damn that fucking bastard Trent. Graeson involuntarily growled and Kaine turned glazed eyes on him questioningly.
Graeson tried to remove Kaine’s t-shirt, but the man shook his head wildly, refusing to part with it. Graeson smiled and kissed him softly.
“C’mon sweetheart, I’ve wanted you in this bed for months now. You hop on in.” Grae stepped away from Kaine and turned down one side of the huge bed. Kaine groaned quietly at the sight, it was huge and the bedding looked like a fluffy cloud hovering in the center of the four-poster bed. Staring at the turned down comforter, he realized how sore his body felt as little needles of pain pricked at him in all sorts of private places. He felt so incredibly tired. Just… just so tired. Kaine allowed his lover to pull him in for a long, slow kiss and gently lay him down into the welcoming embrace of the bed. Graeson drew the covers up and Kaine did indeed think he was slipping between two clouds that Graeson had snatched from the sky just for him. Kaine sighed softly with the last of his waning energy and could not help but close his eyes. He really wanted to talk to Grae but….
Graeson gently ran his fingers through Kaine’s silky hair as Kaine fell asleep. He knew Kaine wanted to talk, but honestly, it was no longer necessary. At this point, even if Kaine told him that he and Trent fucked, it wouldn’t matter. Over the years, Grae had come to realize what a manipulative snake Trent was.
Trent had called Graeson at home before he left for Brazil, under the pretext of apologizing for fucking Kaine. He’d gone on about how Kaine had used the both of them and had only wanted money from them. Trent told Graeson that Kaine had wanted him and flirted with him at every opportunity. Trent had even gone so far as to say he was so sorry to have betrayed their friendship, that he’d do anything to save it. Graeson had hung up without saying a word to him. Although something in his head rebelled against what Trent was saying, Graeson couldn’t hear through the pain in his heart.
Countless sleepless nights spent rehashing that night left Graeson thinking that while he might have believed that Kaine had let Trent fuck him, Kaine did not want money he hadn’t earned himself. He’d never let Graeson pay more than his share of anything they did together. He was fiercely independent. It was one of the things that both drove Graeson mad and made him so proud of Kaine.
Unfortunately, this epiphany hadn’t come for years. Initially, Graeson had believed that both men betrayed him and had run away and hidden to lick his wounds.
He thought he’d moved past loving Kaine. Until the man reappeared and forced Graeson to remember just who Graeson belonged to. Yes, Kaine showed him real good. He was so far gone now, there was nothing Kaine could tell him that would change it. Kaine owned him – lock, stock, and barrel.
After he made sure Kaine was in a deep sleep, he decided what needed to be done about Trent. Graeson made sandwiches and got out soup for when Kaine awoke. He’d be starving. Graeson’s stomach clenched again at the force with which he’d loved on Kaine earlier. It would be a pleasant memory had it not been for that fucking bastard, Trent. He’d gotten away with too much for too long. This night should have been a new beginning for him and Kaine, instead he had left Kaine in such a state that Graeson was growing concerned.
Graeson picked up his cell phone and hit the speed dial.
“Hey, big bro! What’s up?” Grae’s lips tilted in a smile. His brother, Tyler, was so uncomplicated. He worked hard; he played hard. And right now, it sounded like he was playing really hard. His voice was slightly slurred and he sounded like he was on top of the world. God, what Grae wouldn’t give to be so carefree.
“Hey. Where you at?” Graeson tried not to give anything away, but he knew his voice sounded tight.
“We’re at Pete’s… fucking awesome up here, man. I forget how much I love it. Place is packed. Hey, did you decide to join us?”
“Uh, where’s Trent?” Graeson tried not to let his distaste for the man show.
“Trent? Oh, he left his cell at the lodge… but he’ll be back soon. I guess you don’t want to meet us here, then?” Tyler had moved somewhere quieter and his voice grew serious. “Uh, is everything okay?”
Graeson hated to bring an end to his brother’s night of fun, but this just couldn’t wait. He would not allow Trent one more opportunity to disrupt his life. Graeson would defer to his brother if Tyler felt he needed Trent on the payroll, but the conniving little bastard wouldn’t be getting away this time without paying the price for hurting Kaine.
“I’m sorry to interrupt your night with this bullshit, Ty but…” Graeson sighed heavily. “No, everything is not okay.” He listened while the last of the background noise died away, letting him know that Ty had made it somewhere private.
“It’s fucking Trent—”
Tyler cut Graeson off with a loud, “Fuck! I knew it! That lame ass excuse about leaving his phone… did he come to your place? Grae, man… you know I told him not to, you know that, right? I mean, I don’t know why you guys aren’t friends anymore, but you know I would never force him on you.”
“No, no… I know that, Ty. Honestly, until this moment, I didn’t realize how much you and Libby have respected my unspoken wishes, and I promise you that real soon, I’ll let you guys know everything. Soon as we all find some time. I’m sorry I kept it in so long. Personal shit, you know?
“The thing is, he showed up here unannounced tonight, and it ended badly. He caused pain to someone… someone I love deeply. Ty, I hit him… and god help me, I just wanted to keep hitting him. Man, I could have killed him and not been sorry.” Graeson’s lips thinned and he concentrated on controlling the rage that clawed at his chest. He’d never told another soul about his feelings for a man… for Kaine.
Tyler whooped loudly. “What? What did you just say…? I mean we’ll get to fucking Trent… but what the fuck did I just hear? Goddamn it – love?” Tyler was laughing and cussing and Grae wondered why he and his brother were not closer. But Graeson knew the answer – it was his fault.
“Okay, okay, Ty….”
“When do I get to meet the guy? It is a guy, right?” Tyler’s voice lowered, suddenly serious. “You are gay, right, bro?”
It was Graeson’s turn to be stunned. He had only dated women whenever he attended company or family functions. Of course, there had never been anyone special, but Graeson had never led anyone to believe that he was anything other than a heterosexual playboy. He didn’t mind playing the part because he had no intention of ever entering into another relationship after Kaine. How had Ty known?
“Dad tell you I was gay?” Grae asked quietly, hoping Ty wouldn’t be offended that he hadn’t shared that part of himself with his brother.
“Hell, no! But really, dude… all those beautiful women and nothing ever happened? Besides, Libby and I knew it was something bad when you came home from the west coast asking Dad to send you away. And I remember your friend from graduation. I was waiting on Dad to notice and blow a gasket. Now, tell me what’s going on. I’m starting to lose my buzz. Do you need me to come over?”
“God, no! What am I a fucking girl, asshole?” In spite of how his evening had ended, Graeson was beginning to relax.
“Besides, you’re working.” Grae was gratified that Ty would drop everything to come to his side. “But that fucking Trent! Ty, I’m telling you, if things don’t turn out okay over here, I’ll kill him… I will fucking kill him!” Grae’s blood boiled all over again as he looked through the open French doors at Kaine’s still form, cuddled up in his bed.
“He fucking destroyed my life ten years ago, now he bursts in with his bullshit and tries to do it all over again. I want him gone, Ty, out of my life, even the periphery of my life. I won’t let him hurt Kaine or me again.”
“Shit! What did he do? Are you okay, did he fucking touch you, Grae? I’ll kick his ass myself! I knew we should’ve let him go long ago. Libby and I tolerated him out of respect for his dad. Mr. Chaney was a good man and nothing like Trent. In fact, we both know what he would think about his son’s actions.
“I don’t give a fuck how ruthless he is in business, he’s out, man. Is that what you needed to hear?” Tyler’s voice was shaking in outrage. “You take care of your guy, you’ll never have to worry about that son-of-a-bitch again, I promise you that. You hear?” Graeson could picture Tyler punctuating his words with a stabbing finger, as was his way when he got angry.
“I’m sorry, Ty. I know he does good work for the company, but….” Graeson was about to choke up.
“No! Fuck, no! This is a family business. You! You are our family. No fucking body fucks with my family! I’ll be by on Sunday.” Grae could almost hear the wheels turning inside his brother’s head, already planning how remove Trent from Hardin Offshore.
“Okay. Here’s what’s gonna happen. As far as the SOB knows, nothing has changed. I’ll give Libby a call and have her prepare to boot him out Monday morning; we’ve both known this day was coming. I don’t want the bankers to know anything, so it’s business as usual for tonight and tomorrow. I’ll send them home with Trent on Sunday as planned, but instead of following, I’ll swing by the ranch.”
Graeson didn’t know how to respond. Between the shock of Ty’s easy acceptance of his sexuality and the fact that his siblings had his back even when they didn’t know when they’d be needed… Graeson was speechless. That was one thing, but Ty’s next words warmed his heart in a way that had him blinking back tears.
“You know we love you, Grae. We knew there was something in your life you were dealing with that we couldn’t help you shoulder, and even though we didn’t like it, Olivia and I agreed a long time ago to step back and wait. It was a bitch, but we gave you what we thought you needed. Space. But make no mistake – you’re our brother. We do, and we always have, loved you, man.”
“God, you have no idea how much that means to me, Ty. And yeah, please come by Sunday. I want you to meet the love of my life.”
“Damn, Grae! I am so fucking happy for you. I gotta go finish gettin’ some bankers dead drunk. I’ll see ya Sunday, man!” Ty clicked off.
Grae was so proud of his brother. Although Ty was younger, he was wiser than Graeson in many ways. Graeson had stopped living after he’d hidden himself away from the world in Brazil. Ty was brilliant and he loved Hardin Offshore, he breathed it in a way Graeson never understood and he deserved recognition for that. Their father had refused to acknowledge it, but Graeson determined not to make the same mistake. It was time for Tyler and Olivia to take the lead in steering the company, fuck what his dad wanted. They deserved it. He smiled and walked back into the crisp, cool whiteness of his bedroom. Kaine still slept. He didn’t want to worry, but if Kaine didn’t look better by morning, Grae would have to call the doctor. Oh, shit! Honey! That was one call he did not want to have to make. Please be okay, sweetie!
Grae pecked his lover chastely on the lips and went to shower. Dressed in baggy sleeping shorts and a ratty old tee, he loped down the stairs to eat one of the already prepared sandwiches and a couple of Coronas. After tidying up, he set out a tray and loaded it with the huge roast beef sandwich, fruit salad, bottled water, and some sweet tea. Lastly, he cut a slice of coffee cake and placed it all, neatly covered, on the tray. Satisfied with his handiwork, he slowly made his way back to the bedroom.